# Tamara isn't doing well



## Dechi

I think she deteriorated since she came back from her emergency endoscopy to remove the chicken strip caught in her throat. The general anesthesia seems to have aggravated her mental difficulties (dog dementia). Or maybe not. Maybe it's just going fast.

Anyways, this wouldn't be so bad, because I help her as much as I can with that. I carry her up and down the stairs most of the time and I help her carry on when she doesn't know what to do. Most days she's still happy, running in the house when she gets up in the morning and eating her treats and meals with gusto.

But today there was no running. And no playing with Merlin. I hadn't noticed anything unusual though, until tonight when she wouldn't touch her food. Since she eats once a day at 5, she never misses a meal. Ever. Unless she's sick. And today I didn't give her any treats, I just forgot, so she should have been hungry.

I tried feeding her by hand, to no avail. She eats canned food, so it's very appetizing. She just mostly slept all day and paced a little bit, but I wasn't worried because she does that a lot now. Before her bedtime I offered her warm bacon but she wouldn't have that either. She just sticks her tongue out, as if something is caught in her teeth or lips, but she doesn't touch it. When my daughter came home, I examined her mouth but saw nothing. I cleaned a little bit of food caught on her gums with a Q-tip, but that made no difference.

Before she went to bed I made her drink some water out of a syringe. I forced her because I don't think I saw her dring all day.

Tomorrow morning, if she's still not eating, I'll make a vet appointment. I have a medical appointment myself so hopefully I can fit everything in. If not I'll cancel my own appointment.

Please send me good vibes. I love her and I am not ready to let her go. I fear she might have cancer or something of the sort. I am also not working and money is a big issue. Money should not be part of the equation when you love an animal so much, but unfortunately it is. :-(


----------



## AngelAviary

Love and hugs sent your way! I hope your little one is back to herself tomorrow and your worries are over. I will be thinking of her until you give us an update tomorrow.


----------



## Dechi

AngelAviary said:


> Love and hugs sent your way! I hope your little one is back to herself tomorrow and your worries are over. I will be thinking of her until you give us an update tomorrow.



Thank you very much, it means a lot to me.

I forgot to say, one thing that might be causing this. Maybe she had a seizure during the night and is recuperating from it. It can't be during the day, I would have seen it. Unless it happened during the 45 minutes I left. Usually her (rare) seizures are of the smaller type and she recuperates in 2-3 hours and it doesn't stop her from eating. But since I was gone just before her dinner time, it would be a logical explanation !

Let's hope that's what it is...


----------



## Charmed

Oh yes, seizures will wear a dog down especially a small, old one. I will keep you both in my prayers tonight. It is so hard to deal with the ending of life. Hugs to you, scritches to her.


----------



## Cadency

Big hugs, Dechi. I have had experience with dog seizures - it's a stressful thing for the dog - and for the human who cares for them.
I hope Tamara recovers from this.


----------



## Skylar

(((HUGS))) I hope she is eating tomorrow - maybe try feeding her many small meals through the day instead of one large one at 5 pm?


----------



## Click-N-Treat

Dechi,

I am so sorry Tamara isn't doing well. It's so hard when our pets are ill. They can't point and tell us where it hurts, and we hurt right along with them. I'm holding you all in the light, Dechi. Gentle hugs.


----------



## Dechi

Skylar said:


> (((HUGS))) I hope she is eating tomorrow - maybe try feeding her many small meals through the day instead of one large one at 5 pm?



Yes, tomorrow she will be fed many times. And first in the morning. They usually get treats during the day but I somehow forgot today. When you're only 4 pounds, a few treats are like a small meal.


----------



## lily cd re

So sorry to see this news. I know you will listen to what she is telling you. I hope she is better tomorrow.


----------



## galofpink

Oh, Dechi....sorry to read this news. Hope you wake up in the am and all is okay! Pulling for you and Tamara!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Muggles

So sorry to hear this, Dechi. I hope she is feeling better in the morning. Thinking of you xx


----------



## Asta's Mom

My prayers and good thoughts are with you and Tamara. Hoping she is better tomorrow.


----------



## zooeysmom

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, Dechi  Sending prayers that it's something minor. I totally understand that added stress with finances too. Hugs and love to you and Tamara :love2:


----------



## fjm

I am so sorry - I hope it is nothing too serious and she picks up quickly.


----------



## Sammy the spoo

I hope things are better this morning. I will be thinking of you guys today... Keep us updated!

Sent from my A0001 using Tapatalk


----------



## Dechi

She is not better at all this morning. She peed and she drank, which I was really happy about, but she wouldn't eat.

