# Training question: what do I do if my problem is my husband?!



## Countryboy (May 16, 2011)

Haha... as long as he comes to you, your DH is on his own... and extraneous. He'll catch on... eventually.


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## Dechi (Aug 22, 2015)

Your dog's relationship with your husband is separate from yours. If Riley doesn't listen to your husband, it will not affect the fact that he listens to you or not. Not one bit. What will affect Riley is your anger or frustration towards your husband, because he will feel the tension.

I say you stop trying so much with your husband. Just let him be. It must be frustrating for him to be always told what to do. If you stop, maybe he'll get more on board.

I never really cared if my partners were as enthusiastic as me with my animals. I am in charge and I don't expect them to be a replica of me.

So stop worrying, be yourself and enjoy your dog and your husband both for what they are, flaw and all !


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Ugh, all I can say is I feel your pain. I have been trying to teach dog sense to my guy for the past 25 years, and he has learned a decent amount, I HAVE taught him to do a good recall but still I can't trust him. For example, I was practicing a down stay walk around for the first time at the dog park with Timi, was 9/10 of the way around, and the the dope decides to call Timi! He thought THAT would be a good distraction! Well I am glad that her recall was stronger than anything, but how the heck did that help me teach her a down stay! I was furious at him!


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Dechi said:


> Your dog's relationship with your husband is separate from yours. If Riley doesn't listen to your husband, it will not affect the fact that he listens to you or not. Not one bit. What will affect Riley is your anger or frustration towards your husband, because he will feel the tension.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Sorry, I have to disagree with you on that - Years ago I lost a dog who slipped her harness and got hit by a car because he chased her instead of calling her. First words out of my Vet's mouth when I called and told him what had happened was "who was she with" - he knew it would not have happened with me.
So I have to interject that I think you do have to train any human who is going to be in regular contact with your dog. Some humans are harder to train than others, but you have to try. 
After that horrible experience, mine was a lot more amenable to being taught a good recall....


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## TeamPoodle (Aug 10, 2015)

Thanks everyone. We took the beginner obedience class together, which is part of the reason why I don't understand his methods. As long as he's not jeopardizing my relationship and training efficacy with Riley, I suppose I'll just let him keep at it. 

I do worry about Riley outside off-leash if I'm not around, but luckily he's not a door-dasher and my husband isn't really the type to take Riley outside with him. (still, it CAN happen!) I think I've been getting really frustrated because I see my husband get really frustrated at Riley for not listening, when really it isn't Riley's fault!


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Maybe try to train hubby as you would a dog? Your frustration and anger is not helping to train him - try looking for the little bits that he does right, reinforce that, and build on it.
I am sure that you know what would be a "high value treat" for him☺


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## Dechi (Aug 22, 2015)

Tiny Poodles said:


> Sorry, I have to disagree with you on that - Years ago I lost a dog who slipped her harness and got hit by a car because he chased her instead of calling her. First words out of my Vet's mouth when I called and told him what had happened was "who was she with" - he knew it would not have happened with me.
> So I have to interject that I think you do have to train any human who is going to be in regular contact with your dog. Some humans are harder to train than others, but you have to try.
> After that horrible experience, mine was a lot more amenable to being taught a good recall....


I agree with what you said and it isn't in contradiction with what I said. I just don't think getting worked up about what her husband does is going to help. Relaxing will.

Accidents can happen no matter what.


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## zooeysmom (Jan 3, 2014)

I have found men to be 100 times more difficult to train than dogs. Sorry, men :aetsch:


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

I might suggest having Riley go to another class just with your DH so that the instructor for the class can help him understand how to give effective cues. You can still do all you do with Riley on your own and maintain the good recall, etc. he has with you, but let someone else help make your husband a better training partner.


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## Countryboy (May 16, 2011)

Tiny Poodles said:


> I am sure that you know what would be a "high value treat" for him☺


A cooler on wheels... a great accessory on walks. Stroll along to the jingle of the ice and cans. Prevents dehydration too don'cha know.


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## Caddy (Nov 23, 2014)

Oh you have know idea how familiar this is to me, I could have written your post almost word for word. Yes, it will definitely effect your "come", the word will get poisoned and you will have to choose another word to replace it. My DH has come around somewhat after the stark difference between him and I asking Abbey to come in front of other people in agility class. She broke into play and wouldn't come back to him, I called once and she came right to me, everyone in the room noticed and he was a little embarrassed.


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## TeamPoodle (Aug 10, 2015)

Thanks everyone! These are great suggestions. And Caddy I'm glad to hear I'm not alone!


