# Ever feel not good enough for your dog?



## PammiPoodle (Jul 16, 2011)

I struggle with this a lot. I know that you all know that I try hard to take good care of my girls, but sometimes I feel like good intentions aren't good enough. Do you ever feel like someone else could give them what they need better than you can? I'm flawed, we're all flawed, and sometimes our dogs suffer because of that. Maybe they don't get enough play or exercise, or their grooming gets a little behind, or they have to deal with our grumpy and snappy behavior on a bad day. 

I'd really like to know if anyone else feels this, either once in a blue moon, or regularly. I question my worthiness of caring for them on at least a weekly basis, and that's when we're having a good week! I'm always comparing myself to other pet owners, and often think that if so-and-so had them, they probably wouldn't [insert behavior problem here] anymore. Today I was crying the car after a trip to the park because they barked a bit at a dog we got too close to. I feel so bad when I screw up and they're the ones who have to deal with it. The park was just full of happy-go-lucky, relaxed dogs, and I felt like if I handed any one of those owners my dogs' leashes, they would have been just as happy and relaxed as all those other dogs. Like I'm the problem.

Can anyone relate? How do you convince yourself that you're "the right man for the job"?


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## patk (Jun 13, 2013)

i knew and felt quite often i wasn't the best owner my dogs could have had. the thing is, life makes many demands. it's not always possible to meet them all. the classic moment: received a call from the hospital where my mother was telling me to gather the family. i said i would be there in an hour. shocked silence. i explained i had to take my dogs out first. further shocked silence. but it was the first thing in the morning, i lived in a high rise at the time and my dogs needed to go out. i also got a second dog originally because when i returned home to take care of my mother, i spent so much time taking her on errands and to doctors that my dog was being left alone too often. no matter what, though, whether it's dogs, kids, parents, siblings, friends - there's always something we know we could do better and there's always the sense there's something we should do better. i think the reason dogs are so important to us is that they always forgive us for not being perfect, even when we can't forgive ourselves.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

In my opinion, the very fact that you question yourself, and want so badly to do better makes you one of the best! None of us are born knowing everything, but any dog is lucky to have a mom who is always striving to get better. 
I have also come to accept that not every dog is born to be a perfect model citizen, and I recognize that I have done WAY better with them than the average pet home might have (raise your paw Teaka), and am satisfied with that, and at the same time I have learned to look for very specific traits in a puppy which practically guarantee that I can indeed raise them to be a model citizen (raise your paw Timi). It is called experience, and there is only one way to earn it  Be proud that you are working so hard to earn yours, be proud of what you have accomplished, keep trying and you will get better and better every day!


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## ApricotsRock (Jan 10, 2014)

Oh absolutely. 

Not home enough, too busy, had a migraine and didn't get that walk in, etc etc etc.

But I think that he know he is adored and we do the best we can.


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## MollyMuiMa (Oct 13, 2012)

Oh my yes! Although I'm told all the time by family members that Molly is spoiled (in a good way) I always feel I could do more............I think everybody has those feelings now and then! It never seems to be enough!


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## JudyD (Feb 3, 2013)

I feel like this every day, even moreso lately. I'm not effusive enough, I'm too effusive, I don't expect enough, I expect too much, I'm harsh, I'm a pushover, I should do this, I should do that, no, wait, I shouldn't do either thing, etc., etc., etc. My only consolation is that I felt the same way with my children, who turned out remarkably well. (Not sure how much of that I get credit for...) In any event, Jazz and Blue are mine, most days I'm doing the best I can, or at least good enough, and we'll just have to muddle through. It is hard, though, isn't it?


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

Of course! Then I hear a horrible story about a dog and think "I would never do that to my dog!"

I started a part time job a few weeks ago, 1-4 days a week depending on business, or no days at all. The hours are at least 8/day, sometimes more. The job is an hour away which means I am gone at least 10 hours when I work, and Luce is home alone!! Thankfully I have a couple of amazing friends who will go walk her for me. Honestly I don't know what I would do without them. Last Friday I left at 8:30am and didn't get home till 10pm! My friend went over and walked her about 2pm and stayed with her a while.

I tell myself do the best you can with what you've got.

If there are behavior issues you want to address, seek out training for help. Work on one issue at a time so you don't overwhelm yourself.

I read in a puppy training book if you train your dog during commercials while watching TV, you'll have the best trained dog in town!


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## Naira (Jan 9, 2015)

Looking back, I don't think I was the best dog owner to my mini and it makes me sad. He had a very difficult temperament (shy, fearful, reactive) and I just didn't know what to do for him or what he could enjoy. Every situation made him anxious and nervous so when I wanted to take him places I didn't know if it would do more harm than good.

