# Need your prayers



## Feelingdoc (Feb 18, 2014)

Oh, I'm so sorry. Please keep us posted prayers and good thoughts for your mom and Luce.


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## My babies (Aug 14, 2012)

I'm so sorry to hear this. You are going thru so much right now. Your mom and Luce will be in my thoughts. Hope everything turns out good and speedy recovery for both your mom and Luce.


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## N2Mischief (Dec 3, 2012)

So sorry about your mom! Will be thinking of her! Send us updates when you can. Hang in there!


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## PoodleRick (Mar 18, 2013)

Sending healing vibes to all of you. Keep us posted.

Rick


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## hopetocurl (Jan 8, 2014)

Sending prayers and healing vibes for your mother. I am so sorry that this happened to her. {{{hugs}}}

I am also sending healing vibes for Luce.


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## patk (Jun 13, 2013)

sending good vibes. hoping all works out well for your mom and your dog.


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## MollyMuiMa (Oct 13, 2012)

OMG! I'm so sorry this happened to you! I'm so in awe of your strength in all you have been thru lately, and now this!!! My prayers will have your Mom and Luce in them, and you too, cuz you sure could use a break! Take care and keep us tuned in!!!!


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## PoodlePaws (May 28, 2013)

Oh my goodness. All of you are in my prayers. 


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## Manxcat (May 6, 2013)

So very sorry to hear you are having such a torrid time at the moment. Sometimes it seems not to just rain but it pours. Know you will be in all our thoughts as we are rooting for a great recovery both for you mum and for Luce.

Your mum has good health on her side, so fingers crossed everything works out well.

Big hugs :hug:


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## Pipit (Jun 5, 2014)

I know I'm only new here but I've been following Luce's story for a while. I can't begin to imagine what you're going through. It's bad enough having one thing going wrong but this must be just horrid for you. It's always worrying when things happen to elderly family members but I have found out that they are remarkably tough and it sounds like your mum has a good headstart on recovery with her good health. Sending you good vibes across the Atlantic.


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## fjm (Jun 4, 2010)

Holding all of you in my thoughts. So much to cope with all at once, but I hope your Mum is not too badly hurt, and Luce's recovery is just a little delayed.


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## Beaches (Jan 25, 2014)

Bless you - you are in our hearts and our prayers as you deal with this. Hoping both mom and Luce are feeling comfortable really soon. Hugs coming your way.


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## Nora O (Sep 27, 2013)

Prayers for your Mother & Luce. I'm in Syracuse which isn't very close to Hicksville or I'd offer you a place to stay!


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## Chagall's mom (Jan 9, 2010)

What a shocking and awful thing to happen! I hope your mother receives the best of care and gets all the support she needs to makes a good recovery. It's terribly sad to think of the burdens and worries life has heaped on you. I hope you can draw strength from those around and somehow manage to take care of yourself. Sending all good wishes for your dear mother, Luce and you. :hug:


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

I'm so terribly sorry about your Mom. What a horrific thing to have happen. I do hope she'll mend and that her good health will help that. I know she must be in a lot of pain. Sending my very best for her. And the troubles you're having with your dog...gosh. What a lot you have on your plate right now. I'm thinking of you and your family, that these things will improve soon. (((hugs)))


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## Carolinek (Apr 2, 2014)

I'm so sorry. Hope your mom is OK. Sending healing thoughts to both your mom and Luce. Safe travels.


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## Carolinek (Apr 2, 2014)

I'm so sorry. Hope your mom is OK. Sending healing thoughts to both your mom and Luce. Safe travels and Godspeed.

Sorry for the duplicate post- on the train with spotty internet, didn't think it went through the first time!


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## Shamrockmommy (Aug 16, 2013)

Keeping your mom in my prayers!


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

Luce I am really sorry to hear about your Mom's accident. I am from Long Island and know the Hicksville area well since I often drive through it on my way home from work. What I see in the local paper, Newsday is that she was walking across a four lane road that I know can be very busy at many times of day since it is near a major Long Island Railroad station and also many stores. I doubt I would like to cross that road myself since I don't think the lights give a lot of time to make it all the way across. Also way too many people on Long Island drive too fast and run out of time to stop. Until very recently the general driving culture around here has been green means go, yellow means go faster and it it has been yellow long enough that you know you really should stop that means floor it! We have lots of red light cameras around here now (although I don't recall whether there is one at the intersection close to where your mom's accident was). The red light cameras are really annoying to lots of people but I do think they are starting to make people modify their behavior around those busy intersections. It is very unfortunate that this doesn't seem to have made a difference for your mom. I hope the police investigation results in a clear understanding of how this terrible thing happened and that your mom is able to recover fully. It is good that she is in good health going into the situation. This means she is strong to fight to get better. My mom is the same age and she also lives on Long Island. I worry about her because although she is fit, she is hard of hearing and too stubborn to admit it. I am afraid that she will end up on the wrong end of things they way your mom did because she didn't hear something coming her way. She walks everywhere.

What hospital is your mom in? If you don't want to post here, PM me. I know a fair amount about the local hospitals. The ones close to the accident scene are excellent. Additionally there are two major academic hospitals that she might have been taken to that are stellar.


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

UPDATE: I arrived in NY at midnight on Thursday night!! Was supposed to be 5:15 - but the weather had other plans for me. My sister and I arrived at the hospital around noon, she is stable but still critical. I was a bit shocked at her condition. Both my brother and sister said her face was very swollen which I expected since she had a head injury. What I wasn't expecting in her whole body is swelled. The neurosurgeon team is more concerned with her body then her brain. The Dr. said the swelling in the brain is at acceptable levels so the must treat her body.