I cancelled my own appointment so I could take care of her and take her to the vet. First vet couldn't take her, I am waiting for the second vet to open at 8.

I called the emergency vet where she had her endoscopy and they said that it is probably not related to her surgical procedure because it was too long ago (4 weeks).

Now I am just really hoping that this vet will see her. They're the one who took her last minute last time. They're more expensive but they have her file and they're closer to home. And I don't want to go to a vet who doesn't know her.

There's a third one I can try if this one doesn't work. Keeping my fingers crossed. She is really not well, she even seems to have coordination problems.

She fell a lot down the stairs the past few weeks. Not many stairs, but somehow she kind of didn't know how to go up stairs anymore. We were not always able to pick her up before she tried. Now she almost stopped trying, she knows we'll pick her up. But I wonder if this didn't cause her head trauma.


----------



## Dechi

I got an appointment at 9 this morning at the clinic near home. I'll keep you posted.


----------



## marialydia

Many hugs to you and to Tamara. So glad you could get into the vet. I so understand not wanting to bring her to a vet she does not know.


----------



## lily cd re

I am very glad you got an appointment with a vet who you know and who has seen Tamara.

Don't neglect your own health.


----------



## rj16

I'm so sorry this is happening Dechi. Tamara is very lucky to have you... Please take care of yourself too though.


----------



## Dechi

I'm home but Tamara is still at the clinic, waiting for a second x-ray. The machine broke down :-( and they are trying to fix it. If not I'll have to go to another vet, 25 minutes away.

So far we still don't know why she's not eating. Her temperature is normal. She drinks, she pees, her poops are normal. Upon exam, they found a heart murmur. It's grade 3/6. What's worrying is that it was 1/6 when she had the procedure 4 weeks ago at the other vet. Funny no one told me then, maybe because they thought It was old news and not important because not severe. But she went from grade 1 to grade 3 in 4 weeks !

They did a neuro evaluation and the vet told me her heart rate was 240. Which is twice the expecte value for a small dog. I asked if it could be from stress, but she said no, because it was also 240 when I was holding her, and she was more relaxed with me, so it had to be her regular abnormal heartbeat. Everything was normal with neuro.

So we did a first x-ray to see if she had something lodged in her intestines or oesophagus. And then we will do blood works for liver, kidney, and heart function. This will tell us if she would benefit from some type of medication to help her heart and manage the heart murmur.

The vet wanted to do a second one to have a better look at her intestines, she said they might be a bit distended. So we went for it but then the machine broke.

Also she has moderate/severe cataracts, and she probably doesn't see very well. I was wondering about that but she doesn't show it in the house, probably because I don't move things around.

Since we don't know why she's not eating (maybe we'll find out with the second X-ray) the plan is to discharge her with a medication to make her want to eat and an empiric treatment which might treat whatever she has. And maybe something to alleviate nausea, which she might have. So very uncertain and approximate treatment, but I guess that's the best we can do with what we have. I won't be a happy camper if she doesn't eat soon. She's still 4 pounds, which is her normal weight, but I don't want her to lose much.

Before I left, since I was sceptical with the 240 heart rate, after Tamara was on my lap for 40 minutes while waiting, I asked the vet to take her pulse again. This time it was 127 ! Perfectly normal ! I'm glad I followed my instinct. I was very worried with this tachycardia.

So that's it for now, waiting for the phone call.


----------



## lily cd re

Figuratively we are all waiting with you, sitting in your LR, holding your hand and waiting for the phone to ring.


----------



## Dechi

lily cd re said:


> Figuratively we are all waiting with you, sitting in your LR, holding your hand and waiting for the phone to ring.



I feel the group support, thank you !


----------



## Click-N-Treat

Exactly what Lily said, Dechi. Exactly. We are holding your hands and with you in our hearts. We care about what you're going through. Thank you for the update. I am still holding you in the light. Gentle hugs.


----------



## Dechi

Click-N-Treat said:


> Exactly what Lily said, Dechi. Exactly. We are holding your hands and with you in our hearts. We care about what you're going through. Thank you for the update. I am still holding you in the light. Gentle hugs.


I got the phone call, they couldn't fix the machine. I gave the go ahead for the blood works with the heart validation (165$+70$) and I am taking her myself to the other clinic. They were willing to have a technician take her, but it would have been in 2 hours only and I don't want to have her wait there for nothing. I am eager to bring her home and start medication somshe can eat.


----------



## Mfmst

Healing hopes for Tamara from Texas. Cyber hugs to you both.


