# Are you good cop or bad cop?



## lily cd re (Jul 23, 2012)

I do nearly all of the training and law and order stuff. BF is their pal and doesn't expect much from them. They all love both of us, but the poodles are much more bonded to me because they love the work we do together. I don't think it is an either or of good cop/bad cop. What many people might think is harsh expectations regarding access to food for example is an important opportunity to reinforce my position as the benevolent law and order source of social order and harmony. Dogs allowed to routinely make all of their own choices about how to interact, when to listen and who to listen too will live in anarchy and stress.


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## Liz (Oct 2, 2010)

Dogs are like kids: they know who likes them, and they appreciate boundary-setting. Now that we're down to one dog, she doesn't get into too much trouble.


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## zooeysmom (Jan 3, 2014)

Well, I'm a single parent, so I'm both  Of course I aspire to be 100% positive and calm around my dogs, but Maizie of all of them can really test my nerves, and I'm only human. Last night I found myself yelling at her (and Zooey) because they were doing their last potty time outside and started barking at 10:30pm. Maizie doesn't quit after I ask her one time, and Maizie only just got a recall at nearly 2 years old. She needs a firmer hand than Frosty, who is very sensitive and wants to do the right thing (knock wood since he's just starting adolescence). 

Do you and hubby go to training classes together? I think getting on board with the same house rules and expectations of the dogs would be a good thing for you guys.


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## thekarens (Apr 16, 2017)

I'm the good cop and they all still prefer my wife, so go figure. I tell them they are ungrateful [emoji23]


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## snow0160 (Sep 20, 2016)

zooeysmom said:


> Well, I'm a single parent, so I'm both  Of course I aspire to be 100% positive and calm around my dogs, but Maizie of all of them can really test my nerves, and I'm only human. Last night I found myself yelling at her (and Zooey) because they were doing their last potty time outside and started barking at 10:30pm. Maizie doesn't quit after I ask her one time, and Maizie only just got a recall at nearly 2 years old. She needs a firmer hand than Frosty, who is very sensitive and wants to do the right thing (knock wood since he's just starting adolescence).
> 
> 
> 
> Do you and hubby go to training classes together? I think getting on board with the same house rules and expectations of the dogs would be a good thing for you guys.




To some extend we are all both but I am a slightly more lenient. Lucky is also very sensitive and is super easy to train. The thing about him is that he wants to listen to you all the time. Other breeds are more stubborn unless food is present. We used to go to classes but am now on a waiting list at the akc training club and I wonder if it is because I didn't volunteer for akc nationals that I am more on a permanent waitlist. I have to bring my dh to classes bc I have hearing issues at the echoey warehouse. My dh did not like going to the club because he didn't like the drama but he also hated the time being at 8-9pm on weekdays. We rush off work at 7pm and drive there and by the time we get back it is a very late dinner and sleep. I actually loved the class. I enjoy getting there early and seeing the more advanced classes train. I like all things animal. I am always the one trying to go to the dog park, the groomers, dog training and anything dog related. Even on vacations, I am always the one going to animal sanctuaries. 

Dh is all business and more of a worrier / helicopter parent lol. We don't have any disagreements over boundaries typically. I think he is trying to make Kit his dog though and it isn't working like planed [emoji38]. Sooner or later they all realize I am much cooler. Haha


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## Caddy (Nov 23, 2014)

I'm not sure I'd call it good cop, bad cop, but DH is definitely the one that bends the rules at times. An example would be if I'm going to hand out a treat you must at least sit for it, where as DH gives it for free and sometimes allows a jump up on him. Thekarens you sound like my husband, when the girls are cuddled up with me in the evening he says "I should get myself a dog". They do follow me around most of the time, but they also get very excited when DH arrives back home.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

I don't quite know what good cop/bad cop means. I think it's sad that your husband yells at the dogs all the time instead of training them benevolently. 

My dogs live with basically one "parent." Me. But there are other people in the family interacting with them sometimes; my ex and my daughter...my main visitors. They pretty much do how I have shown them how I like to do things. 

When I use the word, discipline, I use it with it's correct definition which is to teach, not punish. I aim to use the science of progressive methods to interact and teach my little charges. So there's very little yelling because that doesn't teach very well and it serves to erode the relationship we have with our dogs and their trust in us humans. They are animals, after all. Occasionally, I will holler at them to stop barking if they're a distance from me out in the yard and they are yapping more than a few times or if I'm getting really annoyed. I am human. But I don't like to get too cross. And I really haven't done my due diligence to train them better in that area. I did better with my Chihuahuas but have gotten a bit lazy these days with that.

