# At the ER with Tangee



## nifty (Aug 2, 2013)

Oh no!! Sending warm and comforting energy to you TinyPoodles!


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## Viking Queen (Nov 12, 2014)

Oh, dear! I am so sorry.....my heart and prayers are with you both.

Viking Queen


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## PoodlePaws (May 28, 2013)

Prayers for you both.


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## Poodlerunner (Jul 4, 2014)

Tangee, your mother loves you sooo much. Hugs, Tiny Poodles.

pr


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## Rachel76 (Feb 3, 2014)

Hang in there tinypoodles, you take amazing care of your girls and they know it. :hug:


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## sweetheartsrodeo (Sep 19, 2012)

Prayers and healing thoughts coming your way.


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## UKtwa (Jan 8, 2015)

sending positive vibes


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

I am so sorry for Tangee Tiny. I do hope she'll be okay. It is so scary and hard when our dogs are sick or injured. Sending positive vibes that she'll be okay.


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## Shamrockmommy (Aug 16, 2013)

So sorry, Tiny! Update us when you can! (((hugs)))


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## Nicofreako (Aug 19, 2013)

Thinking of you and sending healing and loving thoughts to you and Tangee.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Have not seen the cardiologist yet, but the residents tell me that she has fluid in her abdomen and crackle sounds in her lungs.
Please God, give me the strength, if they can't make her better.....


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## nifty (Aug 2, 2013)

Thank you for the update. You and Tangee are staying in my thoughts! Sending much poodle love to Tangee.


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## Shamrockmommy (Aug 16, 2013)

Deep breaths, Momma! She has had a wonderful life, with the best love and care. If you have to come to that decision, it's the kindest one. ((((hugs))))


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## ChantersMom (Aug 20, 2012)

Thinking of you and keeping my fingers crossed!


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## Nora O (Sep 27, 2013)

Having just went through this, I know how hard it is. Prayers for you both.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Just spoke to the cardiologist and she thinks that she may be able to help her enough that she can comfortably come home. Will know in about an hour after she does ultrasound and X-rays...


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## sparkyjoe (Oct 26, 2011)

Sending prayers!


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## Suddenly (Aug 8, 2013)

Sorry hope all goes well. Thinking ing of you.?


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## ericwd9 (Jun 13, 2014)

Hang in there Tangee we're all root'in for you.
Eric and Gracie


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

Oh I am so sorry you are at this crossroads. I hope the cardiologist is able to do something really effective for your dear girl.


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## Poodlerunner (Jul 4, 2014)

hoping, hoping, hoping

pr


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

Prayers are with both of you.


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## patk (Jun 13, 2013)

hoping for the best of all possible outcomes.


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## Mfmst (Jun 18, 2014)

Hope and prayers your way.


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## MollyMuiMa (Oct 13, 2012)

Hoping the best for Tangee.............and peace of mind for you...Blessings to you both!


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

I am home now just to check on the other two - going back at 4:00 to bring Tangee home! The cardiologist feels that she should be back to herself within 48 hours, and she is hopeful that we can maintain her well for some time with Lasix added and draining her abdomen maybe every few months. If her kidneys can handle the Lasix, but so far her bloodwork is good. 
So please keep up the poodle prayers for her - it seems to be working!


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## Naira (Jan 9, 2015)

Praying


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## Poodlerunner (Jul 4, 2014)

Good going Tangee! Keep up the good work.

pr


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## twyla (Apr 28, 2010)

Sending prayers for Tangee


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## Nicofreako (Aug 19, 2013)

Oh happy day - oh happy dance! I will keep sending my my loving, health saturated thoughts to Tangee!


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## fjm (Jun 4, 2010)

Stay strong little Tangee!


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

Aww I am happy that you have a ray of sunshine at the end of this long day. I wish Tangee happy easy days and hope for as many of them together with you, her sisters and DH.


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## The Opera Poodle (Dec 19, 2012)

Sending you a cyber hug. What an intense time for you. Best wishes.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

It sounds like what Chulita went through....diuretics and something else carried her along for quite some time until the disease got the best of her. But you and she can have some quality time together for a while. It's very hard. I'm sorry for anyone going through this miserable disease. It sucks. Poor little dog. At least she'll be made relatively comfortable for a while.


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

Good to hear she's going home! Prayers are still with you to help maintain her health.


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## mom2m (Dec 24, 2014)

So glad to read the positive update.

Sending hugs to the whole family. Having recently been there, keep in mind Tangee KNOWS she is loved and that you will always make the best decision for her. No matter how hard the decision is on you. Love her and enjoy her.

(((HUGS)))


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## AngelAviary (Aug 12, 2014)

Thats a tough little girl Tangee! Sending healing loving hugs and vibes your way. Hope she keeps improving each and every day. Treasure every day with her and know we are here for you what ever you may need!


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## sweetheartsrodeo (Sep 19, 2012)

Sending positive poodle vibes from Remington, Jackson, and me in Texas. I am so happy she is coming home and the news is good. Happy dances in Killeen for you all!


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## Carolinek (Apr 2, 2014)

So happy she was able to go home! There is nothing like being in your own home surrounded by loved ones. I hope Tangee will enjoy some good time, sending healing vibes down the Hudson!


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Tangee is gone.


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## patk (Jun 13, 2013)

tiny, i can't believe it. i am so sorry. omg.


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## twyla (Apr 28, 2010)

I'm so sorry


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

OMG What happened? I'm so sorry. I know we've had our differences but I want you to know I feel for you very much right now. This is heart breaking. What the heck? I thought she'd be okay for a while at least. I'm just so sorry that this happened.


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## Lily's-Mom (May 31, 2012)

Oh, TinyPoodles, I am so so sorry. Keeping you in my thoughts.

_What we have once enjoyed  we can never lose;
 All that we love deeply, 
becomes a part of us. 
-Helen Keller_


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## cindyreef (Sep 28, 2012)

This is so sad. Sorry for your loss. Its so obvious how much you love her. I do believe dogs are in heaven and she is in a great place. I hope you can take some comfort in that.


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## liljaker (Aug 6, 2011)

I am so so very sorry for your loss. This must be a most difficult time for you -- take comfort in all the PF thoughts coming your way.


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## PoodlePaws (May 28, 2013)

RIP sweet Tangee. ? Things sure can change quickly. Poor girl. Big hugs from me. All of you will be in my prayers and in my heart during this difficult time. ❤


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## Mfmst (Jun 18, 2014)

Excellent news! I hope she's comfortable and in good spirits soon. Bet she's happy to be home. Yay!


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## Mfmst (Jun 18, 2014)

OMG! I am so shocked. So sorry.


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## KidWhisperer (Apr 3, 2012)

Oh no, I am truly sorrowful to hear this!!! You took such gentle and fervent care of that little dog that I know she couldn't have had a better life anywhere else than with you. So, so sorry.


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## ChantersMom (Aug 20, 2012)

Oh My, that is so sad....So sorry to hear the news.


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## nifty (Aug 2, 2013)

Oh no, no. I am so sorry to read this, Tiny Poodles. RIP little Tangee. She was so loved. Wishing you peace and comfort, Tiny.


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## MollyMuiMa (Oct 13, 2012)

Tiny Poodles said:


> Tangee is gone.



I read these words and started to cry with you............................
So, so, deeply sorry for you. I can only hope you find peace in knowing she went quickly, without prolonging her pain. It was 'her time', and although it wasn't yours, it is, I'm sure a relief to know she will not have to suffer. Bless you all for giving her the great life she had!:love2:


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## Mfmst (Jun 18, 2014)

Apologies, I had only read to the part of dear Tangee coming home with medications. I am so sorry for your loss, Tiny. It's so hard to lose a wonderful dog. Deepest condolences that this was her time. RIP Tangee


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## The Opera Poodle (Dec 19, 2012)

So so very sorry. Can't even find words


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## mom2m (Dec 24, 2014)

My heart is breaking for you. I know how difficult this is, when your darling crosses the rainbow bridge. Take comforting in knowing that Tangee loved you and was loved by you. 

Take care of yourself. Thinking of you, sending support, love an prayers.


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## Oreo's Mommy (Dec 18, 2012)

My eyes are full of tears. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope your good memories of your times together help you get through this difficult time. My heart aches for you. I will keep you in my prayers.


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## hopetocurl (Jan 8, 2014)

Oh, Tiny, I just read the thread. I am so sorry to hear of Tangee. I know you are devastated. Godspeed, Tangee! Namaste.


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## Charmed (Aug 4, 2014)

So sorry that Tangee had to leave so soon. It is always too soon. Hugs.


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## Poodlerunner (Jul 4, 2014)

RIP sweet Tangee. You are very loved by your mamma and sisters and the PF family. 

pr


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## poodlecrazy#1 (Jul 2, 2013)

To my understanding Tinypoodles was on her way home from the ER with Tangee and Tangee passed before they were able to get there. I am sure she needs some time to herself to grieve the loss of Tangee. Hopefully when she is ready she will update PF.


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

I am so so sorry to hear this turn of events. You cared for her so well and lovingly. My prayers are with you during this difficult time.


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## Suddenly (Aug 8, 2013)

I am so very sad to hear about Tangee. You loved her with all your heart, as Tangee loved you. We are all here for you. Please take care. We love you.


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## Streetcar (Apr 13, 2014)

TinyPoodles, I am so very, very sorry for your loss and send condolences. When you posted earlier I had a strong feeling your precious Tangee was being called Home today, but then later things sounded more hopeful. I'm not able to post during the workday and was in meetings until after you posted she had departed to the Bridge.

During the day I prayed for you and Tangee. How I wish she could have stayed longer, and in a fully comfortable state.

Tangee lived her whole life knowing your love and gentle care. In time, I can imagine you may come to consider what she will in turn offer at the Bridge, thanks to her life with you.


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## Viking Queen (Nov 12, 2014)

You were the very best Mom she could have ever had. You took such good care of your girl, now is the time to take care of yourself for a little while.

My heart is with you in this difficult time. Prayers continue for you to have a peaceful heart soon.

Viking Queen


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## PoodleMom (Nov 19, 2009)

I am so very sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers.


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## ericwd9 (Jun 13, 2014)

Tangee, will be waiting for you, one day. She might guide you to another, tiny soul, in the future. You will never forget her but you will learn to live without her. My heart goes out to you. My prayers go on to another place. We all go though this at some time or another. It is never easy.
Eric.


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## Naira (Jan 9, 2015)

I am sooooo sorry to hear this. I'm tearing up.

Tangee left knowing she was loved. Tangee held on until little Timi was 1 year old so she could play with her and train her and teach her how to be a good dog for you and her other sister. She is such a good girl and had an amazing life. So many dogs are bounced around through different homes, abandoned abused etc. and Tangee got to spend so many years with a loving owner and poodle-sisters. She was so blessed and we will never forget her


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## Rachel76 (Feb 3, 2014)

Tinypoodles, words just can't express how painful it is to lose such a wonderful and important family member. I'm so sorry.


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## fjm (Jun 4, 2010)

I am so very sorry. She knew love and loving kindness her whole life, and gave love and joy in return - I hope when the first shock and desolation begin to pass there is some comfort in knowing that you did everything possible, and that she knew your love to the very end.


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## Manxcat (May 6, 2013)

Oh Tiny, I am gutted for you. 

Tangee was the luckiest poodle to have such a wonderful fabulous Mom, as you were so lucky to have her. What amazing care you have taken of her, and now it is your turn to be taken care of. 

Cuddle Teaka and Timi, your DH, friends and family, and know that you gave Tangee the most lovely life and she is now just out of sight but will always be with you in your heart.

Big hugs honey, xxx


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## JudyD (Feb 3, 2013)

Oh, Tinypoodles, I'm so, so sorry. You're in my thoughts.


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## Bizzeemamanj (Apr 14, 2014)

I'm so sorry for your devastating loss. May you find comfort in the days ahead knowing she was as loved as a poodle could possibly be.


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## mom2Zoe (Jun 17, 2014)

So sorry to hear! You were a great mom to her.


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## Pamela (Sep 9, 2008)

awwww is she gonna be all right?


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## Shamrockmommy (Aug 16, 2013)

I am so sorry to hear she passed. Hugs to you!!!!


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## sweetheartsrodeo (Sep 19, 2012)

Oh Tiny, 

My heart is breaking for you! Tangee was such a dear sweet soul, and she had the most wonderful life with you. You will remain in my thoughts and prayers, as I know you must be devastated. Much love and poodle hugs, 
Mindy


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

((((())))) I am with you. At least you were together, if PoodleCrazy has the right story, which I'm guessing she does. Tangee is free of her heart problems and running around like Timi on the other side of the bridge.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Thank you everyone, each and every one of you and your kind thoughts and sentiments mean so much to me.
It really helps to have friends who understand how searing the pain is and how deafening the silence is.
The last spark of life left Tangee at home in my arms and I am grateful that she got to come home again.


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

I can't say how happy to hear you were together and at home. It will help you to have that as your final picture of her and it will help your other sweet girls to understand how their family has changed. It is a rare gift to have a beloved animal pass easily at home surrounded by family.


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## Streetcar (Apr 13, 2014)

TinyPoodles, I am also so very grateful Tangee got to pass at home. Sharing your tears...


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## Suddenly (Aug 8, 2013)

Thinking of you always.


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## Carolinek (Apr 2, 2014)

So sorry to hear- she lived a great life. Passing at home in your arms is the best possible outcome for a hard,but inevitable end. Never easy.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

On her 13th birthday, this past November 6th.
I bought cupcakes and hamburgers to welcome her home yesterday. That was how confident the Vet made me feel that she was going to be OK.


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## Michelle (Nov 16, 2009)

So heart breaking, I'm so sorry for your loss


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## jazzipoodle (Mar 30, 2010)

Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear this. RIP sweet girl.


