# Jose` is gone from me



## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

It was inevitable. It always is. And no matter how many times we go through this grief, you'd think we'd get better at it. I was planning to be so brave but before I left, I took all three dogs into the laundry room where I sat on the floor and told the poodles Jose` would not be coming back. I was holding Jose` on my lap because otherwise he'd keep pacing around as he was doing the last several days intensely. I sobbed and the poodles looked at me like...what's wrong? I dried my tears, put Jose` in the crate that was already in the car and off we went. 

I was strong in the car. And we went into the vet's and there was a woman about my age or so with a cute little wire haired terrier mix that was 8 weeks old...just adorable. I had left Jose` in the car while I let them know I was here...he gets a little stressed in the vet's. When the woman learned what I was about to be losing, she handed me her puppy and said, "Here, you need her." She was incredibly sympathetic and nice. We talked and she told me about how she acquired her puppy. Then it was time to go into the room with the vet who brought me a box of Kleenex and a nice, soft blanket for Jose`. A drug to make him very sleepy and finally, really out of it was nice to calm him and to gradually transition me I think. I held him close and stroked his head and told him how he was going to be in a better way soon. I sobbed and I'm sobbing now. And then the final injection and his final sleep. 

He is free now of all that stumbling, uncoordination he was having, the confusion, the walking into things, the far away look and that constant pacing. He does not have to struggle anymore with trying to drink and eat when it wasn't working quite right. It had to be some kind of cancer and it may have lymphatic and/or brain cancer of some sort. 

But all in all, he was a healthy dog all this time. And such a wonderful temperament. He was my constant, dear friend all these years and I will truly miss him. He was such a loyal fella, always waiting for me by the door or on the landing. He didn't have any actual separation anxiety though. He just loved it when I came home. I'll miss his funny little howl. He would howl sometimes in a very high pitch. His little mouth would form the letter, O. lol And he'd put his head back and howl the longest howl. 

He was a super duper retriever...better than my lab any day. He was smart as they come. He learned new things very fast, including potty training. He was one of my best and fastest to catch onto that. He was just a real pleasure all these years. When we'd walk down to the little store 1/2 mile from me in Idaho, people going in and out of the store would say, "Where did you get him? I want one just like that." Haha. He was a byb dog and one of a kind. I never believed he was 100% Chihuahua, although I paid for a Chihuahua and have the registration papers to "prove" it. haha.

Anyhow, the time goes by so fast and they grow old way too soon. I hope you all have a wonderful, long lasting, fulfilling relationship with your dogs. Cherish every day because as you know, it goes by all too fast. And then the miserable day comes when we have to say "good-bye."


I've posted these pictures several times before. But they are what I have of my sweet Jose`.

When I first brought him home to Idaho. I think this was the first day.



With dear old Bonnie Lab. Everyone loved Jose`...dogs, people. He was always such a sweet natured, tender little fella.



Even as a puppy, he was always inquisitive, smart, playful, but calm. 



It's hard to see him there with Bonnie, the Lab, Chulita Chihuahua and Lyric, the Dobe. But they were all friends and we had such great places to hike and play in Idaho. This was at the lake near my house.



This is one of my favorite pictures. His coat is so shiny and his eyes are full of life. 


Taking a break on the golf course on the way back from a hike. Bonnie is the old gal in this picture. 



Bonnie and Jose`on a little trail around the lake that goes along side some cabins. 



In a forested part of my property in Idaho. They were such good little hikers, those Chihuahuas. (anyone who says you can't hike with tiny dogs is very much mistaken. lol. These guys could go for a very long way and loved it all)



Best friends in the world, these two Chi's...such lovely little dogs they were.



Always wanting to get in the act...what a heap of dogs and my son too. lol. His dog, our foster Beagle, chulita is somewhere around there and Jose` wondering where he can fit.



He has been with me for 15 years! That's a long time. Dogs came and went but he kept on truckin'. He always got along so well with everyone. Here, with the most recent family members, the poodles. As puppies, they were, of course, somewhat annoying to the older dogs. But as they simmered down, and everyone got into the groove, they all became very close "brothers."



May 2015



Having fun with his brothers in the field here behind my house



Quite recent...Matisse all snuggled up close. 



This is not that long ago, after a bath, all silly and wanting to play with Maurice, who looks a little bit like, "whoa."


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

*Little Jose`...one more photo.*

Just this last winter. He seemed quite all right then...still lovin' his walks. Usually separate walks but sometimes together with the poodle bros.


