# Dog Barking at Girlfriend (kinda long...sorry)



## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Well I am not a trainer, but my gut instinct is telling me to start out by doing an outside activity with them. Take a walk to the park together, if your puppy is well leash trained, and seems comfortable with the three of you walking together, turn the leash over to Girlfriend. Play some games together, do some training with lots of treats together...only after they seem to be getting along well, go back to the apartment together, letting the group fun continue once you are there.


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## Bellesdad0417 (May 18, 2014)

Finn is 10 months as well and I think that is pretty sassy age, he has begun to bark at us (speak his mind) when we are not paying attention to him. You did say that your GF is animated and your subdued and I think your dog is used to a more low key atmosphere and can become startled with commotion. 
I think you are handled the introductions correctly and introduced the proper distractions when necessary, I would only tell you not to let your frustration and displeasure be to apparent to the dog because they pick up on that as well.
I think you are working though this beautifully and don’t give up on either one of them. 
She is adorable by the way ( the dog )!


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## vickaandjz (Aug 27, 2014)

@tiny, thanks! You and I had the same thoughts. I will try those things!

@bellesdad...I had the same thought. The apartment is typically a very quiet/subdued environment. Gf is a firecracker, chatty and boisterous. I kind of felt this threw Vicka off. I also appreciate your comments about my reaction. Last night I got very upset/frustrated. It was very apparent and was not helpful. I think Vicka noticed and my gf was bummed by my reaction too. What can I say, work was horrible, I was tired and I handled it poorly. I'll keep working!!

Thanks for the replies!


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

Also in the longer term, I think you probably want to do more work with having him meet strangers in a positive way both in and outside the apartment! If it is too cold where you are for much of that, think about any dog friendly stores near you, or think about taking an quality obedience class with him!


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## vickaandjz (Aug 27, 2014)

Tiny Poodles said:


> Also in the longer term, I think you probably want to do more work with having him meet strangers in a positive way both in and outside the apartment! If it is too cold where you are for much of that, think about any dog friendly stores near you, or think about taking an quality obedience class with him!


Appreciate the additional input but she has been to obedience and is quite socialized outside of the apartment. She also has no issues going to other people's homes. The issue is directly related to bringing people in to my home. Thanks.


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## jenniferandtonks (Nov 17, 2014)

if she's done well with meeting people outside the home but is not used to people at home, then it sounds like it's time to do the work that made her comfortable meeting people outside the home at home to fill the gap in her training. i lean toward there being a training gap since you said she had the same response when your parents visited as well. from the dog's perspective, your apartment is a place where she is used to having you all to herself and your attention is focused on her when you are socializing. suddenly, this stranger, who she had no choice about inviting into the scenario, comes into the picture and she has to share you with her. the rules she was used to and her whole world as she knew it have been turned upside down without warning. she needs a fair chance to learn the new rules as she would learn any new skill without the expectation that she already knows how to do something she has not been asked to do in that environment before.


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## vickaandjz (Aug 27, 2014)

jenniferandtonks said:


> if she's done well with meeting people outside the home but is not used to people at home, then it sounds like it's time to do the work that made her comfortable meeting people outside the home at home to fill the gap in her training. i lean toward there being a training gap since you said she had the same response when your parents visited as well. from the dog's perspective, your apartment is a place where she is used to having you all to herself and your attention is focused on her when you are socializing. suddenly, this stranger, who she had no choice about inviting into the scenario, comes into the picture and she has to share you with her. the rules she was used to and her whole world as she knew it have been turned upside down without warning. she needs a fair chance to learn the new rules as she would learn any new skill without the expectation that she already knows how to do something she has not been asked to do in that environment before.


I totally agree with everything you said. What I am trying to ascertain is what exactly is "the work" that I am supposed to do. Is that just continuing to have company/gf over? Are there specific methods once people are invited in that help? I too see the problem. I don't know the solution though. That's what I am seeking.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

> Treats aren't going to work


How do you know this? Most behaviorists will recommend using high value treats (tiny, pea sized) to make positive associations with things...they tend to make the bad thing into a good thing for dogs. 

