# I'm Afraid.



## Indiana (Sep 11, 2011)

First of all, I understand what you're going through, my DH also had brain surgery and it's a long hard road for both of you. But I'm wondering, if it comes to making that terrible decision, if one of us on this forum might be able to help by babysitting your dogs for a while? I know I would LEAP to do that, except that the city that I live in only allows 2 dogs. But if something like that could be worked out, when you see your way clear, you can take your babies back. Also I might be tempted to say, don't panic, there are many ways to cut costs and make a little more money but I'm sure you have already reviewed those endlessly in your brain. I know you're a student, so are there any on-campus jobs you could do that aren't time consuming, in addition to any other work you have? I did janitorial work for a while when my kids were babies so I could stay home with them during the day, and if you get even only a small contract it's quite lucrative. I worked 2 hours a night cleaning a small regional airport and had a contract for $3600 a month...more when they taught me how to test aviation gas samples. So those kinds of things might help you out? My heart goes out to you! If any of us can be of any help, you know we would love to contribute.


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## Carley's Mom (Oct 30, 2011)

I agree, If I had to come up with extra $$$ to keep my dogs , I could find a way. Get rid of the cell phone, internet ect. I am going to believe that you can find away to keep your family together. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Keep positive, what you think about, comes about...


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## MaryLynn (Sep 8, 2012)

Right now I am also looking at putting my education on hold and going back to work. Exams end over the course of the next few weeks, and I am hoping I will find something that allows me to be there for the DH and the dogs.

I know for a fact that my father would take my terrier for me, actually, mostly anyone who knows him will. I am much more worried about Gryphon, as he is a complicated little man--and much more work since he is such a puppy, and learning the world. Not to mention, all that hair! 

I would be more than open to help locally, with some baby-sitting. 

Thank you so much for your suggestion, and upbeat outlook. It helps to know there are people nearby willing to lend a hand.


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## Indiana (Sep 11, 2011)

I must admit my brain started wheeling, now how could I sneak in a 3rd dog? ha,ha. This is just brain storming, but what if your hubby stayed in the U.S. for a bit and threw himself in the arms of the public health system for the surgery so you wouldn't have to pay for it? Or, I'm not sure at what point you are in the immigration process but possibly he could do that here in Canada? I guess you'll find out what your options are at your appointment. Oh, and is this appointment with an immigration lawyer? Because sometimes you can get an appointment just for a first time consultation really reasonably or free, just to see if they can help.


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## MaryLynn (Sep 8, 2012)

Carley's Mom said:


> I agree, If I had to come up with extra $$$ to keep my dogs , I could find a way. Get rid of the cell phone, internet ect. I am going to believe that you can find away to keep your family together. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Keep positive, what you think about, comes about...


I think it might be difficult for some to understand, the surgery as we're being told will be well over 150,000. I am going to throw this figure out there, not to be negative, but as a better explanation of my logic.

If the payments we have to make on that amount are greater than all our income and sacrificed luxuries combined, then I am afraid all of the optimism in the world will not help. Not that I do not agree with your sentiment, but I like to er on the side of caution--I need a contingency plan for them.

I won't know more about that until mid month. We are hoping that we will be able to have some fees and costs waived, and be given a low monthly payment. 

I just want a backup plan, as I don't want to be stuck in a moment of panic. I don't want the dogs to suffer because of lack of care or planning.


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## MaryLynn (Sep 8, 2012)

Indiana said:


> I must admit my brain started wheeling, now how could I sneak in a 3rd dog? ha,ha. This is just brain storming, but what if your hubby stayed in the U.S. for a bit and threw himself in the arms of the public health system for the surgery so you wouldn't have to pay for it? Or, I'm not sure at what point you are in the immigration process but possibly he could do that here in Canada? I guess you'll find out what your options are at your appointment. Oh, and is this appointment with an immigration lawyer? Because sometimes you can get an appointment just for a first time consultation really reasonably or free, just to see if they can help.


I have been calling/writing the MP/Mpp trying to find out what can be done here in Canada. We are hopefully exactly two weeks away from getting his interview for his residency. My local Mpp office believes that we can then fast forward his OHIP application (there is normally a 3 month wait period). If he leaves before that date, we have to start his application over again (although, in the interest of saving hundreds of thousands of dollars, I am more than willing-he wants to wait and see). 

