# Need advice : is this a good idea ?



## Dechi

As you might know, we lost Tamara a few weeks ago. I am still grieving and still think of her everyday. But in spite of the grieving, I know I want another companion dog in my life. I miss having two dogs playing and being silly. And Merlin has been lost without Tamara. He has withdrawn a lot and he definitely does a lot better with another dog who can lead the way for him. I would get the dog sometime in august, which gives us more time to grieve.

So I've been thinking about that but since money is an issue, and I have allergies, I am really restricted in choices. I know Chihuahuas and probably yorkies are okay. Going for a rescue dog is risky, since you're never sure what they're mixed with and I wouldn't want to have to rehome the dog. Also very hard to find a longhaired Chihuahua (don't want short hair anymore, too cold for them in winter) in a rescue.

So, I came across this breeder who is looking for a foster home for some of her bitches. The dog is at no cost, all you pay is the spaying, when her breeding career is over. Right now the dog got her canadian championship so She will start being bred in the next year I suppose. I don't know all the details, I haven't talked to her yet. I know the dog will have to go back to the breeder for 1 1/2 week for insemination and 8-10 weeks to have the puppies and care for them. Which means I would " lose " the dog for 2 months per year.

If I didn't have money issues, I would never consider this, but since I do, I would rather see this as being a foster family 10 months per year until the dog stops breeding. And when she stops being bred, she would be 100% my dog.

Here is the dog, I think she is precious. What do you think, am I nuts ?


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## snow0160

My way of moving on is by getting a new dog. All of my friends and family said it was not smart. That is how I got Lucky and I have not regretted the decision at all! It really helped me move on. 

I am a big fan of Tri-colored dogs. They are beautiful! The one in the photo is super adorable. I also suffer from dog allergies but I just take an Allegra every day and I am fine. I think being gone two months is not a big deal. I don't have experience with show dogs or breeding but seems like a good time to travel or just take some time to yourself. I could use a vacation from my dogs sometimes.


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## fjm

I think it would depend very much on the breeder, and how much I liked and trusted her. If she is someone who I had a really good relationship with, and the terms were very clearly worked out in advance (who pays for vet bills if something goes wrong; who pays the insurance; what are your responsibilities while the dog is pregnant - avoiding herpes, for example; diet; exercise; etc, etc) it could work. How many litters would she want to breed? And what happens if none of the puppies survive?


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## zooeysmom

She is gorgeous! No, I don't think you're nuts at all--I think it could be a great fit for you. I would definitely want to meet her and the breeder.


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## Dechi

Thank you everyone ! I will start writing a list of questions for the breeder, fjm, and include yours.

She will call me this week-end if she finds time.


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## zooeysmom

Excited for you! Fingers crossed...


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## marialydia

You are not nuts at all. And this is a beautiful dog.

My only question (and sorry to raise it, because it seems like such a wonderful opportunity) is that this is a dog with a lot of hair. I am allergic, too, and for me, this would trigger allergies. Can you have a test run by borrowing her, or spending some time with her? The last thing you need is more heartbreak...


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## lily cd re

Not nuts at all as long as the long hair is okay for you and you click with the breeder personally so you feel good about the breeding arrangements.


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## Beautiful Blue

You may remember, Dechi, how Rio came in to our lives...a serendipitous re-home situation after having just put down our two aged female spoos.

Me, being me...I would do the due diligence mentioned above and pray about it. 

But sometimes things do really work out win/win/win. And it's wonderful when they do.


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## Johanna

I used to place bitches (carefully) after they had had 2 litters when I was still breeding standard poodles and whippets.

Later, I obtained a whippet bitch like that (because I no longer planned to breed dogs). Right now we have asked a whippet breeder to let us know if he wishes to place a bitch.

If a bitch has been in a home, as opposed to being a kennel dog, they do just fine when re-homed.


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## Dechi

marialydia said:


> You are not nuts at all. And this is a beautiful dog.
> 
> My only question (and sorry to raise it, because it seems like such a wonderful opportunity) is that this is a dog with a lot of hair. I am allergic, too, and for me, this would trigger allergies. Can you have a test run by borrowing her, or spending some time with her? The last thing you need is more heartbreak...


The way my allergies work, I will be allergic to a Boston Terrier, very short hair, but not to a Yorkie and even less to a Chihuahua. Tamara was short hair, which was still a lot longer than a Boston's hair, and she really did shed a lot, all year round, and she didn't make me sneeze and no skin allergies. Merlin will make me sneeze, because of the allergens he collects in his hair.