I think I am a very good dog owner to Naira and I think a lot of my drive is because I feel bad that I wasn't the best dog owner in the past. I don't know if I could handle two dogs..because when I honestly think about it, all I want is a playmate for Naira so we can just go to the backyard (still working on a backyard lol) or something and don't have to go to the dog park all the time. Buttttt I don't know if could be a good dog owner to two dogs realistically.


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## Viking Queen (Nov 12, 2014)

At this stage in life I have accepted that I am not perfect, no one is. My dog is not perfect, she's close. 

I Have been the best Mom that I know how to be with her. I am open to learning how to be a better Mom to Iris . . .

And I really don't care much what other people think of me any more. My friends, family and Dear Iris love me for who I am and as to anyone else...I don't care what their opinion is.

It took me a long time to get to this point. I am oldish so this took a while.

Be good, be kind, love your doggies and above all BE GOOD AND KIND TO YOURSELF! :amen:

Viking Queen


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## Lplummer52 (Oct 26, 2013)

*Don't worry!*

Are your dogs happy? If they're happy, you're doing a good job. Do they make you happy? If so, don't worry about it. If you're not happy and your dogs are not happy, then it's time to worry. Lena is my life. She'd better be happy! I do everything for her! But sometimes I think she'd be happy with anybody that fed her and took her for walks. I sometimes wonder if she loves me especially, but then I go out on an errand and my husband tells me she sits by the front door until a I get home. Luckily, she's just a happy little dog whose tail is never down, so I never worry that I'm not good enough for her.


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## Naira (Jan 9, 2015)

Lplummer52 said:


> Are your dogs happy? If they're happy, you're doing a good job. Do they make you happy? If so, don't worry about it. If you're not happy and your dogs are not happy, then it's time to worry. Lena is my life. She'd better be happy! I do everything for her! But sometimes I think she'd be happy with anybody that fed her and took her for walks. I sometimes wonder if she loves me especially, but then I go out on an errand and my husband tells me she sits by the front door until a I get home. Luckily, she's just a happy little dog whose tail is never down, so I never worry that I'm not good enough for her.



I just wanted to say I really really love your dog and think she is so cute.  I love apricot poodles. One day, I am going to have a small poodle again (probably a toy) and I hope she's that color!


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## BorderKelpie (Dec 3, 2011)

Every. single. day. Especially lately. 

The dogs and I need a vacation together. Then, we need to start over with everything.


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## fjm (Jun 4, 2010)

Just yesterday I sighed, and told my dogs they needed a younger, more energetic owner, who would be up for running and playing even after a busy day. Then I remembered a younger person would be out at work all day, leaving them alone, and probably too busy to cook for them, take them out several times a day, snuggle and talk between household jobs, or might not have had the time and patience to nurse Poppy through her early nervousness, or cope with all the hundred and one blips that come when you live with animals...

I bet every practically single one of the owners of those happy dogs in the park has felt as you describe at some time - and the ones that haven't are probably in denial! You feel it because you have set your standards for your dogs and yourself very, very high, which is in some ways an excellent thing but can also be a trap - the best can be the enemy of the good, if reaching for perfection makes you feel that you have failed when what you have already achieved is very good indeed.


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## ericwd9 (Jun 13, 2014)

Humans are prone to introspection. Dogs don't suffer from it, though they might suffer because of it in their handler. It is a human trait to examine our selves and our motives. We are our own worst critic. It has been suggested that on the "day of judgment" It will not be a God who will judge us. It will be that person who knows _*all *_about us: our self. You are not alone in judging yourself unworthy of your dogs infinite trust. Be at least calmed by the fact that our dogs do not judge us.
Eric


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## Oreo's Mommy (Dec 18, 2012)

We all do the best we can at the given moment in the current situation. No one is perfect. Your poodle is so blessed to have you for a pet parent. 

Don't judge your insides by other people's outsides. They may "look perfect" but it could all just be a public show. 

The most important thing is that you and your poodle love each other and have made a lifetime commitment to each other...like marriage...for better or worse. 

I too have to remind myself of this often.


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## BorderKelpie (Dec 3, 2011)

ericwd9 said:


> Humans are prone to introspection. Dogs don't suffer from it, though they might suffer because of it in their handler. It is a human trait to examine our selves and our motives. We are our own worst critic. It has been suggested that on the "day of judgment" It will not be a God who will judge us. It will be that person who knows _*all *_about us: our self. You are not alone in judging yourself unworthy of your dogs infinite trust. Be at least calmed by the fact that our dogs do not judge us.
> Eric


If this is the case, I'm in trouble. God (and dog lol) is more forgiving than I. 

