# New puppy mom and I feel like I’m failing



## Michellepl (Jun 16, 2017)

Hi everyone,

I apologize if this post seems a little whiny, but I feel like I’m struggling. 

I have a 3 month old miniature poodle name Rufus, and let me tell you, Rufus is a handful. I have had three dogs previous to Rufus; my first dog was almost 1 when we adopted him, my second dog was a puppy, and my third dog (toy poodle) was adopted at 7 years old. My second dog was the easiest puppy (I realize now), he was low maintenance, absolutely no issues chewing anything, listened to me from day one, no training needed for grooming etc. 

Rufus is a handful... did I say that already? Don’t get me wrong, I love that little terror, but I feel like I adopted a defiant teenager? I’ve had Rufus for almost 4 weeks. From day one we’ve been working on housebreaking, it hasn’t been perfect, but I think he’s really getting the hang of things. The one thing we struggle with right now is that he’s not great at alerting when he needs to go. 

He chews everything and everyone. His biting human hands has gotten softer but when he’s excited he really has no off button and can draw blood. We’re working on it, and things are improving, slightly. 

He knows “sit”, “lay down”, “shake a paw”, and “twirl”, but I’m struggling to teach him “leave it” and “stay”. Both commands seem to need patience and Rufus doesn’t have any ?. He’s quite the little ball of energy. 

Recently he’s developed a fear of dogs barking loudly and other loud noises. I’m not sure where this is coming from? He’s just had his 2 vaccination for Parvo and distemper, so I took him to a drop in puppy social at a doggy daycare. At Home Rufus is rambunctious and boisterous with other dogs. But at the puppy social there was a dog boarding for the weekend and he was barking almost the entire time. Instead of Rufus being his usual social self, he was frightened and hid behind me. A couple female puppies his size and age came over to pull him out, he was really scared and growled at them. 

My brother has two daughters, 2 and 3, I took Rufus over there to get used to babies. They have an older dog. I was there with my neices and sister in law, Rufus was having a great time. When my brother arrived home from work, his dog went crazy barking, and Rufus ran terrified to the back of the house trying to claw his way out the patio door. 

I guess I’m worried that I’m screwing him up? I read so many articles about the importance of puppy socialization, and to make sure every experience is a positive one. I don’t know how that’s in my power? Do I have one chance and if the experience ends up being negative have I ruined him for life? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get him over this fear of loud noises? He will begin his puppy obedience classes in two weeks. I want him to have a fun time in his class and not be fearful. 

Thank you


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## Dechi (Aug 22, 2015)

You need to relax and be kind to yourself. Rufus sounds like a very typical puppy ! I think you had an untypical puppy before, very easy, and you’re seeing Rufus as difficult but he’s acting normal, like a very young puppy.

No puppy can let their owner know they need to go at only 3 months. None. It’s just not realistic. Dogs that age lack the concentration and bladder control so even if they tried, it wouldn’t work. I suggest you buy a good puppy housebreaking book online and make sure you follow all the steps. Then, between 6-10 months, your puppy will start telling you it needs to go.

Biting is absolutely normal as well, and so is chewing. You need to hide everything on sight, including cords, shoes and so forth and provide a safe place. And keep him in a crate or play pen when you can’t supervise. Also make sure he has tons of toys lying around, and goodies no chew (no rawhide, very dangerous).

Good luck with your pup ! Don’t get discouraged and enjoy the puppyness, it doesn’t last long...


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## Asta's Mom (Aug 20, 2014)

Puppies are a handful aren't they? I would suggest training Rufus to use Potty Bells so he can easily alert you when he needs to go out. I found them very effective with Asta. Asta, too, was a very mouthy puppy and those puppy teeth are sharp. I tried to redirect his biting with bully sticks and toys - not always successfully. Hang in there.