Tamara was the dog I was less allergic to in my whole life. I really think the small size has a lot to do with it too. I figure since I'm allergic to dander and not hair, that the long hair should not bother me. I will ask the breeder if she is double or single coat though. Single coat I would prefer.

Also when I visit, hopefully I can hold her for a while and really have a good " snif " of her hair, lol !


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## MollyMuiMa

I think, if all is on the up & up, it is a great opportunity! And what a pretty little girl she is!!! 
I would though, make sure there is a contract that covers EVERYTHING and you are agreeable to your advantage!


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## Dechi

MollyMuiMa said:


> I think, if all is on the up & up, it is a great opportunity! And what a pretty little girl she is!!!
> I would though, make sure there is a contract that covers EVERYTHING and you are agreeable to your advantage!


I agree, I've took note of it in my list of questions. ;-)


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## buttons

I am so sorry for your loss.

This little girl is too adorable for words, and I do not think you are crazy at all. Best of luck - I hope everything goes smoothly and she brings you much comfort and joy.


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## Asta's Mom

She is just adorable - it would be wonderful for you to have her. Keep us posted.


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## Skylar

Will you be able to have a test trial first before committing so you can see if your allergies are okay and Merlin is accepting of the new dog?

How will Merlin feel when his new buddy leaves for 2 months? Will this be a problem for him adjusting?

She is an adorable little dog - looks very sweet. I do think it's a good idea to explore this relationship seriously to see if it works for you. Hopefully you and the breeder will be on the same page.


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## Dechi

Skylar said:


> Will you be able to have a test trial first before committing so you can see if your allergies are okay and Merlin is accepting of the new dog?
> 
> How will Merlin feel when his new buddy leaves for 2 months? Will this be a problem for him adjusting?
> 
> She is an adorable little dog - looks very sweet. I do think it's a good idea to explore this relationship seriously to see if it works for you. Hopefully you and the breeder will be on the same page.


I don't think a trial period is possible. She will screen me thoroughly and discard me if she thinks there is a possibility of me returning the dog. 

Merlin will be coming with me to visit. I know how he reacts when he likes a doggy friend, so it shouldn't be hard to tell.

As for missing her when she leaves, yes, he will. That's the most inconvenient aspect of this arrangement. But on the other hand, I don't have the money to buy a dog, so there will be no friend if I don't get her. I figure it's better to have a friend 10 months out of the year than none !


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## TrixieTreasure

Dechi, I just saw your thread. This little baby is precious!! What a pretty little girl!

What I tell people is, do whatever you feel is best for you. Don't worry about what others think.

So I say YES, go for it!! She will help you with your grief, and she will definitely be good for Merlin.


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## Carolinek

What a cutie! I think it's a great idea, as long as you are comfortable with the breeder, and the contract spells everything out.


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## Muggles

Sounds very promising to me! I assume she has been socialised and kept in the house and not in a situation like Merlin's?


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## Dechi

Muggles said:


> Sounds very promising to me! I assume she has been socialised and kept in the house and not in a situation like Merlin's?


Ha Ha Ha ! Muggles, I love you ! I have no idea, but you can bet all you have in the world that if she's anything like Merlin, she's staying where she is !

On the other hand, since she's a canadian champion, I would assume she wasn't kept in a cave and has been exposed to many situations and people, at least a few times.

I will add a question about her temperament on my list !


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## Dechi

Follow-up : I just talked 50 minutes on the phone with the breeder. I am satisfied with the informations I got. We seem to be pretty much on the same page about raising dogs. She's a very practical, down to earth woman.

Here are the details :

- Victoria will be 3 in november
- She just had puppies 3 months ago (c-section, her babies are too big)
- She won't be inseminated until january 2018
- She comes from a Serbia line, very sought for, so they want 1 more show puppy from her. If they get it in the next breeding, it will be her last. If not, there will be one more breeding.
- 1 breeding per year, she will always have to have a C-section (I don't like that part but not much I can do about it, it's a breed problem)
- she has a double coat, with very soft outer coat. Apparently even short hair have double le coats, so I guess Tamara had one too.

Fees she will pay : vaccines. She stops when they're 5 and she doesn't give rabies, too many problems with allergic reactions. If the dog is sick from any disease not due to my fault, she will pay for vet fees. She will pay for special food when the dog is pregnant.

