# Transitioning emotionally to new Poodle after you lose your first one



## hopetocurl (Jan 8, 2014)

I lost my Annabelle (poodle mix) in August 2013. I tried to get another dog (different breed) in Sept. 2013, that was unsuccessful. I wound up with anxiety. I was in a depressive state similar to yours because of Annabelle. I kept a friend's toy poodle for a week in December 2013. I fell in love with that dog...so, I started looking for a toy poodle puppy. I found a breeder in January 2014 that I liked. I got on her wait list... Then, she let me know that there her dam was expecting. I had to wait for 63 long days to find out if there was a girl in the litter...there was only 1! Then, I had to wait 10 seemingly endless weeks to bring my puppy home. I visited her at 4 weeks (to check out the breeder) Finally, I was able to pick her up... I love her! 

I really feel like the wait helped to give me time to really grieve for Annabelle and built the excitement for the puppy's arrival. Now, I did not have another dog to take into consideration. I also prefer toys.


----------



## cindyreef (Sep 28, 2012)

So sorry for your loss. 
The only advice I can give is not to wait too long. Some say not to get one too quick but my exp is different. I lost my beloved Golden Retriever to cancer and was not prepared for the grief and how long it lasted. I resisted getting another dog for 5 yrs. Looking back I wish I had gotten one much sooner. But I would of still need that 1st yr to grieve I think. This is my first standard poodle and we are totally totally in love with him.


OH BTW Matilda looks like so much fun and personality.


----------



## Rusty (Jun 13, 2012)

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mini poodle. It's hard, and 12 years old is still fairly middle-aged for many dogs. No matter their age, though, we never have long enough with them.

Here's my story:
I lost my first dog, a red mini, in 2012, when he was 17.5 years old. We had been on the waiting list for a standard for some time before Rusty (our mini) passed away; he had CHF, we new he wasn't doing well, and we'd already decided before Rusty passed away that we didn't want to be without a dog for too long. We weren't "waiting" for Rusty to pass away; we just knew that when the inevitable happened, we wouldn't want to be a dog-less household indefinitely, and we knew that waiting lists for puppies could be fairly lengthy.

In the end, we were dog-less for about six months after Rusty passed away, before our puppy was born. For us, that was a good amount of time to rest and recover some. as caring for Rusty was time-intensive and emotionally draining for about a year before he died. That time gave us the time to mourn Rusty, be able to start feeling less sad about him, and excited to welcome a puppy to our house. We decided that we'd get a standard poodle this time, but we got the same colour and the same gender as Rusty. It wasn't that we were trying to replace him, but for me, especially, I knew that poodles were the breed for me, and I didn't want anything else. I should mention that even after six months, I was so accustomed to having a senior dog, that having a puppy was a bit overwhelming in terms of how much work it was, and how different the work was. There were moments that I was so overwhelmed with puppy work, that I cried because I missed my old, sleepy, senior poodle so much. On the other hand, the work of a puppy was certainly distracting. I only mention that because I think I want to express that we didn't stop missing Rusty when we got Begley as a puppy, so a puppy isn't a "cure" for the sadness of losing a dog, for sure. Now, we love Begley just as much as we ever did Rusty, but in a way that's unique to him. Begley is a different dog, with a different personality, and we love him in his own way. He didn't replace Rusty, but he made his own place, if that makes sense. Too, Begley is a small standard (41 lbs, 22.5" at the shoulder), so he's still sort of a lap dog.  

Best of luck with your decision! And what a great thing to do, to foster a dog, in the meantime. Good for you!


----------



## Pella (Oct 7, 2014)

Rusty--I think that is so very true. In having Matilda who is 1 yr and 8 months old, I have very deeply missed my well behaved senior dog too! Everyone thinks about how cute puppies are and how exciting it is to have a new member of the household, but man are puppies exhausting. Having had Matilda for an intensive month of housebreaking, BAT training, and Basic Manners class, I am remembering just how much work goes into puppies. Here's the thing though...Pella was such a well-behaved puppy! My terrier mix was draining and exhausting for awhile as a puppy, but Pella was not. I don't know if that's a Poodle thing, or I just got very very lucky with my specific Poodle...


----------



## Pella (Oct 7, 2014)

hopetocurl Thanks for sharing that you had anxiety! One of the ways I can tell it's really too soon for me is that I end up feeling a bit resentful of Matilda, and out of sorts over her totally normal Pit Bull teenagery behavior. She's such a great love, and very smart but man! The counter surfing, housebreaking, barking, reactive to strangers...boy is this all making me realize how wonderful life was with Pella...