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## Skylar (Jul 29, 2016)

You were both lucky to have shared a wonderful 15 years with him. (((HUGS)))


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## zooeysmom (Jan 3, 2014)

Such beautiful memories of this very loved, very special dog. That sweet face, that beautiful color like a grulla horse, that sweet and loving personality. We love you, Jose.


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## LizzysMom (Sep 27, 2016)

There are no words, except, I'm so sorry.


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## Poodlemanic (Jun 27, 2016)

Aw he was so lucky to have you as his owner.What a happy life he had with you. Thinking of you!


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

It is very hard but wonderfully generous to them to know when we need to let them go. I am sorry for your loss.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

It was incredible how fast he declined. I just can't get over it. About a week ago my daughter came to visit and he was restless, but nothing like the way he became. Within a week's time he went from wanting to go out very often, getting a drink very often, getting up and down from the couch often to...this intense and incessent wandering, stumbling, staggering a little but still able to take a walk, getting himself into corners and under chairs and things. I wanted to make sure he had one last little walk just in case he enjoyed it. I really couldn't be sure. His mind was so gone I think. But the sun was out and it was warm against his body as we went across to the sunny side of the street. He seemed to walk a little better where he had open space. But his muscles were very atrophied and his legs were getting weaker. A couple weeks ago compared to just now was a huge change. So it was definitely his time. 

Skylar, I was incredibly lucky to have this one of a kind, darling little dog. 

Yes Zooey'smom...lots of good memories. That's what keeps us afloat, isn't it.

Lily...thank you. It's not generous really. It is just necessary. I would have taken him in yesterday but the vet said, give it another day to make sure and he didn't think he was in any pain or distress. But who knows? He sure was out of it cognitively...though he still knew to go to the door (or the wall next to the door) to be let outside to pee. 

When we get puppies it always seems so neat...we have loads of time left with these little dumplings. But golly gee...it seems like I just got these poodlens and they're already nearly 4 years old!!! I can't believe it. So, yeah...cherish these phenomenal little dumpling gifts while we can...right? 

Thank you so much.:angel:


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## Viking Queen (Nov 12, 2014)

Thank you for sharing your memories and pictures of Jose. He looks like a lovely fellow.  My heart aches for you as I know how terribly difficult this was for you to do. He is at peace now.

Cathy


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## Caddy (Nov 23, 2014)

Oh I loved all the photos of Jose and the others, what a great life this special little soul had. Your description of his howl when you came home was so touching and brought tears to my eyes, my dear Gracie use to do that. These days will be hard ones for you, take care of yourself and lean on us. Hugs PBG


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## oshagcj914 (Jun 12, 2016)

So sorry for your loss  He sounds like he was a well-loved and wonderful guy.


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## marialydia (Nov 23, 2013)

Poodlebeguiled said:


> It was incredible how fast he declined.


Oh Poodlebeguiled, that José declined quickly is surely because your love and care for him were so strong that it helped him ignore his illness. He enjoyed his life and his family, human and animal, until his disease became too strong for him to ignore. And then you did what he needed you to do. Yes, you are right we all go through this; but each loss is awful. Thank you for sharing the photos and memories, and I hope they give you much comfort as you remember José.


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## Dechi (Aug 22, 2015)

I am sorry for your loss. You were a good mommy, he had a good life and a good ending. You didn't let him suffer. Thank you, I am sure that's what he would be saying if he could.

I hope you and the dogs don't feel too lost tonight and for the next days. xxx


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## ArreauStandardPoodle (Sep 1, 2009)

I am deeply sorry for your loss. He had a glorious life with you and will be waiting for you on the other side.


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## MollyMuiMa (Oct 13, 2012)

RIP JOSE! What a loved life he lived! He will always be with you, in anecdotes to share with friends, in photos you've taken, in memories...both good and bad but always yours, to hold in your heart forever. Perhaps right now you will tear up when you think of him, but there will come a time when a thought of him will make you smile...............


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## fjm (Jun 4, 2010)

Grief is inevitable, but he had a long life filled with happiness, fun, kindness and companionship, then just a few days of confusion and mild discomfort before being gently released from a body that was becoming a burden. I hope that all the good memories bring you comfort at this very sad time.