Fees I have to pay : any vet care required because of my fault. Sterilization, but I can have it done at her vet and get her rebate and pay about 50% of the regular price (290$).

The dog will become mine after she's weaned her last puppies, in 2019 I suppose. I will have to pay for the CKC name transfer fee. I think that's about 40$-50$.

As for her temperament, she is a confident and happy little girl. She has been well socialized and had handling classes. She loves to play. She is a little hesitant with new people, but that's a Chihuahua thing. She is also a little scared of people leaning over her, apparently some older judges are not too gentle at dog shows and she had a few bad experiences.

I am going to meet her this coming Saturday and will make up my mind after. Merlin is not coming, she doesn't want to bring other dogs inside the house to protect her dogs and I want to concentrate on meeting Victoria anyways.

She doesn't seem bothered by that at all, she says if Merlin and her don't get along, I can just bring her back. Merlin is very easy going with other dogs, and this little girl is used to living with lots of dogs, so I don't see why it wouldn't work.

That's it for now, you'll know more on Saturday !


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## MollyMuiMa

Oh I do hope your visit turns out well! Good Luck!


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## Muggles

That sounds promising, I hope the meeting goes well!


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## rj16

That sounds extremely promising. I wish you the best and look forward to an update.


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## Mfmst

2019? Can you wait that long? I am only thinking about Merlin, because that is a pretty bitch, retired CH. and I would have no problem waiting if you like the breeder. No problem at all.


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## Dechi

Mfmst said:


> 2019? Can you wait that long? I am only thinking about Merlin, because that is a pretty bitch, retired CH. and I would have no problem waiting if you like the breeder. No problem at all.


Well, I can wait if she is gone 2-3 months out of the year max. The rest of the time she will be staying with us. And I'll be hoping very much that she produces what the breeders want in the next litter, so she doesn't have to leave us again !

If that was the case, she would be my dog in may-june next year ! 

Of course for Merlin (and me) I wish she never had to go. But the honest truth is that I can't afford to pay for a dog right now, and this is the best outcome possible for me. Of course there is the possibility of illness that I would be responsible for and have to pay for but that's a gamble I am willing to take.


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## Skylar

Good luck - this sounds great.

Since you don't plan to show her - and if you don't compete in CKC sports - you probably don't need to pay CKC to transfer her name to your name. You should have a contract from the breeder showing that she is yours. I never paid to register my tpoo years ago - never had a need. I have paid to transfer ownership from Babykins breeders to me because she is competing in AKC dog sports and that is a requirement - otherwise I wouldn't have saved my money and left it alone.


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## Dechi

Skylar said:


> Good luck - this sounds great.
> 
> Since you don't plan to show her - and if you don't compete in CKC sports - you probably don't need to pay CKC to transfer her name to your name. You should have a contract from the breeder showing that she is yours. I never paid to register my tpoo years ago - never had a need. I have paid to transfer ownership from Babykins breeders to me because she is competing in AKC dog sports and that is a requirement - otherwise I wouldn't have saved my money and left it alone.


Since she is microchipped, I think it's linked to the CKC ownership. So I would rather have my name show up if we ever need ths method of identification to find her (cross fingers it never happens).

I'll check some more into it, though. Thank you for the insight.


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## lily cd re

That all sounds very promising. I hope the visit is fabulous.


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## chinchillafuzzy

Sounds like a great situation, and you have received very good advice! I am eager to hear what happens with your meeting


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## chinchillafuzzy

PS she is a doll! I had a tri papillon long ago who looked very similar. I am very partial to the LH chis because they remind me so much of papillons. This little girl is so gorgeous. I really hope this works out for you!!


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## Dechi

chinchillafuzzy said:


> PS she is a doll! I had a tri papillon long ago who looked very similar. I am very partial to the LH chis because they remind me so much of papillons. This little girl is so gorgeous. I really hope this works out for you!!


It's true they have a lot of similarities. I'd say the Chi's body is more compact and square, especially for males, and they head shape is totally different.


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## fjm

I was once told that papillons were bred with chihuahuas to introduce the long hair gene - I don't know how true that is, but I do see some chihuahuas that look very like Sophy.