----------



## MiniPoo (Mar 6, 2014)

I can understand your grief for Pella. I did not have my minipoodle Merlin as long as you, but I grieved so badly I probably should have seen a professional and been on medication. I got a new puppy about 6 months after Merlin's passing, but the puppy was not as playful as Merlin and suffered greatly by comparison. I was very angry at the puppy for not being Merlin. Obviously I was not ready and also I should have asked more questions of the breeder about the puppy's temperament.

I think getting a different color and/or size might help to not expect the puppy to act like Pella. All poodle puppies are not the same. Think about the temperament you want and talk to the breeder about it.

I think your terrier/ poodle mix will get use to a poodle puppy easier than your pit mix. Even so you will need to watch them for a while.


----------



## ericwd9 (Jun 13, 2014)

If you have the time and energy, get a standard puppy. No more than 10 weeks if possible. You will be very busy with it. 8 y/o is not to old for a puppy friend. It gives an old dog a new lease of life. The older dog will help with the training of the new and, if a puppy, the new will bow down to the old. You will never forget your loss but you will have a distraction. A smaller breed if you lack the energy and staying power. I have had a lot of doggie members of my family over the years. I miss and grieve them all. But I know just how good their short lives were. If they could they might thank us for that.
Eric.


----------



## georgiapeach (Oct 9, 2009)

I'm very sorry for your loss! I'm glad you decided to foster - there are so many dogs in need. Only you can decide when you're ready for another poodle. You can foster one, but I'd choose one that appeals to you to begin with, so it would be easy to become a foster failure!  Also, I'd pick a dog that does NOT resemble Pella. You don't want to be tempted to compare the two dogs. You need a fresh start with a new dog. Good luck finding your new furbaby!!


----------



## Charmed (Aug 4, 2014)

You have already been given plenty of great advice. I will say that I space my Standards eight years apart and the older one is plenty young enough to enjoy the new pup. This last time my poor spoo was an only for the first time in his whole life and he was miserable. Within a few months, my daughter's terrier came home to us to recover from Lyme disease, and my new spoo pup arrived; the old spoo is so much happier now. He even went through a stage of acting up like a bratty puppy himself. It was funny because he never really had a bratty puppyhood. Go ahead, get a pup. I would get a different color than your beloved Pella, so you won't be as likely to expect a reincarnation of Pella. Be kind to yourself. We all mourn the loss of our previous poodles, but we, also, find a way to open our hearts to new love.


----------



## Streetcar (Apr 13, 2014)

A gift--and curse--of being human is our hearts can have many doors, yet they can be terribly hard to find and open, by other humans and pets. I'm not sure why.

Your beautiful and precious Pella I'm sure is wishing everything good for you as the days and weeks go by. From my own experience--Oliver is my first Poodle, but not my first dog--I had to change looks and even breeds after my last dog. A big benefit of Poodles is they come in so many colors and sizes that one can switch a lot but stay in the same breed. Very nice .

I'd just say take your time and realize during grief people are vulnerable, so extra thorough checking of a breeder may make even more sense at this sensitive time.

You have helped your darling *not a Poodle* Matilda so much, and she will benefit for the rest of her life from your loving care. Now may be a good time to start researching and contacting Poodle breeders. Since you are in the Northeast, a trip to Westminster to chat up handlers and breeders might not be out of reason a few months from now .

I will say I did not fully recover from the loss of my last cat until I adopted my current one, several years after she passed....There were grief, logistic, and health reasons I waited five years, but when Charles came home, my heart quickly found that new door I'd never realized was there. And it was and is a big, *big* door .


----------



## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

I don't think the grief process is different with different species or breeds. I believe it's the level of relationship you have with your pet.

I had a cockatiel for just under 4 years, she was an amazing little bird. She died expectantly while we were trimming her nails with a new tool. I knew she was afraid of it (would run up my arm if I brought her close to it), but we had it out for her to see it for about 2 months. Glenn held her while I trimmed her nails. I should have done one nail - I did all 4 on one foot, it was too much for her, she died in Glenns hands by my hand. It was awful, I cried for hours, my face hurt. 

Glenn insisted I get another bird the next day, I did, I shouldn't have. I couldn't talk about Luna without crying for over a year, I still get choked up, now writing about this. I did get another cockatiel the next day, different color, I wanted a girl, it turned out to be a boy. Boy was he different! 

What it comes down to is YOU have to be ready! 

I think it's ridiculous to get a different breed altogether! I think it shows honor and is a testament to how much you loved her and what a great part of your life she is.

Write a list of the qualities you want in your next dog. Start interviewing and researching breeders to find out which one breeds for those qualities.