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## twyla (Apr 28, 2010)

I am so sorry for your loss


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## UKpoodle (Jul 22, 2015)

I am so sorry for your loss. What wonderful pictures and stories, they made me shed a tear. Jose was such a lucky guy to have such a loving mummy and doggy family. 
Love and hugs to you at this difficult time xx


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## Sammy the spoo (Jul 7, 2016)

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Please take care of yourself, and thank you for sharing all the memories and the pictures. He sure sounds like a real special guy.


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## TrixieTreasure (May 24, 2015)

I enjoyed the pictures so much. Thank you for sharing the sweet memories. ❤
In time, you'll look at his pictures and smile. My love goes out to you PB.


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## Mfmst (Jun 18, 2014)

Deepest condolences on the loss of your old friend. He will always be in your heart and part of the family history. Rest In Peace, Jose.


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## Beaches (Jan 25, 2014)

Ah honey, I am so sorry. It's losing a piece of yourself each time. What comforts me is knowing that no dog had a better life. Hugs to you from Canada.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

Beaches said:


> Ah honey, I am so sorry. It's losing a piece of yourself each time. What comforts me is knowing that no dog had a better life. Hugs to you from Canada.



That's interesting you should think of that...that comfort that we know our dogs had a terrific life. My niece and I were the only family members who lived there in Priest Lake Idaho. She still does and has for many years. I was there for 10 years. And we use to walk with our dogs together daily. We'd go to various places right there where we lived, sometimes for just an hour walk, sometimes a longer hike. But pretty nearly every morning one of us would call the other and make arrangements to meet someplace. She had a mix breed that was a very nice dog. I always thought he had some hound of some sort in him. Anyhow, getting to the point...(gosh I ramble) we said to each other many times, I can remember specifically one time near the lake like that picture above..."aren't our dogs lucky? Someone else could have gotten them instead and they could be having such and such (some description we'd provide) a life." Here we were with our dogs off leash, rip roaring up trails, going along the trail by the beach which you could walk off and head down to the beach just maybe 1 or 2 hundred feet away. Her dog liked to fetch and go into the lake. It was just the best place for dogs. 

When I moved here, back to Washington, it's been okay but I have to go more out of my way to find new places to hike or walk. Most days we just walk around the neighborhoods. Or in that field behind my house for some off leash fun. They love to go to new and interesting places. When it stops this raining, I know of a neat people park with nice, woodsy trails that I think I'll take the poodles to. I bet it won't have anybody there much this time of year. 

But yes...your thought is my thought and I hope everyone's...that our dogs are and were lucky to have owners who are extra concerned with their welfare and with giving them a great life. I look at dogs (my neighbors) who do nothing with their dogs. They're thrown in the back yard all day while they're at work and I never see them even playing with them back there...never a walk off their little lot, nothing to do it looks like...makes me sad for them. 

Anyhow, I miss Idaho sometimes...how there was such nice places to take the dogs even on my own acreage. But cool mountain trails, long, short, easy, more difficult, beach places. One long trail was in an old growth forest and there was an incredible water fall...then up to the upper lake which was truly pristine. Just an incredible place.

The forests there are really different from here. There's little under brush so you can walk all through them easily. Here's Lyric running around. This had to be spring when there wasn't much snow left or maybe fall before it got too much. In winter you couldn't get up here.



And then we'd get up to a place like this. The cool thing was that it was practically outside my door. We didn't have to travel in the car more than about 2 miles to begin the hike. Nobody was around...very rare to see any human in some of these places. Well, this is getting off topic. Sorry. But yeah...a good life Jose` had. And lots of love. He was easy to love. 




Thank you.


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## Liz (Oct 2, 2010)

Hugs and love to you and everyone in Jose's family.


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## zooeysmom (Jan 3, 2014)

How are you feeling this morning, Pb?


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## rj16 (Jan 30, 2017)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your memories and pictures. It's obvious that he had the kind of quality of life that some dogs can only ever dream of. ((Hugs))


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

zooeysmom said:


> How are you feeling this morning, Pb?


Awww....thanks Zooeysmom. I picture his sweet face when he was alert and responsive, which faded that last week or two and I miss him. I try not to picture how he was that last little while when he was really losin' it. That's not a pretty picture. But when he was healthy and happy. I wish you could have known him. He was really a dog everyone loved. (Yes his color was sort of grulla. He was called "blue.") He had an ever so slight degree of timidity about him...friendly, not held back really...but tender I call it...endearing, a gentle soul. Not boisterous or forward. Kind of reminds me of Maurice, except Maurice is noisy. lol. But he could be very silly and playful too. So yeah...I'm all right Zooeysmom. I try to retain some degree of pragmatism. But I miss him.