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## Newmum (Jan 2, 2014)

I'm so sorry to read about this. I hope you can take some comfort in that Tangee got to go where she was most comfortable and loved. Thinking of you x


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## Nicofreako (Aug 19, 2013)

RIP Tangee. I am sure she felt all your love, and wanted to be with you and her family when she crossed over. She left you that last loving memory to hold while she waits to see you again.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

That is just so sad that you bought those treats, only to have this devastating thing happen. It must be so hard for vets to know really. When Chulita had fluid filling her abdomen from the CHF, she went along for quite some time...I forget how long, but a few months. The medications seemed to help for that period of time. 

But she started having trouble breathing and went down hill fast...so fast, in fact that there was one day when I said she needs to be put down tomorrow. Well, she rapidly got worse and when I did take her, I regretted that I didn't take her the moment I saw her panting and having trouble. I was mistaken to think it would continue at the same, gradual rate. I still feel guilty that I let her struggle over night with that. 

What I'm getting at is Tangee went in a natural sort of way it seems. Her heart couldn't pump fast enough or take the pressure of the fluid the way Chuli's seemed to, so it didn't drag on and on. Tangee was lifted gently from her trouble before it became a more severe struggle. She was in a familiar and comfortable place...with her family. You can try to focus on that....that she didn't have to be uncomfortable a second longer. She is now free of that most miserable, vicious disease. 

I hope some degree of acceptance will come... that she lived a good, long life and it was just her time. And we all have a time. And peace will settle in from that... and from happy memories and photos. Photos seem to put a smile on us a little later when you're ready.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

I was just watching the feed from the poodle cam, and even on her last morning Tangee had many good, tail wagging moments. I am very grateful that her suffering was relatively short.
My heart still aches madly, but it gave me joy to see her happy only 7 hours before she succumbed...
She was even so happy to get into the bag for the trip to the vet....


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## UKtwa (Jan 8, 2015)

after just having gone thru this in december it took me a little bit to work up to write you a note. I am SO SORRY for your loss. I know how hard it is. I am thinking of you today.


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## Nora O (Sep 27, 2013)

Since I just lost Hotspur three days ago, I know exactly what you are feeling right now. I can't stand to come in and not see him welcoming me at the door. I can't stand coming downstairs in the morning and not having him race up to me to get his morning treat. And I can't stand seeing Roz act so lonely without him. I'm mingling my tears (yes, I'm crying again) with yours. We both know that we were good poodle parents but, like me, I'm sure you just want here back. Much love from me. Nora


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## Raven's Mom (Mar 18, 2014)

So sorry for your loss. It hasn't been that long since I lost my heart dog, and I nan definitely cry with you. Good to know you still have poodles to cuddle and ease the pain.


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## georgiapeach (Oct 9, 2009)

I'm just seeing this thread. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm very glad that you got to bring her home to familiar surroundings before she passed.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Ladies, I am so sorry - in the past few months I couldn't even bare to open threads about lost babies because I knew that my dark day was coming, please forgive me and accept my belated condolences. 
Nora, I know just how you feel. All day I keep thinking that I want to gather my remaining girls up and just leave. Tangee's blanket is as she left it, strands of her hair in the brush, her half eaten "candy" waiting for her to finish it sits on the counter. Her half eaten hamburger still Fresh enough to eat waiting in the fridge. This is Tangee's home, every inch of it, and it just feels so wrong that she isn't here. Every minute something comes to mind that I could do for her, but I can't do anything anymore.
It is like my life ended too yesterday, and now I am supposed to figure out how to start a new one that I have no plans how to begin, nor desire to do it...


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## Poodlerunner (Jul 4, 2014)

Oh Tiny. I know how much you love her and how bad you are hurting. I'm really sorry. 

pr


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## Drala (Aug 14, 2014)

I am so sorry for your loss of Tangee, TinyPoodles. Having just gone through this most difficult time last summer I know how very heart - breaking it is. A piece of our heart goes with them when they leave. If it is any help at all there is a pet grief forum active in the evenings at Rainbow Bridge site that helped me in the early weeks


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Drala said:


> I am so sorry for your loss of Tangee, TinyPoodles. Having just gone through this most difficult time last summer I know how very heart - breaking it is. A piece of our heart goes with them when they leave. If it is any help at all there is a pet grief forum active in the evenings at Rainbow Bridge site that helped me in the early weeks



Thank you, but i am feeling really good about all of the understanding and support from all of my friends here. No matter what disagreements or squabbles that some of us have had in the past, this has shown me that that at our core we have have a strong tie that binds, and when times are rough, the love and support is there just like any family.
I thank and appreciate you all!


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## glorybeecosta (Nov 11, 2014)

I am so sorry for your loss, I have had 6 losses and it never gets any easier, and it takes time to handle the pain. I had a toy for 19 years and lost her, I may have kept her for me, not sure. She is pain free and bouncing on the other side of the bridge.


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## Theo'sMom (Mar 23, 2011)

My heart is hurting for you. I hope your grief is comforted with sweet memories and love.


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## Axeldog (Aug 29, 2014)

I have been busy at work and just logged in tonight to find this horrible news. 

I am sharing your tears, and know what pain it brings to lose your little love. So very sorry and my heart hurts for you.

.


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## mom2m (Dec 24, 2014)

Hang on Tiny. Hug your girls, take care of yourself and your family.

Having lost my beloved Midnight at Thanksgiving, I really didn't know how to cope. And my poor daughter had to drive home from college knowing her poodle sister wouldn't be here to greet her at the end of the drive. The stricken look on her face when she got out of the car with no poodle greeting will scar my heart forever.

But time moves on. Tangee knows you love her. And she loves you. That hasn't changed. She would not want you to suffer, just as you did not want her to suffer. Take time to grieve, but move forward. In any small way you can...but forward. 

Sending you love and hugs.


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## kayfabulous6 (Nov 19, 2013)

You and your girls are such beautiful souls and I know that Tangee had an amazing time with you as her momma. I know it must be so tough grieving but just know that we are all thinking of you <3 I have faith that she has left you with a fuller and happier heart throughout all of the beautiful memories you two made together throughout her time. Rest in peace Tangee <3


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

That stupidest things can just sear your heart - washing the pan that I cooked her last hamburger in and the bowl that she last drank from, just takes her further away from me.


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

Tiny Poodles, you don't have to clean things and put her things away!! When my last bird passed, (he was such a stinker!! we had such a complicated relationship) I didn't put his things away for over a month! I just couldn't, wouldn't do it! I finally did it because we got Luce, and she needed the space. If it wasn't for her I think I would have left his things there for 6 months.

It's your home and you can do what ever you want. If you want to leave her things out for 6 months, then leave them out for 6 months or how ever long YOU need.

If anyone else doesn't like it? Too bad! You are the only one who knows what s right for you - it's your process.

So many of us have had loss this past year. It doesn't matter if the loss had 2 legs or 4 - it hurts and it hurts bad. When my first bird Luna died, I couldn't talk about her for almost 2 years without tearing up. When others are part of our lives - they ARE part of our lives, again with 2 legs or 4, it doesn't matter, love is love :love2::love2:


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## Nora O (Sep 27, 2013)

Yes, Tiny Poodles, all the warm thoughts on here have been a solace. We'll get through this, but it's going to take a while.


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## hopetocurl (Jan 8, 2014)

I suggest making a memory box.... Put her stuff in there... When you are ready. Annabelle's even has that last bit of hair from the brush... I can open it now with out crying.


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

hopetocurl said:


> I suggest making a memory box.... Put her stuff in there... When you are ready. Annabelle's even has that last bit of hair from the brush... I can open it now with out crying.


I have memory boxes for all of my past pets. For my cats, I cut a lock of hair from each of them before we said goodbye. You don't look at it for a very long time, but once you are ready it is very comforting to look at old toys and things you've been able to keep.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

It hurts so much


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

I know it is awful to be without her. Find some peace with Teaka and Timi. Take your time.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

I am sorry, I can't help but feel like the ultimate failure seeing that she was suffering and not doing anything to help. My baby was drowning while I stopped and asked the concierge if I had any packages.


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## hopetocurl (Jan 8, 2014)

Tiny Poodles said:


> It hurts so much


Yes, it does. But, you have to realize, that she's been a part of your life for 13 years... we get used to them being there. I promise it sucks a little less each day... <3 and {{{hugs}}}


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## hopetocurl (Jan 8, 2014)

Tiny Poodles said:


> I am sorry, I can't help but feel like the ultimate failure seeing that she was suffering and not doing anything to help. My baby was drowning while I stopped and asked the concierge if I had any packages.


you are not a failure.... you are not a doctor, how could you have known... and I know that those few minutes were not the make-or-break for her. You structured your life around her and her health problems for a long time... you can give yourself a break on this.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Yes my whole life was built around taking care of her, and this was my ultimate failure.
It is like my life ended on Monday too and now I am supposed to have a different life, but I don't want to. I want a do over.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

I should have realized the fluid was building up weeks earlier. She was not eating well and loosing weight about a month ago, and I finally figured out ways to get her eating really well and I thought that she was just getting too fat and was going to have to moderate my efforts, but it was really the fluid building up in her belly.


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## Caddy (Nov 23, 2014)

My heart is breaking for you, we do feel terrible guilt and remorse, I did, still do, but you did not fail her. Your head knows you didn't, but your heart is too broken to listen. Be kind to yourself...


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## Misfits (Dec 27, 2014)

Tiny Poodles, I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my very first poodle to heart failure and I will never forget it. But it is also the great pretender. Please don't beat yourself up. You are not a vet. It is obvious that you take great care of your pups and would have done more if you had known to do more. You're human.

As far as what to do next, I get that as well. I lost a yorkie in October that I had been treating for chronic liver and kidney failure for at least a few years. My whole day was built around when he needed to eat and when he needed his fluids, meds, etc. The first week was really hard as I watched the clock and then had to remember that I did not have to do fluids or give meds. I won't say it gets easy but it gets easier with time. It helped me to stay out of the house, and to stop wearing my watch.

Hugs to you.

Diana


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

hopetocurl said:


> you are not a failure.... you are not a doctor, how could you have known... and I know that those few minutes were not the make-or-break for her. You structured your life around her and her health problems for a long time... you can give yourself a break on this.



hopetocurl you said exactly what I was thinking! Tiny you aren't a vet and although you've been a fabulous nurse through Tangee's health problems, maybe not quite noticing or understanding what was happening was a necessary step in her departure from this life. I think sometimes we don't see certain things as a way to protect ourselves.


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## poodlecrazy#1 (Jul 2, 2013)

TInypoodles, if you can I highly recommend getting out of the house and doing something. Maybe take Timi somewhere or go shopping with a friend or family member. When I lost Carmel all I wanted to do was lock myself up lay in my bed and just cry and cry and think of what I should have done different. Of course there was nothing I could have done but I could not comprehend that in my state of grief. The next day my mother forced me to get out of the house and go shopping anything that would get me out and get my mind away from what had happened. I ended up crying all over the mall as we shopped but it did help distract my mind. I even was able to get a lovely necklace with his initials on it so I could always remember him. And a gravestone to place when we buried him. Grieving takes time and there are many steps to climb over, guilt is one of those steps. You will make it over, just stay strong and lean on those that you are close to and that love you.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Misfits said:


> Tiny Poodles, I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my very first poodle to heart failure and I will never forget it. But it is also the great pretender. Please don't beat yourself up. You are not a vet. It is obvious that you take great care of your pups and would have done more if you had known to do more. You're human.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I know, I just want to scoop my girls up and leave, but there is no place to take them in this brutal weather.
And I keep forget to do things for them, because the stuff I did for them was always triggered after I did for Tangee.
And the damn app keeps reminding me to give Tangee her meds.
And but of course the damn Vet has to send me an email today telling me that it is time for her check-up.


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## sweetheartsrodeo (Sep 19, 2012)

Tiny, 

My heart breaks for you right now. Please don't beat yourself up. You are an amazing poodle mom, and your girls are so lucky to have you. Remember you said her tail was wagging and she was happy that morning. Let yourself grieve for her, as she will be greatly missed, but know you did so much to make her life a wonderful and long one. 

Big hugs!


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

lily cd re said:


> hopetocurl you said exactly what I was thinking! Tiny you aren't a vet and although you've been a fabulous nurse through Tangee's health problems, maybe not quite noticing or understanding what was happening was a necessary step in her departure from this life. I think sometimes we don't see certain things as a way to protect ourselves.



I know, I was trying so hard not to "over-vet her to death".
Now part of me feels like I didn't bring her in soon enough, and part of me feels like what was done that day killed her - she was getting weaker, but she was NOT having any difficulty breathing when I brought her in. She ate breakfast, and was happy, wagging her tail when I put her in the bag. I really think that it was the stress of being there that brought on the heart failure.


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## DizzyIzzy (Mar 23, 2014)

My heart is breaking for you. I don't know you, but do know the awful pain of your loss. A piece of me has gone with every one of my dogs. I think that I would be a hollow shell if they hadn't each left so much of themselves with me.

I threw everything away when our big dogs were put down. I found a ball a month later and thought I was going to die holding it. 

The only thing that I could do was keep talking myself through the events of that day. My dogs were Loved. They didn't worry about food or shelter. They went almost everywhere with me. The larger the space in your life the worse the pain.


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## PoodleRick (Mar 18, 2013)

Tiny Poodles said:


> That stupidest things can just sear your heart - washing the pan that I cooked her last hamburger in and the bowl that she last drank from, just takes her further away from me.


I know where you're coming from. Beau has been gone almost two years and we've had Penny for just over a year and Beau's leash is still hanging where it always has. I'm so sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies.

Rick


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

Tiny Poodles said:


> I know, I was trying so hard not to "over-vet her to death".
> Now part of me feels like I didn't bring her in soon enough, and part of me feels like what was done that day killed her - she was getting weaker, but she was NOT having any difficulty breathing when I brought her in. She ate breakfast, and was happy, wagging her tail when I put her in the bag. I really think that it was the stress of being there that brought on the heart failure.


If only crystal balls really worked, then none of us would ever have to ask ourselves "what if... I had noticed sooner, done this differently, not done that, etc." So sorry you are suffering so badly my friend.