Finally, don't make a decision while in a high emotional state! When emotions go up, intelligence goes down. You are in an emotionally vulnerable state of mind and making decisions that will affect your life may not be good! 

For your other pup, maybe you could take him to a class, the dog park or something for him to play with other dogs.


----------



## fjm (Jun 4, 2010)

I have found puppies are usually very easy to love, as long as you do not expect too much from them, although it does sound as if your beautiful girl was a particularly easy puppy - add in that one tends to remember a beloved dog as they were as a well socialised, well trained adult, thoroughly adapted to our lives, and forget the peeing, pooping, nipping, harum scarum puppy antics, and it may take an effort to cope with a really mischievous pup! I think you have been so sensible fostering, and helping another dog while testing the waters. 

It is not so much transitioning or transferring love - more that love expands to embrace the new dog, if you let it. If you constantly compare the pup to Pella, resenting ways in which she falls short of your ideal and feeling guilty when she exceeds it, both of you will be dissatisfied and unhappy. Celebrate her for what she is, giving thanks in your heart for all that you have learned from Pella and Matilda and the other dogs in your life that help you to raise a puppy into the best dog she can be, feeling a little tearful when she does something reminiscent of Pella and delighted when she shows her own personality by doing something in a completely and utterly personal way, and making the most of every day together. I hope you find the right pup soon!


----------



## Viking Queen (Nov 12, 2014)

First, let me say how very sorry I am that you lost your dear Pella. I know how difficult, really awful, that can be.

You have received some wonderful advice from other forum members. This is such a caring forum community. We are lucky to be in their company.

When I lost my dear Rose I thought my heart was broken, maybe forever. But of course it wasn't. I could not even look at another dog, of any kind, for about three months. Then I gradually, and reluctantly began my search. I found a wonderful breeder and made my selection. Told her what personality I wanted, a confidant dog - sort of an "Alpha wanna be type". Confidant, brave, but not too pushy or dominant. I could not see it at first, but as Iris emerged from her puppy stage she became exactly the right dog.

A friend told me, wisely, when we lose a dog, then get another, it is not a replacement. We move the first one over in our heart a little bit to make room for the next one. They are both always there. One in memory and spirit and the new one makes his own place in your heart. You have to always be careful to celebrate the differences and the similarities.

My Rose was a 70 lb blue girl with a loving, but very dominant aplha personality and Iris is a smaller 35 lb spoo with a loving, cheerful alpha wanna be personality. I LOVE Iris' more portable size and she firmly believes she is a lap dog.

My breeder, Ann Rairigh, who is fabulous, currently has a couple of cream/white spoo pups about 6 months old and I am aware of another excellent breeder who has blacks born just at the end of October. . . . Hint, hint, hint. Of course you may not be ready but I just thought I would throw that out there. PM me if you wish to have details.

I wish you luck with whatever decision you make. And hope your heart is on the healing path.

Photo sharing time. While visiting my cousin last year we "lost" Richard and Iris after dinner. We found them like this, together with her asleep in his lap.

Enjoy the picture and I wish you well with your poodle decision. I am sorry the pic is sideways. Don't know why 

Viking Queen


----------



## twyla (Apr 28, 2010)

Wow It's not something I think I am ready to talk about but I lost my toy poodle Baby at 8 years old this past July, it was a freak accident where she ended up paralyzed and I had to euthanize her. She way my first puppy as an adult and how I missed her I couldn't stop crying and I how much I wanted another puppy when I really just wanted my puppy back.








Baby

The other dogs grieved the loss of Baby too, my mom's Gracie Pomeranian/Chihuahua mix 9yrs old missed Baby the most, this was her playmate and she kept looking for Baby to come back.

A lot of people would disagree but I got my girl Princess Beatrice less than a week later because she would an excellent addition to the senior dogs in the house with her happy sunny disposition. 

A little soon maybe, why couldn't I be happy with the dogs that I already had. Was I trying to replace her all this went through my head before and after I got Beatrice but I wanted and needed a new furry friend.

I've now had Beatrice almost half her life she almost 34 weeks old and has a different personality compared to my dear sweet Baby though she fills those holes Baby left in her own hilarious way and I am so in love with her now.








Beatrice


As far if you are ready for a new furry friend everyone says you'll know it, I wasn't quite sure of anything except I wanted and needed a puppy so I got Beatrice.

Because no dog can replace Pella, you have to realize that no dog will be like her, she was special but you might meet a new furry friend who will be special to you in their own way.