The appointment is with the neurosurgeon, our immigration lawyer appointment is not until the end of the month. 

I know that there is a lot of healthcare reform happening in the USA, but according to the DH, and his mother (they have taken the responsibility of researching the US options) it would actually cost MORE there? 

I should probably see for myself.


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## Cailin77 (Jul 21, 2012)

MaryLynn said:


> I know for a fact that my father would take my terrier for me, actually, mostly anyone who knows him will. I am much more worried about Gryphon, as he is a complicated little man--and much more work since he is such a puppy, and learning the world. Not to mention, all that hair!


The fact that you would have a home for your terrier is really good news! Honestly, I think even a poodle in "difficult teenage" stage would be really easy to place. I hope it doesn't come to that, but poodles are a very sought after, and never seem to be in rescues long. 

I hope everything with your husband's health care is resolved quickly!


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## carole (Apr 4, 2013)

*Medical costs...*

Hi MaryLynn: I am also in Ontario. I have never heard of anyone being charge for medical care? If you are married your husband should be covered by OHIP? Maybe I could help with some legal issues, but I dont want to pry.
Carole


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## MaryLynn (Sep 8, 2012)

No, he's not covered. He could have been covered, but he did not do some things he was supposed to do, however that issue is one of a more private matter and has caused a large strain on our relationship, which I do not want to bring about publicly. Long story short, he just simply did not do most of the things he needed to to--and I will never get an answer as to why.

He will be covered once he is a resident. There is some interim healthcare coverage, however, it's for refugees. 

I am absolutely more than willing to accept any advice, or discuss any legal options--although I would prefer to do so via pm 

It really means a lot to me to be receiving so many thoughtful and kind advice and sentiment.


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## Qarza (Feb 23, 2013)

I can't offer you anything here except my best wishes and prayers. I do hope things work out for you and people much closer than me are able to help.. I understand how afraid you must be. I would be terrified.


Sent from Petguide.com App


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## NorthJerseyGirrl (Aug 15, 2011)

What a scary, stressful situation. I can only imagine the fear you are in right now. I hope you start to see some light at the end of the tunnel soon!

If it is at all possible, I suggest you try to envision you guys all making it through this together. I know for myself, no matter how terrible a situation I was experiencing, it would be worse without my dogs and my cats, and I don't think the pain and guilt I would feel if I gave them away would ever leave me (even if I knew they found good homes). If you are angry with your DH now, how much angrier would you be if his carelessness cost you your beloved pets? 

Here there are charities that help with pet food costs and I think some vetswould also do their best to help. The idea of a friend or PF member dogsitting for you seems great too. 

I wish you all the best. Please keep posting for the moral support you will receive here.


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## Oreo's Mommy (Dec 18, 2012)

How stressful. I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. I truly believe that you are a wonderful dog mother and only want what is best for your babies. Relationships are difficult...even in the best of situations. I hope there is a way for you to keep your pups so they can bring you comfort during this trying time.


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## Chagall's mom (Jan 9, 2010)

*Mary Lynn:* I am terribly sorry for the overwhelming and frightening situation you and your husband are facing. I'm glad you trust us enough to let us try to help. I am convinced through the network of good people, breeders, rescues and resources here on the forum things can be managed as they pertain to Gryphon. It sounds like you're doing a masterful job of trying to get things in order for your husband and his care. He's in good hands with you. Despite this health condition, he's a lucky man.

You are brave and wise to share this. The more poodle heads mulling over the options for and with you, the better. Things must seem insurmountable right now. But they are not. There is always a way to make things better, or at least to lighten the load. Lots of minds are spinning about just how to do that now. You have more support than you know. As an old married hag, I offer this unsolicited advice: each party to a couple makes an occasional misstep, and at some time or another we all need forgiveness or extra TLC. Continue to do your best along those lines. You are a bright, strong, determined young woman. You WILL get through this. So will your dogs and your hubby. I look forward to the time when I can say, "See, I told you so!" My thoughts are with you and I'm pondering what I can do to help you. Try to take of yourself. You a very important to many people and four-legged beings. Giant cyber hug! :hug:


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## Carley's Mom (Oct 30, 2011)

MaryLynn, I was not thinking that those small changes in your income could pay your medical bills. I was trying to think of ways to cover the cost of your dogs . I think it would be in your and your husbands best interest to not give up your dogs. You would resent him if that happens. Sending you some love... so sorry you are going through all this.