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## glorybeecosta

I think it is a great idea and wish you the best of luck. My Sage was retired, and had 9 other adult dogs, she had no problem with Bella and Cayenne, except they would have noting to do with her for almost a year, I felt so bad as she wanted to be part of everything they done. It is better now of course there were 2 others here, and with just Marlin I doubt it would be a problem


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## galofpink

Hope you have a wonderful visit on Saturday and that it all works out for the best! Keep us posted!


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## Dechi

She sent me the contract and it's different from what she was telling.

It says I have to vaccinate and give Revolution once a year (which she said she was taking care of) and it also says I have to replace the dog with a dog of the same value (3000$) if she dies.

No way I am signing this, but I'll go see her tomorrow and we'll discuss it. Not taking her if she won't change it.


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## lily cd re

I wouldn't accept those different terms either. I hope that face to face you can renegotiate all of that.


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## Dechi

lily cd re said:


> I wouldn't accept those different terms either. I hope that face to face you can renegotiate all of that.



Yeah, I hope so. I mean she said her dog is worth 3000$. What would be the point of me taking her if I have to pay her back if something happens ? I'd be better off just being a regular pet quality dog for 1000$.

I am looking forward to seeing the little girl. Even if I don't get to be a foster, it will be a great experience to be surrounded by chihuahuas for a while !


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## Dechi

I just came back from the breeder's. Very nice lady, very, very clean place, nicely kept and no smell, even though she has about 15 dogs in the house or more. 

I met them all, and Victoria's puppies too ! I was attacked by a pack of little bundles of love ! It felt so good.

At first I didn't like Victoria's physique. I was expecting a typical Chi and she wasn't. Her nose is a little longer and head is not round enough. So I tried to focus on her personality. After a while I had the breeder put her on my lap and tried to connect with her. She was a little stiff and shaking a bit (usual for a chi but it usually stops after a while) and never settled down on my lap. She wanted to go down so after a few minutes I let her. I had been at the breeder's for about 1 hour then and even though I tried, I just felt no connection to her.

There was Bella, a real doll, but short hair, so she can't make the short list.

The last dog that could be fostered was Beyonce. Strangely, the breeder was pushing Victoria but said very little about Beyonce, except she's not the cuddly type and likes quiet. But on her website, Beyonce was my favorite. And in person, she was the typical Chohuahua I am looking for. Also a canadian champion, but a little younger.

So I asked if I could have Beyonce on my lap. She wasn't as stiff as Victoria, in fact she seemed relaxed. She settled quick and didn't want to go down at all. I felt a strong connection to her. I was filled with a warm feeling and at the same time felt sadness, because she reminds me of Tamara. I almost felt like I was holding her in my arms, even though Beyonce has a very different feel than Tamara. But that Chihuahua look and eyes, it almost made me cry.

I think Beyonce is the type of girl that needs space and quiet, and she's not as happy as Victoria in such an environment. She is very calm and laidback and I think she would love my quiet house. I think her and I have a very compatible energy.

Here is what scares me. What if I am only falling in love with Beyonce because she reminds me of Tamara ? You'll think I'm crazy but I could fee her soul, this is not normal... Almost as if she was Tamara.

Am I crossing a line here ?

Here is Beyonce when she was younger.


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## MollyMuiMa

Not at all.............As long as you realize she is not Tamara and don't expect her to behave like Tamara, the 'spark' could be quite real!


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## Dechi

MollyMuiMa said:


> Not at all.............As long as you realize she is not Tamara and don't expect her to behave like Tamara, the 'spark' could be quite real!



You're right. But it's hard to know until she gets here. Then when I realize she's nothing like Tamara, will I be disappointed and reject her ? Is this a possibility ? Maybe I should open a thread about that.


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## zooeysmom

Well it sounds like Beyoncé may be destined to be yours. Think about it and go with your heart. Did you get to talk about the terms if you decide to take her?


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## Johanna

Ouch - that contract would raise a red flag with me! I like Beyonce - and if she is the one you like and she likes you, then that's the better dog.

$3000 is quite a stiff price unless it is a top quality bitch that is likely to produce exceptional puppies.


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## Mfmst

Dechi, did you get any sense of what the breeder thinks of you? If neither of those dogs work out, perhaps the breeder knows of someone else who wants to retire a show dog, to a loving and breed experienced home. Beyoncé sounds like she has a better personality and I believe the connection was real. Tamara and Bey have many differences. Fingers crossed that this is a way for you to get company for Merlin and a beautiful Chi for the family.