They drained her chest of fluids and put in a central line. She is heavily sedated and is on heavy pain medication. They have her on a lot of other IV things too - a lot, maybe 7 different bags plus a ventilator.

Please, please, please keep her in your prayers, God will know who you are praying for.

I read the accident report and it does not make sense. I spoke with the detective to see if they are still investigating - they are not. He said it was a terrible accident and that's it. The statements he took from the witnesses was all he needed. He said the witnesses told him the driver was not using a cell phone because they could see him from the other car!!!!!!! 

I may not be able to medically heal my Mom, but I can question the report and the questions the detectives asked or didn't ask. I can go to the businesses in the area and ask if they saw anything that could help. I have only 4 full days to get answers. I just want the facts - the truth. I want the evidence to make sense, I don't want the police to ask the witnesses what happened and then just take their word for it!!!

Again, if anyone saw this accident or knows someone who saw this accident please let me know. I happened on S Oyster Bay Rd. in front of the Plainview Shopping Center N. of Old Country Rd.

Thank you


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

Oh my!! Thank you all for your well wishes, I am so sorry I didn't say in the previous post. She is in NUCM(?) in East Meadow, I have heard they have an excellent trauma center and the neurosurgery team is from LIJ, and was told they are top notch.

It almost doesn't seem real. I have dealt with illnesses with grandparents and sudden quick death with my Father. I am dealing with Glenn's illness for the last too many years. I can't even think of anyone I know who has had something like this happen


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## Chagall's mom (Jan 9, 2010)

*Luce*, Both you and your mother are being held in a whole lot of hearts right now. I can't even believe you found the strength to post, but _thank you_ so much for updating us. You're dealing with an awful shock and tragedy and somehow managing to function--you are something! I hope you find the answers you seek. It's a relief to know your mother is receiving such good, attentive care. Glad to know you have your family by your side.:hug:


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## lizzy_8 (Mar 21, 2014)

Luce, can't imagine what you and your family are going through right now. It's just devastating, your poor Mum. I and many others will be thinking and praying for you all and for your mum to make a full recovery. 


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## fel (Jan 8, 2014)

Luce,

I feel for your situation -- I was hit by a car as a pedestrian a few years ago. I wasn't hurt too badly -- I flipped over the car and luckily landed well on the other side. Nevertheless a lot of attorneys contacted me with offers to investigate and document the case. In my situation this wasn't necessary, as car insurance paid for my ambulance and ER bill, and I didn't need anything else. 
In your Mom's situation, I think it is very important you get someone on the ground investigating the case. You should not need to do this yourself. If you find yourself the right sort of attorney, who will work on contingency, that attorney will have a network of people who can investigate the case. Please look into this as you Mom will need her hospital bills and rehabilitation covered. 

You can call the local American Bar Association to find an attorney if you do not know one via your personal network. 

Fel


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

Luce, NUMC does have an excellent trauma center and it is good they brought LIJ neuro folks in. I hope your mom is improving and that she recovers fully. It is in her favor that she is healthy going in to this awful situation.

Could I suggest to you to trust the Nassau County Police? It is an excellent and well trained police force. There are plenty of traffic cameras all over Long Island. I am sure that if something was really off about the circumstances of this accident they would know it. Looking for more of a story about what happened won't change what happened. The local media indicated that this was simply an accident and that it didn't involved distracted driving or speeding. I want you to focus on your mother getting well more strongly than worrying over the circumstances of how this happened. It was an accident and you need your attention and energy to devote to helping your mom recover.


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## Manxcat (May 6, 2013)

Luce, I am so sorry that you are not only having to struggle with this almighty shock but also having difficulty accepting that it was an accident. I believe it is absolutely natural behaviour to think there must have been more to it than you are being told, but it may have been just that - a tragic, horrific accident.

You and your family are firmly stuck in our hearts at the moment, and in my little corner of the world we will certainly be having a word with The Big Guy for you all.

Someone somewhere once said that God never gives us more than we can handle, and although I've often questioned that at certain points in my life somehow I've always managed to get through to the other side, so keep your chin up - we will be rooting for you.

x x x


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## Pamela (Sep 9, 2008)

just saw your post - praying for your mom and Luce. My daughter was hit as a pedestrian by an suv a few years back. Know how you feel!
Pam


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## Lou (Sep 22, 2012)

All my best vibes are headed your way, hoping that everything is back to normal soon soon!! I'm so sorry this happened... Wishing for some strength in your heart to deal with all this too. It must be so hard. Big hugs to you and your family.


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## Streetcar (Apr 13, 2014)

Luce, I'm so sorry! I've sent up a prayer for your dear mother. You must be tied up in knots. Try to remember to eat, breathe, and sleep when you can. I agree it is less about finding fault where there may well be none, especially after what the officer told you. I'm sorry he came across in a callous manner but it doesn't mean there is anything hidden. I think they have to harden themselves due to everything awful they have to see. Try to concentrate on helping your mother heal. Bless you all.
A prayer for Luce's leg and hips to heal properly, too.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

Oh dear...this sounds so serious. I will continue to hold her and you in my thoughts. You are indeed having to muster up lots of strength at this time. I am just so sorry she's having such a bad time but it sounds like she's in the best hands. Lots of good wishes being sent your way.