----------



## Muggles

I hope you get her home soon. xx


----------



## galofpink

Thank you Dechi for the updates! You have such a compassionate heart for your dogs and your instincts/gut, about what they need and when, are impressive. Continuing to think of you!


----------



## MollyMuiMa

Oh Geez! I'm late in opening this thread but now that I have I want you to know I am with you in heart & spirit for all to be well for little Tamara. Big hugs and a few prayers for both of you!


----------



## twyla

Thinking good thoughts for Tamara


----------



## PixieSis

Hugs to you and to Tamara. It is SO hard when they are sick.


----------



## lisasgirl

Poor Tamara. It's good you're able to take her to the other vet, though of course it's too bad she has to go. Hoping she feels better soon...


----------



## Dechi

We just got home about 30 minutes ago. I am sooooo tired ! And so is Tamara, she can barely keep her eyes open.

I took her to the other clinic, had the x-ray, got the CD of her x-rays and took her back to the first clinic. But their computer couldn't read the CD so they had to ask for it by email and it took 1 hour to receive because the other clinic was busy.

The second x-ray revealed some air in part of the intestines where there shouldn't be any (small intestine). She also had some other places but that was to be expected. This suggests she might have something obstructing her intestine, but it's 50-50 and impossible to know for sure without doing surgery.

The vet gave me 3 options : leave her there for the night, but they have no one during the night, leave her in another hospital where she has a file and they have staff at night, or give her intravenous fluids and take her home. Since she had eaten a little bit of soft food offered by the vet while we waited for the machine to get fixed (which never did), I decided she would be better off at home, in her own bed and with me keeping an eye on her.

They gave her a complimentary nail job for the trouble (after I asked for a discount on the nails, but still). They also gave her antacids to take twice a day. Since I didn't know if she would eat, I had the tech give it to her (force it in her mouth). One less stressful event for me tonight. I bought the same can of what they gave her and she ate today, and also another can of food that's suppose to entice her to eat.

So we went home. She peed, and then she drank. So far so good. Then I fed Merlin and gave him his meds (didn't want to eat because I wasn't home) and I saw she wanted some too. I chose the appetizing can and fed her by hand. She ate with appetite, half the can ! (She should eat about 1 can per day). I was very, very happy about that. I might give her one spoon or two before bed, if she's hungry. And she'll have the rest tomorrow morning, and some more at night.

Tomorrow I'll have the results of the blood test and we'll decide if she gets medicated for her heart. If she stops eating again, I will have to have another x-ray done. But the machine won't be fixed for a while, they need to have a tech come down from the States, so that will take a while ! Which means I would have to go to the same clinic, get another CD and bring it again to my clinic. Oh well !

Tamara is sleeping right now, poor thing. She usually sleeps a good part of the day so she has lots of sleep to catch up !

I will go make myself something to eat now. It's been a long day.

Thank you everyone for reading our story and for your encouragements and kindness. 

Sincerely, Helene.


----------



## zooeysmom

I'm so happy to hear she's feeling much better tonight! You have both been through a lot, and I hope you sleep very well. ((((Hugs))))


----------



## Click-N-Treat

Rest, Dechi. Thank you for the update. We are all there with you.


----------



## marialydia

Thank you for sharing the details of the day, we were all worried. So glad that for the moment your girl is resting well. And yes, you were right to trust your instincts about the heart rate -- a lesson to us all.

Hugs to you all and best wishes for an easy and uneventful night.


----------



## snow0160

Dechi, I'm so sorry to hear about your little pup. I just saw this thread. I do hope that the bloodwork comes back okay.


----------



## Dechi

She wouldn't eat a second time when I tried at 8:30 before going to bed. I tried the same food she ate before. I guess she doesn't feel like eating but she does when she's starving.

I can tell there's something wrong. At first I thought she was going to sleep like a log, but she didn't. She just kind of tried to rest in a stiff position, not really sleeping sound and opening her eyes when there was sound or movement.

When I tried to pick her up earlier, she let out a small yelp. Chihuahuas can be delicate sometimes so I figured I touched a sensitive part, as it happens sometimes. But then when I went to pick her up to go outside (she has 1 set of stairs to climb up and one down, and I can't let her or she risks falling), she screamed in pain. Briefly, but clearly from pain. I tried again and this time she tried to get away from me, jumping. So now I am really in trouble. Either I hurt hurt by picking her up, or I let her tumble down the stairs and hurt herself... and she doesn't necessarily come when called, so that's really a problem.

I used a folded blanket and surrounded her little body with it and hoped that the pressure points would be more disperse and wouldn't hurt. It's a bit complicated but it did work. Once to pick her up from her bed, and once to pick her up from the grass.