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## Nora O (Sep 27, 2013)

:crying::crying:Oh, God, I know.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

It just hurts so so much.
The day before, Timi was racing around and suddenly screamed, held her leg up, and ran to me. I picked her up and soothed her, and in a minute she was just fine. It just kills me that I couldn't give Tangee what she was expecting from me. It just kills me.
You know I felt her relief for a second when they put her in my arms and she put her head on my shoulder. But then she had a weak wet cough, and I think realized that I didn't make it better.


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## Suddenly (Aug 8, 2013)

It hurts so bad. My deepest wishes are with you at this time. Stay well. Xoxo


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## patk (Jun 13, 2013)

i think any dog is lucky that lives a long life as a beloved pet and is able to die peacefully in its owner's arms. you gave her that. it may not feel like enough, but i believe tangee would tell you she could not have asked for better. in return, she gave you joy and now you have memories of joy. that's a lasting and irreplaceable gift.


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## Raysoflite (Dec 17, 2014)

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry for your loss! How heartbreaking! My thoughts and prayers go out to you during this difficult time <3


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## Manxcat (May 6, 2013)

I'm going to be horrid to you TP!! Stop beating yourself up, please... Don't punish yourself and make this any harder than it is already. There, consider yourself told off. :love2:

Your remind me of me when my dad died of heart failure - and he spoke human - did I do enough? Did we insist on too much? Could I have done more?? Why can't I have him back?? I wasn't done with him.

Heart failure is dreadful. It was easier (in a way) watching my mother die of cancer than dad going of heart failure - seeming to pick up one day and then suddenly dying without me there.

*Only love does this to you.*

Second guessing yourself over this is natural, but destructive. You will make yourself ill if you let this eat into your soul and it won't change things, just make everything harder.

Your life ran around looking after Tangee. You loved her so much or you wouldn't be in this pain. Tangee loved you too and more importantly knew you loved her and never, ever caused her pain but did everything humanly possible to ensure she never felt pain. She was blessed.

_In time_ you must look at all the wonderful things in her life Tangee had - smile at how bemused she was with Timi's antics, all the places you went together, how she'd do silly things. Was it her that loved pizza crusts?? That made me laugh when you told us!

You know the pain will pass in time, but your fabulous memories of Tangee will last forever. You need to try and think about the good ones though, rather than the last few days. It's so hard I know, and there's no time limit on grief, but please honey, don't make yourself sick.

I cannot tell you how sad I am for you and wish I could wave a magic wand to take away your pain.


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## MollyMuiMa (Oct 13, 2012)

Your heart is hurting,
That I know.....
You wonder why
She had to go.

Your grief is real
I understand
And if I could, 
I'd hold your hand.

Instead I offer
My thoughts and wishes
That you find the comfort
In doggy kisses
From Teaka and Timi
And a sweet tiny Angel
Who'd whisper, if she were able,
"I'm good now....
I have no pain
I'm warm and happy
and healthy again"



BIG HUGS,
Laurel & Molly


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## Misfits (Dec 27, 2014)

Saying it won't make you do it, Tiny Poodles, but I hope you find a way to stop beating yourself up over this. You did the best you could for Tangee - did what you thought was best at the time - and that's all anyone can do. Heart failure can come on rapidly. Its been 18 years since I lost my girl, but I didn't even know she had a problem with her heart until we ended up in the ER one night. And she didn't make it back home. Sometimes it just is what it is, and not everything can be fixed. Had you not taken Tangee in that day, and then this would have happened, you'd have blamed yourself for not taking her in. It is human nature to wonder about the what if's - but that is all they are. What if you did, what if you didn't? You'll never know the answers, but what you can know is that you did the best you could with what you knew.

Delete the darn app that keeps reminding you about the meds, set some alerts on your phone for the other dog's care. Grieve for Tangee, of course, but also remember that she had been ill with the heart condition for a while and realize that she is safe. Nothing can ever hurt her again. The pain of losing her is yours to deal with now, but she is free.

It might not seem like it now, but you will get through this.

Diana


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## mom2m (Dec 24, 2014)

Tiny please don't do this to yourself. Tangee knew she was loved. She loved you. Period end of sentence.

Second guessing yourself will only create more heartache. I have been through loss after illness with people and pets. Love is love. And love eventually leads to some loss. You have done nothing to beat yourself up over. She was happy and wagging her tail. She did not suffer for weeks. Enough.

Get rid of the reminder app. Reset the schedule so you can take care of your current poodles, who need you. And take care of yourself....sending love and hugs.


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## nifty (Aug 2, 2013)

Tiny Poodles, my heart breaks for you. Yes, the pain of looking at Tangee's familiar things, the just left treats and toys - as if she will walk in from the next room momentarily. But she won't. And the pain again.

No, you could not make it better and you did everything you could for her and still could not make her heart better. It is a cruel reality in life. When Tangee went into your arms with such relief, she found comfort and love and that was just what she needed. In life, we cannot fix everything and the best we can do is give comfort and love, which you provided for Tangee in abundance. You gave her exactly what she needed.

Thinking of you and I hope you will be able to get out to breathe some fresh air today. Grief is an ongoing process and a fresh perspective can be helpful.


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## hopetocurl (Jan 8, 2014)

Tiny Poodles said:


> I should have realized the fluid was building up weeks earlier. She was not eating well and loosing weight about a month ago, and I finally figured out ways to get her eating really well and I thought that she was just getting too fat and was going to have to moderate my efforts, but it was really the fluid building up in her belly.


You know what, I do feel for you. Annabelle also had a heart murmur and the vet told me that eventually she'd have heart failure. I dreaded that so badly...but we had to put her down when she ruptured her shoulder disk and was in terrible pain. The thing with heart failure is that it consumes you.... I used to video her breathing...so I could count her breaths to make sure she was ok. You just have to let her go... it was her time. That's the beautiful thing about it... you didn't have to put her down. She went on her on time.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Thank you everyone, your support and ideas are really helping. 
I know that someday I will be grateful that her suffering was relatively short. 
But for now my mind just won't let me get away from the suffering - every cell in my body screams "you failed, you didn't fix that" Making sure that all is well for my girls is the primary driving force of my life - it comes before anything, anything else - every minute it is "what do the girls need" and once that is answered and attended to, I can go onto other things -and no matter how irrational, failing to achieve my primary directive just keeps me stuck in that moment, reliving the failure over and over again.
Thanks for putting up with me, I know that I must be draining...


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## mom2m (Dec 24, 2014)

Tiny, you are not draining, you are suffering. And there is a difference.

That being said..is this what Tangee would want for you? If the situation was reversed, is this what you would want for Tangee?

You did everything possible. No matter how hard we try, we cannot will anyone (human or pet) to live forever. I know. I tried. 

Please take care of yourself. I am sure you are taking care of the girls, but take care of yourself. Love lives on...you just have to live with it. LIVE with it.

More hugs and love being sent to you.

Did you delete that dang app? Please do so immediately. Then do some small thing...any small thing...that moves you forward. Walk the girls around the house if it's too cold to go outside.


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## twyla (Apr 28, 2010)

Having lost two of my girls in a 5 month span, I can understand your pain and despair. Losing my 8 year old tpoo Baby nearly destroyed me it was sudden and devastating, a horrible freak accident and to lose poor Cappi to cancer shortly after Christmas was almost as hard. All I can tell you that numbing as it is now it does get easier. 

All I can say is hug your girls and find a a way to remember Tangee for the lifetime you did have her.


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## My babies (Aug 14, 2012)

I am so very sorry to hear this. So sorry for your lose


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## Poodlerunner (Jul 4, 2014)

Tiny Poodles said:


> I know, I was trying so hard not to "over-vet her to death".
> Now part of me feels like I didn't bring her in soon enough, and part of me feels like what was done that day killed her - she was getting weaker, but she was NOT having any difficulty breathing when I brought her in. She ate breakfast, and was happy, wagging her tail when I put her in the bag. I really think that it was the stress of being there that brought on the heart failure.


You did everything right by her. You knew every inch of her, every hair. You knew when to take her to the vet. You didn't give up on her when there was a chance that she could have some more time and you didn't leave her there. There was nothing that could be done that you didn't do at the exact right time for Tangee. 

pr


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## sweetheartsrodeo (Sep 19, 2012)

My dear friend, we are here with you every step of the way. I know we have all cried with you and are grieving with you. Please know you are in our thoughts and prayers. You are such a wonderful member of the PF, and have been there for each of us in our time of need. Lean on us, we are here for you.


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## Shamrockmommy (Aug 16, 2013)

Tiny, please don't beat yourself up. Tangee knew you loved her. And I know you did everything you could for her. I kind of think she waited to be reunited with you in order to feel comfortable enough to pass. 

My minpin did that... when he was 13, my husband deployed for 14 months. It was just the kids and I and the 3 little dogs. Gobie made sure to be the top watchdog. He took his job seriously. He had heart failure as well, but was doing really well with the meds. Dh finally came home. Gobie was doing alright, still catching frisbees and tennis balls. 4 days later he died. He did his job, he knew his "pack" was safe, his human was home again, and he passed. It sucks. And it hurts. 

I definitely feel for you and understand the second guessing and self blame. I haven't told anyone this but my second dog, a bichon, Lexi, had to be put to sleep because of heart failure. She kept passing out. The meds were making her miserable (peed so much). She couldn't sleep anymore. I took her in to be euthanized. I expected her to peacefully go as other dogs before... she had a reaction to the sedative and started screaming while getting the 2nd euthanizing drug. It was HORRIBLE. Absolutely HORRIBLE and not the way I wanted her to go. Vet assured me that is how some dogs react to the sedative, and she was so apologetic and both of us bawling.... it's hard to get over. 

I didn't want to take over the thread but to show that sometimes old age and death really sucks. We feel this way because of how deeply we loved them, and how deeply they loved us back. 

I hope in time you will be able to have peace about Tangee. She was a beautiful girl and had the best life. <3 <3

(((TINY)))


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

twyla said:


> Having lost two of my girls in a 5 month span, I can understand your pain and despair. Losing my 8 year old tpoo Baby nearly destroyed me it was sudden and devastating, a horrible freak accident and to lose poor Cappi to cancer shortly after Christmas was almost as hard. All I can tell you that numbing as it is now it does get easier.
> 
> All I can say is hug your girls and find a a way to remember Tangee for the lifetime you did have her.



I am very sorry, I have lost dogs to sudden accidents and to illness, and it is different, but equally devastating. To have to go through both so close together is beyond cruel - you must be a very strong person to have come through that.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Shamrockmommy said:


> Tiny, please don't beat yourself up. Tangee knew you loved her. And I know you did everything you could for her. I kind of think she waited to be reunited with you in order to feel comfortable enough to pass.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Oh God, that must have torn your heart out - I hope that sharing it helped release the pain just a little bit.


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## twyla (Apr 28, 2010)

Thanks Tiny.

Sometimes life isn't fair, It hasn't been in a lot of ways but I have to credit my family , friends and my vet, who all reassured me that I did all that I could for my girls.

You have to believe that as well, it is hard at first but as each day passes it gets easier.

I know what its like to suddenly have emptiness after caring for a high maintenance pet, both Baby and Cappi were. I went from giving four different eye meds twice daily to Baby, she had severe KCS to the slow decline of Cappi and trying to figure out what was wrong and how to get her to eat.

Suddenly I was without someone who needed constant care which is almost as bad as the loss itself. Just this massive hole.

Again I say it does get easier.

So yeah maybe I am strong but I definitely have good people who have helped me along the way.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Please know that I am taking in and appreciating everything that everyone has to say. I would like to respond to everyone, but it is just too hard - my thoughts keep drifting.
I am really grateful to have Teaka and Timi - they are the only thing keeping me from completely loosing it.
Timi knows what happened, Teaka does not seem to know.
We are going to have a big problem though once the weather gets better. Teaka is an anxious dog. She is fine at home, but when I go out she would Velcro herself to Tangee. When I was at the vet with Tangee she Laid next to Timi's crate on the hard floor just to be next to her. Before we got Timi, when it was just the her and Tangee, the times that I took Tangee to the vet and left Teaka home alone, I watched Teaka go insane on the poodle cam. Not destructive, but continuously racing back and forth, climbing on the backs and arms of the furniture, digging between the cushions - just in a frenzied panic the entire time. And she is not good about going out in public either - she is a highly reactive dog, yes I tried and tried to change that to no avail when she was younger, but she is basically hysterical the entire time that she is out too, so taking her to parks and classes with Timi is not a viable option - it would be unpleasant for all of us, and I would run the risk of Timi absorbing the behavior. 
So it is going to be a "Sophie's Choice" - do I stop doing things with Timi (that we both enjoy) to leave her home to babysit Teaka. Either leaving Teaka home alone, or taking her with us would cause a continuous high level of frantic behavior in her, that although she is very healthy dog, she is only six months younger than Tangee was, so I would certainly worry about what that kind of stress could do to her. My breeder suggested that she could offer me a 7-8 year old to keep Teaka company, but First of all I am really not up for taking on the extra expense, and secondly it would wind up putting me in the same position with that dog at some point in the future (her dogs live in families of 3, and are just as dependent upon canine companionship as Teaka is. I think that this has certainly taught me that I am a person who must always have two dogs, but my vision is in a few years to get a tiny, go everywhere dog who can enjoy activities with Timi. I think adding another homebody is not the direction that I should go in.
So any thoughts? Please keep in mind that being only six months younger than Tangee does not mean that Teaka's time is short - she has never had a sick day in her life, and although a little slower, she still runs and plays as much ( or more) than Timi every day - I have always thought that she will be my twenty year dog, and so far nothing has swayed me from that idea - so this very well could been and issue for more than the next 7 years.
I don't love the ideas, but the only ones that I have are to try a thunder shirt and maybe ask the Vet for some pharmacological help.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

twyla said:


> Thanks Tiny.
> 
> Sometimes life isn't fair, It hasn't been in a lot of ways but I have to credit my family , friends and my vet, who all reassured me that I did all that I could for my girls.
> 
> ...