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

Thank you all, I appreciate all the prayers given.

Lily, I am not looking for something that isn't there, I am looking for evidence, facts, and the truth. There are inconstancies within the 4-5 sentences of the report, not paragraphs. The ejection was wrong, they stated MV1 as 2 different vehicles, they did not have pictures for us from the scene or of the vehicle. 

Do I trust the police Dept.? No!!! There attitude is if it is not a Dui then it is just an accident - done. How can they just believe what the involved person says at face value? I went down there and spoke with the receptionist at the office and one tron another business. My mom was under a parked car on the street, that was not in the report. It took the rescue team a ankle to get to her, and most people who were watching by this time thought she was dead

That blurrb we read on line was just that a blurrb. How does anyone know the driver wasn't texting or on his phone? Passengers in the other vehicle said he wasn't, really?? All 4 of them are looking at the car next to them to see what the other driver is doing? Doesn't sound plausible.

I can keep busy and try to find out what really happened, if it is a horrible accident, its a horrible accident. If I could do something to prevent this from happening to someone else then dammit that's what I can do.

Thank you again for the prayers, the swelling is down and she is taking extra breadths on her own.

Blessings to all of you.

Jo-Ann


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## N2Mischief (Dec 3, 2012)

There is really nothing to say that is going to help, just know that you and your mother are in our thoughts. I can only imagine how horrible this is for you to go through. Thank you for taking time away to update. Stay strong...I wish there were more I could do!


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## fjm (Jun 4, 2010)

You are all in my thoughts, tonight and every night.


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## hopetocurl (Jan 8, 2014)

Sending more prayers, Luce!


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## MollyMuiMa (Oct 13, 2012)

You and yours are in my prayers............take care!


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

Update - she is off sedation meds and is on pain relief by the dose. Although she is still on the ventilator, she is also breathing on her own!!!  She has not opened her eyes yet, no way to know how long that might be. 

Thank you for the prayers.

Jo-Ann


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## Manxcat (May 6, 2013)

That is great progress! 

Having seen a family member dreadfully injured I know how every little step forward need celebrating, so :cheers2:


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

Update: she has a smal pulmonary clot. She is in a catch 22 - if the docs give her meds for the clot it will make the brain worse, if they don't, more clots could form because she isn't moving and the many fractures throughout her body.

I had to leave NY and go back to work. My employer is being very supportive during these trying times - at least that is something to be thankful for.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

Oh gosh! What a situation. We can only hope that something will level off so that the meds can be effective in regards to the clot. I will keep you and your Mom in my thoughts and we'll see if a little more time will help create a more favorable situation. Lots of hugs and warm wishes. (((hugs)))


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## hopetocurl (Jan 8, 2014)

Will be continuing to remember her with prayers!


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## Suddenly (Aug 8, 2013)

So sorry to hear about your mom and Luce. I hope you find all the answers your looking for! My thoughts and prayers are with you at this very difficult time. Do take good care of yourself. Pleas keep us posted!!


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

I am sorry to hear about the complications for your mom. It must be hard to have had to go home, but if I recall correctly you have family who are on Long Island and will be with your mom throughout her recovery. I hope you will be able to get back to see her asap.


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## Manxcat (May 6, 2013)

Keep the faith Jo-Ann, we're all here for you.


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## Lou (Sep 22, 2012)

sending you my best vibes, thoughts, prayers, hoping everything is back to normal soon.




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## MollyMuiMa (Oct 13, 2012)

Still have you all in my prayers...............'the waiting' and the inability to know the outcome, must be so emotionally draining, please take care of yourself!


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## Streetcar (Apr 13, 2014)

Continuing to hold your dear mother in my thoughts...


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## Shamrockmommy (Aug 16, 2013)

Keeping your mom in my thoughts and prayers! (((((Luce's Mom))))


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## Joel Abramowitz (Jun 7, 2013)

Sending positive thoughts and energy for you and your Mom.


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

Thank you all for the prayers, I appreciate them so much.

Lilly, you are correct, I have a brother and sister who still live there. They go to the hospital every day to see if there are any improvements and to talk to her. My sister puts the phone up to her ear so I can talk to her also.

PLEASE!!! Everyone who reads this, get your paperwork in order! Wills, health proxy or whatever is used in your state or country. Talk openly with your family and loved ones about your wishes and don't delay. My Mom had been to her attorney and he had the papers ready for to sign. She hadn't the chance to get to his office, maybe he had them ready the day of the accident and she was to go sign them after the dentist appointment, I don't know, and it doesn't matter now. Give yourself and your loved ones the peace of mind to know what to do.


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## BorderKelpie (Dec 3, 2011)

Luce, you are so right about getting and keeping paperwork in order as there really is no way of knowing when it will be needed. With all the stress of an accident or serious illness, searching for paperwork that may or may not be updated or even exist is just one more little straw to break that poor camel's back. 

My heart goes out to you and your family. Hang in there.


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

Luce they say that people who are not alert still hear the voices of their loved ones. I am glad you are able to have the chance to talk to your mom. I am sure that hearing you is helping.

Taking care of the paperwork is really important. I am glad my mom has her ducks all in a row.


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

A couple of updates - 

First Luce - The insurance claim was denied IF YOU ARE THINKING OF GETTING INSURANCE - DO IT!!!!!!!!!! I waited too long and now I paid the price of not being able to collect on the claim. I went to see the regular vet, and she said there was too much evidence of it being a preexisting condition that even if she wrote a letter, she felt it wouldn't do any good. I dropped it.