I called the emergency vet, I thought maybe they gave her bruises with the 3-4 x-rays she had today. Apparently chances of that are slim. It would make sense though, I had her in and out of my arms all day and she was okay.

Sigh... I have to admit I'm getting a bit discouraged here. I don't know where we're going with this. We have no treatment plan, no answer, we're just blind. And tomorrow if I do as the vet says, we do another x-ray to check her intestines again. I don't feel this approach. I see a dog in discomfort and pain. A different dog than the one who had the chicken strip caught in her throat. But that's all we have. I can't have her all chopped up to look inside if there is cancer...

If anybody has any ideas, I'm a taker. I'm at a loss here.


----------



## Asta's Mom

Dechi, I so feel for you. I wish I could offer more than (((HUGS))) and my best prayers. Keep us updated -this must be so hard for you.


----------



## Skylar

What an ordeal for the both of you - I hope you both get a much needed good night's sleep.

I'm also glad you brought her home for the night and she ate. Poor thing. (((HUGS)))


----------



## snow0160

I have not been in the best place lately because my mom might have cancer. Her blood work came back normal so I thought everything was fine but her MRI did not come out well. Everything is still inconclusive and requires more testing. She has to wait and see what her specialist says. I can understand where you are coming from because the waiting is agonizing. So far we have have been keeping really busy to not think about it until her appointment. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Dechi

snow0160 said:


> I have not been in the best place lately because my mom might have cancer. Her blood work came back normal so I thought everything was fine but her MRI did not come out well. Everything is still inconclusive and requires more testing. She has to wait and see what her specialist says. I can understand where you are coming from because the waiting is agonizing. So far we have have been keeping really busy to not think about it until her appointment.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro


I am so sorry about your mom, Snow. I didn't know MRI's could show cancer. I hope it's just something benign.


----------



## glorybeecosta

I am praying for you and your girl, so sorry


----------



## Caddy

Dechi so sorry to hear of your worries about Tamara, poor little sweetie. I'm glad you brought her home with you, I'm sure they feel like us and just want to be home. At least she ate something, but it does sound like she's in pain and it's so frustrating not knowing what the cause is. You both need a good nights rest.
Snow, sorry your Mom is still having tests and that you still don't know what's going on. It's hard, but try to stay positive.


----------



## Muggles

I'm glad she's home and eating! What a disaster day though with all your back and forth, with all the stress too it makes for a very difficult time. 
I hope you get some good, treatable results from the blood test tomorrow. Thinking of you xx


----------



## lily cd re

MRIs are amazing in what they can show. snow I hope your mom's results reveal a situation that can be handled to a good outcome.

Dechi, if I were in your position with one of my animals I don't know that I would pursue further testing or other interventions. It is hard on Tamara, you and your daughter to drag her around. It is stressful to wait for answers. It is frustrating to perhaps have an answer and still not be able to make things better.


----------



## Dechi

lily cd re said:


> MRIs are amazing in what they can show. snow I hope your mom's results reveal a situation that can be handled to a good outcome.
> 
> Dechi, if I were in your position with one of my animals I don't know that I would pursue further testing or other interventions. It is hard on Tamara, you and your daughter to drag her around. It is stressful to wait for answers. It is frustrating to perhaps have an answer and still not be able to make things better.


I stayed up part of the night thinking about that. I prepared my daughter last night, that we might have to let her go. I mean if she's not eating, we can't pick her up because she's in pain (she was in pain and I had to wrap her in a thick blanket to pick her up, last night and this morning), she can't go up and down stairs or she falls, what kind of life is that ?

Tamara was in pain last night and this morning. I think the tech at the other clinic probably hurt her when she did the x-ray. When she came to get her, she grabbed her by the scruff of the neck and she wasn't kind at all. Tamara has been nice to everyone, there was no reason for this. So I grabbed her from her hands and said ". Don't hold her like that, you're scaring her ". And I gently put her back in her hands, the right way, close to her body. But I don't know what happened after that. So I told my vet what I thought happened, I told 3 people, and that I never wanted to go there again. We didn't do the x-rays anyways.

So this morning I called the vet to discuss the plan for today. She ate this morning, a litte less than last night. we had an appointment at 9 and they wanted me to come at 4 so I would see the same vet. I wanted to see another vet, because the one I saw yesterday seemed fresh out of school and had to consult her colleagues for every decision. I wanted an experienced vet, and not wait until 4 pm.