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## Locket (Jun 21, 2009)

Carley's Mom said:


> MaryLynn, I was not thinking that those small changes in your income could pay your medical bills. I was trying to think of ways to cover the cost of your dogs . I think it would be in your and your husbands best interest to not give up your dogs. You would resent him if that happens. Sending you some love... so sorry you are going through all this.


It may be in her best interest to keep the dogs, but is it in the dogs' best interest??


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## MaryLynn (Sep 8, 2012)

That's the point I turn over in my head. I don't want them to have a life all cooped up because everyone is working and stressing. I'd like them to be able to participate in all of the things I had planned for them, like agility, swimming, etc. They're both really young, too. I am really sensitive to the idea that they spend their entire lives not living out their short years full of the most fun possible. 

@Carley'smom, I know you weren't, I know exactly what you meant--I just wanted to communicate that I feel the same way, but that I just feel this situation looming over me.  

@Debbie, I am so glad I joined PF. I don't know what I would be doing right now without this support network. Everyone's thoughts and comments is more emotional support than I could have ever hoped for. 

As everyone has recommended, I must keep positive, and I am doing my very best to do so. A nice long walk with my boys is in order, I think.

Thank you everyone, so much.


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## CT Girl (Nov 17, 2010)

Words are inadequate to express how upset and worried I am for you and your husband. I am not worried about your dogs because I know you will look out for their best interests. At this point there are too many things up in the air to make informed decisions. I hope your husband's medical costs will be covered by Canada or that you will receive compassionate aid. Your husband's condition sounds very serious so I don't know if having a dog in the house is practical. I very much admire than in the midst of this you are more concerned about your dogs and your husband. I don't know if this is applicable to your husband but when I was very sick I was unable to have the energy to do things that needed to be done and at times I could not think straight. I do hope that we will be able to come up with something to help you. You will be in my prayers.


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## MollyMuiMa (Oct 13, 2012)

Dear, Dear, MaryLynn,
My heart goes out to you......I'm sure you know how concerned we are, but I also know this PF Family (if 'push' comes to 'shove') will be there for you in whatever capacity needed!
If I weren't in Calif. I myself would be rushing over to do the 'Nana thing' to try and make things a little easier! 
All I can do is give you some long distance hugs and a "You'll get through this" 
speech and wish it were more.....
Chagall's Mom is right as far as Gryphon goes, you'll have plenty of options!
So, my dear young lady, who I know is so strong and brave....know that when I wish on my star tonight I'll include a wish for you and yours to be well & taken care of!
:hug:

Laurel & Molly


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## Vixen (May 31, 2011)

I am so sorry for your situation. I just want to say, don't make any rash decisions. Wait for all the answers before deciding the dogs have to go. I don't know anything about Canadian stuff, but I do know that in the states that kind of thing would be covered for lower income people and I imagine Canada must have similar programs. I know you have big happy plans for your dogs, but I bet those are YOUR plans and the dogs will be just as happy hanging out on the couch with you and the hubby when you get a chance. Being together is generally all dogs really care about, nothing else matters to them but loving you. I don't know your entire situation, but even if you work 8hrs a day the dogs will still relish the time they get with you, perhaps even more than they would otherwise. Of course, only you know what is best for all of you.


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## cindyreef (Sep 28, 2012)

In Canada, it does not matter what your income is . We are all covered, period. We do not pay for necessary surgery etc. It baffles my mind how some ones husband, wife etc (no matter what country they are from) could possibly not be covered. I have family that are married to US and Australian citizens. And there is no problems. As she indicated there was a mistake on his part and I don't want to inquire because that may be a private matter. 

I wish I lived closer to help out with your spoo. I always look at your photo and giggle at how much he looks like my Dexter. Even though Im in another province, if there is anything I can do pls do not hesitate to ask. I will try to help. I hope you get to keep your dogs. Im hoping somebody can keep them for a few months while you are too busy for them.