I also spoke with the surgeon. The cortisone shot seemed to help! Luce has been bouncing around and wanting to play!! The surgeon said I could take her to the dog park but also pay attention to see if she picks the leg up a lot. There has been extra bone growth and the surgeon believes it could be rubbing against other bone and causing discomfort She thinks Luce will need another surgery to smooth out the bone an move some muscle for more comfort and be able to heal better. The problem with that is the muscle has atrophied a bit so there isn't much to work with. I told her I wouldn't be able to do it until the end of July because it would be $400 (just for supplies) and I just don't have it now. 

Which leads me into the second update : Thank you for the prayers.

Mom's condition has not improved neurologically since she was admitted (according to a nurse who was there the day of the accident) According to my sister, the swelling of her face has come down some and is looking more like herself. I am going up there again on the 2nd and staying for 10 days. I hated leaving my brother and sister to have to hold things together, they are both emotional train wrecks. I convinced my sister to go to the doctor - maybe something for the stress and emotional upheaval so she could be able to take care of herself and family without breaking down over the slightest thing. My brother is a man of few words, has never been much of a talker when it comes to things like this - or anything. I think he is holding on by a thread. Since I moved over 20 years ago, my relationship with my parents was different then my siblings. I have been more objective and been able to handle some things even from TX.

We are to have a family meeting with the doctors on Thursday to get a better idea of where she is and where she could be going. There are going to be a few conversations about everything with her care, and how we will proceed. 

I am not optimistic about a recovery. The severity of the injury to her brain and her body is quite extensive and her age is against her. If she were 25, it could be different.

I told my brother and sister well we make the right decision at the right time - no sooner and no later.

Jo-Ann


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

I am very sorry to hear that your mother's neurological condition has not improved. It is good to hear that Luce is feeling better. A happy dog is great comfort in tough times.


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## RitzyRose (Jun 25, 2014)

I am so sorry you are going through this.  That has got to be so difficult. I hope you and your siblings can figure out the best way to go forward with your mom and be at peace wih that decision. 

I also hope everything goes well with Luce and his surgery. Thats good the shot helped! 

Hugs and prayers to you and your family during this incredibly tough time.


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## Feelingdoc (Feb 18, 2014)

I will be praying for wisdom and confidence in your decision making. Keep us posted..and safe travels.


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## Beaches (Jan 25, 2014)

Dear Jo-Ann
You are dealing with enough "stuff" to shatter any of us. We think about you every day and your beloved mom, your amazing Luce. Thank heavens you have sibs there -even though you are the rock. We sure appreciate you taking the time to update your Pf friends. Hugs!


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## Manxcat (May 6, 2013)

:hug:


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## BorderKelpie (Dec 3, 2011)

You are showing much courage, strength and wisdom. I know it's so hard to keep pushing on when everything seems to be crumbling all around you. You are doing a phenominal job keeping it all together. 

I pray for peace and strength for you and your family and loved ones. 

Hang in there.


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## fjm (Jun 4, 2010)

Thank you for posting. You and your family are in my thoughts today, and every day.


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## kontiki (Apr 6, 2013)

Jo-Ann, I am just reading this thread from the beginning today. I am so sorry you and your family are in this situation. I am holding your Mom in prayer for healing, and all of you in prayer for strength, love, and courage. You are posted on my prayer list, and that of my prayer group too.


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

I don't have the words to express my gratitude for the prayers and well wishes. 

Came back to NY last Wednesday and it has been difficult to say the least. We had a family meeting with the doctors on Thursday, and they said to give her more time - AAARRRGGHHHH!!!

I've done research on TBI (traumatic brain injury) and the recovery doesn't look good. I hate seeing her like this, especially since she has a living will!!!!! 

Unfortunately my brother and sister do not want to honor her wishes.

No telling what the future holds.........


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

I feel for you. 

When my dad was diagnosed with stage four renal cancer, he initially did not want chemotherapy but then got talked into it by his doctors. My brother and SIL all thought he was being very courageous to fight for his life. My mother didn't believe doctors would recommend it if it weren't going to do something meaningful for him. I saw it as something he was talked into by doctors who saw a billing opportunity. My dad had a living will and he had always said he didn't want heroic measures. His cancer had locally spread from the affected kidney to many adjacent organs. I knew he would not be long for this world. We had many arguments about it. In the end one of the doctors told my mother that he got on board for the idea of the chemo since it "would give my father something to do." Really, having toxic drugs injected into you is something to do!?!?!? I was outraged (and had my initial suspicions confirmed) and my mother felt ashamed I think for going along.

Is there a patient advocate available at the hospital who could help mediate the family discussion from the perspective of your mom's outcomes and her wishes for herself as expressed in her living will?


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## Mfmst (Jun 18, 2014)

Sending healing prayers to your Mom and sweet dog, ones of strength for you.


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

I have been here at the hospital since 1:30 or so and asked to see a social worker - no one showed up. I called my brother and sister about putting a DNR order on her and they agreed. Brother agreed after asking why I want to "rush it ". I told him I am just trying to do what Mom wants!!!

Mom does haven a living will, but the doctors here don't haven a copy. I am not going to go behind their backs and bring a copy in because that will open up a can of worms nobody could close for a long time.

Even though I live 1500 miles away they are my family, I want to be able to have a relationship with them and their kids.

So, I wait, watch Mom, read to her, surf the net, check out my favorite PF and play some games...


