# Feeling deflated and so disappointed



## Okie1226 (9 mo ago)

I have been planning for a new puppy since December of 2020. I put in hours of research before deciding that a poodle was the breed for me. I then did my due diligence and researched breeders for MONTHS before finding one I thought was to be a great fit. I did a deep dive on their website, contacted previous customers for reviews, searched forums and blog posts- all in an attempt to insure I was making the best possible, thoughtful decision when choosing a breeder. The breeder seemed knowledgeable and to care about her pups and the breed. She had a history of showing dogs and health tested all of her animals. I put down a deposit in May of 2021and was the first person on the waiting list for one of her litters. I submitted an application outlining my information and discussing more about what I was looking for in a male puppy. Fast forward to February 2022, 9 puppies are born-5 girls, 4 boys. I schedule a date in April to pick out my puppy and take them home. On the day of pick up I drive 3 hours, arriving overrun with excitement and joy to pick out my puppy. She prepares me for some one on one time with the puppies so I can make my pick. In the midst of this I mention “he” and she immediately corrects me with “she”..stating I requested a female puppy. I assure her this is incorrect and pull up my original application on my phone, clearly stating I requested a male. She says “I’m sorry, I have two males left but they are already spoken for. Are you sure you don’t want a female?” She even laughed several times as if the entire situation was funny to her. I was furious and devastated at the same time. I had been waiting for nearly a year with nothing to show for it. How does this even happen? She apologized for the mix up and said she’d ‘never done that before’, offering to put me on a waitlist for her next litter and condescendingly asking “are you going to cry on the way home?” Ultimately I requested my deposit back and she agreed. I thought with all of my research and preparation I could avoid something devastating like this. Now I have to come home to an entire room/home set up to spoil my new baby, with no new baby. I’m heartbroken.


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## Happy'sDad (Jul 4, 2020)

I understand your frustration. I would have been pretty hot if I felt I were a victim of the bate and switch. I also understand wanting a particular sex. I wanted a female when I got Happy because I had just lost my female JRT and still had a male.

That said, did you even consider the female puppies? You probably could have worked out a little discount and I bet they were awesome too. Happy says girl dogs rock.


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## shades_of_red (9 mo ago)

I am very sorry to hear that. Really the way it was handled sounds like the frustrating/disappointing part. Your time and patience in waiting for the puppy should always be valued and respected. Wishing you the best of luck in finding your forever companion!


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## MaizieFrosty (Apr 12, 2019)

That is terribly unethical. Unfortunately, many breeders who are recommended here regularly are unethical. There's just no way to know for sure if you can trust someone, I feel. I love both boys and girls and was open to either sex for my second dog, but I understand having your heart set on one sex.


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## Liz (Oct 2, 2010)

What a callous and cruel breeder. The only good news here is that you stood up for yourself and got your deposit back. I am so sorry that you had this experience, and I hope that when you do come home with a puppy, he's the perfect fit for you.


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## Starla (Nov 5, 2020)

That is heartbreaking. I would have said OF COURSE I’m going to cry on the way home! I probably would have cried in front of her, tbh. I’m so sorry that this was your experience, especially after all the preperarion you put into it.


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## Okie1226 (9 mo ago)

Happy'sDad said:


> I understand your frustration. I would have been pretty hot if I felt I were a victim of the bate and switch. I also understand wanting a particular sex. I wanted a female when I got Happy because I had just lost my female JRT and still had a male.
> 
> That said, did you even consider the female puppies? You probably could have worked out a little discount and I bet they were awesome too. Happy says girl dogs rock.


I didn’t consider the female puppies. At this time I am really set on a male dog. I’ve had 3 female dogs, one is still with me. (A 7 year old lab) I’d like to add a little guy to our family. But girl dogs do rock!


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## Streetcar (Apr 13, 2014)

Perhaps as you continue searching, include the criteria of having the breeder choose the puppy for you, or at least narrow down the choice and discuss with you. It's often a sign of an experienced, responsible breeder when they approach it this way. Such a breeder may also tend to be more likely to pair a puppy with the best owner than one who prioritizes deposit order.

By the time you arrive to pick up your puppy selected for you, you'll have seen photos and learned about his personality. And no confusion over boy vs girl.

I'm glad you could get your deposit back, shame for the drive and sad experience. At the same time, I am thankful it wasn't a plane ticket.


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## Raindrops (Mar 24, 2019)

I'm so so sorry! This sounds like a terrible experience. And very thoughtless on the breeder's part. Waiting so long and not getting your puppy at the very last minute sounds so sad. I would have been in shock and cried too. I understand that mistakes happen, but breeders should double check everything when it is this important. I second streetcar's advice about finding a breeder that will pair pups based on temperament. This definitely wouldn't happen if you knew all about your puppy before you picked him up.