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## Petitpie'sDH (Mar 22, 2013)

Dear MaryLynn,
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Petitpie and I agonized over issues like this when she was going through her protracted illness. Would our three spoos have a quality life with us if she was sick and I had to spend so much of my time caring for her? Should we try to find new homes for them? Should we put them in rescue? What if her illness drained our finances? So I know what you are going through and my heart goes out to you. Unfortunately, our situation somewhat resolved itself with Petitpie's death only two short weeks ago. Now, I worry about the spoos if something should happen to me, so I am trying to address that contingency also. Try to take things one small step at a time so that the situation doesn't overwhelm you. I know that in a worst case scenario you could find a new home or a rescue for your beloved spoo, but we all pray that won't happen. Also, please try to be understanding and forgiving of your DH. I'm sure he had reasons for his actions or inactions and his condition may have played a part in that also. I know that Petitpie was not herself during her illness and I sometimes had to tell myself that it was her illness acting, not her. Try to make it through these difficult times together. I am so far away from you that I don't know what I can do to help other than to offer my prayers for all of you. The PF members are a great source of support in hard times as I have found out.


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## sulamk (Nov 5, 2011)

Mary lyn i send you love and light and big hugs. Unfortunately I live half a world away, but please dont underestimate the power and vibes of a forum like this, also due to time differences there will always be someone to talk too day and night. Xxx


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## sweetheartsrodeo (Sep 19, 2012)

My dear dear friend. I can offer no advice, or anything of the sort... I can say if there is anything I can do please let me know  You are an amazing, strong, smart, and wonderful lady who will come through all of this with flying colors. This mishap may even bring you and DH closer together. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, not only for the outcome of the situation but for your dear hubby's health.


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## ArreauStandardPoodle (Sep 1, 2009)

Mary Lynn:

My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope everything works out for you. Have you exhausted the MP, MPP route? They are usually extremelyy helpful. How long does it take after your hubby's arrival before he is considered a citizen?

If you need to re-home Gryphon, I would be happy to post him on my FB page and my Arreau FB page.


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## Lea (Oct 20, 2012)

Hi MaryLynn

Obviously lots of kind words, love and support here on the pf. I sent you a pm. Take care friend.


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## Abbe gails Mom (Nov 8, 2012)

Dear one, You know were all here for you, and will help you any way that we can, and with as much as we can, Were here.


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## ChantersMom (Aug 20, 2012)

I pray it all works out for you..


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## MaryLynn (Sep 8, 2012)

ArreauStandardPoodle said:


> Mary Lynn:
> 
> My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope everything works out for you. Have you exhausted the MP, MPP route? They are usually extremelyy helpful. How long does it take after your hubby's arrival before he is considered a citizen?
> 
> If you need to re-home Gryphon, I would be happy to post him on my FB page and my Arreau FB page.


I don't think the MP/MPP route is completely worn out, however, they've taken my issue as far as they can at the moment--I have been waiting for a call back for over a week. It's nerve racking for sure, waiting for all of these calls that don't seem to come. 

He will be a resident right after his paperwork finalizes/he passes his interview. As a resident he gets all of the healthcare luxuries. I think 3 years time has to be passed as a resident for citizenship? However I think some of the time he has already spent being here/contributing counts towards it.

Thank you for your offer about Gryphon, it's my dearest hope that I can keep him, though.

I don't know if I could handle the anger I would feel losing him over a mistake like this.


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## sarahmurphy (Mar 22, 2012)

MaryLynn,
Thank you for your honesty, and for sharing with us what is going on with you. While I certainly don't know enough to be useful in the situation, know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.


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## N2Mischief (Dec 3, 2012)

If it ever came down to it, I think a foster would be the best situation. In other words a long term sitter until you were able to take him back. I am in California, and would be more than willing to keep him as long as you need. I have fostered MANY. But most likely if it did come down to you having to place him for awhile you would be able to find someone wonderful on this forum who would be more than willing and much closer to you. 

I'm wishing for all the best for you, your husband and your furry family too!