I welcome my dogs to make their own choices about how they interact and how they behave. I encourage them to think for themselves and choose. The _only_ thing that drives their behavior is consequences. They get reinforced for what I like and not reinforced for what I don't like. They're shown what_ to do_ if necessary so that they can earn a reward. So they learn very quickly what choices they make work and what choices of behavior do not work. So they know what to expect and how to behave so that they're benefited and happy. When that happens we're all happy. And everything rolls along smoothly the vast majority of the time. So I guess I'd be called a medium cop. lol. I have expectations. I'm consistent pretty much. There are consequences. Dogs whole world is cause and effect and I strive to keep that in mind always.


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## snow0160 (Sep 20, 2016)

Poodlebeguiled said:


> I don't quite know what good cop/bad cop means. I think it's sad that your husband yells at the dogs all the time instead of training them benevolently.



I think I gave off the wrong impression saying he is bad cop. He disciplines them more than me and more prone to interfering immediately from the moment when the issue starts whereas I am more ok with letting them work it out on their own. He trains them but he is all business. He is in general more of a quiet, introverted, and serious and if you meet us in person you'd quickly realize I am the exact opposite. We kinda balance each other out. 

Ahh now I remember am issue we disagreed on recently. We have actually been having one problem lately that is driving me mad. Kit likes to climb from the back seat and lay on the arm rest close to the gear shift. DH's idea is to teach Kit to not climb up front and I wanted to purchase a car barrier. He thought the barrier was a crutch that does not teach the dog the right lessons and he needs to yell and say no and push her back. Well that hasn't worked so far and she is huge and still trying to climb up front. If we were on the highway and she changes the gears in middle we'd all die.


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## Poodlebeguiled (May 27, 2013)

Yep, yelling and pushing doesn't really impart much information to a dog. I hope you guys work it out. My dogs ride in crates in the car for added safety.


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## snow0160 (Sep 20, 2016)

I do think the crate is the safest way but a 48" crate does not fit in our car. We use crates for the pug and pomeranian because they are small. Lucky rides in the back seat hammock without any issues. We've never had a problem with large dogs trying to crawl up front before.


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## snow0160 (Sep 20, 2016)

thekarens said:


> I'm the good cop and they all still prefer my wife, so go figure. I tell them they are ungrateful [emoji23]
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


aw...my husband knows he is bad cop but he feeds them and walks all the time and they all love me more. I started this thread today because he was unhappy about it. hehe he isn't upset just jealous.


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## tbarr (Feb 26, 2017)

I feel like I'm both "good cop" and "bad cop" all rolled into one. I try to be consistent in kindly but firmly enforcing those behaviors that I need to follow in order for my girls to know who's the pack leader (walking nicely beside me on a loose leash, letting me go through doorways first, sitting for what they want, not jumping up on people, etc.). I reward good behaviors with praise and treats. Bad behaviors get a stern "no," and depending on the behavior, a "do over" and treat. 

According to the lady who runs the local doggy supply store, I'm a "taskmaster." I think she believes I'm too strict because I make the girls sit for petting and treats in public and won't let them barge in and out of the store in front of me like a lot of the customers do, but to me, it's important that I always enforce my expectations, regardless of whether they're at home, in a store, on a walk, etc. Otherwise, won't they just get confused? It seems like they appreciate clear, consistent boundaries. If I were a dog, I wouldn't like all of the rules to change randomly...


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## Verve (Oct 31, 2016)

I'm both, but dogs don't seem to take my bad cop act very seriously. For better or worse (mostly better), I am not a very intimidating presence to dogs.


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## snow0160 (Sep 20, 2016)

Verve said:


> I'm both, but dogs don't seem to take my bad cop act very seriously. For better or worse (mostly better), I am not a very intimidating presence to dogs.




Haha neither am I. They don't take me seriously. 


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## Mfmst (Jun 18, 2014)

DH in no way qualifies for law enforcement. He is such a softie. Rewards for breathing and cute, allowed jump up greetings as a puppy. Gives Buck a "microwave massage" every time he reheats coffee or tea. (Often.) Heavy breathing poodle snout in his lap at dinner has him mincing a little plate for afterwards or as AM kibble topper, the cop suggestion, mine. I may be the cop but I am also everything consistent and constant. I am 'She who must be obeyed' and DH is 'He who is easily manipulated'.


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## Click-N-Treat (Nov 9, 2015)

I'm she who must be obeyed as well. So, I guess that would make me the bad cop. However, my husband is strict where I'm lenient, and lenient where I'm more strict, which makes for interesting moments.

My husband makes the dogs wait at the back door with the door wide open until he gives them permission to go out. He does this every, single, time. 

Me: Wanna go out? Let's go.

He doesn't mind wild happy dog greetings when he walks in the door, and encourages a frenzy.

I hate this. So, I don't encourage crazy, and I ask for a calm sit. I get 75% frenzy, 25% sit, so it's a work in progress.


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## Poodlemanic (Jun 27, 2016)

Welllll I am definitely the one who bought the poodles, grooms them, takes them to obedience lessons, plays with them, and snuggles with them in the evenings. But they don't obey me like they do my husband! If he's around, they don't counter surf, get into things, try to eat the cats' food, or chew up anything. He does love them, but he's very much the enforcer while I am the one who loves and snuggles them.