This sounds like an under socialized dog...during the early critical socialization period. (birth - about 14 weeks) I agree with the good advice you've been given...making positive pairings with your gf and the dog...fun times etc. The difficulty is that transferring the mental state or behavior from locations where the dog is okay may not be very marked when in the house. Dogs have a little trouble generalizing behavior, but it's certainly worth a try and good to practice. The improvement can be made but is often marginal_ if _the dog had an impoverished socialization during the critical period. Does your dog act like this when other people come into the house or just your gf? You'll need to be pro-active and have your girlfriend drop HIGH VALUE treats (tid bits of steak, chicken or something equally yummy) on the floor when she's walking around (s-l-o-w-l-y) in your house or outside. Food is a primary reinforcer and it is very effective in dog training. You can cut back a tad on meals if you're worried about the dog getting fat. We're talking tiny tastes, not big chunks of treats. That's all they need. I think at this point you need to set your priorities. Even_ if _it came down to my dog getting a wee bit pudgy around the girth temporarily or being unstable forever, well, that's a no brainer. 

If your dog doesn't seem to be motivated by food, then have your girlfriend over just before the dog's dinner time. People say that their dog isn't food motivated and sometimes there ARE better rewards sometimes, depending on the circumstances... but all animals need food to survive and it's very important to most animals that need to eat. lol. Food becomes higher in value if they didn't just eat a big meal or if it's something extraordinarily yummy and not something they always get. It becomes less valuable if the dog is aching to get outside to play or if the dog is dying to play with a friend. Then they may be less interested in food at that time. But for something like this, it's very effective. I'd start having her over and spend some time in the yard or side walk out front dropping treats, then come in your house and make no overt actions....just let the dog decide when to approach at some later time.

Honestly, I would recommend enlisting the help of a certified behaviorist who uses only progressive/positive methods...no punishment, force or threats in this kind of situation _especially_. Absolutely no scolding when the dog growls. Get recommendations if you use one. I think you can try some stuff on your own for a couple weeks...pro active conditioning. But if you see no improvement or not much, I'd get a specialist in there, not just any old trainer. Some people call themselves trainers but they have little if any education in animal behavior and/or little experience. I do hope you get this turned around soon. It must be very troubling.


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## vickaandjz (Aug 27, 2014)

Poodlebeguiled said:


> How do you know this? Most behaviorists will recommend using high value treats (tiny, pea sized) to make positive associations with things...they tend to make the bad thing into a good thing for dogs.
> 
> This sounds like an under socialized dog...during the early critical socialization period. (birth - about 14 weeks) I agree with the good advice you've been given...making positive pairings with your gf and the dog...fun times etc. The difficulty is that transferring the mental state or behavior from locations where the dog is okay may not be very marked when in the house. Dogs have a little trouble generalizing behavior, but it's certainly worth a try and good to practice. The improvement can be made but is often marginal_ if _the dog had an impoverished socialization during the critical period. Does your dog act like this when other people come into the house or just your gf? You'll need to be pro-active and have your girlfriend drop HIGH VALUE treats (tid bits of steak, chicken or something equally yummy) on the floor when she's walking around (s-l-o-w-l-y) in your house or outside. Food is a primary reinforcer and it is very effective in dog training. You can cut back a tad on meals if you're worried about the dog getting fat. We're talking tiny tastes, not big chunks of treats. That's all they need. I think at this point you need to set your priorities. Even_ if _it came down to my dog getting a wee bit pudgy around the girth temporarily or being unstable forever, well, that's a no brainer.
> 
> ...


Thanks. Bringing in a specialist is probably not going to happen. I just don't have the money to spend. As for socialization between birth - 14 weeks, I didn't get her until she was 16 weeks. When I did, she was scared of everything and anything. She wasn't socialized at all. We have made tremendous strides. She is still a bit of a scaredy cat at times and easily spooked, but she has lots of dog friends, loves seeing other dogs (except for those much larger than her), enjoys/tolerates people outside and sniffs everyone in the elevator. Considering where she was when I got her, her progress has been amazing. Those who have known her from the start are simply amazed.

All the above said, there are obviously still issues. And I won't lie, I have gotten lazier as time has passed. Winter hasn't helped either, as she is not getting to see her buddies as often and our 30 minute walks, 2-3 times a day just don't quench her thirst for running/exercise (I live in a city/apartment high rise).