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## Spooluvr (Feb 5, 2012)

Mary Lynn I want to applaud you for thinking ahead for the care and well being of your spoo. I'm too far away and don't have the means to help otherwise I would.
Many years ago I had to give up my German Shepherd, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but at the time it was the right thing for him. I had started to work in the yachting industry then and was gone too much, it wasn't fair to him he wasn't living the life I wanted him to have. Luckily a gal who worked in the vet's office always admired him and his temperament took him. Her family used to raise them and she lived on a farm. He got to live the rest of his days on a farm playing with her 2 dogs and her little girl who adored him. He got the life he deserved.

So while I hope you don't have to, it's good you're getting your ducks in a row if it comes down to that decision.


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## carole (Apr 4, 2013)

Hi Mary Lynn: In case you need some help with your Poodle can you post some details? I am hoping you can get it all sorted out. 

Just a thought re the medical condition. You know we have all sorts of organisations here that might be able to help. Carole


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## carole (Apr 4, 2013)

Hi Mary Lynn: Being new to this forum I have not figured out how it works yet.... Or the P.M. part. Here are a few suggestions regarding the medical costs.
Hospital board of Directors in London. call for an appointment with the chairman.
Speak to the neurosurgeon himself regarding his fee.
and all the doctors who would be involved.
Any clubs or organisations such as Shrinners, Masons, Rotory etc.etc.
If your husband was in the Military
Out of country insurance such as Blue Cross.
Carole


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## MaryLynn (Sep 8, 2012)

Thank you Carole, those are great suggestions.


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## CT Girl (Nov 17, 2010)

We are all pulling for you MaryLynn. I pray that one of the many suggestions pan out for you.


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## Chagall's mom (Jan 9, 2010)

*MaryLynn*: I have not stopped thinking of your situation. I continue to wish you well as you navigate it. I wonder if it would be useful for you to explore getting help with medical costs from Online Fundraising to Help with Medical Bills | GiveForward
Why GiveForward | GiveForward if need be? I don't have any experience with the site or others like it, I just know some people are very inventive and creative in getting help and thought maybe this would be something to consider. I am convinced keeping your pooches with you _no matter what_ will be doable! If you find you need respite care for them, I really believe it can be arranged. One step at a time, though, for now. Wondering if your hubby has seen the neurosurgeon and if there's any further direction for his care? Please pop in when you are able!:hug:


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

Oh MaryLynn, I didn't see this thread until this morning. I was away from my computer when you first posted. I am so, so sorry for what you are going through. You are an infinitely sensible person and I am sure that your planning here will be an asset to you. I am hoping for the best for you. Lily and Peeves send their love to Bruce, Gryphon, you and DH.


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## MaryLynn (Sep 8, 2012)

Hello everyone! So the 18th has come (and nearly passed!), and I finally know more about the situation.

We met with our neurosurgeon today, and signed the consent forms and the paper work for his surgery has begun. 

We got to look at all of his scans, and what we're looking at is an an Aneurysmal bone cyst. 

We have been advised that we have the time to wait for a few more months for the residency paperwork to finally come through (I expected the papers to come this week the earliest, they have not arrived yet). 

So right now we're just grateful that we are dealing with something that is benign, and unless the symptoms change we can afford ourselves a few months of time. 

We learned a lot about the surgery, there are a few complications that can arise, but we've been assured that they're quite rare. The DH should only have to take off two to three weeks of work after surgery for recovery.

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and kind words. The support I have received on these forums has staggered me. 

-Mary-Lynn


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## Locket (Jun 21, 2009)

That's amazing news!


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## Chagall's mom (Jan 9, 2010)

*MaryLynn*, I am so glad to hear you got encouraging news! It sounds like everything is going to workout okay, _thank you so much_ for letting us know. My well wishes follow you and your dh.:clover:


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## MaryLynn (Sep 8, 2012)

You're welcome, we are both very happy right now. It's a good day.


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## Qarza (Feb 23, 2013)

Never give up hope. One day something good will happen. And it has. That is such good news. I am sure you are breathing easier. I certainly am. I am am pleased for you. I too found out this week that I didn't have cancer and what a load it took off me. All my love to you and your family.