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## Charmed (Aug 4, 2014)

Dechi pretty much covered how your pup's behavior is so typical of a smart pup. When puppy class starts, I think you will see lots of other owners struggling with the same issues. Hopefully, your trainer will be able to walk you through some good strategies that will make your life easier. By the way, pups do go through fear periods when they will be afraid of "normal" things. The key to success is your reaction to your pup's rather irrational behavior. Do not coddle him. Act like you think the scary thing is funny. "Jolly " your pup with happy, confident talk. Again, your trainer should be able to demonstrate proper response. Enjoy your pup; he will be grown before you know it.


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## Michellepl (Jun 16, 2017)

Dechi said:


> You need to relax and be kind to yourself. Rufus sounds like a very typical puppy ! I think you had an untypical puppy before, very easy, and you’re seeing Rufus as difficult but he’s acting normal, like a very young puppy.
> 
> No puppy can let their owner know they need to go at only 3 months. None. It’s just not realistic. Dogs that age lack the concentration and bladder control so even if they tried, it wouldn’t work. I suggest you buy a good puppy housebreaking book online and make sure you follow all the steps. Then, between 6-10 months, your puppy will start telling you it needs to go.
> 
> ...


Thanks, Dechi! I think we’re doing quite well with the housebreaking. My biggest concern is the fear of loud noises. 

He’s crated when not supervised and has a ton of toys and chews. Not that they hold his attention any longer than 2 minutes.


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## Michellepl (Jun 16, 2017)

Asta's Mom said:


> Puppies are a handful aren't they? I would suggest training Rufus to use Potty Bells so he can easily alert you when he needs to go out. I found them very effective with Asta. Asta, too, was a very mouthy puppy and those puppy teeth are sharp. I tried to redirect his biting with bully sticks and toys - not always successfully. Hang in there.


Thank you, Asta’s mom! I’ve thought of training him to use the potty bells, but I’ve read they can really become annoying with smart and mischievous dogs.


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## Michellepl (Jun 16, 2017)

Charmed said:


> Dechi pretty much covered how your pup's behavior is so typical of a smart pup. When puppy class starts, I think you will see lots of other owners struggling with the same issues. Hopefully, your trainer will be able to walk you through some good strategies that will make your life easier. By the way, pups do go through fear periods when they will be afraid of "normal" things. The key to success is your reaction to your pup's rather irrational behavior. Do not coddle him. Act like you think the scary thing is funny. "Jolly " your pup with happy, confident talk. Again, your trainer should be able to demonstrate proper response. Enjoy your pup; he will be grown before you know it.


I hope this fear period goes away soon. I’m so worried that he’ll be grow up afraid of life.


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## Michellepl (Jun 16, 2017)

The little troublemaker Rufus.


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## Dechi (Aug 22, 2015)

Michellepl said:


> The little troublemaker Rufus.


Oh my, he is sooooo cute ! I almost want him... (I have a 10 months old chewing machine already...)


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## zooeysmom (Jan 3, 2014)

Aww, he is adorable! Hang in there. Things will get better with time. You have our support and understanding.


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## Michellepl (Jun 16, 2017)

Dechi said:


> Michellepl said:
> 
> 
> > The little troublemaker Rufus.
> ...


The cuteness is the only thing that’s keeping him alive haha. Omg 10 months and still chewing. Every sock I own has a hole in it...


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## Michellepl (Jun 16, 2017)

zooeysmom said:


> Aww, he is adorable! Hang in there. Things will get better with time. You have our support and understanding.


Thank you zooeysmom!


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## Asta's Mom (Aug 20, 2014)

When I was training Asta to potty bells I gave him a treat upon coming inside ONLY when he went potty. If he didn't go potty, when he came inside - no treat. This really helped when he started to associate the bells with outside. (when potty bells can get to be real annoying) I didn't want to reinforce that, so hence treating him only when he pottyed. He quickly figured out that when he rang his bells to go outside, he'd better potty or no treats!