Well, I should be ok with the heat - I am from Texas.


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## Manxcat (May 6, 2013)

Oh gosh yes!! I'm a rubbish owner... but have realised it is "compared to some". 

I don't do nearly enough for my dogs - grooming is as and when, training is as and when, although play seems to be fairly "on demand" and exercise is definitely covered! 

Pippin has temperament issues - probably caused or at least exacerbated by me as a "know nothing" first time owner. She could really do with more mental stimulation (_I_ think - she's never told me!!) and my conscience pricks, nay stabs, sometimes! However, she's a love with other people, is out and about loads, and could probably have had a worse owner than me... maybe...! She never gets hit, smacked, or neglected too much, but I feel guilty that I don't do obedience/agility/etc etc with her...

I can't take responsibility for how wonderful Pushkin is, who is happy as long as he's getting fed and cuddled... often!

Oreo's Mom said it best - don't judge peoples' insides by their outsides... and of course you can't judge all poodles on PF by what their owners say!!! LOL!!! The dogs might have a different opinion!!

Also, regular posters on here are here because they want to do the best they can for their dogs - within their own capabilities - so you're always going to get views from people who appear to be "better" because they do x, y and z with their dogs (who are wonderfully trained/groomed etc). But everyone's circumstances are different too, as are the dogs.

I figure it's all about balance. My dogs seem happy, are loved, treated pretty well, but I work too and occasionally have the audacity to leave them indoors while I go out!


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## JudyD (Feb 3, 2013)

BorderKelpie said:


> If this is the case, I'm in trouble. God (and dog lol) is more forgiving than I.
> 
> Well, I should be ok with the heat - I am from Texas.


As Mark Twain said, "Heaven for the climate, hell for the company." See you there!


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

Yes i worry about various things I could do better for them by on a routine basis every now and again, but after weekends like this one where there were things that went so off the rails in a trial I wonder whether we are really traveling about, spending hours in the car, sleeping in strange places and the like because it really is good for our relationship or because I just think it is. I do really think Lily needs a job and performance sports comprise it, but there are days where she can give me a very sad look while we are away and it makes me wonder...


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## Legs&Leashes (Mar 12, 2015)

I think this is a sentiment felt by all at somepoint. Good gracious I have no clue what I will do when I become a mom .

But you know... something happens when you look in their eyes... or see their silly faces scampering towards you. Unconditional love. I think it's amazing really. 2 imperfect creatures loving each other in spite of their flaws.


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## Pella (Oct 7, 2014)

You know, I spent the 12 years that I had my first Poodle fairly convinced I was an awesome owner. I was comparing myself to my friends. I always kept my dog on a leash except for when she was in a fenced in area, i took her out and about several times a week, regular trips to the dog park, we did a puppy manners class, she knew tricks, she was mostly happy and definitely loved. 

But what I know now and didn't know then wouldn't fit in a few trash bags, jumbo sized! Lena is going to see the vet dentist now, before there are problems. Her teeth will get brushed far more than Pella's ever did. I DON'T take her to the dog park because I am more educated on why planned play dates with dogs you know might be a better idea. Lena is not only signed up for puppy training but we also started to do a puppy agility class where we were incredibly outclassed!!! I got Pella haircuts but never brushed her in between because she hated it. With Lena I've spent a ton of time training her to tolerate being groomed and handled. 

In short I know so much more now and that is EXACTLY why I feel so much more in doubt about whether or not I am a good owner!! I no longer compare myself to friends, I compare myself to people who volunteer as foster homes for humane societies and rescues, and people who do agility and other activities with their dogs. 

I should add that I had Pella when I was in my twenties--a time in my life that included poor diet choices and plenty of hangry moments! Now with Lena my diet is better so my own temperament is better. Too bad she's much more bullet proof emotionally than Pella was! Lena is much more equipped to handle any hangry moments I might have. 

It's all a work in progress. I can guarantee you that pretty much any pet you own is going to embarrass you with ill behavior more than once. And it's not a sign of being a crappy dog owner, it's a sign of owning a dog who is a DOG. Just like we are all human. We have to have compassion for ourselves. We also benefit from being comfortable getting support when we need it.

ETA: A quote I heard recently about parenting that I think has a spirit to it that can be applied here: "The only way to not screw 'em up is to not have them, and wouldn't that be sad?"


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## LEUllman (Feb 1, 2010)

Oh heck ya! Hanging out on this forum with "serious" owners like lily_cd is enough to give anyone an inferiority complex. I mean, just look at all those fancy letters after Lily's name! Beau is just, well, Beau! I like to say it's a good thing Beau is (generally) well behaved, because he's sure not well trained! 