Anyhow, thanks for your comments and we'll keep working on it. It is frustrating but we will figure it out...hopefully.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

Well, it sounds like she's come a long way and you've done wonderfully. It's very difficult when they missed that early period. But keep plugging away, gradually, but steadily. Don't skimp on having a visitor over, different people, old, young, women, men...even for a short 15 minute visit...I'd try for several times a week. Keep us posted on her progress. Often when I got called in on private lessons, the people would only need me for a couple of sessions and then they could go on their own from there...depending on the issue. It might be a matter of one or two sessions with someone who can really evaluate your dog and give you a homework assignment. I know...professionals are expensive.


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## vickaandjz (Aug 27, 2014)

I'll definitely keep working on it and let you know. Unfortunately, I don't know a lot of people in my city and it isn't going to be easy to have people over all the time. Additionally, gf is going out of town for the holidays, so it looks like there won't be much work until after new year. I can start increasing the exercise/playing though. I should do that regardless. 

Ultimately, I have noticed that she does take to people, but it takes a while. She has to know them, trust them and have positive associations. The people whose dogs she plays with, people whose homes she has been in, etc., she seems to gravitate to/gets excited to see.

I think I know what I need to do now. I guess I just needed to vent and get some feedback. We have gotten through every hurdle in front of us to date; we'll get through this too.

Thanks to all that replied and happy holidays!


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## vickaandjz (Aug 27, 2014)

P.S. If I am unable to make any progress, I will definitely look in to a certified specialist. Any suggestions how one goes about that, other than a blind google search? Any thoughts are appreciated.


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## patk (Jun 13, 2013)

here's a thought. when she barks in that way, without any show of excitement, annoyance, whatever and without saying a word to your dog, turn your back. (if your gf is there, you should both turn your backs.) according to turid rugaas, who is somewhat renowned for her expertise on dog body language, this is a calming signal. do this consistently whenever she seems to go out of balance. when she is calm, praise her. if she starts up again, turn your back again.

it may seem an odd response. but it can work. when i first took my dog to day care, he would go wild when i appeared to pick him up, including throwing himself at the fence, barking his head off, etc. if you had seen him in another environment, you would not have believed it was the same dog, as he was actually somewhat timid. of course i did the "no" bit the first few times. absolutely no effect. then i started turning my back. after doing this twice in two days, his behavior changed completely. he stopped charging the fence and sat back waiting for the monitor to leash him and bring him to me. i was the astonished one - when he didn't charge the fence, i thought there was something wrong!

give it a try a few times. it may not work; nothing is guaranteed. but your dog does not sound vicious or unsocialized, just unsure of the change in her environment - and by this i mean her home. i would see if it is possible to give her a chance to adjust by letting her know barking is not desirable.


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## ericwd9 (Jun 13, 2014)

I agree with most all of the advice you have been given. In the short term, have her hungry when your GF is coming over and have your GF give her, her food, bit by bit slowly. Be present yourself and be supportive of the "family" situation. Have her see your GF giving you food too. This is to reinforce her belief that there is a new girl on the scene and the new girl is of higher status than she is. Have her come to your GF, not your GF go to her. Allow her to go to a place of safety if she wishes. She is the top girl in your home. Her position is threatened by your GF. You will need to show her that your GF is of higher status than her, without a fight. I would repeat the advice you have already been given. Do NOT chastise her in front of GF. You and she have made a nice comfortable team together. She will not want to "move over" to make room for your GF.
Eric


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## vickaandjz (Aug 27, 2014)

patk said:


> here's a thought. when she barks in that way, without any show of excitement, annoyance, whatever and without saying a word to your dog, turn your back. (if your gf is there, you should both turn your backs.) according to turid rugaas, who is somewhat renowned for her expertise on dog body language, this is a calming signal. do this consistently whenever she seems to go out of balance. when she is calm, praise her. if she starts up again, turn your back again.
> 
> it may seem an odd response. but it can work. when i first took my dog to day care, he would go wild when i appeared to pick him up, including throwing himself at the fence, barking his head off, etc. if you had seen him in another environment, you would not have believed it was the same dog, as he was actually somewhat timid. of course i did the "no" bit the first few times. absolutely no effect. then i started turning my back. after doing this twice in two days, his behavior changed completely. he stopped charging the fence and sat back waiting for the monitor to leash him and bring him to me. i was the astonished one - when he didn't charge the fence, i thought there was something wrong!
> 
> give it a try a few times. it may not work; nothing is guaranteed. *but your dog does not sound vicious or unsocialized, just unsure of the change in her environment* - and by this i mean her home. i would see if it is possible to give her a chance to adjust by letting her know barking is not desirable.