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## Sroodle8 (Dec 23, 2021)

How awful! I hope you get your little pup soon and this experience fades.


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## PeggyTheParti (Sep 5, 2019)

Oh what a heartbreak! I’m so sorry this happened to you. I believe the right puppy will find his way to you, but how terrible to have waited so long and gotten your hopes up. Absolutely crushing.

I hope the breeder was laughing due to discomfort and is not truly that mean-spirited.


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## PeggyTheParti (Sep 5, 2019)

MaizieFrosty said:


> Unfortunately, many breeders who are recommended here regularly are unethical.


I know some of this stuff will always be subjective, but please do speak up if an unethical breeder is recommended here. Or let me know privately so I can at least ensure they’re not on the pinned list.


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## MaizieFrosty (Apr 12, 2019)

PeggyTheParti said:


> I know some of this stuff will always be subjective, but please do speak up if an unethical breeder is recommended here. Or let me know privately so I can at least ensure they’re not on the pinned list.


Will do.


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## Rose n Poos (Sep 22, 2017)

PeggyTheParti said:


> I know some of this stuff will always be subjective, but please do speak up if an unethical breeder is recommended here. Or let me know privately so I can at least ensure they’re not on the pinned list.


Or let me know since I compiled the list from recommendations from members thru the years. They are on the list because of the recommendations and because my personal research determined that at least some health testing was being done. The list opens with this caveat:



Rose n Poos said:


> *What this list is NOT:*
> This list is not an endorsement of any breeder by Poodle Forum
> This list is not a list to just go buy from without doing more investigation
> This list is not comprehensive
> ...


I'd appreciate being informed privately as to the nature of the unethical behavior. 

This particular situation is absolutely on the breeder but may be no more than a terrible mistake. Even if due to being pressed, they offered to move the deposit but then honored the request to refund fully. This is a truly heartbreaking occurrence which could potentially have been avoided.


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## PeggyTheParti (Sep 5, 2019)

Rose n Poos said:


> Or let me know since I compiled the list from recommendations from members thru the years. They are on the list because of the recommendations and because my personal research determined that at least some health testing was being done. The list opens with this caveat:
> 
> 
> I'd appreciate being informed privately as to the nature of the unethical behavior.
> ...


Thanks, Rose! I do sometimes wonder if that caveat sometimes gets missed. And it’s true that even the best breeders are still human and can make mistakes.

@Okie1226, what will your next step be? Are you ready to try again? I feel so sad thinking of you coming home to all your lovingly purchased puppy gear.


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## NaturalPoodle (Jun 13, 2019)

I know it was just the icing on the cake of the true source of frustration, but the breeder's condescending comment just adds insult to injury. That was completely uncalled for. 

I sincerely hope all works out for you to find your dream male puppy, sooner rather than later!


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## Okie1226 (9 mo ago)

PeggyTheParti said:


> Thanks, Rose! I do sometimes wonder if that caveat sometimes gets missed. And it’s true that even the best breeders are still human and can make mistakes.
> 
> @Okie1226, what will your next step be? Are you ready to try again? I feel so sad thinking of you coming home to all your lovingly purchased puppy gear.


This incident actually occurred about 2 weeks ago. I wanted to ‘cool down’ a bit before sharing my story. We are definitely ready to try again. I have since been in touch with a breeding program that was originally recommended to me during my initial search over a year ago. So far, the breeder has been more than happy to provide me with any and all information I’ve requested, and even spoken to me over the phone at length answering my 1 million and one questions. It has made me hopeful in being able to find the perfect pup for my family again. Once I decide to move forward, I will be sure to do so with caution. But I am not giving up!


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## Streetcar (Apr 13, 2014)

I accept it was perceived as condescending, just what if it was not intended that way? We accommodate all sorts of responses, and maybe could one consider those offering information as covering a spectrum, too, just in case?

Could natural awkwardness to unexpected emotion be considered? Could the breeder have been dealing with an extraordinary life event during the time (pandemic and all), since the breeders we admire are not relying on their Poodles for income?

That is not at all to say the unexpected result reaction was unwarranted - not at all. Just...I can't help but wonder about the larger picture. I do wish you a wonderful Poodle ❤!!!


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## Rose n Poos (Sep 22, 2017)

Please keep us posted! We love Happy Beginnings


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## TerraFirma (12 mo ago)

I'm so sorry you weren't treated well. Did you have many phone or in-person conversations with the breeder leading up to this puppy? I agree with the prior comment that a breeder who selects the puppy for you is the best bet this next go around - ideally they will temperament test the litter. Finding a breeder who wants to build a relationship with you may be the key this next go around as well. They exist, and it's the most wonderful experience.


