# How to Tell if you're Ready for a Mastiff!



## Moni (May 8, 2018)

This is a cute read - with quite a bit of truth! Would have to be augmented for Poodles but as an ex Mastiff owner I can confirm this to be more than a little accurate: 
How to Tell if You’re Ready For a Mastiff
1) Lift a hundred pound bag of wet sand up and down the stairs;
2) Push a hundred pound bag of wet sand into your car;
3) Smear hair gel all over your walls and throw it on the ceiling and TV, while you’re at it, smear the lower half of all windows, curtains and glass;
4) Rub fur and gel into the roof of your vehicle;
5) At least twice daily, drop that bag of wet sand on your bare foot;
6) Shake balls of fur, mulch, and a bucket of dirt all over your house daily (add water for rainy days);
7) Practice repeating “English mastiff, about 200 pounds…8-10 cups a day…”no, I don’t have a saddle,” over and over with a smile;







Volunteer at the zoo to help wash the large animals and clean up their poop;
9) Invite your friends over and have them all try to get in the bathroom while you are using it;
10) Practice telling people that your husband does NOT beat you, that those bruises are from your dog!
11) Take a nice long piece of rubber hose and go around smacking all the coffee mugs off the end-tables and hit any close male where he doesn’t like to be hit and smack your own legs a few times too;
12) Have someone operate a chain saw at the foot of your bed all night…record this and play it every night close to your ear.


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## Spottytoes (Jul 28, 2020)

🤣🤣🤣
Having had a Great Dane, our sweet Moose before we got Bobby, this totally makes me chuckle and smile with fondness. I still, after
3 1/2 years will find a dried splatter of drool where I would least expect once in awhile. Sure do miss my big goober of a dog. ❤


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## Moni (May 8, 2018)

Spottytoes said:


> 🤣🤣🤣
> Having had a Great Dane, our sweet Moose before we got Bobby, this totally makes me chuckle and smile with fondness. I still, after
> 3 1/2 years will find a dried splatter of drool where I would least expect once in awhile. Sure do miss my big goober of a dog. ❤


The worst one for my husband who is a professional artist was a painting that was ruined via flying drool - we still refer to that particular work as "Elvis"s painting". This was Elvis btw


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## Spottytoes (Jul 28, 2020)

Here’s my boy in his prime.


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## For Want of Poodle (Feb 25, 2019)

I love mastiffs. 

There are days when I REALLY miss having a Saint Bernard. And then I recall what it was actually like.

Number 4 is SO accurate. 

I'd add:

Place a 175 lb rock in the middle of your hallway. And your kitchen. And your living room. Walk around them, because you ain't moving them. (To quote my grandma ' I walked an extra 3 miles around that dog today!')

I recently was given my Saints' old bed for Annie. It hadnt been washed in the almost 4 years since she died and I almost cried, smelling it. 

Still, what I wouldn't do to hug my Saint again, or have her put her foot on my lap and ask to 'hold hands', or stroll, no leash, outside, with my hand perfectly resting on her back... 

Big dogs are wonderful.


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## Dechi (Aug 22, 2015)

Oh my, I would never have such a big dog. Too much of a clean freak. I admire those who can, they sure are beautiful animals.


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## MaizieFrosty (Apr 12, 2019)

This thread makes me VERY grateful for the size of my spoos  But your giant dogs are lovely!


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## Apricot mini momma (Dec 22, 2020)

These are great, sharing with my Mastiff owning friend now!!!

Im so glad my poodle doesn’t drool☺


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## curlflooffan (Mar 27, 2020)

The St Bernard was the breed that got me interested in pure bred dogs, conformation and breeding. He was my first ever dog and we were best buddies. I was like 2 years old haha. My parents had to take him to the docks to use the big scales they use to weigh the catch from the ships. It was the only scale in town big enough for him. 

The St Bernard will always have a place in my heart and I really melt when I see any kind of Mastiff. 

Will I ever own one? nope probably not. Various life things have happend and I now have a preference for small non-shedding dogs. 

What I need to do is to find myself a friend who has a St Bernard so I can visit regularly and smooch that big face! 

The only scenario I can see myself having a mastiff is if I ever have a rural property and am in need of a lifestock guardian breed to keep foxes away from my chickens. But then it won't be a St Bernard, they are not a lifestock guardian haha. Also I would need to win the lottery for that to happen... but a girl can dream!


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## Mfmst (Jun 18, 2014)

The Giants are sadly so short lived, but so great to know or love.


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