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## Dechi

zooeysmom said:


> Well it sounds like Beyoncé may be destined to be yours. Think about it and go with your heart. Did you get to talk about the terms if you decide to take her?


Yes, everything is fine. She will scratch a few things like I want and the part about replacing is poorly written. I asked her to rephrase it. It should say that if the dog dies, the breeder will let the foster have another one of the same value.

No worries, the contract is fine ! ;-)


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## Dechi

Johanna said:


> Ouch - that contract would raise a red flag with me! I like Beyonce - and if she is the one you like and she likes you, then that's the better dog.
> 
> $3000 is quite a stiff price unless it is a top quality bitch that is likely to produce exceptional puppies.



I learned it's the opposite, just poorly written : she will replace my dog if it dies !


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## Dechi

Mfmst said:


> Dechi, did you get any sense of what the breeder thinks of you? If neither of those dogs work out, perhaps the breeder knows of someone else who wants to retire a show dog, to a loving and breed experienced home. Beyoncé sounds like she has a better personality and I believe the connection was real. Tamara and Bey have many differences. Fingers crossed that this is a way for you to get company for Merlin and a beautiful Chi for the family.



She wants to place the dog with me, I passed the test ! Unless I change my mind, I will be picking up Beyonce around august 20th. I am waiting for her availability.

Honestly I liked Beyonce so much I don't want another one. I feel she will benefit from getting a good home and I want to provide it for her.


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## Mfmst

OMG! Party!!! Didn't want to gush too much when you posted her picture as it was up in the air. She is really appealing and so pretty.


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## zooeysmom

Awww! So excited for you! The countdown begins...


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## Dechi

She's crazy nice and I think she trusts me. She said she could place a puppy with me to socialize when Beyonce has to leave ! (We're chatting on facebook).

I don't know if I would, but it's a great proof of trust !


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## marialydia

Hooray! This is very good news. I am so glad that you connected with Beyonce. and this will make a big difference.


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## lily cd re

I am very happy for all of you that things are working out. Little Beyonce is lovely and she will make her own place as her personality shines into your heart and mind.


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## MollyMuiMa

You will be the greatest Mom for Beyonce and she will just blossom and Merlin will be smitten with her I bet!!! I think it's great that she will give you a 'loaner foster' if only for Merlin's sake I think!LOL!


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## Muggles

This is fabulous news Dechi! She is beautiful and it all sounds like it is working out perfectly. I'm so glad you figured out the contract issues and the breeder sounds great. The countdown begins!


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## Skylar

Looks like you found your new puppy, Beyoncé. Clearly you're smitten and have developed a bond. I can't wait to see photos of her in your home and to hear the adventures of Merlin and Beyoncé.


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## Dechi

Yes, I have fallen in love with her.

But to be honest, the rational choice should be Victoria, because she only has 1-2 litters left to have.

Beyoncé will have 3 more, which means we lose her 3 times. Unless something wrong happens with one of the litters, in which case it would be the last. But I won't hope for that.

Last night the breeder told me she would have Beyoncé checked for an elongated ligament problem she had after slipping, to make sure it's ok. She will have her last set of vaccinations and her teeth cleaned. What more could I ask for ?

The only thing I would criticize is that all her dogs are overweight. Some a little, some a lot. She even says it herself. I suppose it's too hard to control the portions when you have so many little ones. So Beyoncé will have to lose about 1 1/2 pounds to go down to about 5 1/2 pounds. It should take about 6-8 weeks and she'll be like a young girl again !


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## Beautiful Blue

Anxiously awaiting more pictures.


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## Dechi

Beautiful Blue said:


> Anxiously awaiting more pictures.


Here's another one. She was a lot younger, I guess maybe 10-12 months old.


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## galofpink

Such exciting news Dechi! Glad that you were able to work out the contract details and that you were able to feel a bond with Beyonce


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## rj16

Fantastic news! I'm so glad to read both updates this morning. I sense this could be the start of a good relationship with the breeder and a fabulous one with Beyoncé! She sounds perfect for your lifestyle and she is beautiful.


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## Dechi

I am very disappointed. The breeder wrote to me and they changed their mind. They don't want to place Beyonce yet because she still has 3 litters to go and they've had problems with foster families before being reluctant to let go of the dog so many times. She is offering me Victoria still, but I felt nothing for her. And she doesn't have the Chihuahua look I like.