----------



## ApricotsRock (Jan 10, 2014)

This may sound trite, but I believe it to be true. There will be a sign. You will know what it is. Only you. Just keep yourself open and listen. Mine was the color I was hoping for and a birthdate shared with DD. If it was wrapped up in a big neon bow it could not have been clearer to me.

What a great bunch of posts here, I kept nodding in agreement to every one.


----------



## Poodlelvr (Mar 13, 2010)

Most of us on this board have lost one or more beloved dogs in our adult lives. I have owned 6 poodles since I was in my early 20's. I have never had more than two dogs at one time, and most of them lived well into their teens. Part of my way to deal with their unfortunately short lifetimes was to decide that as long as I am physically able to properly care for a dog, there would be a dog in my life.

In 2004 I had a silver mini named Merlin. At 3 years of age in the span of 48 hours he went from healthy to my vet telling me he had died from an auto-immune disease. I was thrown for a loss. I shed many tears as I couldn't imagine how this had happened. At that time I had no other dogs. As the days passed I decided I needed a dog in my life, so I began a search for a new poodle. I was sure this would take many months.

I thought I wanted another mini as that is what I had always had. I drew up a list of breeders close enough for a visit, and started calling them. One of the breeders on my list bred toys, but she showed, health tested the parents, all the good stuff. One February morning I began calling. My first call to a mini breeder would not go through-trouble with the phone lines. I called the toy breeder thinking that maybe she would give me a referral to a good mini breeder. It turned out she had two puppies that would be available in a few weeks-a silver male and a black female. I decided I would go look at the pups. A toy might be fine, if it wasn't too tiny.

I visited, and the puppies looked so small. The breeder gave me an accurate idea of what their adult size would be. I selected the little male, because he was larger, and I was still afraid of too tiny. I am so delighted that Beau has been in my life for almost 10 years. He is such a sweet boy.

I guess what I am trying to say is that when to perfect pup comes into your life, you should not worry about how much time has passed-just enjoy the moment.


----------



## Drala (Aug 14, 2014)

I lost my 8 year old standard poodle over the summer to autoimmune related disease and miss him terribly every day. I want a standard poodle pup but waiting for breeder I want to go with to have a litter. It is hard to imagine having a relationship with a dog like the one I had with him


----------



## Pella (Oct 7, 2014)

Thank you to everyone who has replied to this thread--when I posted it last night I was worried no one would reply! It felt like an awkward subject to put out there, and I wasn't at all sure how people would react to me admitting how much losing Pella has affected me. 

Thank you to the people who shared their own stories--I've reread this thread at least 3 times today, and each time it helps. It helped to read that others have felt the loss as keenly as I do...my heart goes out to those of you who lost your Poodle to autoimmune issues and CHF and a freak accident. Pella was hit by a car, with me maybe 100 ft away, so I can relate.

It helped to hear from multiple people that I'll know when the time is right. (Any thoughts on tolerating my lack of a Poodle in the meantime??) Viking Queen thanks for recommending your breeder.  I think I need a moyen or oversized mini though. fjm, your words really helped. Luce, so did your story about your bird--so sorry you lost her. Streetcar thanks for pointing out that what I learn from Pella and Matilda will serve me well with my next dog, and for pointing out that what I have done for Matilda will serve her well for a long time to come.  It helped, hearing that. 

It really helped hearing from everyone. I am so thankful to this community for being so kind. Now to share the two dogs I am looking at as possible next steps...just in case anyone enjoys "window shopping:"

Sadie:

Sadie











or Grace (who has been saved from NYCACC like Matilda, and will probably be available for adoption some time soon):

https://www.facebook.com/Urgentdeat...2876678058553/905423112803902/?type=3&theater


----------



## Dolly's Mom (Feb 14, 2014)

I got my second a couple months ago in the mind set that if I lost my older one I'd be able to offset the level of grief I'd feel if I wasn't forced to leave the house everyday and I just couldn't imagine not having a dog. But I haven't lost a dog yet so I'm going to put this from a training stand point. No one can ever tell you how long to grieve, when to move on (I don't think it's ever), or how to "deal" with your grief. They can just tell you how they dealt with things. 
It's been my experience that some people perpetuate depression in their dogs I whole heartedly believe dogs grieve but it's the owners job to to help them past it which might help them in turn. I can't tell you how many times I've dealt with dogs who were fillers for certain difficulties (abusive relationships, death ect) and the dogs were unstable. I think you should wait until you aren't thinking of the new dog as a replacement. It's so unfair to your new dog to have to come into the house with the expectation of mirroring a dog it has never met. It can make them very anxious.
Just my opinion


----------



## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

So many wonderfully insightful posts here. I can't say it any better. But first I do want to say how sorry I am for your loss. I know the pain all too well, as I've lost many dogs over the years. And it's heart wrenching every time. Just last February I lost my little Chihuahua who had been with me almost 14 years. She was the dearest little thing. I already had gotten the two toy Poodles not too long before I had to say good bye to her. So, I didn't really have to wait for another dog. 