I'll definitely try that! I did have my gf go to the kitchen, get a treat and when the dog arrived, had gf turn around and hold the treat out with her back to dog. Dog took treat. 

Also, thank you for the bolded line. That is the case. Admittedly, it does hurt a bit when people make snap judgments which sound negative from reading a message board post. I know people are trying to help, but my dog is FAR from aggressive and very social (on her own terms). I think this is about her home environment getting thrown into flux. I screwed up by never having people over. We'll get there. Thanks again! Will let you know if turning works.


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## vickaandjz (Aug 27, 2014)

ericwd9 said:


> I agree with most all of the advice you have been given. In the short term, have her hungry when your GF is coming over and have your GF give her, her food, bit by bit slowly. Be present yourself and be supportive of the "family" situation. Have her see your GF giving you food too. This is to reinforce her belief that there is a new girl on the scene and the new girl is of higher status than she is. Have her come to you GF, not your GF go to her. Allow her to go to a place of safety if she wishes. She is the top girl in your home. Her position is threatened by your GF. You will need to show her that your GF is of higher status than her, without a fight. I would repeat the advice you have already been given. Do NOT chastise her in front of GF. You and she have made a nice comfortable team together. She will not want to "move over" to make room for your GF.
> Eric


Good stuff. Thanks, Eric!


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

I must respectfully disagree with Eric's assessment of status or rank in domestic dogs in general and in your dog being "top" dog in particular. If there were any status, which is completely a human construct and not proven, your dog would not be it. Your dog is showing behaviors of an undersocialized and insecure dog and that does not a "top" dog make. 

Another method you can try is when your gf or anyone is visiting or if you're out and about and she becomes anxious, barky, growly, you can wait for a second or two of quiet and calm and then walk her away, out of the area where she's comfortable. Then try again. Each time she shows anxiousness, wait, turn her sideways from the person (who is making no overtures) and see if she'll have a little lull in her tension. Keep your leash loose and you stay relaxed. Then walk her out again. Make an exercise out of this...a few reps. This will show her that when she's somewhat relaxed, even a little bit, good things happen such as more distance between her and the trigger which is making her nervous or uncomfortable. Gradually, over time, this kind of reward where she gets to leave, can serve to work in an interesting way. She can get so she_ wants _to come into the presence of the trigger because there is a point where it is tolerable and rewarded and it becomes more tolerable and for longer duration. All the while you're doing this exercise, keep her just a hair below the point where she is apt to become aroused by keeping her at a fairly comfortable distance. Put a little more pressure on her as she tolerates that distance between. Try to do this with distance to prevent her from getting into a highly aroused state if you can. And if she is going bonkers, at that point, don't take her away completely because she'll learn that_ that _works. Get her at a safe distance first where she's a little calmer, then walk away as a reward. 

If you use treats to associate good things, you don't need to do it dependent on behavior. You're not rewarding. You're just_ pairing _the person and the tasty treat.


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## ericwd9 (Jun 13, 2014)

It should be noted that: The behavior to be corrected is shown only in the home shared with her owner. Though the dog has been and still is a little, " undersocialized and insecure," her owner has addressed this problem and it is now manageable, outside the home. The home she shares with her owner is her "territory" with him and in her mind anyone else, new, is trespassing.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

Yes Eric. But a thoroughly and well socialized dog recognizes friendly "strangers" invited into the home by the owner. My own Doberman, a breed naturally suspicious of strangers, extremely territorial, bred for protection...was somewhat reserved at first with strangers but not reactive in the least if he understood from me that this was a welcome stranger. If I weren't home and someone attempted to come in...or so he thought (I heard about an incident afterwards) he would let the person know with a low, throaty growl and would block him from entering. _However_, when I invited someone the dog didn't know into the house and spoke in a friendly manner, Lyric was perfectly fine and comfortable. When he was a puppy, I lived in quite an isolated place and I had to go out of my way to find people to come over so he could get accustomed to that, along with taking him places nearly every day where he could meet people in other kinds of environments as well. He never flew off the handle, didn't bark a whole lot, didn't think that was necessary, did a lot of watching with alertness...was very confident. A well socialized dog recognizes the difference between a friendly stranger and an intruder.