I think I made the best decision. We saw an experienced lady vet and I think she got it down. Now I am optimistic we have gotten to the heart of the problem, and we have a treatment plan. We didn't do the other x-rays, she didn't think it was a bowel obstruction. I agreed with her. The blood test came back for most values, except the heart. Everything was normal except her kidney values. So she thought she might have renal failure grade 1. We did a pancreas test to make sure she didn't have pancreatis and a urinalysis to confirm the suspiscion about renal failure. Tamara generously peeded on the floor while we were discussing that, so the vet took 2 needles from the floor. The urine was not concentrated, so it helped confirmed the renal failure hypothesis.

Upon examining her rear end, she found a weak muscular response, which she attributed to neurological problems due to old age. The signal isn't passing perfectly in her spine. 

Also she has a loooot of fecal matters in her intestines, packed near the rectum, so she is constipated. She has had trouble with that a while, so it's a chronic condition.

So everything fits together : she has renal problems, not enough water in the intestines to soften the stools, causing severe constipation, and her rear end has neurological problems, which makes bowel movement harder and not efficient.

She has a lot of discomfort from her intestines being so filled, and the renal failure is not helping on top of that.

The plan : give her special food for her kidneys. Give her something natural to start with, to help with the constipation (pumpkin puree). She will have 1 or 2 enemas this afternoon before I go pick her up. In 2-3 weeks, when she's better, we will put her on some type of enzymatic powder to help protect her kidneys from more damage.

In 3 months we will do a follow-up to see how she is doing, and possible a more thorough urinalysis to check for proteins in the urine, which would further damage her kidneys. The vet doesn't think there are any traces right now.

So I will give her this chance. We have been through so much, I have to do this and chances are it will make her life better. If I wasn't sick and staying home, she wouldn't have that chance. I couldn't take her up and down the stairs and outside to do her business every 2 hours. I figure there is a reason for everything. 

I hope the vet is right. I have a good feeling, contrary to yesterday. I am sorry for the junior vet, but I never want to see her again. I know everyone has to start somewhere, but my dog is too old to be a learning tool.


----------



## zooeysmom

Dechi, this plan sounds very hopeful! I'll keep you and Tamara in my prayers. That makes me sick that the lady handled her like that--good for you for sticking up for your baby. And I don't blame you for never wanting to see an inexperienced vet again! No way, no how would I let anyone like that around my dogs. Hugs and love :love2:


----------



## lily cd re

I am happy to hear that there is a management plan that will not be upsetting for you and Tamara to go through. I understand about not wanting to work with someone inexperienced when the situation is complicated. I do make sure that I sometimes make my routine appointments with one of the younger vets at the clinic we go to. I want her to get the experience she needs to grow professionally, have my dogs used to being examined by different people and have a good back up person who knows the dogs in the event that our primary doctor is not available (like when he was out for almost 4 months last year with Lyme disease).

I am wishing you all nice easy happy days ahead.


----------



## fjm

This sounds like a sensible diagnosis and plan, that improves Tamara's comfort immediately and addresses possible underlying issues without putting her hrough invasive tests and procedures. I hope she feels better soon!


----------



## galofpink

I am so happy that a vet has come up with reasonable assessments of Tamara's condition and has given you a solid treatment/action plan to pursue. Sounds like you are now on the right track!

Ugh about the vet tech and I understand your grief about the new vet. When you have a dog the age of Tamara and she is not in perfect health, you need an experienced vet to deal with the situation. Annual health checks and being a secondary/shadow vet on more complicated cases are a great way to learn, not being the primary in a complicated situation.

Hopefully now you two can work on recovery and resting up to build your strength. Great perseverance Dechi!


----------



## Dechi

Thank you everyone for your great support ! 

She's home now after 2 enemas. Her waist is so much small, it's incredible ! She is wagging her tail and happily walking about. She ate and took her antiacid with the food. Right now she's sleeping on her mother's lap (my daughter).

I'm happy and exhausted. Going to bed now.

Have a great day all !


----------



## MollyMuiMa

I am so very happy that you got a Vet that has worked out a long term plan for her! Now I hope that all else goes according to plan and I'll say my prayers that they do!
How much better she must now feel after those enemas! Bet a lot of pain has been eased for the poor little girl! Now it's time for you to take care of yourself, so please do so!


----------



## Muggles

I am so pleased and relieved she's home and happy! And you definitely made the right call with the vet, and so great you have a treatment plan now. Sleep well! xx


----------



## Skylar

This new plan makes a lot of sense. I'm so glad you were proactive choosing the more experienced vet. Hopefully Tamara will continue to feel better and get back to her normal routine.


