# Advice needed bringing my Dad's senior dog into our family



## StormeeK (Aug 3, 2015)

*Would like advice on bringing my dad’s senior dog into our home * 

My parents are moving to assisted living in a couple of weeks. My dad has been taking care of my mom who has had Parkinson’s for the last 13 years and is now in a wheel chair. He can only walk using a walker now so thankfully they have realized that they need more help even though they do have people who come to the house to help them daily. My siblings and I have been encouraging them to make this decision although I know it is extremely difficult. My mom can bring her two Burmese cats but dogs over 20 lbs are not allowed. Josie is a 10 year old female German Shepherd. My dad will be extremely sad about going because he loves Josie and she has been his constant companion, but he is also so tired all the time after taking care of my mom . My husband and I have always told him we will take her into our home when the time comes that he must move. Today I went to visit and help out and got all of her vet and other information.

*Josie:* My dad got her from a friend of his who breeds German Shepherds when she was 2 years old. The breeder had kept her for a reason I’m unsure of ( she was not bred ). When my dad got her she needed more training and manners so he went to several obedience classes. Over the years she would go with him to Habitat for Humanity where he volunteered, dog parks, etc. She is good with cats, children, and I believe other dogs ( I have walked her when loose dogs have run up ). However, she has not met my dogs. She is a 10 year old spayed female.

*My dogs:* Dewey, 2 yr. standard poodle, Rex, 3 yr. GSD, and Sam, 14 yr. lab/chow mix rescue. Sam loves other dogs, Rex is neutral and Dewey can be reactive ( but he does well in playgroups when he must go to the kennel). The balance we have is perfect now with everyone respecting each other. These dogs are all neutered males. We have a large house with fenced acreage for dogs to run. 

*Good news:* I just retired so will be home now during the day. My plan is to visit my parents who live 1 hour away once a week and bring Josie back to visit my dad ( assisted living place says large dog visits are fine ).
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Bad news:* One week after Josie comes to live with us we will be going on our summer vacation and my dogs go to a kennel that I feel really good about and have been going to for years. I got Josie a place there too today but feel really bad that she will not have had time to settle in with us. Safety is my biggest issue when we are gone which is why I always choose this kennel. They are the best anywhere around. I told my dad this is what would be happening and he was good with it.

I just would like some suggestions/advice on ways to introduce everyone and help her transition. I am nervous on how everything will work out but also know that I will do whatever needs to be done so that my dad feels good about it. Thanks for any suggestions.


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

My oh my that is a lot to deal with all at once. I am sorry your parents are at the point where they need assisted living level help. BF's mom is in a nursing home now. Although she has made a good social adjustment some of the other residents in her unit have a very hard time with the restrictions placed on their decision making. I hope your parents' transition is easy.

I would try to have a walk on neutral territory for a first meeting. With four big dogs you will need a helper or maybe even two. Watch everybody's body language carefully during the walk to gauge their reactions to each other.

I might plan to keep them physically separated but able to smell, hear and see each other during the week from when Josie comes to you and your leaving for vacation.

Which of your three dogs do you think will be most accepting of your dad's dog? Perhaps while you are on vacation those two can be kenneled next to each other and given plenty of chances to see and smell each others' presence. Then when you bring the dogs home after the vacation try keeping Josie and that dog together for a couple of days then bring them all together after you can see that Josie has made a friend and that she won't just be the odd dog out.

Sometimes I still really long for having been able to produce a Peeves puppy last year at a time where that pup and Javelin would have been able to grow up together. I often see that one dog or another seems to be on the sideline while the other two steal the show (sometimes it is two poodles, sometimes it is two boys, sometimes it is the two grown ups).

I wish you success with all of this.


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## zooeysmom (Jan 3, 2014)

You have your hands full, StormeeK! I think it's wonderful that you're able to take Josie on, and that she will still be able to visit your dad. Wishing you all the best, and of course, Catherine's advice is great for the introductions.


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## seminolewind (Mar 11, 2016)

Neutral ground sounds good.


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## StormeeK (Aug 3, 2015)

Thanks everyone for the support and suggestions! I can get the help of my daughter and son in law too so when we first have introductions on neutral ground we can all have a dog. Maybe we can all meet at a neighbors about 1/2 mile away then all walk home. I can put up a gate in the house too so they can just see each other for a while. I think Sam will be the most accepting and I will try to help them be friends first. Yeah, four large dogs is a lot and not what I would have chosen but I just hope everyone can get along if we go slow.


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## Mfmst (Jun 18, 2014)

Josie sounds like a sweetheart and it must be heart wrenching for your Dad to have to leave her. I've never been lucky enough to have multiple dogs, but my males have always been deferential with females. I hope her gender works in her favor in your household as well as the fact that three of the dogs, including Josie are seniors. If Josie has never been boarded, that time while you are on vacation would worry me. You have probably already requested that they give her some extra TLC.

It may take your parents some time to adjust to their new community, but I hope that goes well too. It is so much safer and there are plenty of enriching, fun activities, if one is inclined to participate. My Mom watched several of her friends 'age in place' with hourly caregivers and said that was too depressing. Weekly visits with Josie will be so welcome and she will have many other admirers.

Let us know how it goes and I pray you have a wonderful vacation too.