But I have lost dogs in the past where I had no other dog. I really couldn't wait very long for another puppy to love. I think when I lost my last GSD, it was only a matter of a couple of months before I got my Lab puppy. I still missed my lovely GSD but was ready to love another. 

But it's different for everyone I guess. Some people need quite a bit of time before taking that step of getting another pup. Not me. I neeeeeed a dog in my life and I seem to realize that no dog will be the same as the other dog but that the new dog will have wonderful qualities of it's own. I chose a different breed and sex on purpose so I wouldn't compare so much. But she was a lovely puppy and I adored her. It got my mind of my sadness a little and kept me very busy. Soon, that place in my heart was filled again. I will always miss all the dogs I've lost...before Chulita (Chi) it was my Doberman who I lost at age 4 to cancer. He was my heart dog. That one took a long time to feel better about. And now, mostly, when I look at his photos, I smile. I do not cry.

Well, I'm just rambling my thoughts. I think it's true...that you'll know when you're ready to dive in with a new puppy and share your love and home with a new fur pal. You'll have your memories and photos of your dear Pella to keep beside you too. And I think the pain will turn into thankfulness that you had her in your life and you'll become more accepting all the while your new little love will be there with you too.


----------



## fjm (Jun 4, 2010)

Both look nice dogs, but Grace looks an absolute darling!


----------



## Lily's-Mom (May 31, 2012)

Like most things, it's different for everyone dealing with the loss of a beloved pet. When we lost our Pomeranian, my heart dog, I didn't think I could/would ever have another dog. My heart was totally broken. I had never loved a dog like that before, and I was devastated. But our house was so empty and lonely without a dog. And as much as I loved the Pomeranian breed, I knew no other Pom could live up it my Cooper. So for me, changing breeds was for the best. And honestly, I was excited to have Lily join our family and give her a wonderful home, but it did take me awhile to bond with her and actually love her (or admit to loving her). Maybe it sounds terrible to say that, but I think I was guarding myself. I still miss my Pom every single day, but Lily is a wonderful loving dog and I am so glad I found her. 
I am sorry for your loss and I hope you find another dog to share your love.


----------



## PoodleRick (Mar 18, 2013)

First , I'm very sorry for your loss. Most of us here have been through this and know the feeling all to well.

Penny is my third Standard Poodle. First there was Roxy who was just about as perfect a dog as can be. She was there when we had our daughter and she was so wonderful to Rachel. She was there when we had our son Dylan and again she was just wonderful to have in every way. Roxy pasted when the kids were still pretty young and they wanted another Roxy. Within a month or so we got Beau, another black Standard. I wasn't ready but I felt the kids needed to have their grief resolved sooner than I. In time though Beau grew on me and I realized that Roxy passing had nothing to do with Beau (obviously) and he was there to help us all through. But Beau, well, Beau was a bit of a project as it turned out but he to wound up being a wonderful dog. He passed about eighteen months ago and my kids were mostly grown up. Daughter off to college. Son a senior in high school so the need to get a "replacement" didn't seem to urgent. I still miss that old boy. As time went on I started thinking- Do I really want to go through all that puppy stuff and start all over again? I came here to Poodle Forum and introduced myself and the situation and to get advice about the search. It was through this forum that I was encouraged to start the search. And I'm so glad I did. I now have Penny, another black Spoo who is just a hoot. I didn't realize how low I had gotten till she came into our lives. Don't get me wrong, I'm a lucky lucky boy. Great job I love, a wife, who for some reason, adores me and two great kids. But there was something missing, and that was a spunky puppy. Now that the kids are older and Isabelle, my wife, and I are going to be empty nesters in the next year or so I have the time to really appreciate Penny and all the puppy nuttyness that comes with and just look at it as a kind of entertainment that I could get anywhere else.

Your journey is your own so take the time you need to feel right about your decision. But here you are so you already seem like you're headed in the new puppy direction. Keep us posted.

Rick


----------



## Pella (Oct 7, 2014)

Thank you Rick, it helps to hear all that. Yes I do think I want a puppy, not a rescue...I have dreams of training my next Poodle to their Canine Good Citizenship, and to being a therapy dog that I can take with me to hospitals and nursing homes. I'm tempted to get a rescue because doing so saves a life, and also, they are all housebroken! Or, at least, some of them are...and older and generally over the puppy stuff. Less work. Also, my terrier may be happiest with another dog roughly his own age, which is 8. 