I don't know what the poodles think. I can't see them acting much different...not yet anyhow. Of course, they just woke up. Maurice is still in his crate even though I opened their doors. So we'll see how the next few days go...how they appear. I hope they're okay. We'll take a nice walk somewhere fun maybe if it's not pouring. It's been raining a lot lately but not yesterday. It was sunny and breezy. 

Thank you dear heart for asking about me. I'm sad that he's gone but not falling apart. And glad that he has no more struggles. 

(((hugs)))

And thank you each one of you who took the time to send some kindness. You're just wonderful.:hug:



Speaking of freeing them from struggle or pain...a little poem that I wrote when my Doberman, Lyric died. It was sort of therapeutic. But it is applicable to Jose` and all of our dogs when we have to send them off.


Go To Bed 

Go to bed I told the pup, to crawl into his crate,
Go to bed I whispered, it’s time to cross the gate,
Always he was willing, with just ’bout every step,
Always he was trusting, that, I never will forget.

Your work is done, at ease my dear,
No more struggle, no more fear,
You’re free to go, to take your rest,
You know the way, there is no test. 

Rest your head a little while, before you make your run,
And then be free and lively, again beneath the sun.
I shall be a watching, before the light of day,
To see you deary, in my mind, happy and at play.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

rj16 said:


> I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your memories and pictures. It's obvious that he had the kind of quality of life that some dogs can only ever dream of. ((Hugs))



Those dreams...do you think when their legs are running while they're sleeping, that's when they're dreaming about a mountain hike? lol. I think happy dogs dream good dreams and then go tell all their friends about it. 

Thank you for such a nice response.


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## Caddy (Nov 23, 2014)

That's a lovely poem PBG. I'm so glad to hear you're doing good this morning, well as good as you can be after loosing your little Jose. I was telling DH about your loss last night, and then talked about what age I might be when the time comes to say goodbye (it's hard to even think about it) to my girls, the older I get it seems the more devastating these losses are to me. Here's your big HUG for today.


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## Theo'sMom (Mar 23, 2011)

I'm so sad to hear about Jose. I appreciate hearing and seeing photos about his happy and very social, active life with his dog pack and his people. What a beautiful boy, with soulful eyes. Please share more memories as you wish.
:love2:


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## zooeysmom (Jan 3, 2014)

That is such a beautiful poem--made me tear up! I'm glad you and the boys are feeling okay today. :rose: xoxo


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## PixieSis (Aug 18, 2015)

I am so deeply sorry for the loss of Jose. I enjoyed all the photos of him and your other doggies. I'm sure the last week was very difficult but what a lucky guy to have happy, healthy, and long life with you.


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## Asta's Mom (Aug 20, 2014)

What a beautiful tribute to Jose and I loved seeing his pictures - RIP, dear fellow. (((HUGS))) to you and the poodles.


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## Carolinek (Apr 2, 2014)

My deepest sympathies. What a great life he had. You spoke often of him and it was clear he was dearly loved. Take care of yourself and give Matisse and Maurice extra hugs :kiss2:


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## ericwd9 (Jun 13, 2014)

R.I.P. Jose.


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## lisasgirl (May 27, 2010)

I'm so sorry for your loss. You've left a beautiful tribute to him here, and you gave him an even more wonderful life.


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## Quossum (Mar 18, 2011)

He was a handsome little guy! So sorry you lost him. Hugs and supportive thoughts your way!

--Q


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## fjm (Jun 4, 2010)

How are you all today? It is so hard to say goodbye to a friend who has been woven into your life for so many years, even when you know the time has come and it is the only thing to do.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

Oh Fjm...I'm all right. But there's definitely a big presence missing from this house. Every morning when we'd get up and the poodles were still sleeping, (they sleep in later than Jose` and I would get up) Jose` would come in from going potty and it was his extra playful time. He'd get so silly and play bow, hop around, zoom through the living room, spin once, run the other way and just get all goofy and I'd grovel on the floor with him. That was only a matter of weeks ago. He'd then come and rest again right next to me while I had my coffee and computer time. Then at about 8:00 he'd start his pre-meal anticipatory antics. He'd get my attention by clicking his nails on the floor, shifting his weight from the left foot to the right, then pause for a few seconds, then again back and forth about 5 times, then pause to see if I'd respond, over and over to make his nails click. He learned that it got my attention and used it for telling me he had to go outside or he wanted his meal. His nails were pretty short but he had flat feet I guess and he could slap them on the floor and make them click. Breakfast was at about 8:30 and he'd start bugging me way ahead. It annoyed me. But now it's so quiet and I miss that. I miss him. He was such an integral part of my every day. It's hard to get use to him being gone. :sad: But I guess we have to take the bad to have the good.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