Yes, I really had about five years of "intensive care" -first with Taylee, and then Tangee took over almost immediately after.
I was just looking at my girls thinking how bad they need a grooming, but know I am am going to get torn up when it is so easy to groom just two, easy to groom dogs (Taylee and Tangee always fought grooming every step of the way).


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Just remembered somebody asked about Tangee eating pizza crusts - no, she got the cheese and I ate the crust - seriously, what she wanted was always the priority.


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## poodlecrazy#1 (Jul 2, 2013)

Tiny Poodles said:


> Please know that I am taking in and appreciating everything that everyone has to say. I would like to respond to everyone, but it is just too hard - my thoughts keep drifting.
> I am really grateful to have Teaka and Timi - they are the only thing keeping me from completely loosing it.
> Timi knows what happened, Teaka does not seem to know.
> We are going to have a big problem though once the weather gets better. Teaka is an anxious dog. She is fine at home, but when I go out she would Velcro herself to Tangee. When I was at the vet with Tangee she Laid next to Timi's crate on the hard floor just to be next to her. Before we got Timi, when it was just the her and Tangee, the times that I took Tangee to the vet and left Teaka home alone, I watched Teaka go insane on the poodle cam. Not destructive, but continuously racing back and forth, climbing on the backs and arms of the furniture, digging between the cushions - just in a frenzied panic the entire time. And she is not good about going out in public either - she is a highly reactive dog, yes I tried and tried to change that to no avail when she was younger, but she is basically hysterical the entire time that she is out too, so taking her to parks and classes with Timi is not a viable option - it would be unpleasant for all of us, and I would run the risk of Timi absorbing the behavior.
> ...



Ahhhhhh! I have a hard time opening this tread without crying much less responding to it, lol. It just brings back so many memory's and feelings about when Carmel died and when I had to have Micah PTS. I feel for you so much TinyPoodles, I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy! Like everyone has said please try to stop beating yourself up, you did everything you could and even more if you ask me. I know it's hard not to but like I said earlier trying to busy your mind does help. If you can't get out of the house maybe try doing something you enjoy, a craft project, a puzzle, etc. Like for me I would groom my other two, it's something I enjoy and it helps relieve stress, yet takes some concentration. Or maybe do a sewing project. 

I do see the predicament you are in with Teaka. I was thinking you could try and get her a buddy, but you are right that is a big commitment not only money wise but another part of your heart to have to let go one day. I don't think it would be very fair to Timi if she were suddenly not allowed to go with you to places, but do you think it would bother her? Do you think she would be perfectly fine staying at home with her sister or does she really enjoy going out with you? It's such a difficult situation. I would think that maybe getting Teaka on an anti anxiety med could be a very doable option. I have thought of doing the same with Winter. Or maybe sedating her only when you had to take Timi somewhere could be another option? Idk. Could you do a trial run, leave with Timi but not completely, maybe stay in the building and watch how Teaka reacts on the Poodle Cam now. Or try using something I have seen mentioned on her quite a few times, Rescue Remedy? I think. Maybe start with that do some trial runs and see if it works if not consider the other options?


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

Tiny Poodles - I am so sorry to hear you are beating yourself up!! YOU did nothing wrong, and everything right. 

Earlier I mentioned I lost a bird several years ago and couldn't talk about her without tearing up. I'll share the details now. Glenn and I saw the add for the Pedipaw dremel for nails. He suggested getting it for the bird. Yea, OK, so I did. She was about 3-3 1/2 when I bought it. Birds are the prey, not predators like our beloved poodles, because of that, things are introduced much slower to a bird. I had the Pedipaw on a table in sight so she could see it and get used to it. Every week or so I would bring her to the Pedipaw with her on my finger (she was a cockatiel), and every time she would run up my arm. On Saturday night, 5 days before Christmas, we decided to do her nails. I have always done them with a cauterizing tool with no problem. Well this night I took out the Pedipaw KNOWING she didn't like it. Glenn held her while I did her nails. It was going well for the first nail, the second nail, the third nail, the fourth nail, I went to touch up the other nails and Glenn said "she's gone". What do you mean?? She's right here! He said "she's gone!". Right away I started CPR on a bird that weighs 3 1/2 oz.!! I even tried mouth to beak to bring her back and I couldn't - I killed my bird, my beautiful Luna. Not a vet, not a disease, ME! I cried like I had never cried before. I cried so much, so hard, so long my face hurt. Glenn asked I could get another bird that night! It happened at 10:30pm on a Saturday. It was so awful I couldn't stand it. I kept asking why did I do the whole foot? Why didn't I just do one nail? Why did I have to use this anyway? She did fine with the other too!! WHY WHY WHY WHY!!!! I held her for hours, I wouldn't let Glenn take her from me.

The next day Glenn insisted I go get another one because I needed something more in my life aside from working and taking care of him. I didn't want another one I WANTED LUNA!!!! Reluctantly I set out the next day to find another bird. I found one, things were OK, not so emplty in the house. I spoke to my Dad that night and talked about Luna, and the dogs we had when I was a kid - the poodles. I had one of the best conversations with my Dad that night, it was great! He dide 4 days later on Christmas Eve. 

The new bird was Dino, thinking he was a girl - a few weeks later we found out it's a boy!! OOPS!! Dino was OK, he liked me, really liked Glenn, but he wasn't Luna. He was an exerciser in tough TO love, he was a character in his own little birdie way. He died a few weeks before we got Luce - that's how we got puppy - I was going to save my money and get a larger parrot over the summer, then I met Luce and that was that. 

Please don't take this the wrong way! It took me a long time to come to term with her dying at my hand - my beloved Luna who loved me, and came to me for protection and security, to keep her safe, I failed her and she paid the ultimate price.

If anyone was wondering yes, I was crying while writing this.


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## BorderKelpie (Dec 3, 2011)

Oh! I just got into work and found this! I am so very, very sorry. 

I know you are putting yourself through the wringer over her, but I hope you soon realize that you really did go above and beyond what a lot of people would/could have done. She wax a lucky, lucky little girl to have you caring for and loving her. There was/is no way you could have predicted the outcome. You can 'would of/could of/what if yourself to pieces and it will still not change anything. 

You did your very best for her, you did NOT fail her in any way. You loved her like no one else could have and she knows it. 

Forgive yourself for being human and remember the love the two of you shared. 

I will be thinking of you and trying to hold back the tears here at work. 

Take care of yourself.


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## BorderKelpie (Dec 3, 2011)

Oh! Luce - that is devastating! You poor thing!


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## Poodlerunner (Jul 4, 2014)

Luce, that is a really sad story. I have a close friend who has birds and she tells me they are very fragile and she's had a couple of sad things happen too. I can imagine how hard that was to get through. 

pr


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## Poodlerunner (Jul 4, 2014)

Tiny Poodles said:


> Please know that I am taking in and appreciating everything that everyone has to say. I would like to respond to everyone, but it is just too hard - my thoughts keep drifting.
> I am really grateful to have Teaka and Timi - they are the only thing keeping me from completely loosing it.
> Timi knows what happened, Teaka does not seem to know.
> We are going to have a big problem though once the weather gets better. Teaka is an anxious dog. She is fine at home, but when I go out she would Velcro herself to Tangee. When I was at the vet with Tangee she Laid next to Timi's crate on the hard floor just to be next to her. Before we got Timi, when it was just the her and Tangee, the times that I took Tangee to the vet and left Teaka home alone, I watched Teaka go insane on the poodle cam. Not destructive, but continuously racing back and forth, climbing on the backs and arms of the furniture, digging between the cushions - just in a frenzied panic the entire time. And she is not good about going out in public either - she is a highly reactive dog, yes I tried and tried to change that to no avail when she was younger, but she is basically hysterical the entire time that she is out too, so taking her to parks and classes with Timi is not a viable option - it would be unpleasant for all of us, and I would run the risk of Timi absorbing the behavior.
> ...


Might you look at poodle rescue for an older dog? 

pr


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

This is what I meant when I said that I know how draining I might be for some of you - I am truly sorry for bringing up your own heartaches, and please feel free to skip this thread if it hurts too much - I completely understand, and have been there myself. I have not been able to open these kind of threads for the past year just knowing that this was coming...


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

poodlecrazy#1 said:


> Ahhhhhh! I have a hard time opening this tread without crying much less responding to it, lol. It just brings back so many memory's and feelings about when Carmel died and when I had to have Micah PTS. I feel for you so much TinyPoodles, I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy! Like everyone has said please try to stop beating yourself up, you did everything you could and even more if you ask me. I know it's hard not to but like I said earlier trying to busy your mind does help. If you can't get out of the house maybe try doing something you enjoy, a craft project, a puzzle, etc. Like for me I would groom my other two, it's something I enjoy and it helps relieve stress, yet takes some concentration. Or maybe do a sewing project.
> 
> I do see the predicament you are in with Teaka. I was thinking you could try and get her a buddy, but you are right that is a big commitment not only money wise but another part of your heart to have to let go one day. I don't think it would be very fair to Timi if she were suddenly not allowed to go with you to places, but do you think it would bother her? Do you think she would be perfectly fine staying at home with her sister or does she really enjoy going out with you? It's such a difficult situation. I would think that maybe getting Teaka on an anti anxiety med could be a very doable option. I have thought of doing the same with Winter. Or maybe sedating her only when you had to take Timi somewhere could be another option? Idk. Could you do a trial run, leave with Timi but not completely, maybe stay in the building and watch how Teaka reacts on the Poodle Cam now. Or try using something I have seen mentioned on her quite a few times, Rescue Remedy? I think. Maybe start with that do some trial runs and see if it works if not consider the other options?




Timi absolutely lives for walks and trips to the dog park, and frankly I really enjoy it too - we would both be cheated if we lost that.
Maybe there is some hope though to be able to take Teaka with us locally (I could not carry both of them on buses and subways), because Teaka is very much a follower. She has not made a sound since Tangee has been not here to start the talking, and last night she ate from a bowl for the first time in years just like Timi (Tangee had to be hand fed since her teeth were removed three years ago, so Teaka insisted upon being handfed too), so there might be some hope that Teaka would follow Timi's lead about how to behave in public.
Other than that, I will try doing trial leaving her alones starting with a minute and building up, but knowing how she gets when she is in a tizzy, I doubt that will help.
I guess rescue remedy would be worth a try, but honestly I have never once heard anybody say that it works, have you? I guess a thunder shirt would be worth a try too, if they make them small enough.
I guess that when the weather is better I will take her to the Vet and address it, see what she can offer - after doing that, probably all of the over the counter remedies would be covered by Petplan as well.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Poodlerunner said:


> Might you look at poodle rescue for an older dog?
> 
> 
> 
> pr



You know I wouldn't qualify for rescue with no yard, but my breeder has offered to give me one, but I just don't see it. It would be expensive to take on an older dog, and it would be a short-term solution because eventually I would have the same issue of not being able to be left alone with that dog. Plus I would be signing up for an additional term of elderly care and then loss - I am dreading Teaka's starting it as it is - signing up for a second one right after hers is a daunting thought.
Although this experience has made it crystal clear to me that I will always need to have two, it seems to me that the only sensible thing would be to eventually get a very tiny, go everywhere dog that could join Timi in our excursions. I know that does not help Teaka, but it is the only thing that makes sense for the bigger picture for me...


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## mom2m (Dec 24, 2014)

If Teaka is willing to follow Timi's lead in eating, maybe the same will happen for going out. It's worth trying for short outings. And a trip to the vet for anti-anxiety meds might be worth it. 

Will Teaka stay in a crate? With a yummy treat while you and Timi go out...sort of a Teaka treat time?

Thinking of you today. Take care.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

mom2m said:


> If Teaka is willing to follow Timi's lead in eating, maybe the same will happen for going out. It's worth trying for short outings. And a trip to the vet for anti-anxiety meds might be worth it.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Thanks but no, Teaka won't take a treat when she is anxious, but maybe it would be calming for her if I put her in Timi's puppy apartment when I take Timi out. She has not been crated in 12 years, but she was good with the crate when she was young. At least it would keep her from running around in a frenzy. And she likes carry bags and the soft sided crate. I will keep that on my list of things to try when the time comes.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

It hurts so much, but not enough.


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## Luce (Mar 4, 2013)

Tiny Poodels, Melatonin might be worth trying! When I went to NY for Christmas I gave her that along with the Ace..... It's the same stuff people take to help sleep. Luce didn't sleep, but she was very relaxed.

It might be worth a try to give it to her, wait an hour or so then leave for a few minutes to see how she does. 

Luce also ate it without hesitation!! OOOOOOOH a yummy treat!!!

By the way, I have pictures of Luna on the wall in the living room. She is always with me and I still feel guilty. It has gotten better over the years, when I start thinking about that night (excluding my last post) I start thinking about how bonded we were and how much she enriched my life. She was my little angle with wings right in my home.:angel::angel::angel:


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Oddly enough, Teaka just went into Timi's crate all on her own, first time ever, and rolled around on the bed for a minute. 
Sometimes there is just no other explanation than that our dogs have a psychic connection with us. At least that seems more likely than her logging onto the forum and reading this thread behind my back!


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

Your siggy is very saddening. I hate to think of anyone feeling this kind of loss. I hated that feeling so much when I lost my Doberman that I wrote several poems as some kind of outlet. I had real trouble letting him go and accepting he was gone. I have since then come to demand from myself that I think of my passing dogs as still here with me in some sort of way. And they are. And I keep in my mind that since I love them so much, I am monumentally glad they do not suffer anymore. I keep that uppermost. My poems are not the best poetry. And I hope this doesn't make you more sad. It is meant to help you see that Tangee is never really, completely lost to you, even though it feels like it now. 


Words From Lyric To Me 

I know you’re feeling sad and blue,
So hear these words from me to you,
Mourn not too long, for I am there,
Our lasting memories we’ll both share. 

I remember when you’d call,
I’d run so fast, I’d make you fall,
You fell hard upon the grass,
I laughed with glee, when you fell on your (oops). 

My memories of you are vast,
I love my present and I loved my past.
I am now, free of pain, 
Running in the shine or rain. 