So, unfortunately, this dog that the OP got must have missed out on some _PRO_-ACTIVE socialization. It may improve with practice now. And that improvement may be better than it might with another breed. But then again, it might be only somewhat improved. By the sounds of it, the dog has come a long way so far and with some real homework, might indeed become more comfortable. As it is, it sounds like the dog is unsure, uncomfortable and overly reactive to this situation.


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## vickaandjz (Aug 27, 2014)

I actually think there is truth in what both of you are saying. Beguiled is definitely correct that Vicka missed out on a good deal of socialization (it appears) before coming to me, is unsure, uncomfortable and over reactive to this particular situation. That said, there is also an element of her being territorial/possessive (in my opinion). 

The unsuredness/uncomfortableness/reactiveness seem to occur upon initial entrance of the stranger and probably continues throughout the visit. Ultimately, beguiled is correct...that stuff is there and a problem. That said, I think Eric is also correct, especially when my gf and I are settled and sitting together on the couch (where I am usually alone or with Vicka). She does not seem pleased with my closeness to this "stranger" and the showing of affection. That is usually her domain and she has never seen anyone/thing get that attention in that spot.

All this said, I am by no means an expert. I do know my dog though and believe there is an element of possessiveness/territorialness. However, I think the larger issue is one of unsuredness/insecurity and generally being uncomfortable. 

I appreciate everything said here and have been given lots of food for thought. I dismiss no suggestion. That said, I have learned over the last six months that I am best positioned to effectively solve the issues with my dog. I can get suggestions (on the internet or from trainers), but there is no one size fits all solution, in my opinion. Every dog is different and those closest to the animal know it best. I will take everything in to consideration and work through it. We have tackled every problem successfully thus far, and I see no reason we can't remedy this. Like any other issue, it will just take hard work, understanding and patience. Thanks again!!


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## Shamrockmommy (Aug 16, 2013)

Try to stay calm and ignore your dog's barking- she's seeing you being upset (at her) but she may be taking this as- dad's upset with gf is here, so I'll be upset too! Best thing to do would be everyone ignore the dog, have gf and yourself throw yummy treats, smile, be calm and eventually she will get used to her. Also at home when it's just you and the dog, talk loudly, exhuberantly, in a silly voice, clink pots and pans, jump up and down- do all kinds of silly things so that she sees these things as normal and not scary. 

I also might put a 6' leash on her while gf is over just in case you need to get control of her quickly.

When we first got Jack, he was afraid of DH (and everyone!!) and it took him more than a month to finally be ok in his presence and another month or two to really come to love DH. 

Hope this helps


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## vickaandjz (Aug 27, 2014)

Shamrockmommy said:


> Try to stay calm and ignore your dog's barking- she's seeing you being upset (at her) but she may be taking this as- dad's upset with gf is here, so I'll be upset too! Best thing to do would be everyone ignore the dog, have gf and yourself throw yummy treats, smile, be calm and eventually she will get used to her. *Also at home when it's just you and the dog, talk loudly, exhuberantly, in a silly voice, clink pots and pans, jump up and down- do all kinds of silly things so that she sees these things as normal and not scary. *
> 
> I also might put a 6' leash on her while gf is over just in case you need to get control of her quickly.
> 
> ...


I so thought about the bolded part yesterday! It might sound weird, but that is so difficult for me to get comfortable with. It is so out of character and feels silly. I will have to try but I can't imagine doing it haha

I also considered the leash. I think that is a good idea.

Just to be clear, we tried ignoring her (gf was good at it). I guess even though I was ignoring her, my energy was probably bad because inside I was mortified, embarrassed and annoyed.