I am almost certain that it's the co-owner of the dog, the partner I haven't met, who said no. 

I will think about that. I might try to persuade them. Offer to give a deposit or to meet with the partner. Also my daughter just finished law school and ahe said she could write a contract for them, to protect their right in case Of a problem.

Or maybe I could wait until april-may next year, when Beyonce has 2 litters to go. But Merlin needs a friend sooner. 

On the other hand, maybe they're right. Maybe leaving her so many times would be too hard for me. I have to think about that too. 

Or I could take Victoria and hope that she grows on me. But she's not the dog I dream of. Beyonce is. Sigh.


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## lily cd re

I am sorry to hear of this set back. I think I would offer to meet the co owner and maybe also offer a contract from your daughter that stipulates that if you don't return Beyonce for the planned breedings that you will pay for her as your daughter determines is reasonable. Victoria would probably grow on you, but since the owner you met has seen how you connected to Beyonce I would try to make that deal happen. I wish you the best.


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## Dechi

lily cd re said:


> I am sorry to hear of this set back. I think I would offer to meet the co owner and maybe also offer a contract from your daughter that stipulates that if you don't return Beyonce for the planned breedings that you will pay for her as your daughter determines is reasonable. Victoria would probably grow on you, but since the owner you met has seen how you connected to Beyonce I would try to make that deal happen. I wish you the best.


That was my first intention, last night. But then I spent the night thinking about it and I am having big doubts. Is it realistic to think that I would be able to let Beyonce go almost 3 months per year for 3 years in a row without breaking my heart every time ? And also poor Merlin is going to be without her a lot. 

Even for Beyonce, losing us everytime will be hard. Every time I got a dog from a breeder and went back there to say hi after a while, my dogs were clinging to me as if to say " don't leave me here " ! Breeders love their dogs, but when you have so many, it's impossible to give them as much time as a regular owner would. And the dogs thrive in families who have time for them. They get used to it and they don't want to go back.

With Victoria, it would hopefully only happen once and be over. 

If I go with my heart (Beyonce), we all get our hearts broken a lot. If I go with my head (Victoria), our hearts are in much better shape.

The only reason I'm not forgetting about the whole thing is Merlin. He needs a friend to be with.


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## Beautiful Blue

I didn't want to say anything last night when you were so disappointed, but I believe you are on the right track this morning 

You will give Victoria a wonderful home, she will become her "new self" as I say about Rio in the environment of our lives versus his former owner.

You will love her I'm sure - and she may actually be the better match for Merlin!

Best of luck as you go forward.


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## Dechi

Beautiful Blue said:


> I didn't want to say anything last night when you were so disappointed, but I believe you are on the right track this morning
> 
> You will give Victoria a wonderful home, she will become her "new self" as I say about Rio in the environment of our lives versus his former owner.
> 
> You will love her I'm sure - and she may actually be the better match for Merlin!
> 
> Best of luck as you go forward.


Thank you. I smiled reading your comment. I also think Victoria would be a better match for Merlin. More outgoing, more playful, more of a leader.

Beyonce would be more quiet and withdrawn.


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## lily cd re

Got it Dechi. I now see the page you are on and am right there with you!


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## Dechi

lily cd re said:


> Got it Dechi. I now see the page you are on and am right there with you!


Thanks for your support Lily ! Actually I'm in between two pages, still a little confused about what to do. But leaning more towards Victoria.

I must have a gift, my life gets so complicated over little things sometimes...


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## zooeysmom

Dechi, I'm so sorry it might not work with Beyoncé. I completely understand how conflicted you must feel. Sending you positive vibes while you sort things out :love2:


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## rj16

I completely understand your confusion... I hope it works out for you and Merlin one way or the other. 

Btw, I love your new sig picture of Merlin! He is so cute!!


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## Muggles

I'm so sorry this hasn't worked out as easily as expected Dechi! I think you will love Victoria once you get to know her though. I would find it very hard to spend months without Rory multiple times!!


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## MollyMuiMa

I think no matter what you decide the dog that ends up in your life will find a place in your heart and home forever! Sometimes common sense is negotiable and all the doubts just fade away when we decide to let fate take it's course and let our hearts take the lead! It'll all work out and you will be happy I bet!!!


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## Dechi

Thank you everyone, great advice as always !