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## StormeeK (Aug 3, 2015)

Thanks mfmst, I too think that the fact that Josie is female and the other 3 are male will work in her favor. My parents could stay at their home with round the clock caregivers but have chosen to go to assisted living. I am hoping they will get involved in all the activities provided. 
It is so hard that we will all have to go through something like this when we get old. My husband and I talk about this frequently since his dad and my grandmother passed away last August when they were in their 90s. They both lived such a great life but we will all be there someday. I just hope I will get to have a dog with me for most of my life!


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## StormeeK (Aug 3, 2015)

We picked Josie up on Saturday after a long day of moving my parents. My dad had her bowl, leash and bed at the door after our last trip to the assisted living. (My parents did not actually stay there until today but we all felt it was better to take her on Saturday. ) I think for me that was the saddest part of the whole move. Then, this is something I did not consider earlier, she did not want to get into the SUV and leave. My dad was sitting in his wheelchair at the door watching her go. Finally my son in law and I got her into the car by picking her up. I usually have harnesses attached to the seatbelts for the dogs but thought it best just to let her have the whole back part with a blanket. She laid down but every few minutes would get up and acted a little anxious. 

I let my daughter and son in law off at our neighbors property about 1/2 mile from us then went home and got our three dogs. My husband and I walked them down the road. Another thing I had not considered was that they all were very excited just walking down the road because we don't usually have all three go at a time. So the excitement level was a little more than I would have hoped for. Dewey did his scream bark ( hasn't done that in a while ) and the other two barked a little when they saw her. I had my daughter walk her ahead of us and we caught up then turned around and went home. All four of us with a dog took up the whole road and several neighbors did wonder what we where doing. However, the walking went well and everyone became calm and tired as we walked.

Over the last couple of days, we have slowly let everyone come together and all is calm. After a couple of days Josie is finally acting like more of her old self with periodic boughts of anxiety. I was totally wrong on the order of which dogs would be more accepting of her. Dewey, the reactive spoo, has actually been the first to reach out in several playful moves to her. Since she has always been an only dog I'm not sure she will ever play with anyone, but it was interesting. Sam, who in the past has welcomed other dogs on our property, needed to show that he was top dog. He did it in a low key way but was not as accepting as I had thought. 

Three large dogs marching around inside is a lot ( Sam prefers outside most times ) and we all parade around the house. I did speak to the director of the assisted living again today about visiting and she said as long as the large dog did not scare the other residents then that would be fine. 

My only concern is that taking her back will make it harder for her to settle into her new life with us. However, I also know that it will make my dad happy so we will work through it. Sorry for such a long story but I guess for me I always like to hear the "end of the story". We are not at the end yet but I feel good about how things are going!


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## zooeysmom (Jan 3, 2014)

Thank you for the update  It sounds like things are going very well overall. Hugs to you and the dogs.


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## patk (Jun 13, 2013)

it's a real undertaking. good wishes for the best of outcomes. sounds as though you are on the right track so far.


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## MollyMuiMa (Oct 13, 2012)

It sounds like 'so far, so good' with your doggy household.........what an undertaking to say the least! It's good Josie seems to be adjusting and is handling it well. Hope it stays that way......... you have to take some pics of your new crew and share them with us now!!!!!


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## Mfmst (Jun 18, 2014)

It's a big adjustment for everyone! Maybe take Josie every other visit to your parent's retirement community. Some seniors with no dog experience might be afraid of a big dog, but others will be delighted. Bring some hand wipes along. I'm sure she will be a hit. I really hope your folks are doing well.


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

I am truly happy to see an update that has such good news in it.

As far as visiting goes, we take all three of our large dogs to BF's mother's nursing home. There are a few people who don't like dogs generally and we know who they are. Their leashes are kept very short generally in the hallways. For the most part though they are very welcome and most of the residents enjoy the visits. I think you may want to let Josie have more time to settle with you so she understands she has a new forever home before taking her for a visit. This way hopefully she will have an easier time when the visit is over.


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## Streetcar (Apr 13, 2014)

StormeeK, no advice, just lots of good thoughts for everything to continue going well as you integrate Josie. Enjoy your vacation; you've earned it. And enjoy retirement with the freedom it offers .


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## StormeeK (Aug 3, 2015)

Here is my extended dog pack now.

1. Inside in the sunroom. Josie is in the dog bed. 

2. Outside - not as relaxed as inside but getting there.


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## StormeeK (Aug 3, 2015)

Thanks for all of your good thoughts and suggestions!


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

My heart just melted. I know this situation is loaded with all kinds of issues, but those pictures say it will all be for the good.


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## glorybeecosta (Nov 11, 2014)

Ah bless you and they look so happy, and are beautiful dogs. all of them


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## Mfmst (Jun 18, 2014)

Josie is a very pretty GSD! I hope it continues to go well for her in her own "retirement" community. Have a wonderful vacation, you certainly deserve it!


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## Asta's Mom (Aug 20, 2014)

What a time of transformation. Your 4 big dogs look great and it sounds like it will work out having Josie. When my mother was in assisted living, we took her Boston Terrier and my brother's labrador on visits and they were very appreciated by nearly all of the residents. Enjoy your well deserved vacation and keep us posted on how your blended dog family goes.


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