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## Okie1226 (9 mo ago)

TerraFirma said:


> I'm so sorry you weren't treated well. Did you have many phone or in-person conversations with the breeder leading up to this puppy? I agree with the prior comment that a breeder who selects the puppy for you is the best bet this next go around - ideally they will temperament test the litter. Finding a breeder who wants to build a relationship with you may be the key this next go around as well. They exist, and it's the most wonderful experience.


Our primary means of communication had been email. I did think that it was odd to make everyone wait for the day of pick up to meet their pup. The breeder was adamant that the “dog chooses you.” I just trusted that they knew best because of their history showing dogs and over 20 years in breeding. They also came highly recommended. I don’t doubt that the breeder cares for her pups and furthering the breed for the better, I was just really taken aback by the customer service/business side of what occurred. The apology and explanation I received did not feel even remotely genuine. It was more like an ‘oops, well why don’t you just take a girl instead’. Everyone makes mistakes, I understand that. The response that followed was what really hurt me.
The breeder that I have since been in contact with has been very adamant in establishing a relationship with the families seeking to receive a pup from him. This is something that I really want to prioritize this next time around. Thanks for the great advice!


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## TerraFirma (12 mo ago)

Okie1226 said:


> Our primary means of communication had been email. I did think that it was odd to make everyone wait for the day of pick up to meet their pup. The breeder was adamant that the “dog chooses you.” I just trusted that they knew best because of their history showing dogs and over 20 years in breeding. They also came highly recommended. I don’t doubt that the breeder cares for her pups and furthering the breed for the better, I was just really taken aback by the customer service/business side of what occurred. The apology and explanation I received did not feel even remotely genuine. It was more like an ‘oops, well why don’t you just take a girl instead’. Everyone makes mistakes, I understand that. The response that followed was what really hurt me.
> The breeder that I have since been in contact with has been very adamant in establishing a relationship with the families seeking to receive a pup from him. This is something that I really want to prioritize this next time around. Thanks for the great advice!


That is quite odd... Good luck in your search for the right puppy - if you find a great breeder who TTs the litter and will select the puppy for you, you may find you're infinitely happier! I'm impatiently waiting until I can bring my own Spoo puppy home.


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## Rose n Poos (Sep 22, 2017)

PeggyTheParti found a great series of videos showing a breeder doing the temperament testing. If you're interested, they're linked here
(9) Temperament Testing - Video Examples | Poodle Forum


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## srinu6038 (10 mo ago)

Okie1226 said:


> I have been planning for a new puppy since December of 2020. I put in hours of research before deciding that a poodle was the breed for me. I then did my due diligence and researched breeders for MONTHS before finding one I thought was to be a great fit. I did a deep dive on their website, contacted previous customers for reviews, searched forums and blog posts- all in an attempt to insure I was making the best possible, thoughtful decision when choosing a breeder. The breeder seemed knowledgeable and to care about her pups and the breed. She had a history of showing dogs and health tested all of her animals. I put down a deposit in May of 2021and was the first person on the waiting list for one of her litters. I submitted an application outlining my information and discussing more about what I was looking for in a male puppy. Fast forward to February 2022, 9 puppies are born-5 girls, 4 boys. I schedule a date in April to pick out my puppy and take them home. On the day of pick up I drive 3 hours, arriving overrun with excitement and joy to pick out my puppy. She prepares me for some one on one time with the puppies so I can make my pick. In the midst of this I mention “he” and she immediately corrects me with “she”..stating I requested a female puppy. I assure her this is incorrect and pull up my original application on my phone, clearly stating I requested a male. She says “I’m sorry, I have two males left but they are already spoken for. Are you sure you don’t want a female?” She even laughed several times as if the entire situation was funny to her. I was furious and devastated at the same time. I had been waiting for nearly a year with nothing to show for it. How does this even happen? She apologized for the mix up and said she’d ‘never done that before’, offering to put me on a waitlist for her next litter and condescendingly asking “are you going to cry on the way home?” Ultimately I requested my deposit back and she agreed. I thought with all of my research and preparation I could avoid something devastating like this. Now I have to come home to an entire room/home set up to spoil my new baby, with no new baby. I’m heartbroken.


Sorry that you have gone thru a tough phase and ended up with nothing. it happens to me 3 times and 3rd time I don't want to wait anymore and pick a puppy (only 3 left and I let them choose me). you know what, I was so happy that I got a puppy that day and it is not what I wanted, still the best in its own way. 

do not get disappointed. soon you will find a puppy that will enhance you and your family members' lives.


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