----------



## Caddy

So happy to hear there's a good plan, and Tamara is home. You definitely deserve a good rest.


----------



## Liz

I'm so relieved to read this! I hope everyone slept soundly after this ordeal.


----------



## Dechi

I have mixed feelings this morning. She screamed in pain as she woke up. I didn't see it but I heard. And again when I picked her up. When I went in the office where she sleeps, I called her and she came towards me, but then she started walking backwards, in reverse. She did it many times, it was really weird.

It's as if she wanted to come towards me but her brain didn't know how to tell her legs how to walk forward anymore. She wouldn't eat this morning. But she pooped but it took her a long rime, and she got rained on.

I am close to letting her go. I will monitor her closely the next few days. I hate seeing her like this. Tomorrow is our National Day in Quebec so everything will be closed. I will talk to my daughter again this morning. We were hopeful yesterday, it's going to crush her. But that's part of being an adult and having pets. Sometimes decisions are hard to make but you need to do it for the sake of the animal, not your own.


----------



## Mfmst

Could you share with your daughter, "The Love We Choose" in the Pet Memorials section to prepare her? It's one of the best pieces I've read. I am hoping that Tamara had a post procedures bad morning and will show improvements today so she can celebrate Canada's 150 with everyone tomorrow. Hugs North!


----------



## Liz

Such sad news, I had hoped that she had turned a corner and was back to her old self. Much love to you, your daughter, and to Tamara.


----------



## Dechi

Mfmst said:


> Could you share with your daughter, "The Love We Choose" in the Pet Memorials section to prepare her? It's one of the best pieces I've read. I am hoping that Tamara had a post procedures bad morning and will show improvements today so she can celebrate Canada's 150 with everyone tomorrow. Hugs North!


(Canada is next week, tomorrow is Quebec National Day (St-Jean)).

I tried talking to her a few minutes ago but she got really upset and mad at me and it ended up in a fight. I'll let her be for now. I guess I'm on my own in this. Even when kids grow up, it seems they're still kids.


----------



## zooeysmom

Right there with you, Dechi, supporting you in your decision, whatever you choose. Sending you lots of love today :love2:


----------



## zooeysmom

Dechi said:


> (Canada is next week, tomorrow is Quebec National Day (St-Jean)).
> 
> I tried talking to her a few minutes ago but she got really upset and mad at me and it ended up in a fight. I'll let her be for now. I guess I'm on my own in this. Even when kids grow up, it seems they're still kids.


I'm sorry you have the added stress of not being on the same page as your daughter. Some people just can't talk about or deal with death. I went through that when my mom was dying, with my dad and sister. I'm with you--better to let them go rather than prolong the suffering. Sending you strength!


----------



## Cadency

zooeysmom said:


> Right there with you, Dechi, supporting you in your decision, whatever you choose. Sending you lots of love today :love2:


Ditto from me. It's such a difficult decision to have to make, and it's a shame that your daughter has decided to make this time even worse for you, rather than being supportive. This should be about what's best for Tamara.


----------



## galofpink

Sorry to hear that Tamara has had a set back this morning and that you had a fight over it with your daughter. I know you will do the right thing for Tamara, Dechi - you have such great love and compassion for your dogs. Supporting you in this journey - thoughts are with you!


----------



## lily cd re

I am sorry you have had a bad day today and that things are difficult in talking with your daughter to boot. Remember it is generous to Tamara to let go of her when it is her time. You will feel better later if you feel you let her leave on her schedule rather than making her stay for your daughter or your feelings.


----------



## Muggles

Oh Dechi I'm so sorry she's gone downhill again. I know you'll make the right call. Thinking of you xx


----------



## Dechi

Tamara is gone. I had a vet come to our house and she went peacefully.

It's too hard to talk about it right now. Thank you again for your kind words.


----------



## Muggles

I am so so sorry. We're here for you. Hugs to you and Merlin. xx


----------



## Mfmst

I am so, so sorry. Rest In Peace, Tamara. You were well loved to the end.


----------



## Asta's Mom

Oh Dechi, I hold you in my heart.


----------



## lily cd re

I am sorry for you, your daughter and for Merlin, but have a happy picture of Tamara running and playing at the other side of the bridge with every dog who is waiting to be reunited with their family.


----------



## Sammy the spoo

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You will be in my thoughts...


----------



## zooeysmom

Oh Helene, I'm so sorry for the loss of your darling Tamara :'( Crying with you.


----------



## Liz

I'm so sorry to hear this, Helene. My love to you, your daughter, and to Merlin.