But, much as that would make him happy, and also be less trouble for me, I suspect it would be hard to find a rescue that would be up to the challenge of being a therapy dog and truly SOLID citizen. I would very much welcome stories to the contrary, but the rescues I have been involved with all recovered more than i would have thought given what they went through...but having that rough start is something that never truly left them either. 

And size is not totally settled for me either...I very much like having a dog that I can simply pick up if it misbehaves. 15 - 20lbs would be good I think. I do want a dog bigger than Pella was. And maybe I even want a small Standard? I am not wanting to spend months walking a large dog that yanks on the leash, which is what I am going through with Matilda. The icy season is upon us soon and I shudder to think of walking her in that weather! Thank God I own microspikes! I'm just not sure how much of what I want has to do with temperament (not pulling, being highly energetic on the leash) vs. how much is size (because all dogs will be like that sometimes). 

Anyhow thank you for putting that into words...that you had a wonderful life but still very much needed your new puppy. I think I might be in the same boat.


----------



## ROHAN-K9mm (Nov 20, 2011)

I am sorry for your loss. At 72 I have lost a number of dogs, all poodles or "probably Poodles" Standards, Minis and Toys. Each one brought love and richness into my life and heartache and loss when they left. So far I have been lucky enough to have had 2 dogs of a lifetime, and many wonderful friends- and each one is different. Do not be put off by your irritation with your teenager's antics , That doesnt mean you aren't ready, that means that she is a teenager, and is being irritating and you are a human and somedays it gets to you. I think you have done a wonderful thing in fostering- But she will leave and you will still have a dog shaped hole in your life. I would start looking for a puppy with a nice attitude now, and while Spoos are my first love, i would suggest that you look for a Mini from sensible lines so as to not have a big difference in size between your dogs. As your boy gets older and a little stiffer a smaller housemate might be easier to live with. My big girls were always pretty kind to the smaller ones, but sometimes knocked then over by accident.Your boy may be a huge help in training the new one. One time I got up to 5 , and some were small rescues who were clueless about "Potty time" I would yell "Potty Time" and my little male would round everyone up for a mad dash to the dog door to the run and it didnt take long before that was a favored activity!
Time goes by really fast, You will never stop missing her, but there really is room for one more in your heart( and another, and another) There is an old song that says" If you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with" and with dogs that is pretty good advice.


----------



## cmarrie (Sep 17, 2014)

Grief is so personal and isolating that I think hearing other's share their stories is a healthy way to cope; to feel less alone and like you have a connection to someone. I can't tell you what is right for you, but I can share my experience of what was right for me.

Before my husband and I were married, we moved back to his home town and bought a house. His dad had been diagnosed with cancer and bought himself the dog he always wanted. A black standard poodle named Barney whom he refused to neuter. For a year or two, he kept his dog, took him hunting and then when he was too ill, they stayed home. At the time my father in law began hospice care, my mother in law had also moved in her own aging mother who had multiple heart "episodes" every week. That house was a place of chaos and stress, and it's no wonder poor Barney took to piddling on the floor if you looked at him. 

My father in law and grandmother in law each passed within 6 months of each other. Shortly after, my mother in law sold her house and moved away to a condo. We adopted Barney Balls, as we'd come to call him. (They were just SO prominent!) My mother in law paid for all his vet care and grooming. She paid to have him kenneled when we all traveled to Jamaica for my wedding. She often bought him food and treats. In a very short time, the piddling stopped and Barney enjoyed leaping through our fenced yard like a deer and lounging on his very own loveseat (a leftover from my hubby's college dorm days). Our only responsibility to him was daily love and care. Then I got pregnant and gave birth to our one and only. A very colicky boy. Barney kept his distance and just watched. He never barked at anything. 

He was with us for a couple years or so. By then he was 4, I think. And then one day, I let him back in from playing in the yard and he wasn't himself. Wouldn't eat or drink. Had a strange cough and was lethargic. It didn't get better and we called my mother in law. Together she and I took our beloved Barney Balls to the emergency Sunday vet in the next town. Bloat. Barney suffered from bloat. We were clueless and didn't recognize the signs. We had no idea such a thing even happened. Surgery was an expensive option. One my mother in law was willing to cover, but he had suffered so long before being seen that there was considerable organ damage, and his quality of life would be compromised. We let him go, but I couldn't bear to stay. I sat outside on the curb and my mother in law sat with him. 