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## PuffDaddy (Aug 24, 2016)

I am always kind to the dogs, and I have them wrapped around my finger. There is no question that I am the boss of this house, but I never had to yell at anyone or intimidate them to make them believe it. I taught the dogs that following my lead is rewarding, and so they follow. I admit I have had moments where I lost my temper and for those I am not proud; Like the time we were in the car and Puffy barked really REALLY loud and right into my ear because he saw another poodle. It surprised me so much and I yelled, "SHUT THE **** UP, PUFFY!!!!" But then I had to laugh at myself for how ridiculous I must have appeared, and honestly I was embarrassed. I just lost it in the moment. Sometimes we are all human. I sure am. As a philosophy, I don't think you should yell at dogs or humans. There are smarter and more powerful ways to go about things. 

Basically, I find that they just want to listen to me. They know I call the shots around here, and it's a good thing! The dogs have boundaries which they seem to happily respect. Obviously, with 2 adolescent dogs ( I am referring to my Puffy and his friend Topi who is often here as well) in the house there have been some naughty moments which I have openly shared on this forum! However, the good cop routine has worked really well for us. They just WANT to please, and I see how they listen to me so closely. My Dh is the same in his approach, although he has worked with the dogs a bit less than I, and he doesn't feed them, so they are more bonded to me. Especially Puffy. I am his hero from what I can tell. Cute!

I think you can be very kind and command a lot of respect and status all at once.


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## rj16 (Jan 30, 2017)

I'm the one who is home all the time and I'm the one who sets priorities and rules in this household. DH doesn't have much in the way of opinions but he has really come a long way in a short time, for someone who has never owned a dog, and I bet it won't always be this way. 

I'm probably slightly stricter but also more consistent. DH sometimes lets things slip. But he's also still learning to make Monty work for his rewards, as opposed to bribing him. We'll get there...

Now Monty's bond with us is really interesting! I think we both assumed that he would bond more with me because I'm home more, I'm the dog person and I meet more of Monty's day-to-day needs but I don't think that has materialized. I'd say it's probably about even. He definitely doesn't consistently choose one of us over the other to cuddle or follow. I think he gets more excited to see DH after a separation but maybe he seeks me out a bit more for comfort. I'm loving watching that bond grow! 

Finally, I'll 'fess up to yelling sometimes. I know it serves no purpose and I don't expect any kinds of results from it but sometimes I loose my cool when he is being so darn naughty!! When I walk in and find him prowling around on the dining room table? I'll yell. When he just won't stop jumping on us? I'll yell. When he's about to steel food? I'll yell. Does it do any good? ZERO. He seems absolutely unfazed by it. But I momentarily feel better. One day I'll be a better person...


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## lisasgirl (May 27, 2010)

Husband and I are strict about different things. For example, I let the animals crawl all over me, even if it's annoying me (I have watched TV from some very odd positions in order to accommodate Archie's need to have his face by my face). Husband doesn't put up with that and makes the animals sit calmly on the couch or move to the floor. Meanwhile, I'm very quick to police interactions between them (especially between the dogs and cats) while he has more of a "let them work it out themselves" mentality.

I'm a lot freer with the treats, though. Husband is always getting annoyed that the dogs won't come to him when they're off-leash, but he doesn't like to carry treats and they know it. Whereas they know I'm the Treat Lady so they come running when I call.


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## mjpa (Dec 11, 2016)

Hubby is shaping up to be bad cop I think. I am just pushover cop.


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## poshandpoodles (Mar 22, 2017)

We only have Moses right now and he is our first dog that we've owned as a couple. Moses spends the most time with me, he comes to work with me and I take him to training classes. I also groom him. I play structured games like fetch and do training sessions. I'm more of the one to read up on things and really pay attention to the details of how to train. Since we want to eventually get into performance sports paying attention to details and corrections is important and DH just doesn't really care if Moses sits crooked or walks with the "J" loose leash. 
I come off as the disciplinarian in day to day activities and require more from Moses because I have a clear expectation of how I want him to behave. 

DH is the "fun guy" when it comes to rough housing and running around chasing. Moses gets so excited when DH comes home from work. Because of this though, Moses goes into play mode with DH. He isn't much of a cuddler in general but will sit in my personal space more than DH's. This may be because my husband can't restrain himself when it comes to messing with Moses while he is calm. 
DH will throw Moses outside if he's misbehaving or being a bother (constantly trying to snag some food is one example). Moses is a year old now and does not seem to be sensitive at all. Sometimes he needs to be told "no" more than once, and when he sets his mind on something it seems like it doesn't matter how stern we are with him. I find the best thing to do is to tell him to sit and give him a few other commands when he gets like that. 
He seems well bonded to both of us equally and understands our different roles.


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