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## patk (Jun 13, 2013)

luce, wishing you and your family well. it is so difficult. i also sat at my mother's side while she was dying. even with dnr orders in her hospital file, it was a difficult journey and something i still think about. i am glad for you and yours that you are so wise with regard to the need to at least try to act in concert. stay strong.


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## Poodlelvr (Mar 13, 2010)

I am so sorry to read this. I lost my mother in 2011. She had a living will and I had the power of attorney. Signing the DNR was one of the hardest things I ever did. Alzheimer's was shutting her body down slowly. The last weeks of her life were very hard to live through. Fortunately, I had the support of my brothers. You are very much in my thoughts.


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## Carolinek (Apr 2, 2014)

I am getting caught up on this thread and my heart goes out to you. I had to make the decision to make my mother a DNR and it was one of hardest things I ever did. 

I spent a good part of my clinical career working with patients at the end of life, serving on a multidisciplinary ethics committee, and working with hundreds of families facing end of life decisions. But when it came to my own mother, I was a babbling idiot. I knew the DNR was the right thing to do, and my sister wasn't able to lend much to the discussion, but that didn't make it any easier. You are wise to think about the relationship you want to have with your family when it is all said and done. It's a very emotionally charged time and easy for feelings to get hurt, damaging future relationships. 

I don't know the extent or nature of the neurological damage, and that may not be completely apparent yet, but as this unfolds, there may be other decisions about your Mom's care that need to be made. For example, placing a feeding tube if she is unable to swallow. If you can eventually take a look at her living will it might help guide you and your family. Did she appoint a health care proxy- someone to make decisions for her if she cannot? Also, NY honors a universal form called MOLST (medical orders for life sustaining treatment) that is not dependent on the facility she is in. It will transfer from one facility to another. Here is a link for info if you're interested. She may have one already. 
New York's Medical Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment (MOLST) Form | Nolo.com

I hope I'm not being too forward- feel free to tell me I am! It's just that families are too often left without the information and support they need. I would push to meet with members of the health care team and make it very apparent you want to be kept in the loop. A family meeting is also a good idea. 

My thoughts are with you and your family in this tough time. I send healing thoughts downstate to you


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## kcp1227 (Jan 25, 2013)

Praying for you, your mother, and the rest of your family. 


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## N2Mischief (Dec 3, 2012)

When my dad passed he had gone into defib and fell and broke his back. He had Parkinsons and his heart was now working at less than 10%. He was in horrible pain from his back and his organs were shutting down. We placed a DNR. A fresh out of med school doctor was assigned to him one evening after we had gone home for the night. Even though my dad was not lucid, she was able to get him to say "yes" to a surgically placed feeding tube inserted through the abdomen, he had no clue what he was agreeing to. 

We got there the next day and we were very angry. The young dr defended herself saying she felt my dad totally understood, believe me, he didn't. About an hour later, dad ripped out the feeding tube. We insisted that doctor never be allowed near him again. He was kept comfortable on IV fluids and pain meds. 

The stress of dealing with the emotions of losing someone you love and then also having to deal with other stressors is unimaginable. 

I think of you often and hope things get easier for you. 

Hang in there!


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## Beaches (Jan 25, 2014)

Oh honey - what an awful time for you. Do what you have to keep your siblings close, that's important. Your mom will know you did your best for her. Hugs.


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

carolinek, I think your words were very wise and could help many of us if facing similarly difficult circumstances. 

N2M I had the same feeling about my dad and chemotherapy as you did with the Dr. who talked your dad into the feeding tube. My dad was still in a sicu when talked into agreeing to the chemotherapy. I went to visit him after the oncologist and the poor man was hallucinating that someone had stolen his rye toast. He didn't look or act like a person who could make a life changing decision for himself when I saw him and I can't imagine he had been truly lucid when the doctor talked him into the chemo.

Luce, I am glad you have been able to talk to your brother more deeply about your mom's wishes. I hope there will be an opportunity to make a good collective decision on her behalf and that carolinek's story and advice may help you negotiate this complex situation. I should add to my story that even though we were at odds with each other over my dad's illness we all came together for each other at the end and we are all still very close to each other 18 years later.


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## Carolinek (Apr 2, 2014)

Lily cd- thank you for the kind words. I had a similar experience with my sister when my mother died. There were some rocky moments and I think she felt I took over the situation with my mom because quite frankly, someone had to. I probably could have been more sensitive to her feelings at that point though, but live and learn. We kept talking it out, particularly after she died, and that helped. Nine years later, our relationship is stronger than it ever was before, and I thank God for that. So out of adversity comes strength...eventually! 

Luce- it sounds like you already have an intuitive sense of the importance of maintaining the family ties right now. That's insight many people do not have in this situation. If I can make one more suggestion.....not knowing the particulars of your mom's case, I don't know if it would be appropriate to get hospice involved, but I would ask the question. Hospice offers incredible services, but is often called in too late to do any good. They are particularly strong in working with families and facilitating communication between the health care team and the family....something that is usually sorely needed. People are often afraid of the word "hospice" but hospice does much more than assist with the actual dying process. They help maintain quality of life for the patient and the family and studies have shown that patients actually live longer when hospice is called in early. Just food for thought, again, it may not be appropriate at this point. 

Neurological injuries are complex and it does take time to see the full extent of the injury. The swelling in the brain has to go down and the patient has to stabilize before a true picture emerges. Then the potential for rehab can be explored. It's a tough road and you probably are very much in that gray area now where no one is really sure what the long term prognosis is. It's so much harder to make decisions when all the facts aren't in yet. 