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## PhoebeAndMe (Dec 25, 2015)

My husband and daughter are like this. She has been through obedience classes once and my husband twice. My husband fortunately only needs to know the rationale of why we do this or not that..and when worse comes to worse embarrassment with the dog or dogs not listening to him but to me. My daughter (teenage girl senior in high school) doesn't get that dogs do not speak English. She either gets overly excited or frustrated, and the dogs don't know what she wants and when we have explained or her boyfriend (he's a smart kid and actually has read a few books I never expected on training) then she tries it, but she sounds like she's squealing and too excited, sigh. And anyone whose been around a teenage girl like her knows to give up the ghost for now. She DOES learn better by example, especially her boyfriend's, and it works out.

People training is a bitch.


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## mom2Zoe (Jun 17, 2014)

Tiny Poodles said:


> Sorry, I have to disagree with you on that - Years ago I lost a dog who slipped her harness and got hit by a car because he chased her instead of calling her. First words out of my Vet's mouth when I called and told him what had happened was "who was she with" - he knew it would not have happened with me.
> So I have to interject that I think you do have to train any human who is going to be in regular contact with your dog. Some humans are harder to train than others, but you have to try.
> After that horrible experience, mine was a lot more amenable to being taught a good recall....


I might agree with you in theory, but sometimes it is not possible. If you have a big household you can not teach everyone. No matter how hard I try never gonna happen. Everyone has their own relationship with her which is sweet.They never implement anything I have tried to teach, so I do not waste my breath anymore.


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## ericwd9 (Jun 13, 2014)

Yes I agree send your man to training with the dog alone. It is he who must be trained and my long (70 years) experience is that a man can rarely be trained by his partner.
Eric


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## Mfmst (Jun 18, 2014)

So true, Eric! My husband only "hears" when I ask the trainers to tell him what I've been saying all along.


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## Mysticrealm (Jan 31, 2016)

Can you maybe teach your husband to use a different word in circumstances where the dog is at play at it is not 100% necessary that the dog comes? 
For my dogs "come" means you come and you come now. 
"Come Here" which sounds like "Comeer" (so they don't confuse it with "come") is I would like you to come here but if I have to ask a couple times it's not a big deal. I use it when I let my dog out back at my shop to potty when I'm not sure if he is done going to the bathroom or not, but want him to come when he's done, or such things like that.


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## TeamPoodle (Aug 10, 2015)

So, husband is coming around after Riley decided chasing birds is fun. Luckily no one got hurt but he said "I told him to come and he just kept running". I asked him if he understood now why total obedience on the word "come" was so important to me, and he said yes.

So for now, Riley goes out potty on a leash since he can no longer be trusted not to run out of the yard, and I'm going to see if my husband wants to join me in some recall training. He seems a lot more open to it now.


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

You can make it a fun game by seeing who he will get to faster in the house if you are each in separate rooms. Call Riley back and forth and give great rewards for coming like he was shot out of a cannon. You will both have really reliable recalls before you know it.


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## liljaker (Aug 6, 2011)

Have you considered rehoming............your husband? &#55357;&#56840;


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## Countryboy (May 16, 2011)

liljaker said:


> Have you considered rehoming............your husband? ��


lol - Everybody knows that the hardest animules to train are the ones with minds of their own.


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## ericwd9 (Jun 13, 2014)

lily cd re said:


> You can make it a fun game by seeing who he will get to faster in the house if you are each in separate rooms. Call Riley back and forth and give great rewards for coming like he was shot out of a cannon. You will both have really reliable recalls before you know it.


My wife and I did this on a beach on the first day home.
Gracie "this water is alive, it moves back and forth??"
Mummy and daddy 100 ft apart "Gracieeee"
Gracie "guess they want someone called Gracie? guess Ill go see?"
Mummy gives treat
"Yummmy!! Daddy calls Gracie!
Gracie "Guess they still looking for Gracie? but Ill go anyway!"
Daddy gives treat!
Gracie Yummmmmy!! Maybe my new name is Gracie?
(Grace has the kennel name Grace and was referred by it at her 1st home where there were 14 puppies) 
Back and forth a few times until tired.
Gracie "Yawn!! This good game. They call I come. Get yummy treat!":amen:

Eric and Grace.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Countryboy said:


> lol - Everybody knows that the hardest animules to train are the ones with minds of their own.



That's true, but when you do train the beast, it is a thing of beauty how well they listen to you (that applies to the 2 and 4 legged ones equally)!


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## TeamPoodle (Aug 10, 2015)

lily cd re said:


> You can make it a fun game by seeing who he will get to faster in the house if you are each in separate rooms. Call Riley back and forth and give great rewards for coming like he was shot out of a cannon. You will both have really reliable recalls before you know it.


This is a good idea, we'll have to try it. Thanks!


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## TeamPoodle (Aug 10, 2015)

liljaker said:


> Have you considered rehoming............your husband? ��


Haha that would solve this problem for sure. However, he's pretty well trained too, so I think for now I'll keep him around :wink:


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