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## ArreauStandardPoodle (Sep 1, 2009)

MaryLynn, I am so happy for you!!! What incredible news! Thanks so much for this great update.


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

MaryLynn that is great news. Qarza you too, glad to hear things are looking better for both of you. This community is just the best. I am not at all surprised that people were as concerned and rooting for you as they have been. Lily and I spent real world time with Chagall and his mom last week. They are even nicer in person than on PF!


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## Dallasminis (Feb 6, 2011)

Happy for your and your poos! Fabulous news! 

Quarza, hurray for your news also. Let's all celebrate!


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## N2Mischief (Dec 3, 2012)

Whoooo hooooo!!! So happy for you!


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## Petitpie'sDH (Mar 22, 2013)

MaryLynn and Qarza, I am so glad for your good news. It brought tears of happiness to my eyes, and I know that my Petitpie would want me to add her angelic blessings upon you also.


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## Indiana (Sep 11, 2011)

That's so awesome!! I have been thinking of you; bet you gave your dogs a big hug! Right after your DH of course  Well, bet you feel exhausted with relief but hope you have a great celebration after that good news. And yay for Qarza!!! SUCH good news


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## MollyMuiMa (Oct 13, 2012)

Gosh I love good news!!!! So happy for you and DH! I think your springtime has arrived
cuz things seem sunnier!!!


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## schnauzerpoodle (Apr 21, 2010)

YAY! I'm so happy to hear about this. This is definitely some good news.

Keep the good news coming~


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## CT Girl (Nov 17, 2010)

MaryLynne I am so relieved and happy to hear your good news. Your husband is a very lucky man to have you as it is apparent you were willing and prepared to do everything needed - leave school, work crazy hours, and even give up your beloved dog to help him get through this. You are amazing.

Qarza, I am so happy for you. You never know what is going behind the scenes with others on the forum. I am celebrating your good news.

Today is a very good day. :cheers2: :clap2: :clover: :dancing::drum:


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## MaryLynn (Sep 8, 2012)

I thought I would give a little update as to how we are doing.

So far we have not seen our paperwork come in, so Adam still has not had his interview for residency-so no health coverage yet. 

He is doing well however!

We have good news!

Our little family of four (the dogs, and the two of us-of course!) will be moving at the end of the month to a house!

No more apartment living! The boys get their own yard! 

Things are starting to look up for us


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## cindyreef (Sep 28, 2012)

Oh I am so happy to hear that. The dogs will be very happy too.


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## Qarza (Feb 23, 2013)

That is good news. Thanks for the update.


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## Chagall's mom (Jan 9, 2010)

Delighted to hear such happy news, MaryLynn! I'm so very pleased for you, Adam and "the boys."* Congratulations!* May good health and prosperity follow you in your new home, and everything you plant in your garden grow with gusto!:rose:


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## Dallasminis (Feb 6, 2011)

Oh, you and the poos will have such fun in a house with a yard! Congrats!


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## NorthJerseyGirrl (Aug 15, 2011)

Happy news all around. Congratulations and thanks for letting us know!


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## carole (Apr 4, 2013)

*Update*



MaryLynn said:


> I thought I would give a little update as to how we are doing.
> 
> So far we have not seen our paperwork come in, so Adam still has not had his interview for residency-so no health coverage yet.
> 
> ...


Great news - keep up the good work!


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## Indiana (Sep 11, 2011)

Oh I'm so happy for you! So instead of things going sideways, they are actually improving! Good for you!


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## MollyMuiMa (Oct 13, 2012)

Thank You for your update! Especially since it is GOOD NEWS!!! So happy for you and your little family......blessings to you all!


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

Thanks for the great news update. I am sure all things will come together for you. I hope the paperwork comes along soon, so Adam can get his health in order. I am very sure that Bruce and Gryphon will be thrilled to have a yard of their own.


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## CT Girl (Nov 17, 2010)

I am so happy for you. After all the stress and worry things are finally turning your way. I will be relived when you have the paperwork in hand, hopefully you will get that any day now.


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## Petitpie'sDH (Mar 22, 2013)

I'm glad some things are working out for you. Hopefully the other things will also fall into place. Hugs and prayers coming your way.


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