*I put away his harness in a drawer. Every day things keep popping up. It's hard to grasp that he's gone. How could that be?*


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## zooeysmom (Jan 3, 2014)

That little guy was such a big part of your life. It will take time to process. Sending you and the poodles a big hug.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

All of our dogs are such a tenacious part of the weave of our fabric. They never _completely_ leave really...And that acceptance of their physical loss is hard to attain and takes some time. But once it seeps in better, it gets easier. 

A couple more poems I wrote that somehow let my pent up feelings get more in front of me. I substituted a few words on What's that to indicate Jose` instead of the original...for Lyric. It's the same for every one of our dogs I think. I think we all probably experience these... or similar feelings.





> What’s that?
> 
> What’s that I hear out in the hall? Are these imaginings?
> I could have sworn I heard the sound of pitter patterings.
> ...






> Conflict With Acceptance
> 
> You’re here beside me in my dreams, lying near the grate,
> How you loved the fire, all snuggled in and yet,
> ...


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## Caddy (Nov 23, 2014)

PBG whatever helps you get through these next few days, weeks and months is ok, it only has to be right for you. I was devasted, really devasted when I lost Gracie and there were people whom I know thought, it's been a week get over it. It was during the early summer when we spend most of our time at the lake, I left her bed in its place at the fire where she spent many happy hours with us. I didn't give a damn what anyone else thought, on our last day there before closing up for the season I sat there with her, said my goodbyes and told her how loved and missed she was. It was my way, and it helped me move on. I needed her bed to be there, silly I know, but that's what felt right for me. So, whatever helps you go through this, is right.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

Awww Caddy...what a sad time you had. I know what you mean about some people not getting it how the loss of a loved and cherished pet is just as hard for some people as losing a human in their life. It's awful when they say things like "it's only a dog." I heard that before. I even wrote something about that. Writing somehow loosens some of those feeling I can't quite get in touch with otherwise...for some reason. It just brings things into focus for me. Your leaving the dog bed out helped you gradually make the transition I guess...you didn't have to completely let every aspect of her go all at once. For some reason, I feel better putting his harness away. Most other things are shared with the poodles. He slept on my bed with me until the last week unfortunately. I felt awful but he would stand up in his confusion and come awfully close to the edge and I thought he could fall off. 

You're so right though...everyone grieves a little differently. It's as individual a process as there can be. And one thing that is really annoying (and sad) is when you find there are people who say, "it's only a dog." Just think what they're missing.

Thank you for your thoughtful post.


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## Poodlemanic (Jun 27, 2016)

Thinking of you, PGG. Geez these things are so hard. Please do whatever it takes to help you through this difficult time... You know Jose would want you to feel better.


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## BorderKelpie (Dec 3, 2011)

It is so heartbreaking to loose such a dear friend. How does such a little guy take such a huge part of your heart when they leave? 
Your poems are beautiful and touching. 

Jose' had a wonderful life thanks to you. I wish you peace and healing.


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## Click-N-Treat (Nov 9, 2015)

I am so sorry for your loss. My eyes share your tears.


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## bigpoodleperson (Jul 14, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss!! I know that he left a huge hole in your heart! Hugs!


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## murphys (Mar 1, 2012)

My condolences. Jose was an intregal part of your family. May your memories of happy times outweigh the last few weeks. It's difficult to lose a family member. I lost Sam (a Siamese) quickly - diagnosed on Thursday with renal failure and we sent him home on Monday. He had had a checkup three months earlier and everything was normal. There won't be another like him.

It will take time to accept your new normal. Take the time you need to grieve and move forward one step at a time. Wishing you the best.


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## allysbff (Mar 17, 2017)

My deepest condolences to you and your family.
You surely have made a lot good and memorable memories with Jose.
He surely is in a good hand now.


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## glorybeecosta (Nov 11, 2014)

So sorry for you I know the feeling. You have beautiful photos to remember him by. We do lose them to soon


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## blueroan (Dec 28, 2015)

So sorry for your loss! It's so difficult when we lose our fur babies, isn't it! Hugs to you and the poodles.


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