Many, many friends I’ve made,
Here at the bridge, I know their names. 
Mom, you must know that I am fine,
Happy, healthy, the world is mine. 

Mom, don’t forget I miss you too, 
And sometimes feel sad and blue,
But when you come to join me here,
The meaning will be very clear.

And before you come, be sure to tell 
That I wish everybody well.
Be sure to tell them… they will see,
All the love you have for me.

For when dogs go off to Rainbow Bridge, 
Their families follow up the ridge,
Dogs and people go together,
Never parted by foul weather. 

Do not mourn so very long,
You taught me that very song,
Don’t forget that I am there, 
I’m in all you love so dear. 

I am everywhere, you see,
I am your very energy,
I’m even in your room at night,
Close your eyes and douse the light. 

I never really ever left,
My body yes, my soul not yet,
Not ever Mom, I’d never leave,
For we are intermingled weave. 

I’m still there, though you don’t know, 
It’s like the way a river flows,
It twists and turns and takes a dive,
It disappears, plays tricks and hides.

Keep me in your heart and mind,
And I with you, will keep in kind,
We’re interwoven, that’s forever, 
I won’t leave you, never ever. 

Written by: Carrie (in behalf of Lyric)


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

I just want her, she was all mine for 13 years, and I just want her, I can't let go - I have been holding on tight for so long, I can't loosen my grip.


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## Nora O (Sep 27, 2013)

That's how I feel right now, Tiny Poodles. Take care!


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## Carley's Mom (Oct 30, 2011)

So sorry for your lose. It never gets any easier to let them go. Glad you have other babies at home to help you heal.


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## Suddenly (Aug 8, 2013)

Tiny Poodles thinking about you everyday. I could imagine exactly how you feel. Lucky you to have 2 other babies to love. Peace be with you.
Xoxo
Suddenly


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

I was up all night watching the poodle cam recording, and other than very slight trouble getting up from laying down, she was her perfectly normal happy self right up until the minute that we left. There were several times the night before (when we went out for a couple of hours that she stood and watched the door for our return for thirty minutes at a time - that was not a dog that had less than 24 hours to live! I just don't understand how it changed so fast. There is nothing there that I can say "oh you missed that - you should have known".


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## Poodlerunner (Jul 4, 2014)

Tiny Poodles said:


> There is nothing there that I can say "oh you missed that - you should have known".


EXACTLY. You are a toy poodle expert, and a boss when it comes to your own poodles. Honey, Taeka was beating the odds because of your good care and your attention to every detail of her health and _you prolonged_ her life

but she was still very sick. It was a miracle that she was able to have such a good quality of life for so long. Thankfully, she did not suffer and she died with you.

You didn't miss anything and there wasn't anything you could have done differently. I hope you can accept that this was not your fault.

pr


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## Mfmst (Jun 18, 2014)

I hope you find comfort in that Tiny. You did not miss a sign nor a symptom. It is my fondest wish that out of this tragedy, Teaka becomes braver and can join you and Timi on some outings. Take care of yourself and the 2 T's. I know how hard this is. Big hug from Houston


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Poodlerunner said:


> EXACTLY. You are a toy poodle expert, and a boss when it comes to your own poodles. Honey, Taeka was beating the odds because of your good care and your attention to every detail of her health and _you prolonged_ her life
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I know that someday I will be grateful that her suffering was relatively short, but right now I feel cheated - she did not look like a dog that was about to die, and the cardiologist confirmed that and promised me a lot more quality time. She must feel awful saying that and having her die five minutes after she discharged her.

Strange that you mistakenly wrote Teaka instead of Tangee - this morning I woke up feeling sick to my stomach worried about Teaka - yes, she seems even healthier than Tangee, but I cannot deny the fact that she is only six months younger.
If want to take her to the Vet for a check-up, but I am kind of disgusted with her. The first time I called her for an emergency was when Timi swallowed the gum - I went to the ER first, but when they said Timi had to stay overnight, I thought I would rather she go to my regular vet who has 24 hour care, and will allow me to stay with her, so I called her, and she said "I am so sorry, we had absolutely no patients this weekend, so I gave the staff off." This time I called her first, explained what was happening, and she responded "ugh, I have the flu, and I am booked all day long, and it would be better for her to see the cardiologist anyway - I will call her and make sure that she can see you. And she did, and called me, and said "go over right now, they are waiting for you".
And other than sending me an automated email saying that Tangee is due for her annual check-up, that is the last I have heard from her. I specifically asked the Cardiologist if she was going to call her, and she said yes, she was going to do that right away. Plus, when the Cardiologist writes her notes, they are automatically emailed to the regular Vet.
Am I right to be turned off by this Vet? I have only been going to her three years, but still that is a lot of visits when you have three dogs - am I wrong to think that a phone call would have been appropriate? Now I feel hesitant to take Teaka in, because I know THAT conversation will happen the first time I see her!


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## Poodlerunner (Jul 4, 2014)

Tiny Poodles said:


> I know that someday I will be grateful that her suffering was relatively short, but right now I feel cheated - she did not look like a dog that was about to die, and the cardiologist confirmed that and promised me a lot more quality time. She must feel awful saying that and having her die five minutes after she discharged her.
> 
> Strange that you mistakenly wrote Teaka instead of Tangee - this morning I woke up feeling sick to my stomach worried about Teaka - yes, she seems even healthier than Tangee, but I cannot deny the fact that she is only six months younger.
> If want to take her to the Vet for a check-up, but I am kind of disgusted with her. The first time I called her for an emergency was when Timi swallowed the gum - I went to the ER first, but when they said Timi had to stay overnight, I thought I would rather she go to my regular vet who has 24 hour care, and will allow me to stay with her, so I called her, and she said "I am so sorry, we had absolutely no patients this weekend, so I gave the staff off." This time I called her first, explained what was happening, and she responded "ugh, I have the flu, and I am booked all day long, and it would be better for her to see the cardiologist anyway - I will call her and make sure that she can see you. And she did, and called me, and said "go over right now, they are waiting for you".
> ...


I'm sorry I referred to Taeka and Tangee. I call all my kids by the wrong names like, every time... so have pity on me please. I would be turned off by your vet too. It doesn't seem like you can rely on her lately and I do think she should have called you. Absolutely. (But the not calling doesn't make her a bad vet, you know? Maybe she just could use a little help in the bedside manner dept.) Sorry for being no help but I have to make compromises on my vet so...

pr


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

That's probably why I feel lousy for not putting Chulita down more expediently. I waited one more day. This disease seems to worsen exceedingly quickly. One day they're all right seemingly...going along. Then that fluid builds up like a sinking boat. I wish I had known before how very fast it can go. I would have taken her in immediately. It looks like Tangee, at least didn't have to go through a whole night of labored breathing. She was lucky that way to escape any real suffering. I'd be happy with that. I'd be so happy to know that. I miss all the dogs I've lost and the most recent few, I think about almost every day. But what I mainly remember (that happens a little later) is not the sickness, but the good times. I picture them having those good times right now and I'm living those times too. I glance through pictures and remember what happy dogs they were and what a good life I was able to provide for them. And that makes my heart glad. We have to lose them. There's no getting around that. It's the price we pay for all the love and joy they give us and we get to give them. And it sucks. And it breaks our hearts. But those memories and feelings that we absorbed by knowing them stay with us. So,_ they _stay with us. They're a part of us and always will be.


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## Caddy (Nov 23, 2014)

For me, it would be unforgivable if my regular vet did not reach out, especially after the sequence of events. It wouldn't matter to me that she may otherwise be a great vet, there are lots of good vets that are also sensitive and caring. That's just me, but if you are able to get past it, all the more power to you Tiny Poodles.


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## Nora O (Sep 27, 2013)

I did have a nice voice mail from Hotspur's regular vet a couple of days ago and I really did appreciate it since Hotspur died at the emergency clinic and not at our Doc's place. It's like with human docs: some are great clinicians, some have great bed-side manner but are not as adept clinicians and, when you are really lucky, you get both.

I feel for you Tiny Poodles. Today has been rough for me too. Since I was home at lunch time, I baked Hotspur's paw print. Just as it was baking, I rec'd a sympathy card from a friend and right after that, the emergency clinic called and said his remains were ready for pick-up. It was just too much at once and I started to crying when she was telling me and I've been crying off and on every since. I'm telling myself that perhaps his spirit was very close to me at that time, but, oh gee, what I wouldn't give to have his body back close to me too!


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

I know what my biggest mistake was - when she was done with her, the vet said that it wouldn't be wrong for her to stay overnight, but if you watch her very carefully it would also be reasonable to take her home. And I suggested "how about if I give you another couple of hours to observe her", and she said that's a great idea. She was breathing fine for those two hours - if only I had taken her home right away, maybe those two hours less stress would have made the difference. Or at the very least she would have died knowing that she was home surrounded by her family. 
I could just kick myself - I have said a thousand times that things only go bad when my dogs are in somebody else's care - they never happen when they are with me, and I left her there for more time than I absolutely had to. At the very least I could have had those two hours, and maybe months or years more.


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## Nora O (Sep 27, 2013)

Oh Sweetheart, please stop beating yourself up! You were being cautious, you wanted the best for her. My first choice was to leave Hotspur overnight and see if they could stabilize him because I wasn't ready to face the inevitable. I would have felt awful if he had died during the night away from home, from me, from Roz. And you were still able to take Tangee home and she died in your arms just as Hotspur died in my arms (even though it wasn't at home). I've spent this last week asking myself if I did something wrong, that somehow I might have saved him, that he wasn't even 10 years old yet and that I should have had him longer! But neither one of us can bring our darlings back. I know that you did everything you could for her and I'm sure that she loved you so much that she wouldn't want you to hurt yourself like this. I wish I lived closer to you so that we could hold each other, cry it all out and share our pain and our memories.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Nora O said:


> Oh Sweetheart, please stop beating yourself up! You were being cautious, you wanted the best for her. My first choice was to leave Hotspur overnight and see if they could stabilize him because I wasn't ready to face the inevitable. I would have felt awful if he had died during the night away from home, from me, from Roz. And you were still able to take Tangee home and she died in your arms just as Hotspur died in my arms (even though it wasn't at home). I've spent this last week asking myself if I did something wrong, that somehow I might have saved him, that he wasn't even 10 years old yet and that I should have had him longer! But neither one of us can bring our darlings back. I know that you did everything you could for her and I'm sure that she loved you so much that she wouldn't want you to hurt yourself like this. I wish I lived closer to you so that we could hold each other, cry it all out and share our pain and our memories.



I know, and I was a Social Worker - I very well know intellectually that all of this second guessing is part of "the process" yet it doesn't give me one drop of ability to distance myself from it - I feel every agonizing regret like a red hot branding iron.
Since we are not near one another, perhaps we should both look for a local support group...


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## bigredpoodle (Sep 13, 2009)

I have tears in my eyes as I write this . I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.. You gave her the most incredible life.. You have much to be proud of there. And she got to be with the one that she loved the most while leaving this plane and going to the bridge. She waits for you there.. 
Run Free Tangee may your cookie jar always be full ! 
(((HUGS))) Tiny ....


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

The beginning of the end began one week ago this evening. I know it sounds crazy, but as I begin to loose the continuous poodle came feed, It will feel like losing her at an even more permanent level. She is so alive in the video, just my Tangge, singing her special song when we went out for dinner, doing her happy dance when we came home, grumbling and chastising Timi, eating two dinners, and her breakfast - thrilled to pieces when she realizes that she is the one that gets to go out in the carrier that day.
So alive, I just can't believe that a few hours later, she was gone....


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## spoospirit (Mar 10, 2009)

_I am just catching up... sorry to have missed this earlier. 

I was excited to read that your baby was doing better and then my heart fell when I clicked to the next page to read that you lost her. I am so very sorry.

I've read most of this thread... I can see that you are on quite an emotional roller coaster right now. Knowing how attached you were to Tangge, I expect you will be on it for some time. 

There is nothing I can do to lessen the pain and the heartache for you. Loss is part of loving and being a pet owner. We all have to come to terms with it in our own way and in our own time. I am here though to listen and to understand and offer emotional support.

We have lost puppies at birth and in a week or two afterward. We cry and we mourn, we get angry with ourselves and ask ourselves hundreds of questions; was it something we did, did we not see a sign of something soon enough, should we have done X instead of Z, should we have let the baby go sooner to lessen its pain? We are human and if we love and we care, this part is necessary. 

It is mind boggling to see a pet full of life one moment and then see it gone practically the next. I know; I've not only lost puppies but have lost older dogs (sudden heart attack) and a 4 month old puppy due to an auto accident right in my own driveway! __The mind floods with questions and the heart with guilt. I have had to make the heart rending decision to ask the vet to let (insert name) pass over the Rainbow Bridge for its own sake; not mine. 

You can't and won't avoid this process. You are grieving, angry with yourself because, surely, there must have been something you should or should not have done. The fact is, every thing and every one must pass at some point. It was your precious babies time to leave. She suffered little and died the best place she could possibly have wanted to go from; your arms. It was a gift to you that you could hold her and help her on her way.

I know with the help of your friends on this forum and how hard you are working to sort it all out that you will find an equilibrium again. No, life will never be the same; it will be different, but it will be life. You will find other ways to celebrate it. I have faith in you that you will do that.

My heartfelt hugs and love to you.

Debbie
_


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

spoospirit said:


> _I am just catching up... sorry to have missed this earlier.
> 
> I was excited to read that your baby was doing better and then my heart fell when I clicked to the next page to read that you lost her. I am so very sorry.
> 
> ...


What a wonderful post. You said it all so beautifully and truthfully. It is indeed a heart wrenching thing and everyone must grieve their own way and in their own time.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

I might check out a support group this week.


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## poodlecrazy#1 (Jul 2, 2013)

Tiny Poodles said:


> I might check out a support group this week.



I think that is a very good idea. I had one when I lost Micah, it helped a lot.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

poodlecrazy#1 said:


> I think that is a very good idea. I had one when I lost Micah, it helped a lot.