----------



## LizzysMom

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you can take some comfort in the sure knowledge that you took such wonderful, tender care of her all the way to the end.


----------



## Skylar

(((HUGS))) You did everything you could for Tamara including letting her go to the rainbow bridge.


----------



## Cadency

I'm so sorry for your loss. You did the kindest thing for Tamara. Hugs.


----------



## MollyMuiMa

Awww Dechi how your heart must ache! Even knowing what you had to do was an act of unselfish love doesn't dull the pain right now........Please feel my sympathy and my grief for you in this terrible terrible time......hugs hugs hugs, 
Laurel & Molly


----------



## fjm

I am so very sorry. I hope you and your daughter can in time take comfort in remembering the many happy years together, and in knowing that you helped her to slip gently and peacefully away before pain and confusion could fill her life.


----------



## glorybeecosta

So Sorry but she is not in pain. Just think of her she is running and playing in a field of flowers


----------



## Dechi

glorybeecosta said:


> So Sorry but she is not in pain. Just think of her she is running and playing in a field of flowers


----------



## Poodlebeguiled

Oh Dechi! I am so sorry I wasn't here with you during all this. I was on vacation and the last few days, driving home. I can't express the sorrow I feel for you and what you are going through. Little Tamara is better off now. You did exactly the right thing...to end this suffering. She had a wonderful life with you and you gave her the best gift of releasing her from the life that had become very hard. 

Your picture of her running and having fun in that wonderful grass is how you and your daughter can remember her....and not that her hard time lasted so long that that is what's embedded in your mind. Your daughter wasn't there to see her miserable. You were. You know what she needed. (((hugs)))

I think in time your daughter will come to understand better. She is going through something herself and not seeing this from another point of view. Let her read this poem. It's a tear jerker but really drives home the importance of letting them go when you know in your heart of hearts the quality of life is no longer worth continuing. The dog doesn't know. You did the right thing...the only thing that could be done.



> *The Last Battle*
> 
> If it should be that I grow frail and weak
> And pain should keep me from my sleep,
> Then will you do what must be done,
> For this — the last battle — can't be won.
> You will be sad I understand,
> But don't let grief then stay your hand,
> For on this day, more than the rest,
> Your love and friendship must stand the test.
> 
> We have had so many happy years,
> You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
> When the time comes, please, let me go.
> Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
> Only, stay with me till the end
> And hold me firm and speak to me
> Until my eyes no longer see.
> 
> I know in time you will agree
> It is a kindness you do to me.
> Although my tail its last has waved,
> From pain and suffering I have been saved.
> Don't grieve that it must be you
> Who has to decide this thing to do;
> We've been so close — we two — these years,
> Don't let your heart hold any tears.
> 
> — Unknown
> 
> 
> 
> Another important piece of information I convey to owners who are struggling during this time is this: In over 14 years of being a veterinarian I have never had an owner tell me that that they regretted the decision to euthanize.
> 
> Not once.
> 
> Grief is different than regret. We all grieve when a loved one is no longer physically present, but once the raw emotions of the immediate loss have passed, owners report a sense of peace, knowing that they were there for their companions when they needed them most. With time, the happy memories of lives shared are what endure.
> 
> To quote Dr. Seuss,* “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”*


My thoughts, care and concern are with you during your difficult time. (((hugs)))


----------



## marialydia

Dear Dechi, you so did the right thing, to listen to Tamara telling you it was time. It's so hard because we want to hear that our dogs can be young(er) again, and that medicine and love will make them better. But at some point, it's not enough. It's so very traumatising; we have been through it and by sharing our lives with our pets, are agreeing that we will go through this. Tamara is freed from her suffering and that is a wonderful gift from you. Your own pain will eventually diminish and it will be easier to remember your good times together.


----------



## twyla

I am sorry for your loss


----------



## lily cd re

I love the picture of Tam running in the grass!


----------



## zooeysmom

How are you feeling today, Helene? xoxo


----------



## Dechi

zooeysmom said:


> How are you feeling today, Helene? xoxo



It's hard. I come on here a little bit but everytime I see a picture of her, or look anywhere in the house where she used to be, it breaks my heart.

For now the memories that stick the most are of her suffering the last few days. When these fade a bit I will start being more at peace.

Merlin is helping us. Giving love and being silly.

My daughter wanted to keep her ashes so we bought a funeral urne and will receive it next week. It's her first dog, she grew up with her. As for me, She was my constant companion of the last 2 years and she was very special to me. The hurt is profound.

Thank you for asking.

PB, your poem is so true and heart breaking.


----------



## Countryboy

Awww, hon... so sorry.