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## Rose n Poos (Sep 22, 2017)

Hi, you're not alone, and you all and Rufus will be fine, truly  Everyone has given you good advice and insight. Have you read thru the puppy reality thread in this same section? It helped me realize that what I felt was failure was not, but was just stages in the life of puppies and us.

I have 2 mini boys and I feel ya! Mine were about 5 months old when we realized that they were becoming less sharky. Based on advice from this forum, we always had a trade-for-fingers and other things toy at hand and that worked pretty well. Bitter apple spray worked for them, too, to keep their mouths off stuff they shouldn't have in their mouths. 

You said that you're working on commands and he's picking them up pretty well. I don't remember if you said you were working on Drop it and Leave it. Those are really good ones, lol. 

Around 3 months is when we started walking the boys around our short block to help them get used to sights and sounds, people, cars, other dogs, plastic bags flying, you name it. We also took them to a nearby park, not necessarily to walk, but to just sit and watch things go by. No pressure on them for anything except to experience things and let them go by. A forum member also wrote of taking their pup in the car to a fairly busy parking lot to just watch and hear the comings and goings. 

Asta's Mom suggested a good technique with the bells. I had a string of some old Pier One type brass bells so I looped it over the door handle. The bells were pleasant to hear, or at least not terribly annoying. The funny thing is that only Remo noses them, Neo just waits for Remo to do it. 

They change so fast, and what seems impossible one day is what you hoped for the next. In the next month or so, you'll see him change from rolypoly puppy to little boydog and find yourself already looking at your earlier photos and videos going Awwwww. 

Rufus is not only adorable but you can see the smart in his eyes. Make everything you can a game (er...training), and it will all turn out wonderfully.


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## fjm (Jun 4, 2010)

Definitely not a failure - just another human rediscovering the rollercoaster of raising a puppy!

On the fearfulness, I think you need to find lots of less challenging situations for him to meet other dogs. Perhaps visit your brother at times when his dog is not going to be triggered into excitement barking, meet other pups one at a time for play dates, etc for a while until your puppy has gained in confidence. The key to socialisation and desensitisation is happy experiences - I think of it as 10 happy experiences to proof against one slightly frightening experience, and 100 against more serious set backs. Free play puppy parties can be overwhelming for smaller pups and I have never been a fan - I much prefer mine to learn manners from well socialised adults. 

A good puppy class is another matter entirely and can be invaluable for you and your puppy. I took both of mine to a really well run class, and I was actively encouraged to sit on the floor with my tiny puppy to watch until I felt she was ready to join in happily; the instructor explained to the other owners that Sophy was both the youngest and by far the smallest in the class, so please would they take care to keep their pups under control around her. Even Poppy, who was very nervous as a pup, warmed up at that class!


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## asuk (Jan 6, 2017)

you are not failing, everyone has great advice. i also did potty bells for milo, it worked. he still uses it, we use a service bell, so its awfully cute! as for not giving you cues, take him out after play,after nap, after sleep, after eat, after drink, basically every hour or so with a potty command. this is part of training. if you cant watch him, crate him or tether him to you. 

provide rufus with chew toys or even bully stick. this teething stage and land shark stage unfortunately last a while, between 5-8 months for milo. but proper training esp bite inhibition will really help.


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## Mufar42 (Jan 1, 2017)