I'm sorry you're going through this. Hang in there- so may have posted their experiences and I think it helps to hear that others have been through the same struggles. Be thinking of you.


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## hopetocurl (Jan 8, 2014)

Oh Luce! I am praying for your family!


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## fjm (Jun 4, 2010)

I am so sorry, Luce. I can understand that your family may need more time to come to terms with what is happening - it is so very difficult to give up hope. I have been there with my sister, my mother, my father ... You already know how important it is to be kind to each other, and look after each other; at times it was the only thing that kept us going.


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

Thank you all again for the prayers and sharing your experiences - they have helped me so much.

She has been in a coma for 4 weeks now with no change at all. She has a tracheotomy and a feeding tube - clearly stated not to be used in her living will.

While my sister and I were at the hospital on Wednesday, the attending physician pulled us aside and explained her condition more clearly and asked if there was a living will - I kept quiet while mysister said yes, he also said to bring it in the next day - we did. He wasn't there, the residents were, contacted him and he wanted to meet with the three of us on Friday - we did. He pointed out her wishes were not to be in this condition and he believed she has a minimal chance of recovery factoring her injuries and age. 

We agreed together to let nature take its course with the use of pain medication as stated in her living will. The Dr. suggested to bring in family over the weekend and then let him Know what day to execute her will. 

We went to the funeral home on Wednesday morning to get things ready - the director went to school with my sister and they have been friends for years. She grew up in the business and has been running it for years.

Jo-Ann


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## fjm (Jun 4, 2010)

I am glad that the medical staff sound to be kind and compassionate, helping you all to come to a decision, but what a very sad and devastating decision to have to make. Your mother's thoughtfulness in making a living will to guide you is an example for us all. I hope that knowing you are following her wishes, and that she is free of pain and discomfort, helps you all through these very difficult days.


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## Feelingdoc (Feb 18, 2014)

My thoughts and prayers are with you during this very difficult time.


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## PoodleRick (Mar 18, 2013)

I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this must be and I'm amazed at your strength and courage. My thoughts and prayers are with you. 

Rick


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## Suddenly (Aug 8, 2013)

What a difficult time you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you!


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## Carolinek (Apr 2, 2014)

I am very sorry. My thoughts are with you in this very trying time. Take care of yourself :hug:


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## Manxcat (May 6, 2013)

Jo-Ann, I'm so sorry to read the updates on your mother's condition and my heart goes out to you all. Been there with both parents, and although it is difficult it is so good that your mother had made the living will and that your sister acknowledged it. Down the line, it will mean you all knew you did what she wanted and not what you had to decide for her - and believe me that does affect relationships.

Thinking of you all, sending love and hugs.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

I have no better words than what has been said by the others. Just know that my heart goes out to you and your family at this incredibly difficult and sad time. I'm just so very sorry.


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## kontiki (Apr 6, 2013)

I continue to hold you in prayer, along with your mom and family. It sounds like you have an understanding and compassionate doctor. I am very thankful for you about that.

When I became a widow I had to fight with his doctor to get him to follow the living will. 

Blessings and peace in this time of grief.


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## BorderKelpie (Dec 3, 2011)

My thoughts and prayers to you and your family. 

Godspeed to your Mom. 

Take care of yourself.


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

Jo-Ann I am sorry that your mom will not make it out of this, but happy for you and your siblings that the attending physician was so kind in helping all of you to come to terms with letting her go. I wish her an easy passing and for you and your brother and sister to find peace with each other in having decided this together.


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## MollyMuiMa (Oct 13, 2012)

So difficult to know what to say...."I'm sorry" seems so inadequate....I do know your grief, and I am sad, so very, very, sad that you have to go through this. Bless you and yours, and know that you did what your Mother wanted.........be at peace.


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

Hello all - things just got a bit stickier, messier (I hope these are real words!!).....and a bit more ____________ fill in the blank.


Mom opened her eyes Saturday morning!!!!!!

She watches what's going on and followed me with her eyes. She even let me suction her mouth without resisting!!!!!

I know it could be temporary - but what the he11?

Family is hopeful again, I'm trying to stay cool. I have to admit whem my sister said she got to see me here it was nice. I was there with her for 9 hours or so and called my uncle and aunt to tell them and to ask them to come see her. I also took pictures of her with her eyes open. I know she can see because she tracks with her eyes, but don't know if she has recognition of who we are.

What a day!!


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## kontiki (Apr 6, 2013)

Wow - do talk to her. I did hospice work for 10 years. I absolutely believe that people, even in a coma, can understand what we say. Talk to her, not to others about her. Love to all of you. Prayers.


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

I have always talked to her in the hospital - about the weather, the dog, what I did that day etc.!!! We brought in a radio last Monday, and it has been on non stop since.

Thanks for more prayers.


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## kontiki (Apr 6, 2013)

Oh good! So glad you are talking to her Hopefully the radio station is one she really likes.


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## patk (Jun 13, 2013)

we are with you in spirit, luce.


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

That is extraordinary. I know it makes things complicated in some ways, but what ever happens at least now you are really feeling in contact with mom. I hope you will be able to stay with her now that things are so different.


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## Carolinek (Apr 2, 2014)

Wow- you must feel like you're on a roller coaster:-( While her new responsiveness is indeed a wonderful development, I appreciate your sentiment that it is now soooo much more complicated. I'm sure she hears you, and it is great that you have this time together. Where the journey goes from here is out of our hands.