Very helpful...thanks!


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

Yes Vick...there is such a thing as resource guarding where you're the resource and your dog doesn't want to share. There could be an element of that going on. It's hard to say without seeing and really evaluating your dog whether it's total insecurity or a resource guarding thing.

Like Shamrock said, make sure to equate your gf with good things...high value treats when she's around. Limit them when she's not. You can even do an exercise with a few reps. You can take your dog on a leash out of the room where your gf is and be very boring...a boring room, and ignoring from you for about 30 seconds. Go into her presence and start lavishing attention and treats on her, go back out for half a minute, be boring etc and repeat. I've done this with resource guarders of humans and it is just one more thing that can assist.


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## Tiny Poodles (Jun 20, 2013)

vickaandjz said:


> I actually think there is truth in what both of you are saying. Beguiled is definitely correct that Vicka missed out on a good deal of socialization (it appears) before coming to me, is unsure, uncomfortable and over reactive to this particular situation. That said, there is also an element of her being territorial/possessive (in my opinion).
> 
> 
> 
> ...



That's exactly what a forum like this is for - you get some brainstorming ideas, and then you "try them on" to see what fits for your particular dog in your specific world - nobody can judge that better than you!
You have gotten some great ideas here, and you seem like a smart, caring, insightful person, so I am sure that you will find the right interventions and enjoy a good resolution to the issue!


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## Mahlon (Jun 8, 2014)

I'm late to the thread, but there's been lots of good advice, from lots of varying strategies given and I have to say I am very impressed how you are dealing with this with an open mind! So kudos for you, and you will get through this, its just one more thing to work on 

That said, I thought I'd throw my 2 cents into the mix in case it might be another point of view that might help. One thing I didn't see mentioned, was using the crate more in helping her get through these new situations. This is a tough one, because using the crate is NOT a punishment, nor should it ever be. But it is also normally a safe, quiet, secure place for her where she is comfortable.

Obviously, this new situation for her, is a bit stressful, she's not used to people being in the house with you, the change in her schedule, and just at the most basic, sharing you with others in your home. As part of the "Ignoring" the problem behavior, I'd also suggest breaks in between trials, where you lovingly and soothingly pick her up and bring her to her crate, with a few extra minutes of alone time between just the two of you, with some special treats. Imagine how wound up and tense she must be sitting there for hours watching for any move your GF makes, or for an unusual noise to happen that she's alerting too. Do not make the move to the crate directly after, or during a barking/spazz attack as you don't want to associate the unwanted behavior with a reward of "Alone time" with you. 

And it is a bit of anthropomorphizing, but I truly do think that dogs get jealous, especially females. They don't like change, and they love consistency (oh how I can relate on that level!) and this new and very different human coming into your domain is a large change.

I also dealt with similar issues (and still am to a degree) in that Quinn is still settling in to a house with a big family around her, with lots of competition for my attention from my wife and three kids. We've had to work hard, and get creative in helping her accept the new situation when we are home with the family, and ignoring the problem behavior without a reaction, giving plenty of breaks by herself, or time with me for reassurance, and allowing others to take on things like alone time with her, walks, bathroom breaks, treats, and meals. A perfect example after she gets more comfortable with girlfriend might just be to give them some alone time while you take a shower. It may start off with her sitting outside your bathroom door the first few times, but dogs love attention, and are so curious by nature, with time and some encouragement she will go looking for love and attention once she's accepted GF in your home (and see's you accept GF as well). I also second the suggestion on making sure she's a little extra hungry initially so that treats are of higher reward value for her. 

Hope that helps,
Dan & Quinn


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## patk (Jun 13, 2013)

i agree that possibly what is most important is to be flexible. specific schools of training are useful, but they don't always fit the person and/or the dog. what is helpful is to be aware of as many tools as possible to reach the desired end point - a great relationship with your dog, no matter who you are and who the dog is. this does not mean beat your dog into submission. it means the more knowledge and tools at your disposal, the more your intuition will ultimately be right about how to deal with a situation. i would add that two different people could easily approach one specific dog differently and still end up with a great relationship, even though the relationship would not be exactly the same. it's that way with spouses, kids, friends. we make adjustments for individuality and adjustments are made for our individuality. that works with most dogs, too.