Am I going to beat myself up about it? No way. I will never be the best owner in the world, but I do the best I can.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

Such good posts. Yes, I get those thoughts now and then. But not over all. Of course, there are days when my dogs didn't get enough attention or we had to skip a walk... because life is busy sometimes for us humans. There are occasions once in a while when I'm snappy or grumpy as someone mentioned. These cheery little guys keep me pretty up beat. But yeah...as Patricia McConnell says, "there's a catch. (when we're loud or snappy or get cross sometimes) We're primates." There's a reason for this.

When I lived in north Idaho, every day my niece and I took our dogs for walks/hikes in the most glorious places where they could run off leash, go swimming in the lake, just have a ball...everything was right there as we were in the midst of a heavenly place. We use to say to each other..."just think...someone else could own these dogs and they might not be having this great life...this great fun. They might be shut up in some cage all alone all day." Sometimes I feel guilty now because I don't have _as _good places to go hiking...they're here but not so close or easy to access. So those don't happen every day by any means. So I think I'm not giving these dogs as good a life. 

But they do get walks every day or almost every day and here and there we go to more interesting places. They get good food, good care and lots of fun & games-style training (maybe not as much as some) and get to play with toys and each other and me. And visitors. That's pretty fun. 

Anyhow, I'm rambling. I think just thinking about it shows we're all pretty caring about our dogs and they're fine and happy. When we hear and see awful things people do to their poor, poor dogs, it makes me very sad. And I'll look at my spoiled rottens and say, "you are so lucky." I think you must say that to your dogs. I think they are saying so too.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

LEUllman said:


> Oh heck ya! Hanging out on this forum with "serious" owners like lily_cd is enough to give anyone an inferiority complex. I mean, just look at all those fancy letters after Lily's name! Beau is just, well, Beau! I like to say it's a good thing Beau is (generally) well behaved, because he's sure not well trained!
> 
> *Am I going to beat myself up about it? No way. I will never be the best owner in the world, but I do the best I can.*


:adore:


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

LEUllman said:


> Oh heck ya! Hanging out on this forum with "serious" owners like lily_cd is enough to give anyone an inferiority complex. I mean, just look at all those fancy letters after Lily's name! Beau is just, well, Beau! I like to say it's a good thing Beau is (generally) well behaved, because he's sure not well trained!
> 
> Am I going to beat myself up about it? No way. I will never be the best owner in the world, but I do the best I can.


Well I think I will take that as a compliment, but I too suffer from moments of doubt about what is best for my dogs None of us is immune from the syndrome of self doubt doggy parenting.


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## Manxcat (May 6, 2013)

I also think a lot of it is to do with experience - I would so love to have a "do over" with Pippin, but with the knowledge I have now... pretty much 100% thanks to everyone on here!

I made mistakes with her I wouldn't do again, but would hopefully be way more relaxed about everything too... and not sweat the little stuff!!

I don't have human kids but family and friends all say the second is easier than the first just because they're more relaxed about it all, so maybe it's the same with dogs.

First time dog owner with a brainy poodle pup??? :afraid: 
What WAS I thinking!!!


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## Poodlerunner (Jul 4, 2014)

I don't really struggle with this particular guilt even though I have days where I feel like I neglected my poodle.  I'm talking about the days that I was busy with other things. But I feel that we are Piper's family and she could have definitely done worse. Since i keep her in my heart and mind all the time, other than dedicating my ENTIRE self to her, what more could a dog ask for? She has a family that loves her, a comfy bed and good food. I can't offer more than that but I do think she is a lucky poodle. 

I bet the OP's dogs are all lucky dogs too 

I have a good gf that says that guilt is a cancer of the soul. I repeat that to myself a lot and it reminds me to accept not being perfect.

pr


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## mom2Zoe (Jun 17, 2014)

I don't really worry about this.
I have six kids and always feel am doing enough for them? Some days i feel i pretty much suck managing everyone's needs
When it comes to Zoe the only guilt I have is not checking into reputable breeders, being so ignorant.

I am home full time , she is never alone. She lives in a house that is always buzzing with people and excitement. She rarely sleeps during the day because she might miss something.
She gets regular exercise and a good diet.

If it were that simple with kids.... life would be amazing.... I could totally screw them all up causing years of therapy. LOL I never know if my choices are right, i just pray a lot.


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## mom2Zoe (Jun 17, 2014)

Forgot to add that I am sure you are a great mom to you fur babies. We can only do our best , if so then there is nothing to feel guilty about.


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