My mother's course was also very unpredictable because she had a rare type of gall bladder cancer, which made the decisions harder because of the lack of information. What to do seemed very murky at times, which is not easy. Godspeed.


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

Mom is not doing well. When my sister and I arrived at the hospital today, she was clearly in pain. She had a look on her face of desperation, pain and confusion. 

I broke down in tears and stepped away from her, it breaks my heart seeing her like this knowing she clearly didn't, doesn't want this. On one level I think she may be able to understand what I say and what she sees, but on the other I think she is more like an infant, can see and hear but can't process it and doesn't understand. She follows my movements around her bed and prefers to keep her eyes on me instead of the nurse, but then she will watch the movements on TV - things she never had an interest in.

The Dr told us she has developed pneumonia, I think the end is near.


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## fjm (Jun 4, 2010)

My thoughts are with you all. May your mother's passing be easy and full of peace, held in the love of her family.


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## Manxcat (May 6, 2013)

Oh heck Jo-Ann, I'm so sorry for you all. Hoping for a peaceful and comfortable ending. Love to you x x x


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

This is just awful for you. I really had hoped that when she opened her eyes it was to give you all a chance to connect before she left peacefully. Don't be resentful of the delays in getting everyone on board about her living will. I hope that she can pass quietly very soon.


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## Beaches (Jan 25, 2014)

dear Jo-Ann
What a horrible time you are going through. We are so sorry to hear your mom is suffering.
Hugs from your pf friends in Canada.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

Oh dear...I'm just so sorry for this horribly difficult time for you and your family. I do hope she can be made comfortable and get some peace if it's her time. And I wish for some measure of comfort for you that she will likely soon be past all this. My heart is with you and your family at this incredibly devastating time.


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

So much has happened since my last post. Due to the pneumonia and the loss of her cognitive abilities, we knew the best course of action was to follow her wishes, and let nature take it's course.

She was admitted into hospice care on Friday afternoon and passed on Sunday morning. 

There has been a lot to do along with a lot of waiting. There will be a lot of talking too.


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## N2Mischief (Dec 3, 2012)

May you find peace at this difficult time.. I think of you and your family every day. Saying goodbye is never easy. Hang in there!


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## patk (Jun 13, 2013)

perhaps your mother stayed on a bit to give you all time to come together. now that that has happened, she has passed in peace. sincere condolences.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

This is such a sad time for you. ((((Hugs)))) I hope you get some peace and acceptance at some point down the road you must take. It's just so hard to say good bye and under such difficult circumstances. Letting her go softly does seem to be what she wanted and you honored that. My deepest sympathy to you and your family.


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## BorderKelpie (Dec 3, 2011)

Awww, such a sad thing. But, you followed her wishes and that shows love, compassion and strength. 

May your hearts heal quickly and love and peace surround you.


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## MollyMuiMa (Oct 13, 2012)

Deepest condolences ...............please find peace that you did what your Mother wanted and you did it with love........hoping things go well.


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## Carolinek (Apr 2, 2014)

I am glad she is at peace. Hard road for all concerned.....hope your family finds comfort in each other. Keep you in my thoughts-


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## Suddenly (Aug 8, 2013)

Sincere sympathy! You followed your moms wishes so stay strong. Remember all the fond memories and that will get you through the hardest times. May peace be with you!!


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## Joel Abramowitz (Jun 7, 2013)

My condolences


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## Oreo's Mommy (Dec 18, 2012)

I'm very sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your entire family. 


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## fjm (Jun 4, 2010)

My thoughts are with you and your family. Once the first overwhelming grief and emptiness are past, I hope there will be comfort in knowing you did everything possible to enable her to recover, and then followed her own wishes in letting her pass peacefully.


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## Feelingdoc (Feb 18, 2014)

So sorry for your loss. Such a terrible course of events for your family. You are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Manxcat (May 6, 2013)

I am so very sorry. It is terrible that you lost her under such awful circumstances but eventually you will be able to take comfort in the knowledge that you stayed true to her wishes for her end of life, even though it was sooner than anyone anticipated. I sincerely hope that you and your family are soon able to think of her with smiles and laughter rather than remembering this ending. My heart goes out to you :hug:


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## PoodleRick (Mar 18, 2013)

My sincerest condolences.

Rick


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

Luce, I had a feeling that there was news you would share when I was driving home on Sunday. I am sorry for your loss. It is really important that in the end your mom's wishes were respected and that you and your family were able to come together. I hope that you find comfort with each other. I also hope that good memories of your rich life with your mother replace the hard times you all had as a result of the accident.


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## lizzy_8 (Mar 21, 2014)

So sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you at this very sad time . 


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## Mfmst (Jun 18, 2014)

Condolences on your sudden, terrible loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## KellyL (Apr 17, 2013)

So sorry for your loss.


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## hopetocurl (Jan 8, 2014)

Luce, my deepest sympathy on the loss of your mother. This makes the entire happening so complicated. 


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## kcp1227 (Jan 25, 2013)

I'm so sad for your loss. 


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## Constance (Jun 4, 2013)

Read to about page three then sped ahead because I wanted to post something. Lily CD, excellent post. 

To read a fascinating artical about four NYTimes employees who were hit by cars in Manhattan and their recovery etc go to nyt.com and type in pedestrian traffic accidents. Look down a bit for the one by Jill Abramson,, May 2, 2014. This was amazing. It was printed just a few weeks before the industry was shocked by her firing as the first female executive editor at the Times. There continues to be a lot of questions about the step the Times took in her very controversial firing.