I took 48 hours to reflect on all of this and I have decided that fostering Victoria is the smarter thing to do. I have started making room for her in my heart and I am very in peace with my decision. I am looking forward to having her in my life. I just wrote the breeder back a few minutes ago.

Let's hope nothing else happens !


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## Skylar

This has been quite a challenge for the heart and the brain but I think you're doing the right thing.


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## TrixieTreasure

Dechi said:


> I just came back from the breeder's. Very nice lady, very, very clean place, nicely kept and no smell, even though she has about 15 dogs in the house or more.
> 
> I met them all, and Victoria's puppies too ! I was attacked by a pack of little bundles of love ! It felt so good.
> 
> At first I didn't like Victoria's physique. I was expecting a typical Chi and she wasn't. Her nose is a little longer and head is not round enough. So I tried to focus on her personality. After a while I had the breeder put her on my lap and tried to connect with her. She was a little stiff and shaking a bit (usual for a chi but it usually stops after a while) and never settled down on my lap. She wanted to go down so after a few minutes I let her. I had been at the breeder's for about 1 hour then and even though I tried, I just felt no connection to her.
> 
> There was Bella, a real doll, but short hair, so she can't make the short list.
> 
> The last dog that could be fostered was Beyonce. Strangely, the breeder was pushing Victoria but said very little about Beyonce, except she's not the cuddly type and likes quiet. But on her website, Beyonce was my favorite. And in person, she was the typical Chohuahua I am looking for. Also a canadian champion, but a little younger.
> 
> So I asked if I could have Beyonce on my lap. She wasn't as stiff as Victoria, in fact she seemed relaxed. She settled quick and didn't want to go down at all. I felt a strong connection to her. I was filled with a warm feeling and at the same time felt sadness, because she reminds me of Tamara. I almost felt like I was holding her in my arms, even though Beyonce has a very different feel than Tamara. But that Chihuahua look and eyes, it almost made me cry.
> 
> I think Beyonce is the type of girl that needs space and quiet, and she's not as happy as Victoria in such an environment. She is very calm and laidback and I think she would love my quiet house. I think her and I have a very compatible energy.
> 
> Here is what scares me. What if I am only falling in love with Beyonce because she reminds me of Tamara ? You'll think I'm crazy but I could fee her soul, this is not normal... Almost as if she was Tamara.
> 
> Am I crossing a line here ?
> 
> Here is Beyonce when she was younger.


Dechi, I just got back home from vacation, so I haven't been on PF. Also, I haven't read ahead yet, so I don't even know what you have decided. But either way, here are my thoughts... go with what your heart is trying to tell you. Yeah, I know that sounds corny, but it's the truth. If you're hesitant about getting Victoria, or even Beyoncé , for any reason at all, then maybe your heart is trying to tell you not to go through with it. What I have found when deciding on a dog ( or a cat) is, I go by what feels right to me. If I'm even a little bit hesitant, then I need to listen to that inner feeling to not go ahead. On the other hand, if it feels right, then I know without ANY doubt that I'm doing the right thing. 

When my first Poodle died in 1978, I had a chance to get another Poodle puppy that looked just like my baby that had died ( they were both Phantoms). And yes, my new puppy looked very much like the one that died, but for ME, that was comforting. I knew it wasn't the same dog, and I knew I wasn't trying to replace my baby, but, regardless, it FELT right. And I was so glad that I did go ahead with it. But if it hadn't felt right for me, then I wouldn't have done it, and I would have just kept looking.

I think it's very natural to compare another dog to the one that just died. I personally think that most people would do that. But after a period of time, you start to love and cherish the new dog in it's own special personality and looks. I know I'm not saying it right, but I think you know what I'm trying to say.


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## Dechi

Thank you TT !

This is a long post to read, but It turned out the breeder changed her mind and won't let me have Beyoncé.

I have decided to follow what life is offering me and foster Victoria.


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## Asta's Mom

Dechi, I have been following this conversation. Victoria will find a place in your heart. My first poodle and I didn't exactly hit it off but soon she wormed her way into my heart and soul. And I think Merlin will enjoy having a playmate. Peace be with you.


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## lily cd re

With Lily I loved her wildly by the time we got home with her. With Javelin it took quite a while for me to really enjoy him at the level I have always felt with Lily. I don't know if that makes sense or helps, but hopefully...


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## Dechi

Yes Lily, what you and Asta's mom are saying really helps !


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## Muggles

Do you know when you'll get Victoria? I bet Merlin is excited too!