We adored that dog, and all the weight of the decisions I'd made leading up to that tragedy were heavy and full of guilt. We focused on raising our son and while from time to time we wanted to add a dog, we weren't interested in the responsibility. "Maybe when our son's in Kindergarten," I would say. That year came and went. Naturally, our boy is an animal fan. Whatever the creature, he's interested, but dogs most of all. We go to friends houses and he plays with their pets, not their kids. He begged for years to have a dog, but always the answer was no. I'm the one home all day. I would be the primary caretaker. I wasn't ready for that. 

My son is a 4th grader now, and somehow I came to change my mind. Came to feel like I could welcome an always-loyal and trusting dog to my life. Felt confident I could make good choices for it's health. We thought about another breed for a little while, even pug-sat a weekend for some acquaintances and I nearly changed my mind back to the negative! Pugs are not the dogs for us. I found a spoo breeder in my home state and put a deposit on a puppy. Sadly, that puppy, and much of his litter, were born ill and didn't survive. Crushed before we'd even gotten a dog, we decided to stick it out and wait for another litter. The breeder felt terrible, and helped connect us to another pup in need of a home. He was 10 weeks old, ready right now and a 4 hour drive. 

Wrex came home to us over Labor Day weekend this year. He's now 5 months old. My first puppy to teach and train. My first grown up pet for whom I'm financially responsible. The first month was hard. I was angry at this innocent dog for no reason. He wasn't Barney. That's what it was. Even 9 years later, I felt expectations. Wrex looks nothing like him and he certainly doesn't behave like him. Wrex is his own...person, so to speak...and I was expecting him to live up to the memory of my first canine love. Not fair to him. Unhealthy of me. Waiting a long time was the right thing for me and my husband. I know he struggles with the "not Barney" feelings too. We are getting used to each other. Taking him to play with other dogs and seeing just how wonderfully behaved his is by comparison has helped. Do I love him to pieces yet? No, I have to admit. I'm slow to warm. But he amuses me these days. I don't resent him like I did in the beginning. I know we will become good friends who enjoy each other in time. 

I wish for you nothing but a peaceful heart. I hope you continue to find comfort here on the poodle boards.


----------



## Pella (Oct 7, 2014)

ROHAN-K9mm said:


> Do not be put off by your irritation with your teenager's antics , That doesnt mean you aren't ready, that means that she is a teenager, and is being irritating and you are a human and somedays it gets to you. I think you have done a wonderful thing in fostering- But she will leave and *you will still have a dog shaped hole in your life*. I would start looking for a puppy with a nice attitude now, and while Spoos are my first love, *i would suggest that you look for a Mini from sensible lines so as to not have a big difference in size between your dogs.* As your boy gets older and a little stiffer a smaller housemate might be easier to live with.
> Time goes by really fast, You will never stop missing her, but there really is room for one more in your heart( and another, and another) There is an old song that says" If you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with" and with dogs that is pretty good advice.



Thank you Rohan for those soothing words of advice. It helps to hear that it's only human to be frustrated with the teenager sometimes. And a "dog shaped hole". Yes...that describes it pretty accurately. 

Hearing your opinion on size helps solidify my leaning towards another smaller dog. And I think you're right that there is room in my heart for another right now. I may follow up on getting more info on Sadie...she would be the right size for my terrier poodle mix, and a good age too. With her temperament just maybe she would be up for the job of being a therapy dog as well...


----------



## Pella (Oct 7, 2014)

cmarrie said:


> Grief is so personal and isolating that I think hearing other's share their stories is a healthy way to cope; to feel less alone and like you have a connection to someone.
> 
> We thought about another breed for a little while, even pug-sat a weekend for some acquaintances and I nearly changed my mind back to the negative! Pugs are not the dogs for us. I found a spoo breeder in my home state and put a deposit on a puppy.
> 
> ...


cmarrie, that is a hard story to share. I have to admit that I don't really know the signs of bloat either. What a difficult thing to go through. You illustrate so poignantly that I am not alone in feeling keenly the loss of my Poodle friend. 

Thank you for sharing your story. It does indeed ease the isolation to hear other people's stories.


----------



## hopetocurl (Jan 8, 2014)

cmarrie said:


> Grief is so personal and isolating that I think hearing other's share their stories is a healthy way to cope; to feel less alone and like you have a connection to someone. I can't tell you what is right for you, but I can share my experience of what was right for me.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



So sorry, I think I felt the same way with the dog I fostered, I wanted to adopt her, but she just was not my dog. Now, Willow is MINE! I hope Wrex becomes yours.