The traffic in Europe is even worse, and I'm sure in most of the rest of the world (I haven't been). I've read of tourists who go to Vietnam, go to their hotel, and are literally forced to stay standing in front of the hotel all day because they cannot cross the street because of mopeds, rule-breaking, etc.

When my husband and I went to Rome yrs ago we were so afraid to cross the road that we would wait for a group of nuns to assemble and we would literally hold onto them and cross the street.

Best to your mom, such a sad story. I have been going through something very bad for about seven weeks, an often think about how at PF we all show ourselves at our "best." Actually it it has been, especially welcome that it is so, most of all lately to come out of crisis mode and read about pooping and leash-tugging problems, water balls and food choices. Uplifting and refreshing! This morning I imagined starting a thread called, What makes you happy about your Poodle? My reply would be, that updrive of pride and acomplishment at morning or sunset when Coco--yeah, success! poops!


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## Constance (Jun 4, 2013)

OMG, Luce! I just wandered to page 11 and read that you lost your mother! My profoundest sympathy to you and yours! What a very shocking turn of events! 
Turn to and talk to your friends at any hour of the day. Please don't be offended if this suggestion sounds odd, but you can search online for grieving hot lines, possibly even for daughters (I know there are ones for parents, siblings...children). I speak from experience because 21 years ago I had a most unusual and tragic loss, and it was trained and compassionate people keeping me on the phone that got me through many days. 
I am so very sorry for this terrible, senseless, tragic loss.


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

Hello all here at PF. I am back home after spending 4 weeks with my family. It was bittersweet to leave and bittersweet to get home, I feel torn both ways.

I was so touched I actually cried over the amount of people who came to pay their respects to my family when my Mom passed. The silver lining to this horrible accident and outcome is I re-connected with family and friends I haven't spoken with in many years, a blessing in disguise.

Mom and I had our differences and neither of us are perfect, she's my Mom so it's OK. She came for a visit last fall and fell in love with Luce, she even bought Luce a bed that matched her new furniture - I thought that was very cute. 

They say life isn't fair, in My Moms case, neither was death, it was violent and painful, she deserved to end her life peacefully and painfree. Even though she was 79, she was taken from us too soon. Everyone who new her said she had another good 15 - 20 years left, her mother died when she was 100 and 7 months. Mom had a few health issues and she was uncomfortable at times but no where near the end of her life, she was still looking for a job so she could be useful and keep busy. Like her mother before her, she used to say "when you rest, you rust".

Everytime we spoke on the phone I told her I loved her before we hung up - I should have told her a little more, I should have been a little more patient when she repeated her self. I also apologized to her for the times I made choices that hurt her, like any great mom she accepted and moved on (it was for more my peace of mind - she never held anything against me).

I learned life truly can change in an instant, don't take things and people for granted - life IS short and you can never get back time lost over petty differences. Be the person that builds and forgives, you will not regret it. I hadn't spoken to my sister for 5 years over something that was very hurtful and not called for. Mom wanted me to start talking with her again - I was stubborn and resistant - sister needed to learn a lesson. Did she learn it?? I don't know and don't care. I started talking to her back in March or April, I don't recall if Mom and I talked about it specifically, but I do know she was aware that we were talking again and that is good enough for me, she knew and thats what counts.

Life is difficult enough we don't need to add anything to it. Try to make amends with those you love, you won't regret it. If the sentiment is not returned that's OK, you know what you did was the right thing - you won't regret it.


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## MollyMuiMa (Oct 13, 2012)

Luce said:


> Life is difficult enough we don't need to add anything to it. Try to make amends with those you love, you won't regret it. If the sentiment is not returned that's OK, you know what you did was the right thing - you won't regret it.




:amen:


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## PoodlePaws (May 28, 2013)

Big hugs. You have a special guardian Angel watching over you now. 


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## BorderKelpie (Dec 3, 2011)

Beautifully said, Luce. 

You and your family are still in my thoughts and prayers.


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## PoodleRick (Mar 18, 2013)

That was beautiful

Rick


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## mom2Zoe (Jun 17, 2014)

I am so sorry for your loss. Beautiful what you wrote.


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

You have beautifully reminded all of us of what we should always be mindful of. Thank you.


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## Shamrockmommy (Aug 16, 2013)

That is a great reminder. 

SO very sorry to hear your mom passed  Hugs to you!


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## Carolinek (Apr 2, 2014)

What a beautiful memoir to your mom and depuction of the struggles of the last few weeks. Clearly, she had a strength that has been passed on to her daughter.

My sincere condolences.


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## Botsonyan (Jul 27, 2014)

I'm so sorry for your loss. My sincerest condolences!


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## Nora O (Sep 27, 2013)

So sorry to hear about your Mother's passing. But I'm glad you were able to spend the time you did with her and that you had worked out all your issues.


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## Constance (Jun 4, 2013)

Luce, that was a beautiful and poignant memorial to your mother. I am glad there were many who came out to pay their respects. She sounds like she led a vibrant and purposeful life. 

I am so sorry for your sudden and tragic loss. I will keep you and your mother in my thoughts.


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## SAS (Jun 16, 2013)

I am very sorry for the great loss of your mother.


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## kontiki (Apr 6, 2013)

You are a daughter that your mother would be so proud of. Thank you so much for the reminders of what is important in life, and what we need to do. Many blessings to you, and comfort in your grief.


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