I have to chuckle you could be me a week or more ago. I have a stpoo, we go thru all the same things. I'm no beginner at training puppies but this guy has been he most difficult for me, perhaps cause I'm old now and he is more energetic than any of the other dogs, not poos that I've had. We are at 17 weeks today.. He is crated or tethered to me and I do let him walk ar round but I keep my eye on him as he all grab any extension cord (thank you husband for leaving one out) gloves, socks whatever. And we have tons of toys. I am vigilant. I have also beanery structured feeding times, potty times etc. he doesn't necessarily ask to go ut but his behavior gets a bit wild and I know then he is ready for his 2nd morning poo n pee. I'm fortunate that I am home all the time. I can say a week ago I was so tired I thought did Id o the right thing? Did I really need a puppy? Yep I did..this week I am seeing good behaviors, not every time but certainly to the point where I can see he is getting it and it will be a matter of maturity before it becomes more consistent. I started clicker training, old me didn't think I would do that but its an excellent marker followed by a treat. I actually had him heeling right at my side for a short time this morning. Though I did have a treat in my left hand which was hanging at my side he stayed right there and eat looking at me. So every few steps he got the treat. Baby steps...youj will get there. I did find I ws so structured that he knew when it was crate time and didn't want to go in when t wasn't so now I'm icing it up more. He is good in his crate but knew if it was time to go in or not. We just started puppy kindergarten 2 weeks ago that helped with him seeing strangers and other dogs. Good luck you will get there.


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

This is all normal puppy stuff and you are doing fine. You've gotten tons of great advice already and you may want to also look at this thread where a similar set of issues have been discussed. http://www.poodleforum.com/5-poodle-talk/259777-please-tell-me-gets-better.html

One thing I will add is that puppies and adult dogs are very sensitive to our feelings and moods. They find it very confusing when we smile at them and say cute nice things but on the inside are ambivalent or even fearful of what they are going to do. They find it very confusing when we smile and say everything is fine when you are worried about barking or the approach of a dog who you don't know. Dogs keep us honest with ourselves and for myself our dogs have made me a much calmer person in general. Make sure you match your internal feelings to your external demeanor and your pup will settle down.


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## Dancer920 (May 16, 2016)

Know how you are feeling very well and can totally sympathize. My Sienna went through that stage and Yes it is survivable. I've had other poodles before but this one has defiantly surpassed any of them with things she has pulled. Even my Border Collies have been outdone by Sienna. Every stage is something different. Sienna is now in the Terrible Teenager stage where again I get that feeling like what am I doing wrong. Then I relax and keep telling myself, it's just a phase. On a good note, I am seeing the light at the end of the end of the tunnel with every training game we do.


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## Dramama (Jun 19, 2018)

What an absolutely adorable puppy! Oh my! If I may, I used to have a very sweet Havanese girl. When we got her home, she had a habit of going for fingers as chew toys. First of all, I second the replacement of toys for fingers (and bitter apple spray- great stuff!). But she would still prefer fingers. So, I started behaving like a dog would...every time her teeth would come into contact with skin, even by accident, I would "yelp" loudly as if very hurt and the fun would stop. I would get up and walk away. Play time over. It worked like a charm and it worked fast. And she learned to be gentle and careful when accepting treats and toys, etc. 

It sounds like you're doing a great job of trying to find ways to socialize and train, signing up for puppy kinder. I bet since he's a bit of a handful now, that just means he is going to be all the more rewarding to have around when he's older. Hang in there.


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## furball (Apr 5, 2018)

What a gorgeous pup! 

Just my 2 cents, the toilet business sounds pretty normal for a 12 week old. But just be mindful that some dogs are more stubborn than others, so don't be too harsh on yourself if it's taking longer than your other dogs, or your friends at puppy class. You just need to be persistent with your training. If you haven't thought about using a crate, you can consider trying it for house breaking. There are tons of guides on how to use a crate to toilet train if you search on Google, but I have one on my desktop from the place I bought our dog crate here.

I think you need to really work on the biting though, once he's a bit older and if he bites a kid at the park, you could be in a bit of a mess....


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## Charleeann67:) (Nov 6, 2017)

Hang in there, your post could have been mine a month ago! Rudy is a mouthing, chewing machine that drew blood. My right forearm was a mess and people at work would comment on it! Embarrassing!
Fast forward just one month and his mouthing has become soft, he enjoys the interaction at puppy classes, goes to the patio door when he wants out and generally likes every type/style/age of humans. This board has kept me on track and provided confidence to persist and just keep loving the little guy.


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