It depends upon who is there - I went to one a few years ago that was apparently allowing a cognitively impaired/emotionally disturbed man rule the group on a regular basis - the whole group was about not making him erupt, and was useless for all of the others attending. But I will take a chance and see who is there this time.


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## spoospirit (Mar 10, 2009)

_This is a wonderful idea. I hope you find a very supportive and helpful one._




Tiny Poodles said:


> I might check out a support group this week.


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## poodlecrazy#1 (Jul 2, 2013)

Tiny Poodles said:


> It depends upon who is there - I went to one a few years ago that was apparently allowing a cognitively impaired/emotionally disturbed man rule the group on a regular basis - the whole group was about not making him erupt, and was useless for all of the others attending. But I will take a chance and see who is there this time.



Hmmm, I found the one I used through the at home euthanasia service we used. They also had grief counselors that you could talk to. Maybe you could look and see if there is a similar type thing around you?


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

I just keep thinking that if I had not given them those two extra hours to observe her, she would have been comfortably home - maybe not have happened and had more time, or at least spent her last two hours at home instead of in a scary ICU cage,,,


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## ArreauStandardPoodle (Sep 1, 2009)

I am very sorry for your loss.


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## Caddy (Nov 23, 2014)

Tiny poodles I hear your pain, regret, what if's and should have's and the this times last week. It hurts so much and you are in a period of such overwhelming pain right now, a place where most of us here have been. So feel free to keep voicing your grief, whenever and however you like, we are here for you. I wish I'd had this forum to reach out to when I lost Gracie last July, it would have helped to have so many caring people, people who understand.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Caddy said:


> Tiny poodles I hear your pain, regret, what if's and should have's and the this times last week. It hurts so much and you are in a period of such overwhelming pain right now, a place where most of us here have been. So feel free to keep voicing your grief, whenever and however you like, we are here for you. I wish I'd had this forum to reach out to when I lost Gracie last July, it would have helped to have so many caring people, people who understand.



Thank you, I really appreciate having people to talk to who understand that the pain and regret just doesn't go away in a day. One week without her is nothing compared to 13 years with her...


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## Poodlerunner (Jul 4, 2014)

It's true, it seems people just want you to go on and get over things, as if it were that easy... if only it were that easy. You take care TP 

pr


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## Manxcat (May 6, 2013)

People wouldn't expect you to get over the loss of a human family member quickly, but they seem to expect us to get over a non-human family member without much of a grieving process.

In actuality, I'd guess a lot of us invest more time, worry, thought, love, caring, giving and all those things in our non-human family than we do with some humans... I know I do. 

My non-human family has always left huge holes in my life - I guess the psychs would say they've been surrogate children - but other than with the crowd I work with now (all pet-people) I've always found it hard to show how much their loss means to me.

One minute, one hour, one day at a time Tiny. x x x


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Manxcat said:


> People wouldn't expect you to get over the loss of a human family member quickly, but they seem to expect us to get over a non-human family member without much of a grieving process.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Yes, I remember the first time that I went to a group - most "first timers" were shocked to discover that they were more devastated loosing their pet than when they had lost close family members. I think that there isn't a more pure perfect love on earth - similar to the love that a mother had for a newborn baby, but it never changes, it never distances - for over a decade there are daily surges of oxytocin every time that you touch them, every time that you look at them. I don't have human children either, but I have heard many a Mom of teen -adult children say that they actually preferred parenting their dogs.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Urgh, just looked at my Petplan account, and it was like a knife in my stomach to only see two names in there.
Debating if I should try to get to the group. It is snowing (on top of old ice) now. The next one isn't for two weeks, but it don't know if it is worth falling for - it invokes 10 blocks walking, half of them on a steep street to get there, and if won't be of much use to my other girls if I break something....


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Well I didn't go - why rusk my bones for something that won't change anything anyhow. Just gave Timi and Teaka some extra fun and cuddles instead.


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## blacky55667 (Dec 29, 2013)

I'm so sorry, i couldn't even imagine what your going through right now, :afraid: RIP Tangee :'( Stay strong!


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

blacky55667 said:


> I'm so sorry, i couldn't even imagine what your going through right now, :afraid: RIP Tangee :'( Stay strong!



Thank you, today is particularly difficult because they called to say that her ashes are back, I can still feel her in my hands, I can still feel her chin on my shoulder, I can still trace the freckles on her tail, I can still hear her voice, and they are going to hand me a box of dust and a clay paw print...


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## glorybeecosta (Nov 11, 2014)

Tinypoodle I never had children either and would not change that, as my dogs are better behaved than my friends kids were young. 

I have put 6 of my babies down in the last 50 years all small toy poodle,and the paid is the same of each of them. I accept the fact that I will normally out live them, so I always have 2, as I need the other one to come home to. I was down to 1 and them about 4 months ago accidentally stumbled on to Cayenne, the best that could have happened. The expense is high with 2 (had 4 at one time) but they are well worth it. I do not travel, no close family, so they are my everything, and I understand your pain.

Your other babies also are in pain, they know, so you need to be strong for those babies. I almost lost my second one after Tina a 4pound toy died, Schotsie, never did get over it and was never the same.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

glorybeecosta said:


> Tinypoodle I never had children either and would not change that, as my dogs are better behaved than my friends kids were young.
> 
> I have put 6 of my babies down in the last 50 years all small toy poodle,and the paid is the same of each of them. I accept the fact that I will normally out live them, so I always have 2, as I need the other one to come home to. I was down to 1 and them about 4 months ago accidentally stumbled on to Cayenne, the best that could have happened. The expense is high with 2 (had 4 at one time) but they are well worth it. I do not travel, no close family, so they are my everything, and I understand your pain.
> 
> Your other babies also are in pain, they know, so you need to be strong for those babies. I almost lost my second one after Tina a 4pound toy died, Schotsie, never did get over it and was never the same.



I know I am pathetic - of course I knew that this was coming the day that I brought her home, I have known it was coming since her heart murmur was first diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago, I should be grateful that she had a decent lifespan and did not suffer for long, and yet that does not change the way that I feel - not a drop.
Today would have been her 13 year, 4 month birthday. We were celebrating every month since her 13th...
Half of me doesn't ever want to get another poodle, and half of me thinks that it would be dangerous to have less than two.


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## Poodlerunner (Jul 4, 2014)

Tiny Poodles said:


> I know I am pathetic - of course I knew that this was coming the day that I brought her home, I have known it was coming since her heart murmur was first diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago, I should be grateful that she had a decent lifespan and did not suffer for long, and yet that dies not change the way that I feel - not a drop.
> Today would have been her 13 year, 4 month birthday. We were celebrating every month since her 13th...
> Half of me doesn't ever want to get another poodle, and half of me thinks that it would be dangerous to have less than two.


I don't think you are pathetic {{{{{tiny}}}}}

pr


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## kontiki (Apr 6, 2013)

Tiny Poodles, I just found this thread about an hour ago, and have been riding this emotional roller of hope and then grief and loss reading every single post. Exhausting.

I feel it is a great gift that you are giving us of yourself to be able to share so deeply what you are feeling and going through. Your incredible love comes through so loud and clear. Know that your beloved Tangee was so grateful to be yours. All of your self doubt and anxiety is because you have such a huge heart. Only folks who didn't care much would not be feeling any of these things. 

I am fascinated to hear that your other little ones are changing their own behaviors and adapting. I am sending you love and comfort in your grief.


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## Misfits (Dec 27, 2014)

TinyPoodles, you're not pathetic. You're in pain. The depth of your grief is a testament to the depth of your love.

When you care for one with a chronic illness it brings you even closer to them. And of course you know what's coming so you try to prepare yourself but nothing prepares you for such a deep loss. I would not have expected you to have picked yourself up, dusted yourself off and gotten on with it by now.

I had to say good-bye to my Amazing Miss Peaches in August of 2013. Yes, I knew it was coming. She lived with Chronic Allergic Bronchitis for five years. Then she got sudden onset glaucoma and had to have an eye removed. Its rare for glaucoma not to hit the second eye, and it happened to her a year later. So she had her second eye removed. The meds she took for the glaucoma caused her to lose her hearing. How could I not know it was coming? I have never grieved so hard. I can still barely look at her pictures. Its a normal process - this grief thing. It sucks but it's normal. If you're pathetic we're all pathetic.

Diana


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Thank you ladies, your thoughtful replies are very comforting and helpful.

Mornings are the worst - Tangee was our faithful alarm clock waking us all up with 3 sharp barks at her prescribed time.
Now, when my eyes finally flutter open on their own, I find that I am alone, my other two have silently gotten out of bed on their own, and my heart breaks again....


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## Greenfoley (Jan 26, 2011)

Oh Tiny I am so so sorry. I am sorry that on the day I was meeting my new little man you lost your little old woman. I'm sorry it took me 2 weeks to see your thread. I'm just so dang sorry. I read through this entire thread in one sitting, thinking of the day I lost my heart dog, Henry, and the months of overwhelming grief I felt after, a grief that still can stop me in my tracks almost two years later. Grief that is running down my cheeks as I type this. I know that nothing I can possibly say will make you feel any better but know you are not alone in anything you have said. Your grief, your self doubt, those moments you forget she's gone and suddenly are jarred back to reality when you go to pet her or think of buying her something special and remember. It took me months to be able to go in any pet store without crying, especially the one we visited so often. It took over a year to stop looking at toys for him and then get slammed with grief again when I would remember not to buy them because he was gone. Heck about a month ago I was looking for fabric to make Linus (I started to type Henry ffs) a blanket and came across a lovely flannel fabric that had little grey dogs running around, paw prints, bones, etc and freaking little banners that said Henry on them. I cried.

Anyways, sorry, didn't mean to make this all about me and my still ever present grief. Henry's loss was long coming, he had a rough last couple of years and we let him go mainly for quality of life reasons, his body was mostly healthy still at 14yrs old but his mind was gone and he was constantly wracked with anxiety. So when he got sick and quit eating I made the decision to let him go rather than push through and don't you think I don't beat myself up over that decision every day still. It's a different self doubt but it's just as sharp and hateful. I'm still working on it.

I made this graphic (and several others) in the haze of grief following letting him go. I look back on it often, reminding myself that it really was the right thing to do even though the world is a much darker place without him in it.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Greenfoley said:


> Oh Tiny I am so so sorry. I am sorry that on the day I was meeting my new little man you lost your little old woman. I'm sorry it took me 2 weeks to see your thread. I'm just so dang sorry. I read through this entire thread in one sitting, thinking of the day I lost my heart dog, Henry, and the months of overwhelming grief I felt after, a grief that still can stop me in my tracks almost two years later. Grief that is running down my cheeks as I type this. I know that nothing I can possibly say will make you feel any better but know you are not alone in anything you have said. Your grief, your self doubt, those moments you forget she's gone and suddenly are jarred back to reality when you go to pet her or think of buying her something special and remember. It took me months to be able to go in any pet store without crying, especially the one we visited so often. It took over a year to stop looking at toys for him and then get slammed with grief again when I would remember not to buy them because he was gone. Heck about a month ago I was looking for fabric to make Linus (I started to type Henry ffs) a blanket and came across a lovely flannel fabric that had little grey dogs running around, paw prints, bones, etc and freaking little banners that said Henry on them. I cried.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I am really sorry that my grief brings back your own. But it is comforting to be know that others understand the depth of this loss.

Right now my life is filled with constant reminders - I washed Tangee's hair with this bottle of shampoo, Tangee ate her last breakfast from this bag of food...

I found a railroad ticket that I had bought two months in advance to take Timi to her class in my wallet, and it says "expires after February 22, 2015, and it struck me that little did I know that when I bought it, it was talking about Tangee...


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## Poodlerunner (Jul 4, 2014)

Tiny Poodles said:


> little did I know that when I bought it, it was talking about Tangee...


That's so sad, TP. That gives me an idea though. Might you like to make a little scrapbook for her? They make little smashbooks that you can pick up in Michaels or online. They have little pockets for stuff you want to save that is connected to her... of course places for pictures... pages for little stories you want to remember. I've made a few and I love them. They are meant to be very casually made, not a big production. 

pr


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## Greenfoley (Jan 26, 2011)

Tiny Poodles said:


> I am really sorry that my grief brings back your own.


Nope no being sorry! See, the grief is always there, you didn't bring it back because it never left. I welcome it because it's all I have left. Without it I might forget him and how very much I loved him. The difference is that now I can smile past the grief, instead of it taking over and making me feel like I'm dying, it's just a dull and aching reminder of my old man and now it brings with it all the good memories.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Poodlerunner said:


> That's so sad, TP. That gives me an idea though. Might you like to make a little scrapbook for her? They make little smashbooks that you can pick up in Michaels or online. They have little pockets for stuff you want to save that is connected to her... of course places for pictures... pages for little stories you want to remember. I've made a few and I love them. They are meant to be very casually made, not a big production.
> 
> pr


I was thinking that Tangee, and some of her things is going to go into the soft sided carrier that was her favorite "safe spot".


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Greenfoley said:


> Nope no being sorry! See, the grief is always there, you didn't bring it back because it never left. I welcome it because it's all I have left. Without it I might forget him and how very much I loved him. The difference is that now I can smile past the grief, instead of it taking over and making me feel like I'm dying, it's just a dull and aching reminder of my old man and now it brings with it all the good memories.


I understand exactly what you mean about your grief being all you have left.
I don't want to get over it, not at all....


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## Poodlerunner (Jul 4, 2014)

Tiny Poodles said:


> I don't want to get over it, not at all....