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## galofpink

Dechi, this has been such a hard decision for you with the back-and-forth-ness and little hiccups along the way. Like Asta's Mom said, I'm sure Victoria will find a place in your heart as well. You love your dogs fiercely and I'm sure you will do the same for this little one. Just might take more time than you are used to.

When I picked up Rocky, I was in love instantly...we bonded quickly and I thoroughly enjoyed him from day 1. When I got Shae, I was in a different place mentally - logically with life's goals in mind, it made sense to add a puppy when we did. Sure I wanted a dog, but it was more of a transactional/logical decision than a heart decision (it just made sense). I love dogs (more than people usually), but that Shae puppy, I didn't love her at all. I wanted a male, quiet and calmish. The only male the breeder had left, I wasn't too fond of, but the timing was right, so I settled for a female. Shae was anything but what I wanted - just annoying, pesky, busy and frustrating and wouldn't listen - yadi yadi. But with time she has wormed her way into my heart and I can't imagine life without her now and I don't think Rocky can either. He just loves that little puppy sister (that's bigger than him now). DH bonded much more quickly that I did.

I didn't really know if what I was feeling was normal; honestly, who gets a puppy and then dislikes it!? But I was talking to my best friend about how I was feeling and she admitted to some of the same feelings when she got her dogs, which I never expected. My friend adopted her two dogs from a rescue: she provides them with the best holistic lifestyle she can; she does rally-o, agility, luring with them; her dogs are her life. And yet, it took her a long time to bond with them. 

Bottom line: it may take longer than you expect for Victoria to fully break into your heart, but if you are any amount of dog lover (all signs point to yes) I firmly believe it will happen. Be patient with yourself and don't beat yourself up about not feeling "in love" with her from the get go. Sometimes we get the dog we need, not the dog our heart wants and we are much better for it!


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## Dechi

Muggles said:


> Do you know when you'll get Victoria? I bet Merlin is excited too!


I don't know about Merlin, but he will be thrilled when she gets here. Poor guy has become hyperdependent on me and he whines/cries every time I return, even if I was only gone for a few minutes.

Victoria should be coming home august 19th or 20th, she said she would confirm tonight.


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## Dechi

galofpink said:


> Bottom line: it may take longer than you expect for Victoria to fully break into your heart, but if you are any amount of dog lover (all signs point to yes) I firmly believe it will happen. Be patient with yourself and don't beat yourself up about not feeling "in love" with her from the get go. Sometimes we get the dog we need, not the dog our heart wants and we are much better for it!


I believe in that also. I've thought about it and I am convinced that Victoria's energy is a better fit for what we need, both for me and Merlin. 

Beyoncé appealed to my aching heart because I miss Tamara so much and she has sad eyes that really reminded me of her. But she would be more of a loner type of dog.

Both Merlin and I need a more energetic dog to force us out of our mourning.

Thank you for telling me your story.


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## Charelliby

"What do you think, am I nuts ?"


Sorry to hear of your loss.

Nothing wrong with nuts! Be aware of your motivation, then trust your instincts. 

Good luck with your deliberations.


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## twyla

Dechi, truth be known I didn't feel an instant connection with Beatrice, I knew at least temperament wise she was perfect. I had just lost my Tpoo Baby at age 8 in a freak accident. But now I love her immensely and she was the perfect companion to my two older dogs Flower and Cappi.


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## lisasgirl

I've honestly just recently started to really bond with Cleo, and she's been with us for over a year. I always _liked_ her, of course, but she wasn't my pick (the husband chose her) and she's got a very different personality from what I usually gravitate towards. But she and Archie loved each other right away, and husband is happy with her, and she is a cute little thing. So it was fine, even if she wasn't what I envisioned for a second dog. Her socialization/fear issues didn't help either, I'm sure, but just in general I didn't feel a strong connection with her beyond what I'd feel for any dog.

The last month or two, though, something's shifted. Archie will always be my baby, but I'm falling in love with Cleo's spunk and weirdness. We cuddle in the mornings before I get out of bed, I've invented a couple of little games that she loves, and in general she's finally starting to feel like she's my dog. I think the same thing's happening on her end too, as she used to mostly ignore me unless I had food or a leash, and now she's snuggling up nearby and wiggling all over at me when I come home.

So yeah, I think you're making the right decision, and I also think it's OK if it takes a while to form a bond. It's still great when it arrives.


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