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## glorybeecosta (Nov 11, 2014)

Dogs are pack animals, and they will try to control the owner. I use tone of voice, as I have the same problem when someone went to hug me, or come close. I stopped and looked the dog in the eye, and with a stern voice said no enough sit and stay. about 5 or 6 times, I have no problem

I feel if you give them treats after bad behavior, they tend to continue the bad behavior for the treat they will get.

A friend had a dog, and she would open the door and give you a treat to give the dog before you can inside so she did not bit you. I can in without the treat, and with a controlling tone of voice no treat the dog backed down, and I could go in any time. I never believed in treat if an aggression whatsoever is present.

Maybe your GF should address the dog in a stern voice.


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## N2Mischief (Dec 3, 2012)

Nevermind! lol


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## Mahlon (Jun 8, 2014)

Just an observation, but barking/alerting to a new person/object/etc. is not aggressiveness, its insecurity. Aggression is a whole other thing entirely.


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## Carley's Mom (Oct 30, 2011)

Stella came to me as a "return to breeder" , she was 2 1/2 years old , I was her 3rd owner...she was a in your face, pushy girl , but also fearful and insecure . She would attack my other dog without cause, if she was unsure of something she would attack. Because I am a softie with my dogs and because she was fearful and insecure I tried to just stay calm,, break up the fight and put her in her crate. I did not yell or hit her, but I did tell her with a stern voice ,"NO". The fighting continued for a full year. She also was very much in the red zone when passing another dog on leash. I came here for advice and talked to two trainers, her breeder that has showed and bred poodles for 30 plus years. The trainers and the breeder told me I was going to have to get rough with her, this is NOT the way I am with my dogs, but I did finally go there. I started with NOTHING IS FREE, she had to wait for everything. She was fed 2nd, had to wait until last to go outside, get in the car ect. And on the last and worst day of fighting when I knew I had to do something, I beat the crap out of her, with an open hand, but she knew I had had it !!!!! Then she was put into her crate, when she got out she attacked Carley again, she got the same treatment... this happened 4 times in one day, but she stopped fighting. She has not attacked since and it has been over a year now. It changed her whole life, she finally felt that I had was in control and she could just relax and be the sweet girl that she is now. I am not saying to hit your dog, but I would recommend getting more firm with her. If she sees you as a strong leader, she will feel more safe and happy.


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## glorybeecosta (Nov 11, 2014)

Carly I do as you, and I am not mean with my dogs, but I found treating them as I would a child works, if a spanking is what they need they get it. Or I may make them set and stay. I have one corner in the kitchen, I will make them sit and stay facing the wall. I am very strict when training, and stay right on them. I do not train any tricks just obedience. When I take them to outside dining or a friends house, they know they must sit on a blanket. At home the have the whole house. They will not leave my side, same as kids boundaries.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)




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## Lou (Sep 22, 2012)

I'm firm with my dogs! Well "used to be"... (No need to anymore, they got the message, and they are spoiled rotten now!  ) when Lou was like 5 or 6 months old, and was acting up and testing me , one day when she was acting nuts I just firmly grabbed the back of Lou's neck and held her down (no pain involved) just like a gentle-immobilization, and I used the command "calm down"harsh and loud at first, But then more like "caaaaaaaaalm doooooown" as she started to act more calm... Then I started petting her neck massaging a bit and saying "good girl, caaaaalm dooooown " then she gave me that
****big sigh**** (that's when I knew ❤ )
And she got totally relaxed, so I started petting her more, and higher pitched voice, but still calm and taking real slow... Then I got her in my lap and gently hugged her and kissed all over her  I said "see? Good girl... Calm down baby girl" 

and she has been extremely well behaved ever since! I just give her that "look in the eyes" and she knows I need her to listen ! . 

Apollo is a rescue, but incredibly eager to please, so I've only needed to grab his neck (even more gently than Lou's) a couple times at first... He knows I mean it when I use that "tone of voice" too. And he smiles at me and wags his tail jumping around toward me and does what I ask!  

