# Help with a people-insecure Spoo :(



## Simsek (May 5, 2012)

I love my guy, but I have to admit that he's not at all what I'd hoped to have when we chose a Standard Poodle. We have 3 children and a busy family life, and we wanted an animal that loved people and animals and could keep up with all the fun. We prepared for 2 years, researched breeders, visited and read and finally brought home a happy, rambunctious little guy. Only, not long after arriving home, we discovered that he was less buoyant away from his brothers and sisters. And, over the next year, we discovered that he has IBS, a problem that made continuing with the training classes we were pursuing next to impossible, as all soft treats give him diarrhea. 

At home, he's a sweet guy. He loves his family and adores our kids. He's playful and smart with us, and cuddly, too. He's also great with other dogs - he loves other dogs, and gets along famously with just about any dog-friendly dog, regardless of size. 

But, in spite of all our best efforts to socialize him from day one, he has never been comfortable or friendly towards other people, especially if there are no other dogs around. (If they have a friendly dog, or there is another dog around to play with, he doesn't seem to mind new people at all!) He barks and lunges at new people, mouths at their hands (never bites, but it scares people, of course), and often growls at new people who want to greet him. Even house guests get the bark and lunge treatment after days of visiting, as do my kids' friends. I've learned to keep him with me on leash when we're around other people in the house, or when we visit relatives with him, and never to let him "greet" people at the door, where he is especially excited and inappropriate. When keeping him leashed with me isn't an option I have to put him in his crate or close him in the bathroom because I can't trust him not to scare people by barking when they stand up, or walk around the room, or make the mistake of trying to befriend him.

It makes me so sad - sad that he's so fearful for reasons I can't understand, sad that he can't be trusted, sad that he can't be a full part of the family, sad that we're always apologizing for our dog. I've spent a lot of time trying to redirect his behavior, to train people not to reach for him, not to look him in the eye, etc, and if I keep him on-leash next to me he's *mostly* ok, but it's not the same, and I still can't let him free around others without the behavior re-surfacing. I've had several dogs before and never encountered this. Honestly, I didn't think this happened with dogs that weren't abused at some point, but he's always been treated gently and lovingly. 

Any tips or ideas would be appreciated. I am not eager to spend the next decade plus keeping my dog away from all my family and friends!!


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

This is so very sad. It sounds like he does not have a good, stable temperament. What was his early socialization like at the breeders and with you between birth and 14 - 16 weeks of age? What about after? What kinds of experiences did he have, how often? 

I would recommend no less than a board certified animal behaviorist to come evaluate the dog, your family dynamics and see if anything can be done to improve his outlook. Sometimes a lot of improvement can be made, sometimes marginal. But I would not settle for any kind of trainer who would use force, intimidation, flooding, coercion. Be very careful and get references and see what can be done. I'd get on it asap. 

Again, I'm so sorry. It sounds like you've done everything you can and are managing things. But I know you had different expectations, as we all do.


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## cowpony (Dec 30, 2009)

> I can't trust him not to scare people by barking when they stand up, or walk around the room, or make the mistake of trying to befriend him.


It strikes me as very odd that he continues to react to guests after he has been in their presence for a while. From what I've seen, a normal dog takes his cue from the rest of the family. If you are chatting comfortably with your guest and react calmly when the guest gets up, then the dog shouldn't be sensing a threat. Either the humans are giving him very weird signals, or else the dog has weird wiring. Either way, I suspect this isn't a problem to be solved over the internet.

If he was my dog I'd probably consult with an animal behaviorist in consultation with a vet. Perhaps medication and/or diet change in conjunction with training exercises would help. Are you anywhere near Tufts vet school?


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## fjm (Jun 4, 2010)

I agree - a really, really good behaviourist would seem to be your best bet. An outsider can often spot things that you cannot - it could be, for example, that you have come to anticipate his reaction, and are unconsciously tensing up, thus creating a vicious cycle of mutual anxiety. It sounds as if he is still a young dog - I do hope that you can get the professional advice and support you need to help you and him.


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## Carley's Mom (Oct 30, 2011)

My dogs go insane when anyone comes to our home. I always have to put them in another room before I open the door. They scare people as well, I have one neighbor that is very scared of them and they never fail to bark like crazy whenever they see her... so I understand and it is sad that she thinks that two of the sweetest dogs in the world are so mean . 

