# Question about grieving and dogs



## Summerhouse (Jun 12, 2015)

I've read your other threads about your Mum. I'm so sorry she's passed away. I lost my Dad 2 days before xmas day after illness so know something of what you're going through.

I'd say the best thing for Gracie would be try to keep everything as close to her normal routines as possible. Changes in routines really unsettle some dogs so the less change the better. We often wish we could communicate with them, but in this case the outcome is the same for her, she's lost her Mum. Its just going to take time and understanding, the same as it does for us.

There are some herbal remedies that could help arnica is good for treating shock and trauma. Valerian eases anxiety.

Buy Scullcap & Valerian Tablets for Dogs and Cats - Dorwest | UK


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## twyla (Apr 28, 2010)

I am trying to keep her routine the same but I worry for her when I go back to work. Thanks for the advice on the herbal remedies I look into them


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

I agree about trying to keep Gracie's routines as normal as possible, but I would also try to see if there are ways you can coax her very gently towards some other activities. The dog walker sounds like a good opportunity for this. I also think you may want to give her Rescue Remedy. It does great wonders for reducing anxiety in all sorts of situations.


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## fjm (Jun 4, 2010)

I wonder if there is someone locally stuck at home all day who would welcome Gracie's company while you are at work? Someone who could provide her with a warm lap and the constant companionship that she is used to, while you continue to meet all her other needs? I am so sorry that you have this additional worry at such a sad time.


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## Carley's Mom (Oct 30, 2011)

I am so sorry for your lose. We took my father in laws dog when he passed. He did not eat a bite for 4 days, but he did finally come around and with time became a happy member of our family. I think what helped him was I took him home for a few days when I went to work. Of course no one was there and soon he come to know this and let go... again, I am so sorry.


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## twyla (Apr 28, 2010)

I should point out that I have lived with my mom for the last eight years. So I have been with Grace for some time but she's was mom's dog through and through

An update of sorts, I am able to take Grace on walks she is happy and interested. She is no longer pressed up against the front door waiting. Which yea great but now she is reverting to her old behaviors.

Which is food aggression, she attacked Pia for taking a dog biscuit she (Gracie) had buried in the couch at my brother's house.

Gracie also went snarling after the poodles when I went to feed them on Friday. the food was not even set down for anyone. It was the day oI was arranging my mother's funeral and she was in her thunder jacket and I used rescue remedy on her before I left. 

I realize that Gracie's emotional state is probably feeding off my own tension, she used to feed off my mother's in a similar fashion.

I ordered a D.A.P. (Dog Appeasing Pheromone) Collar for her, that should be here Wednesday, because I don't know what else to do. 

I'm tired and right now I just want to rehome her, and I feel horrible for even thinking that. 

I am being patient with her but I am also guilty of ignoring her at the moment because she loves to be loved on but that means she also gives the stink eye to my girls. 

Mom's little dog is frustrating me, I can't be her only and I don't know if she can learn to share only a quarter of my attention.


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## MiniPoo (Mar 6, 2014)

I think Grace always wanted to be the only dog in the house. If you could find the right home for her, it might be the best solution to re-home her. I think she wants more attention than you can provide. The good news is it sounds like her depression is lifting a little.


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## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

While keeping Grace gives you a way to keep a piece of your mom in a way, I do also know she has added challenges to your life. Maybe MiniPoo is right that she might do better in a single dog home. Whatever you decide to do I know you have her best interests at heart. I hope the DAP collar helps and gives you a good sense of how things could end up being for her in your home.


I hope you are doing ok. I know this has been an awful week.


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## MollyMuiMa (Oct 13, 2012)

You should not feel guilty or horrible about wanting to rehome her! In a lot of ways it would be beneficial for everybody..... Gracie would get the one-on-one attention she needs, an elderly person would get a loving companion,( I do think she should go to an older person) your poodles would have less stress and you would have peace!
Right now it is a hard thing to think about because of the emotional tie she represents to you, but if you end up resenting her, no one will be happy!!
Whatever decision you make, it'll be the right one for YOU!


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## patk (Jun 13, 2013)

i don't have any advice; what works for you is something you have to arrive at on your own. it's terrible but true that in the end our most difficult decisions are ones we have no alternative but to make on our own. just remember that whatever you do, your friends at pf will support you because we know you will be doing your best.


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## fjm (Jun 4, 2010)

I had a little cat, adopted as an adult, for whom I was never the right owner. I struggled on, but looking back I wish I had made the effort to find the perfect home for her, with no other cats and with people who were there all the time for her. She would have been so much happier.

It sounds to me as if Gracie very much wants to be an only dog. It is possible that with time and effort you can persuade her to be happy sharing (time and energy that you simply don't have at the moment, and perhaps not for some time to come). But don't be held back from considering what is best for Gracie, and for all of you, by feeling that you "ought" to keep her, if deep down you know that she would be happier elsewhere. Working on her issues while you think it through can only be to the good, whatever you decide.


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