****I have strict rules in the house, several rules, they always listen, heel, follow me around the house, I constantly reinforce, "sit-stay" , "leave-it", "hold on", "that's not yours" and they have been consistent so they get tons and tons of love and yummy treats, sleep in the bed and I rarely , almost never have to use a "firm tone of voice" anymore... 

Dogs, just like kids  NEED & LOVE structure, rules, and to know someone is control, they feel safe... (I know I did, when my dad was firm with me, my dad was the best dad ever)
The dogs know I'm the boss and will do whatever it takes to keep them safe, even if it means being a bit loud and harsh at times, but they know if I say "RIGHT NOW!!!" (Our URGENCY COMMAND) that they MUST obey immediately! Like for instance if there's s car coming and they need to come to me "right now!" they do. 

And they always get the yummiest treats for being good pups! 

They seem like very happy dogs to me, so I believe I "instinctively" did the right thing. 

Lou as a puppy (around that time..  )








Apollo smiling and Lou with ball (recent photo)


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## Lou (Sep 22, 2012)

Ps. My Lou was almost a ferrel dog, extremely shy and scared, but she got better and better with time. 

So even if a dog is shy and scared (barking out of insecurity and fear) there's hope  Lou is still a bit shy but super friendly and will kiss all over visitors, but she needs a couple minutes to sniff you first before she lets you pet her  
Shy? Yes, but super well behaved!


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## glorybeecosta (Nov 11, 2014)

I try to explain exachty what you said dogs want structure. I love all dogs but when my friends bring their dogs to my house, I expect then to control them as I do mine when at their homes. If they do not I take over. I have a deep voice and their dogs will listen. My friends say they won't so that for me. My reply you are the dogs pleasure not them yours. Please understand I adore them and am extremely protective over them, but there are rules that must be adhered too.

I am never lone or bored at my age, as they are always keeping me laughing, with their running and playing. Andthey let me know when it is time for nite-nite.


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## PoodlePaws (May 28, 2013)

My Missy is like that. Always has been. My other two dogs love strangers and other people. Missy is very hypervigilent and anxious to the point where my family doesn't like to come over to visit. Noises outside do it too, as well as objects she has never seen before like a pineapple or pair of boots. Our household is loud and busy. Anything will set her off at any given time. We have just learned to deal with it.


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## Lou (Sep 22, 2012)

PoodlePaws said:


> My Missy is like that. Always has been. My other two dogs love strangers and other people. Missy is very hypervigilent and anxious to the point where my family doesn't like to come over to visit. Noises outside do it too, as well as objects she has never seen before like a pineapple or pair of boots. Our household is loud and busy. Anything will set her off at any given time. We have just learned to deal with it.



Haha!! Lou still does that occasionally ... Like: " that was NOT there yesterday!!! What is it?!!?!! ??" LOL 

Here's a video from when she was a puppy, it's hilarious, but she still does stuff like this now, but she is more brave about it, the new solar-yard-lights... It was so funny !! She barked and hopped around but I told her that it's okay and she relaxed  she tries to UNDERSTAND everything!!!! 

http://www.poodleforum.com/showthread.php?t=38474


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## patk (Jun 13, 2013)

just to add another side to this: the other day my neighbor's son received a new puppy for christmas. he insisted i visit with them in their back yard. they have another dog (a basenji mix, i believe) that i have met once or twice. nonetheless, when i entered the back yard - with my neighbor and her son - the older dog expressed concern. there were these soft woofs and she was eyeing me with suspicion. the pup - whom i had just met earlier being held by my neighbor - was at the other end of the yard and began shaking. so i think the older dog was giving off, in dog language, some very concerned vibes. 

as far as i could tell, there was nothing wrong or aggressive about these dogs. some dogs are more cautious than others. of course these were small dogs, so the older dog's behavior doubtless came across as less "threatening" to humans than it might have had she been larger. i simply did what i do when meeting dogs that don't know me. no eye contact. no effervescent uninvited approach. after awhile the dogs started playing together - i was no threat, even though i was not part of the household. not every undesired by humans response from a dog should really be a matter of major concern. as a kid, i automatically got up and left the room when a certain cousin i didn't care for came to visit. unless a dog is indeed aggressive, i tend to think dogs, too, are perfectly normal in not automatically loving everyone who walks through the door.


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