Oh, I remember that. It wasn't a dog but it doesn't matter. I did not want to hear that I would be better some day, so I am not going to say that to you. 

pr


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## Nora O (Sep 27, 2013)

Dear Tiny Poodles - I know how you feel. I got through this week better than the week before and then yesterday, I hit the wall again. I missed Hotspur so much yesterday and today (and he died two weeks ago today). Plus, a neighbor down the street who owns a brother of Hotspur's (same parents, one year apart and her dog is older), had heard about him and brought me a card and & a memorial stone. I wept. She invited Roz to come play with her boys but I don't know if I can bear to see her boy, Cider, who could be Hotspur's twin, they looked so much alike. I can't stand seeing how lonely Roz is either.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Nora O said:


> Dear Tiny Poodles - I know how you feel. I got through this week better than the week before and then yesterday, I hit the wall again. I missed Hotspur so much yesterday and today (and he died two weeks ago today). Plus, a neighbor down the street who owns a brother of Hotspur's (same parents, one year apart and her dog is older), had heard about him and brought me a card and & a memorial stone. I wept. She invited Roz to come play with her boys but I don't know if I can bear to see her boy, Cider, who could be Hotspur's twin, they looked so much alike. I can't stand seeing how lonely Roz is either.



It is just a constant barrage of things that spike the pain, isn't it? Sometimes you get distracted for a little while, but then it hits you all over again, and it is twice as bad. Waking up in the morning is hardest for me - the time it takes me to remember is getting shorter, but the feeling when I do is the same. Today I finally had to do the laundry and wash the cloths that I was wearing on that day. The shirt that Tangee last rested her chin on. I must have spent a half hour holding that shirt...Timi wouldn't stop sniffing it....
I can only imagine how upsetting it must be to have Hotspur's older brother down the street. Maybe at some point it might be comforting, but only you will know when and if that happens. I am sure that now you probably feel a little cheated that you had a shorter time than they did... But then, you aways feel cheated - there is never enough time with them...


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

We all went to pick Tangee up last night. It was hard being in the waiting room - I sat across the room and looked at the spot where she was handed over to me for the last time - it was like I was watching a movie of our last moments together.
I have not opened the bag yet, but whatever is in there, the box and the paw print, it weighs exactly what she weighed, and is about the same size - it really felt like I got to hold her again. It felt good to feel her weight in my arms again. I carried her all the way home cradled in my arms - it felt good to bring her home...


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## Poodlerunner (Jul 4, 2014)

I'm so happy you got to have her in your arms again.

pr


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## Ladyscarletthawk (Dec 6, 2011)

Im heartbroken for you, and know how it feels to lose a family pet.. I know how it feels that you failed them or missed something, or could have done something different and they would still be here. It never really goes away. That's Ok, it just takes time for you to move on. And by move one, I mean that it gets easier and having fond memories won't feel like a crime. My heart goes to you! My toy poodle is 11yrs so this subject has been on my mind. Right now she seems like she's in great shape, and will live another 7 yrs lol. But still I want you to know, that it wasn't your fault, and do your best to think of all the good things that happened in her life! As for getting another poodle, it may be too soon and who knows how they will get along your other dog? Take time to heal .


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Ladyscarletthawk said:


> Im heartbroken for you, and know how it feels to lose a family pet.. I know how it feels that you failed them or missed something, or could have done something different and they would still be here. It never really goes away. That's Ok, it just takes time for you to move on. And by move one, I mean that it gets easier and having fond memories won't feel like a crime. My heart goes to you! My toy poodle is 11yrs so this subject has been on my mind. Right now she seems like she's in great shape, and will live another 7 yrs lol. But still I want you to know, that it wasn't your fault, and do your best to think of all the good things that happened in her life! As for getting another poodle, it may be too soon and who knows how they will get along your other dog? Take time to heal .



I still have an almost 13 year old and a 13 month old. I think it was a good thing to get a puppy just because I wanted her and have Tangee help raise her - much better than in times past when I got a puppy because there was a hole in my heart and my life. There will be another someday, but I am in no hurry, my senior is very healthy and vigorous, and I think has many years left.


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

It is a roller coaster to get through the grief. Good days, bad days. Reminders of the one who is gone come from no where or from very specific things. It is all at once sad, happy, hard, easy, takes you to the bottom and then flings you up in the air. Thankfully here at PF none of us has to try to explain why a dog was so important to us to grieve its loss so deeply. We are all of one mind in understanding.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

lily cd re said:


> It is a roller coaster to get through the grief. Good days, bad days. Reminders of the one who is gone come from no where or from very specific things. It is all at once sad, happy, hard, easy, takes you to the bottom and then flings you up in the air. Thankfully here at PF none of us has to try to explain why a dog was so important to us to grieve its loss so deeply. We are all of one mind in understanding.



So true, I just walked down the block where Tangee stopped breathing, and of course it brought me right back there.
I am sort of stuck on opening the bag with her ashes and footprint - I know that I have to put her in the little soft crate that was her safe spot, I know that is where she should be, but there was something so unexpectedly comforting about holding that bag which is just about precisely the same size and weight that Tangee was, I sort of don't want to change it....and of course I know that actually seeing it will send me on another ride, who knows for how long....


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## Manxcat (May 6, 2013)

If you're not ready, then wait.

There's no rush :hug:


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

I don't like Mondays. Every Monday I am right back there reliving every moment, recalling more details every time, finding more things to hurt over.


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## Ladyscarletthawk (Dec 6, 2011)

Im so sorry this has been so hard on you :hug:


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Ladyscarletthawk said:


> Im so sorry this has been so hard on you :hug:



I know it is an inevitable part of loving a dog, but knowing it doesn't make it one bit easier. There is just no getting around the fact that my innocent baby thought that I was going to help her, make her feel better, and I didn't....


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## Charmed (Aug 4, 2014)

Ah, but you did make her feel better. She is no longer hurting. Now is the time for you to allow yourself to grieve the way you need to and then allow yourself to feel better. Hugs.


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## Ladyscarletthawk (Dec 6, 2011)

You made her feel good while she was alive. Unfortunately we can't change what happens, or how things will go down. We can try to not feel guilty for things out of our control. It is so hard! I get it, I wish I could help take some of the pain from you, cause its all coming down at once and hard. Love on the babies you still have and cherish the time you have left with them


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## kontiki (Apr 6, 2013)

She knows you did every single thing you knew to do to make her feel better, and she loves you to bits. Just know that....


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Thanks for your kind words and for putting up with me. Sunday - Monday is just the worst for me, every week the final 24 hours replays so vividly that it like it just happened. Today I realized that her last conscious moment was looking into my eyes. She gave a sad weak cough, and her head dropped onto my shoulder. I can't believe that I didn't realize it then, but I think that she was unconscious after that....


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## Manxcat (May 6, 2013)

So her final conscious thought was gazing adoringly at the Mom she loved and being gazed back at in the same adoring manner?

Oh that we could all go surrounded by such love.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

And the nightmare continues - Teaka has a new grade 1-2 murmur, and I am going to have to take her to the same Cardiologist.
I can't believe it - she was just there maybe 2-3 months ago and had no murmur.


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## patk (Jun 13, 2013)

tiny, how was the murmur discovered? by her regular vet? this is so distressing.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

Chulita was diagnosed with a grade 1 heart murmur _years_ ago. I mean like maybe when she was about 5. I can't remember exactly when. But she lived with that just fine for a lot of years. She only started showing slight signs in the last couple years and not very bad until the last year or so. So, this diagnosis may not be too bad after all. (well, it's always bad because eventually, it's bound to be very hard) But Teaka may have many good years left. I suppose they all can progress at different rates but I bet you have some good times left. I hope so.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Yes, she went for a check-up today. I will see about taking her to the cardiologist next week.
I have had so many varied experiences with this, I know that I just have to wait and see what the Cardiologist finds.
Tasia was diagnosed with a grade one at age 12, and two weeks later went into heart failure and died.
Taylee was diagnosed with a grade 2-3 at age 9, but it never progressed, never needed meds, and she died of unrelated causes at age 13. Tangee first had a murmur at age 11, started meds six months later, was well maintained on the meds until 3 weeks ago, you know what happened.... I am afraid that because of her age, Teaka's might progress, but I don't know. I just can't believe I have to walk into the same place with her so soon...


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

It is just that this is making my worst fear that age 13 is the turning point sound like a real possibility :-( I always thought that Teaka was going to be by far my longest lived dog, she has always been so healthy...


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## patk (Jun 13, 2013)

i hope it will not turn out as you fear. teaka may have many years ahead of her with the right treatment and care, and we all know you are prepared to give her that. let us know what the cardiologist says.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

That is just so hard. The whole thing sucks! I ask myself over and over, especially when something is going wrong, Why the *insert choice of swear word* do we keep doing this to ourselves? Over and over, I keep getting more dogs when I know darn well the heartache that comes and the price we pay for having them. My daughter is such a basket case when one of my dogs passes on that she doesn't think she can ever get a dog or cat because she is just beside herself with grief, even worse than I am. We're both sensitive but she's over the top. All I keep trying to do is balance out that pragmatic, analytical part of the view to try and off set some of the emotional part. It doesn't work all that well. But who knows...gotta try something. There are a lot of people who really have such a hard time, they choose not to ever get another dog. I've heard that from so many people._ "Oh, we use to have a Lab. She grew up with the kids...wonderful dog. After she died, we just couldn't go through it again...never got another dog."_


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Poodlebeguiled said:


> That is just so hard. The whole thing sucks! I ask myself over and over, especially when something is going wrong, Why the *insert choice of swear word* do we keep doing this to ourselves? Over and over, I keep getting more dogs when I know darn well the heartache that comes and the price we pay for having them. My daughter is such a basket case when one of my dogs passes on that she doesn't think she can ever get a dog or cat because she is just beside herself with grief, even worse than I am. We're both sensitive but she's over the top. All I keep trying to do is balance out that pragmatic, analytical part of the view to try and off set some of the emotional part. It doesn't work all that well. But who knows...gotta try something. There are a lot of people who really have such a hard time, they choose not to ever get another dog. I've heard that from so many people._ "Oh, we use to have a Lab. She grew up with the kids...wonderful dog. After she died, we just couldn't go through it again...never got another dog."_



I wrestle back and forth with the same issue. As you might be able to tell from this thread, I lean towards your daughter's end of the spectrum in coping poorly with the grief. But the thing that always makes me dive in again is the thought that these dogs would have been born and lived with or without me - it would be selfish of me not to take them and give them the wonderful life that they deserve just because I am so afraid of the pain. Not saying that there are not others who could give them just as good a life, probably anybody here on the forum would, but still I think that we are in the minority, and odds are still high that they would not fare as well in another home. I just look at the pain as my final sacrifice for them. They deserve that much and more for the joy that they give me.


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## DizzyIzzy (Mar 23, 2014)

Tiny Poodles said:


> I wrestle back and forth with the same issue. As you might be able to tell from this thread, I lean towards your daughter's end of the spectrum in coping poorly with the grief. But the thing that always makes me dive in again is the thought that these dogs would have been born and lived with or without me - it would be selfish of me not to take them and give them the wonderful life that they deserve just because I am so afraid of the pain. Not saying that there are not others who could give them just as good a life, probably anybody here on the forum would, but still I think that we are in the minority, and odds are still high that they would not fare as well in another home. I just look at the pain as my final sacrifice for them. They deserve that much and more for the joy that they give me.



Oh, does that statement ring true. I grieve until I stop. My husband finally had to learn that kind of grief when we lost our boxers. He didn't belive he could love another dog-it wasn't "them". They were our babies. Now Izzy, and crew, are irreplaceable. They replaced no one. We still have moments of grief. We hold our new babies and are thankful for the smiles they bring us.

Any encouragement I try to type is too trite. I am sorry for the extra stress of the next week.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

DizzyIzzy said:


> Oh, does that statement ring true. I grieve until I stop. My husband finally had to learn that kind of grief when we lost our boxers. He didn't belive he could love another dog-it wasn't "them". They were our babies. Now Izzy, and crew, are irreplaceable. They replaced no one. We still have moments of grief. We hold our new babies and are thankful for the smiles they bring us.
> 
> 
> 
> Any encouragement I try to type is too trite. I am sorry for the extra stress of the next week.



Thank you, I guess that the sad truth is that we all know where this will end, we just don't know how bumpy the ride will be, and how long it will take to get there. We know it from the moment that we bring these tiny little balls of fluff into our homes and into our hearts.
But the good news is that Teaka is still one of the happiest, most energetic almost 13 year olds that you will ever find - she will match or beat Timi's duration for a game of fetch all day long !


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## Mfmst (Jun 18, 2014)

I'm certainly hoping that Teaka's heart murmur can be controlled with medication. It's such rotten timing! My husband's heart surgeon told him that genes trump everything and we know she has good ones. I hope the cardiologist is optimistic, just so darn sorry you have to visit the practice this soon. You must be numb. Hugs your way.


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## Poodlerunner (Jul 4, 2014)

Tiny Poodles said:


> I wrestle back and forth with the same issue. As you might be able to tell from this thread, I lean towards your daughter's end of the spectrum in coping poorly with the grief. But the thing that always makes me dive in again is the thought that these dogs would have been born and lived with or without me - it would be selfish of me not to take them and give them the wonderful life that they deserve just because I am so afraid of the pain. Not saying that there are not others who could give them just as good a life, probably anybody here on the forum would, but still I think that we are in the minority, and odds are still high that they would not fare as well in another home. I just look at the pain as my final sacrifice for them. They deserve that much and more for the joy that they give me.


Having a human heart has a lot of risks. Having children and pets makes our hearts so fragile... AND we have to wear them on the outside of our body where they are so much more vulnerable. 

pr


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## Caddy (Nov 23, 2014)

i hope things go well for you Tiny Poodles, difficult to be faced with any health issues so soon. We do what we have to do for them, and put our hearts on the line again and again. I said that "I don't think I can do this again" after loosing Gracie, but my husband said "I don't want to live without that kind of love in my life". So here we are with Abbey, and it is all worth it, again. Thinking about you...


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## Ladyscarletthawk (Dec 6, 2011)

If it makes you feel better Eve has lived with a heart murmur for 11 years.. It is so faint only some vets can hear it. Yes she was born with it lol


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Geez, I was looking at some of Tangee's pill bottles and realized that it had only been a year and a few days since she started the meds, I really thought it was longer than that....


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Please wish us luck, got Teaka in to see the Cardiologist this evening.