I haven't been in before but I just skimmed thru the thread for all your comments. You showed a lot of devotion, and did the right thing. 

And you were right too abt the painful last couple of days... we remember them. But fortunately for Tam, they were short.

Hugs from me and The Boy.


----------



## Poodlebeguiled

I think it will help to talk about it, to know you're not alone with this terrible, terrible hurt. It will get better and when your memories become stronger and more frequent...the happy memories, this intense pain will fade. I know most of us, if not all who have lost a pet know that awful feeling that comes from habit...that you expect to see her just around the corner or you think you hear her or you are watching where you step. I know this feeling so well all the way back to my first child hood dogs. It's an hard thing to cope with. The things you're so use to, the habits just suddenly stop...it's one more thing ripped away. I don't want to make you sad but I want you to know you are so understood so I want to share this corny little poem I wrote when I lost my Doberman and I was so profoundly sad.

What’s that? 

What’s that I hear out in the hall? Are these imaginings? 
I could have sworn I heard the sound of pitter patterings.

Oh woops, I almost knocked into the bowl that lies upon the floor, 
But no, behold, I cleaned it up and put it in a drawer. 

And it is time to trim the nails, clean the ears and check the tail.
Oh no it’s not, the chores are through, I can’t quite grasp that this is true.

Every time I hear the sound, of the door bell ringing, 
I wonder why my big, black dog’s not joining in the singing. 

It is just such a part of the grief process to have such strong feelings of the pet still right there with you. That difficulty at first of accepting what's happened. In your case and mine with my Dobe, it came on unexpectedly really. It's a hard hit. And I am really so very sorry. But it will get easier. I promise.


----------



## Beautiful Blue

Poodlebeguiled said:


> I think it will help to talk about it, to know you're not alone with this terrible, terrible hurt. It will get better and when your memories become stronger and more frequent...the happy memories, this intense pain will fade. I know most of us, if not all who have lost a pet know that awful feeling that comes from habit...that you expect to see her just around the corner or you think you hear her or you are watching where you step. I know this feeling so well all the way back to my first child hood dogs. It's an hard thing to cope with. The things you're so use to, the habits just suddenly stop...it's one more thing ripped away. I don't want to make you sad but I want you to know you are so understood so I want to share this corny little poem I wrote when I lost my Doberman and I was so profoundly sad.
> 
> What’s that?
> 
> What’s that I hear out in the hall? Are these imaginings?
> I could have sworn I heard the sound of pitter patterings.
> 
> Oh woops, I almost knocked into the bowl that lies upon the floor,
> But no, behold, I cleaned it up and put it in a drawer.
> 
> And it is time to trim the nails, clean the ears and check the tail.
> Oh no it’s not, the chores are through, I can’t quite grasp that this is true.
> 
> Every time I hear the sound, of the door bell ringing,
> I wonder why my big, black dog’s not joining in the singing.
> 
> It is just such a part of the grief process to have such strong feelings of the pet still right there with you. That difficulty at first of accepting what's happened. In your case and mine with my Dobe, it came on unexpectedly really. It's a hard hit. And I am really so very sorry. But it will get easier. I promise.


It was this "lack".

Not just of sweet Sugar herself, but of the routines and entrenched rhythms of the household that made the totally pet-less home so ... odd ... and quiet. A little boring.

I'm happy for you that you have Merlin. 

Deepest sympathy.


----------



## galofpink

Dechi - I am so sorry to hear of your loss! My thoughts are with you as you all continue to work through your grief. May Tamara rest in peace and may you find peace in your heart that you did everything you possibly could and you loved her fiercely and compassionately until the end.


----------



## Charmed

Hugs. May the pain subside and leave you with all the joyful memories of Tamara when she was at her best.


----------



## TrixieTreasure

Oh Dechi, I just saw this thread. Oh my, I'm sorry about Tamara :-(. I'll continue reading. SO sorry. Love to you both.


----------



## TrixieTreasure

Dechi said:


> Tamara is gone. I had a vet come to our house and she went peacefully.
> 
> It's too hard to talk about it right now. Thank you again for your kind words.



Oh Dechi, I'm so sorry. I continued reading on and thought there might be some hope, but also read about the discouragement you were feeling. I know you've had a lot of love and support from your friends here, but I feel bad that I wasn't here for you. I really need to keep up with threads better, and I'm sorry I haven't.

My thoughts and prayers are with you now, and I know you did the right thing for your precious girl. {{Love and hugs to you at this difficult time}}.


----------



## Click-N-Treat

So sorry for your loss.


----------