----------



## ROHAN-K9mm (Nov 20, 2011)

NAME: Evelyn Cummings
LOCATION: NH
EMAIL: [email protected]
URL:Look her up on google. 
I got her name from an old friend of mine who trains horses.She was bragging on her Mini poodle, and I asked her where she got her dog. This is the name she gave me. I do not know her, but if Barbara likes her dog I would go look at the breeder she got it from. I am teetering on the edge of looking for another one and may call her myself. When I was looking for my current dog I had a hard time finding one I liked around VT No one had any, or knew anyone who had minis. I do not know where in VT you live, nor do I need to but Claremont is a little south of White River Junction on the other side of the river. I wound up getting mine from Wisc. by way of Ohio, and I was able to have him flown here. I do not think you can do this now, think you have to pick puppies up now, due to new USDA regs.

Also go to VT poodle rescue and look at SNOWBALL.


----------



## schpeckie (Jun 29, 2010)

I am so sorry for your loss of Pella. Reading your post was so heartbreaking it brings back good memories of my Shayna. I had her for 18 Years. She was so special! When she did pass, I was so lost. I am not married, no kids, so the house was very quiet. I thought, what do I do now. I was an emotional wreck. I started checking with many breeders & then found this wonderful site. The most caring people gave me the best advice "you will know when the time is right for another dog". Lo and behold, 6 months later one breeder had 2 toy girls & that was 4 years ago now! Pella was so special to you - her soul will be with you forever. You will know....
Sylvia & the girls


----------



## marialydia (Nov 23, 2013)

Dear Pella, dear friends

I didn't dare to read this thread until now. It's a month today that my dear dog Hecuba died at age almost 16.

Pella, I so agree with ApricotsRock and with shpeckie. You will know, just know, when it is time -- just keep open to it.

Here is a story of how that worked for me: my first dog, Lola, died when she was just about 16. I was living overseas, and she had been ill, and where I lived the level of veterinary care was very basic. All of a sudden the house was quiet and creepy...I live alone, and some noises that I'd thought were dog noises were still there; and it was terribly empty. I couldn't bear the thought of getting another dog, and I couldn't bear not having a dog.

One day a couple of months later when going to a meeting I saw some street puppies. I asked if I could have one, and the people who were taking care of them said I should take two. So I did. The best decision I could have made. The first weekend I spent washing, de-licing and de-ticking those two; they were so delighted afterward, you could see them sitting up straighter and wallowing in their skins. They gained weight on the food I gave them very rapidly and turned into lovely dogs...I could not bring them back to the States with me; they were sight hounds, couldn't tolerate temperatures even in the 60s; and hated being indoors. I rehomed them when I left.

Later that same year the vet asked if I wanted a mini poodle as a friend of hers had bred her dog to another expatriate poodle...and so that's how Jupiter came into the family. He is still with me.

I am a firm believer in overlapping dogs. Having Jupiter and Pericles with me helped enormously with Hecuba's passing. Pericles is a spoo puppy and full of energy and antics and quite demanding of time in a way that older dogs are not. This has been a good thing. 

Thank you Pella for sharing your story, and thank you to all who have commented and shared theirs. It is very healing to read them.


----------



## ApricotsRock (Jan 10, 2014)

I see Evelyn Cummings co owns with Nanci Cote. While I did not meet her in person as I have explained my "poodle magic" I did exchange conversations and emails with Nanci and would definitely visit her if we decided to get another poodle. Jherico Poodles, in NH.


----------



## wgirard10 (Feb 22, 2021)

It's just so special that everyone has such a story to their poodle, and they all involve love. I came to this forum because I just needed to at least try and talk to people within the community about my thoughts on my late standard.

I lost my standard poodle to liver disease yesterday. My poor baby was 7.5. It's tough to handle because we know that poodles are generally long living. I thought he was going to see my kids who we are planning to have soon, and it has made the grieving process difficult. I was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience. It could have been a few different things, and he didn't show severe distress signs until very late. Please be kind in your responses. Thank you so much.


----------



## Newport (Jul 16, 2014)

wgirard,
You have inadvertently landed on an old, old post. I would suggest reposting in poodle talk so that more forum members can see your post and provide valuable support.

I am so sorry for the loss of your poodle. I do not have any experience in liver disease with dogs, so I do not have anything to share regarding that. I do know the sadness of losing a dog you love, a dog who has faithfully given loyalty, companionship and cuddles for many years- it breaks our hearts when they leave us.

Newport


----------



## wgirard10 (Feb 22, 2021)

Newport thank you. I appreciate your kinds words. <3


----------