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

Oh not, this stinks. Just remember veterinary medicine has made the same kinds of strides that human medicine has and that management strategies now are better than they used to be. Think about how well Tangee did for quite a while after her diagnosis. I hope that things go smoothly, but certainly do appreciate how hard it will be to sit in that waiting room and walk into that exam room.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

lily cd re said:


> Oh not, this stinks. Just remember veterinary medicine has made the same kinds of strides that human medicine has and that management strategies now are better than they used to be. Think about how well Tangee did for quite a while after her diagnosis. I hope that things go smoothly, but certainly do appreciate how hard it will be to sit in that waiting room and walk into that exam room.



I hoping that it goes just as it did for Taylee, which was never progressed, never needed meds. Quite possible since they were both Dalins and Tangee was not.
Not going to be easy to go in there. I am going to bring Timi to keep me distracted....


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## mom2m (Dec 24, 2014)

Thinking of you today, Tiny Poodles.

Hope the visit goes better than expected.


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## MollyMuiMa (Oct 13, 2012)

Just hoping for some good news.....you are SO overdue!


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

MollyMuiMa said:


> Just hoping for some good news.....you are SO overdue!



Well the news was pretty good. She said the disease is mild, no medication or restrictions needed now, and if it should progress it would be much more treatable because hers is on the right side of the heart , which would mean that if it progressed fluid would only back up into the belly, not the lungs like it did Tangee's which was on the left side.

So I am cautiously optimistic. I have my reservations because Tangee died three minutes after I was told that she would be fine for a good while to come, and Tasia died two weeks after I was told that it would be years before we would even have to think about giving her meds.
But Teaka is a Dalin, just like Taylee whose murmur never progressed, so I will try to believe that she will follow suit!


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## patk (Jun 13, 2013)

from your mouth to god's ears, tiny.


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## Manxcat (May 6, 2013)

A cautious and gentle YAY! Sounds optimistic  :hug:


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## Poodlerunner (Jul 4, 2014)

I'm so glad you got good news for Teaka. I'm glad you are going on the faith in her being a Dalin. 

pr


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

That is good news. I hope that she stays stable for a good long time. I'm glad you have caught a break. You deserve it.


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## Mfmst (Jun 18, 2014)

Yay! No medication and no restrictions? That is welcome news and such a relief!


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## glorybeecosta (Nov 11, 2014)

I am so glad to hear your good news, and best wishes for the baby.


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## hopetocurl (Jan 8, 2014)

Keeping my fingers crossed.


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## MollyMuiMa (Oct 13, 2012)

The 'Poodle Prayers' must have reached the right ears!!!!! YAY!!!!!!


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## Viking Queen (Nov 12, 2014)

We bring them into our lives over and over again, know how hard saying goodbye is, because to live without the comfort and companionship of our pets is simply unthinkable. At least this is so for me.

I am happy for your optomistic news and pray that this is but a minor bump in the road for both of you.

(((Hugs))) Viking Queen and the Lovely Miss Iris


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Thanks everyone! You know she is very similar to Taylee in how active and spry she is - I bet that hers will follow a similar corse of not progressing. Reading the Cardiologists report today, it sounded even less scary, almost like it is just a normal part of aging. I still remember Taylee's last ultrasound - it had actually improved from the previous ones!


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

I talk and talk about this on the internet, and I feel a little better, but I sign off and I still expect to see Tangee laying by my feet, I still remember when it is time for her medication, I still worry about what she would like to eat today, I miss how I would just touch the side of her mouth and she would open wide for her pills, I miss how she would push her toothless mouth against my hand to shovel the food in, I miss the smell of her breath, and the touch of her soft hair, I miss her grumbling and vibrating her tail at me when she wanted me to figure out what she wanted, I miss how excited she would get when I said it was time for bed, how she would pick up a toy and give it some happy swings, and then happily go to me to pick her up, I miss the weight of her in my arms, I always stopped on the way to bed and looked at us in the mirror, she looked so adorable in my arms, I miss her warm body snuggled against the small of my back, I miss her warm breath on my face in the morning, and the three sharp "I am ready to get out of bed barks" as soon as she saw my eyelids flutter.
I miss saying her sweet name, Tangee.
I don't know how my child cannot be here. There is a bag in the corner that supposedly contains what remains of her, but I can't look at it. Once I take her out and put her in her crate with her things, there will be nothing left that I am allowed to do for her, and I can't stand that.


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## Oreo's Mommy (Dec 18, 2012)

My heart aches for you. My Fifi's urn is in my top dresser drawer next to my medication. I have photos surrounding the urn. She died of CHF. The photos remind me of happier times and her urn reminds me that she is running free now at Rainbow Bridge waiting for me. 

I pray you will be able to find some happiness in your sweet memories. When I first got OREO, I felt so guilty for loving him. I finally realized that he needed me right now and I was cheating him by not letting Fifi be free. I had done all I could for Fifi, I could not dishonor her memory by withholding affection for OREO. 

Please understand I am definitely not saying you are doing this...I did though and I missed out of some great memories of OREO.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Oreo's Mommy said:


> My heart aches for you. My Fifi's urn is in my top dresser drawer next to my medication. I have photos surrounding the urn. She died of CHF. The photos remind me of happier times and her urn reminds me that she is running free now at Rainbow Bridge waiting for me.
> 
> I pray you will be able to find some happiness in your sweet memories. When I first got OREO, I felt so guilty for loving him. I finally realized that he needed me right now and I was cheating him by not letting Fifi be free. I had done all I could for Fifi, I could not dishonor her memory by withholding affection for OREO.
> 
> Please understand I am definitely not saying you are doing this...I did though and I missed out of some great memories of OREO.



I very much understand how that happens, it is VERY hard letting go of the need to take care of a furbaby that you have dedicated yourself to for so long, and protecting myself from feeling resentful of the next one is why I got Timi ten months ago, and why I wonder if I should get another puppy even though it is the last thing that I want at this moment....


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## SusanG (Aug 8, 2009)

I'm so sorry. The sadness never quite goes away. I had to have my first poodle put to sleep when she was 15 1/2. She was ill, blind, deaf, lost control of her bladder, plagued with skin problems. I still wonder if I did the right thing. I will never forget her, or the look in her eyes when she left, or how much I loved her. That was in 1981. I still miss her. I think about how much she would have liked my Callie and Molly and can picture them playing together.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

SusanG said:


> I'm so sorry. The sadness never quite goes away. I had to have my first poodle put to sleep when she was 15 1/2. She was ill, blind, deaf, lost control of her bladder, plagued with skin problems. I still wonder if I did the right thing. I will never forget her, or the look in her eyes when she left, or how much I loved her. That was in 1981. I still miss her. I think about how much she would have liked my Callie and Molly and can picture them playing together.



I guess that is the thing that makes it harder with Tangee, she was still very much enjoying life and I was promised more quality time. I have pored over the poodle cam video from the 24 hours leading up to that day, and other than having a little difficulty with movement from the fluid (which they said that they could get rid of), she was a happy girl right up until the moment that we left. Though I would have let her go if she was suffering, neither one of us were ready for her to go that day....


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## SusanG (Aug 8, 2009)

Words can't express how your heart must be breaking, losing her, your baby, your child. Take some comfort in knowing that she was happy, in your arms and she felt your love. She was not alone, and she was at peace being with you. It was the greatest gift you could have given her. You will know when the time is right, when it feels right to get another puppy. Trust your heart.


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## kontiki (Apr 6, 2013)

It seems so odd that each of your dogs has heart murmurs.. I am trying to think what could have been the commonality? Do they all eat the same food? Or have the same vitamins? Or could there be something environmental? How sad.


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## Caddy (Nov 23, 2014)

Tiny poodles my heart breaks for you, because my heart is still broken, so I know all too well all the things you say. I must say after Gracie died, I said "I can't do this again", I know we did our best and all we could for her but still, theirs that nagging. I called, asked questions and spoke to everyone who had participated in her care the last hours of her life. I can't tell you what I was looking for, but she was gone, and although she had been suffering with diabetes and the terrible side effects one week to the day prior we had an all clear on her health. We celebrated! I too was lost, just lost, no insulin shots, no eye drops, no preparing her meals, none of the things that filled my days. I've said it before here, Abbey helped heal my heart, but I find myself in a panic if I suspect something is wrong with her. But... I would not give up one second of my time with Gracie so I didn't have to miss her so or feel the pain of being without her. Time does heal. We care so much because we cared for them so well, and I believe my Gracie most certainly new how loved she was, as did Tangee.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

kontiki said:


> It seems so odd that each of your dogs has heart murmurs.. I am trying to think what could have been the commonality? Do they all eat the same food? Or have the same vitamins? Or could there be something environmental? How sad.



Just aging, it is one of the most common causes of death in older small dogs. All four that I have gotten to old age eventually got it.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Caddy said:


> Tiny poodles my heart breaks for you, because my heart is still broken, so I know all too well all the things you say. I must say after Gracie died, I said "I can't do this again", I know we did our best and all we could for her but still, theirs that nagging. I called, asked questions and spoke to everyone who had participated in her care the last hours of her life. I can't tell you what I was looking for, but she was gone, and although she had been suffering with diabetes and the terrible side effects one week to the day prior we had an all clear on her health. We celebrated! I too was lost, just lost, no insulin shots, no eye drops, no preparing her meals, none of the things that filled my days. I've said it before here, Abbey helped heal my heart, but I find myself in a panic if I suspect something is wrong with her. But... I would not give up one second of my time with Gracie so I didn't have to miss her so or feel the pain of being without her. Time does heal. We care so much because we cared for them so well, and I believe my Gracie most certainly new how loved she was, as did Tangee.



I know how painful it is when you get that false hope, celebrate, and then have the rug pulled out from under you. 
I also spoke to everyone and got copies of Taylee's and Tangee's chart after they died.
And it truly does hurt when your days were filled with taking care of them, and suddenly there is nothing, but nothing that you can do for them. I guess that suffering the pain of their loss is the final thing that we do for them, because if we had not accepted that it would come, we could never have given them the years of love and care that we did.

I also know that sheer panic of being afraid that something will happen to the dog that you have - that is how I wound up having three. Timi and Teaka are the only reason that I am surviving this. And I will eventually get another puppy, probably while I still have Teaka, because the fear of loss is so great, I don't think that I can ever be comfortable with less than two dogs. Have you thought of getting a second one? I am very glad that I got Timi before we lost Tangee - it is much harder to bond with a puppy after a loss I think. Timi isn't "a new dog" she is Tangee's sister, and that makes me cherish her even more...


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## Caddy (Nov 23, 2014)

Yes I think we will get another one, but Abbey is only 18 weeks old, and it would be nice to have a separation in age. But we'll see.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Caddy said:


> Yes I think we will get another one, but Abbey is only 18 weeks old, and it would be nice to have a separation in age. But we'll see.



Tangee and Teaka were only six months apart, but I think that I have many more years with Teaka. But, I think that you can wait as long as you like if Abbey gets regular socialization with other appropriate dogs (like Timi going to the dog park), but FYI in my experience, if they are not regularly around other dogs, by age 1-2 many of them will loose interest in other dogs, and they won't have the kind of friendship/play that you would expect - not always, but often that does happen.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

A month ago this morning Tangee was in my arms, and a month ago now I was weeping, just as I am now.
Time flies and Time stands still.


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## glorybeecosta (Nov 11, 2014)

Tinypoodle that is why I always have 2 the thought of losing one, and having nothing, I cannot handle. 

I do say that I have Bella she is 7.5 and I have had her 6 years, she and Shotsie, existed, but never really had much to do with each other, and they were about 2 years apart. Bella was by her self for 2 years, then I got Cayenne, for 3 weeks she wanted noting to do with her. Now you cannot separate them, if I scold Cayenne, she runs to Bella, and they sit touching each other. They pay zoomines every night. If someone picks on or the other up, when they put them down, the other runs over and smells all over them. Cayenne has made Bella 3 years old instead of 7.5. I just love them so much.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

glorybeecosta said:


> Tinypoodle that is why I always have 2 the thought of losing one, and having nothing, I cannot handle.
> 
> I do say that I have Bella she is 7.5 and I have had her 6 years, she and Shotsie, existed, but never really had much to do with each other, and they were about 2 years apart. Bella was by her self for 2 years, then I got Cayenne, for 3 weeks she wanted noting to do with her. Now you cannot separate them, if I scold Cayenne, she runs to Bella, and they sit touching each other. They pay zoomines every night. If someone picks on or the other up, when they put them down, the other runs over and smells all over them. Cayenne has made Bella 3 years old instead of 7.5. I just love them so much.



13 month Timi, and almost 13 year Teaka are like puppies together too. That is why I am so torn about the idea of getting another puppy - we really don't need or want one now, but Timi and 
I would both be devastated if we lost Teaka, and I don't like the prospect of looking for a puppy when I am in that frame of mind....


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## Mfmst (Jun 18, 2014)

It's been a year since I lost Charlie, and I still miss him and wish he was here. We were such a fixture walking in the neighborhood, when I started to walk alone, everyone asked where he was. Last week, I was training on the street with Buck, and a neighbor's yard man asked where the little black dog was. I was shocked when he asked me how Charlie had died, but he seemed genuinely concerned, so I just said "old age". The months without another dog in my life, coupled with the grief, I would not wish for anyone, I'm a firm believer in succession planning, and if my DH would tolerate more than one dog, I would have a stair step pack.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Mfmst said:


> It's been a year since I lost Charlie, and I still miss him and wish he was here. We were such a fixture walking in the neighborhood, when I started to walk alone, everyone asked where he was. Last week, I was training on the street with Buck, and a neighbor's yard man asked where the little black dog was. I was shocked when he asked me how Charlie had died, but he seemed genuinely concerned, so I just said "old age". The months without another dog in my life, coupled with the grief, I would not wish for anyone, I'm a firm believer in succession planning, and if my DH would tolerate more than one dog, I would have a stair step pack.



It really is like when you loose them, you loose a big chunk of who you are doesn't it? 
I like you term "step pack". I am really grateful that Timi got to be part of Tangee's chapter.....


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