Whenever anyone has been in our home for just a few mins. and if they are okay with me letting the dogs out, I do and they are very friendly at that time. Both of my dogs came from the same breeder, I got one at age 7 and the other lived there until she was 5 months old. She had 5 adult spoos in the home and they were all locked up in a room when I came to pick up Carley. She only let Carley out and only after I had been there a few mins and was sitting on the sofa. She made a point to tell me to remain sitting ... so I guess it will be hard to ever fix this issue in our home. I don't have company that often and it is easier to just put them up a few mins each time. However if I had a pup I would really try to get this fixed. Bring in a trainer and see what they think.


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## PoodlePaws (May 28, 2013)

My tpoo sisters are opposites. Ash loves everyone and never meets a stranger, tons of tail wagging and kisses. Missy is the barker and on high alert and is still barking after an hour of the visitor being here. It's embarrassing. 


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


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## Simsek (May 5, 2012)

Thanks for all the responses!

Poodlebeguiled: The breeder we chose did a lot of work with the puppies before they came home, introducing them to different experiences, walking them on different surfaces, introducing them to new environments, crate training, etc. I don’t know how many people he met, but the pups were in her house and the times we visited there were other people in-and-out, showing up unexpectedly etc, so I think that people were pretty familiar. He was certainly friendly with us when we visited. Of course, he was around several other dogs which is when he is most comfortable, which we didn’t know. And we met both parents and they were very sweet and friendly to us.
He was 12 weeks old when he came home with us, and we tried our best to socialize him, too. We don’t live in the city, but we walk him every day and socialize with the neighbors. We have lots of people in and out of the house regularly– young, old, tall, short, loud and subdued- and we did our best to provide him with lots of positive experiences. People brought him treats, met him one-at-a-time (he was already looking fearful, so we worked hard not to let him be overwhelmed by meetings) let him come to them, etc, but he was clearly uncertain. We took him to puppy classes until his IBS got really bad, and he loved being around all the other dogs. He was still head-shy around people, but not nervous in class. He’s also not nervous at the dog park or with family members who have dogs. He loves the pet store when there are other dogs there, but he’s less comfortable, obviously, when he’s the only one in the store.

I should mention that if everyone comes in and sits down, he often becomes much friendlier. He will rub up against people and put a paw on them, accept scritches and love, and sit near them happily. That is, until they stand up, at which point he’s back to barking at them and/or lunging. He’s wonderful with babies – very sweet and gentle and solicitous, giving little kisses and keeping watch. But once kids (other than ours, with whom he is AWESOME) are old enough to be running around he’s nervous and barking again. He also barks whenever someone comes up the stairs or opens a door from an adjoining room, even when they’ve been here for some time already. This is an annoyance at best as my youngest is autistic and has therapists in the house every week to work with her in the downstairs therapy room. Even though he knows them and likes them, he still charges at the staircase barking when they come up. 

He’s also ridiculous in the car and acts like Cujo when anyone approaches the car except for us. Sigh.

Cowpony: It looks like we’re about an hour from Tufts, not including traffic which can be substantial, why do you ask? Do they have a behavioral program? As for the diet and exercise – he’s on z/d currently as we have tried everything to control his digestive issues and this is all that’s worked. It was a last resort – his vet and I really wanted him on real food but couldn’t find anything he could tolerate – but it has improved his quality of life not to be throwing up blood or having bloody diarrhea every couple of weeks. I’m sure his health problems didn’t help with his emotional stability, but we did everything we could. He gets walked once or twice each day, play time in our fenced yard (Frisbee and squeaky balls are his favorites if there’s no snow for snowballs) and he loves to take bike rides with me when the weather’s warm enough. I’m sure that there are days when he could use more exercise than he gets, but he’s not cooped up all day and he has family around to play with all day every day as I home school our oldest two kids.

So, it sounds as though the considered opinion here is to hire a behaviorist. I know that makes sense, I just don’t know how we’re going to afford it. He has been so very expensive already with all the health problems. In addition to all the vet bills related to his digestive problems, which have been extensive, and the prescription food, he also has sensitive skin issues and this fall he was positive for Lyme and is currently on antibiotics for that. :sad:


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## TammyQ (Feb 10, 2012)

I agree with the advice to seek out an animal behaviorist or even an animal communicator to find out what the underlying issue is. I am dealing with a similar situation and had to seek out a male animal communicator as my boy wouldn't "talk" to the female animal communicator. Turns out he had an unkind female at the very first place I boarded him long ago and so he won't "talk" to females. Since learning this, we are working on a plan to help him overcome this doggy form of PTSD.


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## cowpony (Dec 30, 2009)

Tufts has an animal behavior program associated with the vet school.

Services at Tufts Animal Behavior Clinic : Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine


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